Feelings and Answers

(A/N - Wanna point out that none of the views Rosalie holds in this chapter are reasonable. Hell, she even admits it herself. But these are her views that have been forced on her due to her trauma back when she was human. 'Once bitten twice shy' and all that jazz. Like most people who are hurt/betrayed, Rosalie is jaded and very cynical. Also quite hypocritical due to emotions running high over the perceived 'betrayal'. My point being, don't bash on the her thoughts: realize they're coming from someone with a very deep trauma that plagues them mentally. Kind of like how you wouldn't blame a soldier for having a flashback if they heard a similar sound to an explosion near them.)

(A/N 2 - Oh and I guess I'm back. Yo.)

POV Change - Rosalie Hale

I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to be this mad over something I'd done myself. I didn't want to. It was hypocritical.

...But I couldn't stop myself.

He'd made me so worried. The shallow and easygoing Rosalie was gone when I saw the van hurtling toward Jason - only the worried and frantic Rosalie that I wanted so desperately to hide was left.

I'd rushed over to him but even then I knew I was going to be late. I'd thought he was going to die - I was so fucking terrified that he was going to die. That he'd die in front of me.

The level of fear I felt from even thinking that was absurd. I'd known him for just under two weeks and yet I felt like my everything hinged on him being alive. That moment revealed to me a bit more about what I felt for him. It showed me how much I cared for him despite whatever niceties I tell myself to say I don't need him or that he was just someone I enjoyed talking to and nothing more. All lies brought on by my own fear.

'If he died, what was the point?' was a thought that actually popped up into my head just as I arrived at the van. I wanted to help him, I wanted to scream at him to move or jump out of the way--I was reminded why it was somewhat good to be a Vampire when I thought about his fragility. Or rather his supposed fragility.

He didn't get splatted against the van and neither was he sent back flying from the force. He just stopped it.

For a second I couldn't believe my eyes. His hand was stopping the van and the ground was creaking under his feet as he pressed against it for leverage. I, for a second, thought his strength was like that of a Vampire. But the heart hammering away in his chest and the veins I could see bulging on his outstretched arm were proof enough that he hadn't somehow fooled my senses up to this point.

He was human.

Which left me with one question and a bunch of other feelings. 'How?' was the question and the feelings I was left with were confusion, wonder and curiosity. All just wondering...'How?'. But this was all overpowered by something else.

An indignant anger. Not specifically because he hid it, though that was also there, but because he'd hid it and it'd made me so goddamn worried and scared. This situation had made me feel so awful. So vulnerable and emotional--I didn't like feeling like that! Not one bit. But he'd willingly let me feel those feelings of terror and fear. I was angry at him because of that. No matter how stupid it was of me or how unreasonable it was to feel that.

...Yet at the same time, looking over at him right now as he was fine and sitting across from me, I couldn't deny the relief flooding through my body.

It annoyed me that he was such a soothing element to me that I couldn't even hold back the subtle joy at the back of my mind that I would no longer have to hold back. I was furious with him but that fury was slowly being overridden by happiness and, surprisingly, hope. Hope that we could finally be truthful to one another.

But I still had one thing to say, "...Why?" I asked the burning question on my mind. The question filled with hypocrisy and selfishness. 'Why?'. 'Why had he hidden it from me?'. 'Why hadn't he been truthful from the start if he knew what I and my family were?'. Of course I knew how much of a stupid question it was, how hypocritical of me it was--but I was beyond caring about that. I just wanted to know 'why'. From his perspective.

"Why?" he repeated the question, though not as a way of asking me to elaborate - rather he seemed to be mulling on the answer to my question. Like he was asking himself why as much as I was. "Selfishness," he replied with a wry smile, "I wanted to try and have a normal relationship with you, Rosalie. No supernatural talk, or fights, and just to get to know each other without anything else coming in and muddying the waters between us," he leaned back and looked at the ceiling before sighing, "I can't say I regret it either. Because that'd be a lie. Keeping what we were out of it kept it sincere."

...I shouldn't trust his words. How could I? He'd lied once. Who's to say he wouldn't do it again? So why...why do I feel like he's telling the truth--No, rather than 'feel', I just know he's telling the truth. A fundamental part of me ever since I was turned was cynicism. The piece of me that would doubt people and their intentions. Everything had an ulterior motive, and it usually turned out right. People lie, use and cheat you until they get what they want.

So...why? Why?! Why is Jason sounding so much like he's telling the truth?

I strained my vampiric hearing and used my perfect recall to go over his voice, heartbeat and facial expressions as he spoke...and yet everything pointed toward him telling the truth.

Upon this realization, a certain part of me just cracked and disappeared. Sort of like a dam being cracked open, I felt a turbulent flood of emotions go through my chest as I looked at the man across from me.

There was no malicious ulterior motive. He just wanted to get to know me like a normal person.

For the first time in decades, I felt my eyes tear up*. Not real tears, mind you, but the venom present in all Vampires. It pooled in my eyes and distorted the image of Jason, the handsome image becoming blurry, thought even then I could see his electric blue eyes quickly fill up with worry.

(*A/N - Vampires can't cry. Or at least that's how it is in canon. They have no physiological need to cry or produce tears after all. But I thought I might as well do away with that. I have a pretty good reason too: people can't resist comforting a crying person. It'd be an easy tool to lure in unsuspecting and particularly compassionate humans aka prey if you're a pretty girl or a handsome guy and you're crying. It'd also let them fit in with humans better. After all, people who can't cry are bound to draw attention to themselves sooner or later.)

But I ignored that and stood up. I walked around the table in Carlisle's office and Jason uncomfortably shuffled on his seat as I approached him - most likely because he was afraid of me flipping out.

Yet that didn't happen. As I got in front of him, I just...threw myself at and around him. I just hugged him. Tight.

The fear I'd felt was back in full force.

The annoying feelings inside of me - the weird feelings I had for this human - made it so I couldn't stay angry at him. Especially when he had such endearing reasons for why he withheld the truth about his uniqueness. Once I pushed passed my cynicism and the trust issues given to me by trauma...I could easily see the sense in his actions and choices. Just like he was selfish, so were my feelings of anger and annoyance.

Selfish because I wasn't angry that he'd lied. But angry because his lies had made me feel so hopeless and despair-ridden. I wasn't angry because of the lies but because of how the lies effected me. Selfish anger.

...The two of us were more alike than I'd originally thought.

"You idiot," I started, biting back a sob as the dam burst on my tears, the somewhat corrosive substance rolling down my cheeks and onto Jason's jacket, "You selfish, ignorant idiot," I buried my head so deep against his chest that the surrounding light was blocked from my vision, "Do you have any idea of terrified I was when I thought you'd been hit by than van?" I harshly reprimanded him and yet my actions were belying my words as my arms wrapped around his broad back and pulled him toward me like I wanted to merge with him.

Though he seemed shocked for a slight moment, Jason's arms soon wrapped around my back and pulled me toward him.

I was in the dark, I was crying and I'd just had an upheaval of emotions.

And yet I'd never felt warmer. Happier. Usually warmth and heat annoyed me...but this warmth seemed tuned to be exactly what I liked.

Thinking back on how emotional and angry I'd just been with Jason and how I was no crying and happily snuggling into his embrace, I couldn't help but agree with Edward's appraisal of me: I was a bit of a temperamental bitch at times.

. . .

POV Change - Jason Swan

"I have an idea, yeah," I gave a wry smile as I hugged Rosalie, my heart hammering in my chest, "Though I'm still annoyed with you, you know? How come you didn't tell me you were a Vampire? The initiative would've been pretty sexy," I joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Rosalie positioned her chin against my chest and looked up at me with a deadpan expression. He liquid gold eyes were red around the edges and they were breathtaking. Her apathetic expression broke, however, and turned into a small smile as she let out a light laugh, "Really? Typical boy," she jokingly scoffed.

Deciding to move the conversation on a bit, I brought up something I wanted to clarify, "So...I'm still coming to your house tonight, right? We do kinda need to do that project for history."

Instantly, Rosalie stiffened a little, "Uh, r-really? You still want to come over?" she asked, bewildered.

"Sure," I affirmed before adding, "If I'm still welcome, that is?" though before my question could even finish, Rosalie was already rapidly nodding. She took herself back from the hug and stood up before wiping her eyes dry. Her body language suddenly seemed to scream 'nervous' and I couldn't help grin a little that me coming over was able to make her like this.

Shuffling on the balls of her feet, Rosalie continued nodding, "Uh, yeah, sure--I mean, I'll go and tell Carlisle you're still coming over," she said, her need for planning being more apparent than ever right now, especially as she continued, "So...do you know what time you'll be coming over?" she asked, trying to look like she wasn't incredibly curious about my answer but failing somewhat at it. Instead of answering straight away, I stood up from the chair and stretched my limbs a little.

"I'll come over around 7," I decided before walking to Rosalie who seemed in a world of her own after hearing my answer, "And Rosalie?" I called out to her, her face turning toward me just as I leaned down toward her and placed a kiss on her cheek before pulling back and continuing to speak, "Thanks for listening to me. I was kinda worried you'd run off," I laughed lightly toward the end before taking in the frozen appearance of Rosalie.

Vampires couldn't blush. They didn't have the blood for it and nor did their blood vessels actually serve any purpose after their conversion to being undead.

But there was definitely ways to see tells of them being flustered. Or excited.

Rosalie's pupils had dilated, her breath hitched and seemed heavy - not out of need for more air but purely a psychological response - and she seemed to unconsciously wet her lips. Her eyes especially showed the effect of my actions. They seemed misty and full of need...but Rosalie soon gained control of herself and turned away, "Uh, yeah, sure...I mean, I wouldn't run away. Even I know how unreasonable I was being, so I wouldn't cross the line and be that unreasonable without even hearing you out, Jason," she spoke but seemed distracted, a hand coming up and touching the cheek I'd kissed.

Why didn't I go for the lips? Damn dude, I'd only just barely scrapped by not getting her angry. Do you really think it'd be the best time to go for a proper kiss? Besides, there's a time and a place. A kiss to the cheek could be taken both romantically and as an actual 'thank you', and even that was toeing the line a little.

If I tried for anything further...I'd say the most likely scenario would be a slap and then Rosalie vamp speeding out of here. We've gotten over a major hurdle for any potential relationship, but that doesn't mean we're in the all clear 'let's get together' territory.

I'm just glad she seemed to like what I did so much, honestly. I certainly enjoyed it.

Out of embarrassment or nervousness, Rosalie turned back to me and, while she was obviously trying to curb it, she smiled at me before speaking, "I'll see you later, Jason. I'll go tell Carlisle you're going to come over tonight," and with that, she walked off but not before whispering, "Thanks," she said this as she held her cheek and despite it being a whisper, her tone was as clear as day. Ecstatic.

Hearing her and what she said I just chuckled and before I knew it, she was gone. "What a Tsundere. You could've just said thanks normally," I shook my head with a smile before I made my way out of Carlisle's office myself.

...I had a sister who was probably dying of curiosity somewhere in the hospital.