How do you apologize to a friend?

From the kitchen, I headed back into my room feeling very angry at myself. I slammed my door, went straight to my bed, and began to kick it I don't know what I was expecting, and I even hurt myself a little bit. After I got tired, I then jumped on the same bed that I was kicking.

(Lying on the bed facing the ceiling without blinking and lost in thoughts) 'Yeah, I might not be as close to Lisa as I am to Anne, but at least I should have chosen to take heed to the voice of reasoning, in all honesty, she has been trying so hard for me and I wonder why I never noticed. Am I ungrateful or is it that I never liked her and that clouded my judgment? Now I'm caught in a very hard situation and don't know how I can be able to get myself out. (Turning to my left side) Damn it, I hate regrets but, on this note, I do regret my actions and the worst part is that Lisa's mind is made up, and with the kind of a person that she is I doubt if I will manage to change it?' (Feeling drowsy and a headache because of the pill,) Sigh, (talking to myself) "I just got to sleep in the meantime and figure out something once I wake up."

By the time I woke up, it was around 6.30 pm and I was famished. My stomach was grumbling so loud and I was feeling very weak because I had taken a pill on an empty stomach. I dragged myself to the kitchen, took some of the leftovers that we had stored in the fridge which I warmed, and made a meal for myself. After the meal, I spent a couple of hours surfing the internet, trying to come up with methods that can help me apologize to Lisa. However, all my efforts were in vain, I couldn't find any helpful information, and the most annoying part is that I only maintain a very small circle. I have a few friends that I am not so much close to except for one person that I had just gotten into an argument with, relatives that I do not talk to, and workmates that I only meet at work and am not that close to. Though I go to church sometimes, I am that type of a person who doesn't participate in activities so I don't have churchmates that I am close to. In other words, I have got no one to ask for help. I tried to recall any incidents and times that I had to make a sincere apology in the past but because of my social circle, I have never crossed anyone's path to the extent that I have to take an apology to the next level.

(Scratching my head, pacing in the lounge, feeling lost, thinking out loud) "Damn it! How am I going to do this, I just can't figure it out!?"

I said, throwing the pillows on the sofa down and kicking them. I then sat on the floor, scratching myself the fatigue and drowsiness hadn't gone yet and it was still hitting me very hard. Fortunately, the weather was quite hot so I slept on the floor (due to the sleeping disorders sometimes I can sleep a lot or find it hard to sleep. My timetable is not quite stable.) The moment I woke up it was already late night and it seemed like Lisa wasn't back yet which made me guess that she wasn't coming back for that night. Although she has quite some friends that she visits and spends some time with, she doesn't spend the night out or come back very late. Indeed, I had crossed the line this time around and who knows what it was going to take me to be forgiven. I wish I could turn back time and avoid something like this from happening again but it's just as the elders always say, 'water that is spilled from a bowel cannot be recovered.'

(Sitting on the arm of the sofa thinking out loud and feeling agitated) 'How am I going to face Lisa, I wish this earth would just open up and swallow me alive. What should I do, it's just an apology why does it have to be so hard!? Alright, how about if I cook her favorite meal, buy her what she likes and even buy her flowers and then… Huh, all these ideas seem to be very awkward. I feel like that's what lovers do when apologizing to each other, mhmm I better not, it feels weird. (Hitting my head with my hand) ahha-ah, damn you, Lisa!!'

After so many hours of surfing the internet again and cursing myself, I was left with only one option: to call the very person who was the main actress in this whole stupid drama. I went back and then began to scroll on my dial list so that I could give her a call but then something made me change my mind, I did not have anything good to tell Anne, and talking to her would piss me off more. I would end up saying things that I shouldn't say and regret again. I then decided to call my doctor, she had given me the room to call her whenever I needed help with anything, and now was the right time. I dialed about three times without any answer, she then answered on the fourth trial.

(Sleepy) "Tasha, is everything okay?"

(Feeling awkward and embarrassed) "Well, I… I… I'm very sorry for calling you at this unGodly hour but I sincerely need your help."

(Trying by all means to fight sleep and concentrate) "Oh, okay what is it, by the way, I know you have been skipping your sessions (that is because she is the one who usually conducts the sessions but I mostly lie that I am seeing another doctor, which she discourages but I always act stubborn and stupid), are you feeling unwell, is it possible to come tomorrow if you are not okay?"

(dumbfounded)

"Tasha, are you still there? I am very sleepy you know."

"Oh, I… Yeah, well, it's eh-mh, you see, I...I'm fine, I... jus... I would want to ask you about eh, how... how can I a-apologize to someone, I mean sincerely apologize?"

(Surprised) "Are you for real? I thought you got an emergency…"

(Trying to be convincing by all means) "If it was not an emergency, I definitely wouldn't be calling you at this hour of the night, once again I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude but I do need your help it's a very long story and I need to apologize to a friend as soon as possible."

(Trying to suppress how disappointed and angry she was) "Well, I don't think I might be of any help, can we do this tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry doc but that will be too late, as I have mentioned earlier this is a 911 issue and I have to make things right before Monday."

(Feeling helpless) Oh, okay, well, a suitable apology depends on what happened, so you can briefly explain to me what transpired between that friend and you then I can try to help you figure something…"

Fortunately, my doctor has a good temperament and we spent almost one and half hours on the call. She explained the most common scenarios and strategies in detail and after I dropped the call, I had an idea lingering in my head already. Fortunately, before I got myself drowned in this hunt for a proper apology, I had already ordered some food otherwise I was going to bed without eating anything which is something that I do not mind, even though I take medication, it's like I do not care about my health. However, Lisa makes sure that I take my meals and medication on time, and in times like these, that's when I realized what she meant in my life and how much important she was.

(Sighing and slapping myself a little bit) 'What an idiot.'

After having my meal, I headed back to my room, though I had too much on my mind and had slept a couple of times during the day I managed to sleep a bit earlier than I expected maybe because I was worn out. Though the sleep wasn't stable, it was a bit better than some of the days. Thank goodness the following day I managed to wake up early and after a quick shower I headed out to go and get something that was my plan A to apologize. It was a Sunday and I was supposed to be going to church, but this was one of those days that I do not attend. It's better that I had to deal with the situation at hand first otherwise the following days would be the longest and worst days of my life. I came back home with a card, and that card had a message of apology that was already printed on the left side which was very favorable to someone who is not so good with words like me. On the right side, there was a space where I would write something, as much as that was kind of hard for me I had to, that's the only way I would show how sorry and sincere I was. Fortunately, Lisa didn't come back early and I took a couple of hours to reflect on all that I did the previous day and also write a statement of apology for every action and word that I did and spoke.