Grasp

Although we had saved countless lives, there were still some villagers that died. It made me wonder how many died before...

As for me, I blacked out missing the aftermath of the whole situation. The muscles in my body felt dull and were aching. The soft blanket was keeping me warm.

I opened my eyes to find myself in my room. Attempting to sit up, I only strained my muscles further.

I was paralyzed.

Accepting reality, my eyelids dropped. I wondered how long it would take for my body to recover?

...What if I cast the healing spell?

Though tempted, the thought was cast out of my mind, knowing that there was no real reason to take that risk.

My thoughts began to wander.

Is there some excuse I can come up with to explain my unknown knowledge? It was going to be hard to explain why I knew Alyx's spell...

Whatever... I can worry about it when it comes to it.

It was pretty lonely. At least in the forest, I had something to distract myself, but laying here I was completely at the mercy of my own thoughts.

Was this how every day was going to be?

Fighting to our very limits?

It sounded quite stressful.

My ears caught the sound of the door opening. I attempted to turn my head, after which I quickly stopped myself, wincing from the pain. I strained my eyes, looking at who was coming in.

It was Ela, she was in a new set of clothes, as the events that transpired never happened. Ela looked back at me.

"...You're awake."

A slow and deep breath filled my lungs.

"Yeah..."

It was surprisingly painful to talk. Ela brushed aside the hair over my eyes.

"Are you ok?"

I was getting light-headed.

"Yes..."

Ela walked to a wall and faced it.

"So many people died..."

My eyelids quivered, barely giving me some vision.

"At least... We saved who... We could..."

Ela brought over a chair and sat at my bedside. Her eyes were fixed on the floor.

"Yes, we did what we could."

There was silence, I looked at her, through the crack in my eyelids. My eyes got strained.

"Say... You are a dragon?"

Ela smiled softly.

"I have the Emerald Dragon bloodline. If I am willing to give up nearly all of my stamina, I can transfigure into a partial Emerald Dragon state."

I laughed weakly.

"That is like... pretty cool..."

Ela laid a hand on the bedsheet.

"The state gives me much greater body strength, a layer of armor from scales, and flying capabilities. The only downside is that I can no longer maintain spells, my will becomes too violent and disperses the mana."

My eyes drifted to the ceiling.

She can just transform for a stronger body?

"Hmm... What if... You cast like... A Constitution Mage?"

Ela tilted her head to the side.

"I suppose that is possible..."

For a while, the only thing that could be heard was my heavy breathing. Ela was hunched over in the chair, looking at me.

"Why did you cast the healing spell on me? I... I would have been fine. You nearly broke everything in your body you know?"

With a weak chuckle, a small smile was manifested on my face.

"I... don't know..."

Ela raised her body a tad.

"How could you possibly not know? Did you not even let yourself ponder about any repercussions that came with trying to save me?"

My eyelids gently fell.

"I guess... I was just... doing what I wanted to..."

I felt something wet fall on my face. Ela grasped my hand.

"Why?"

Shaking off the fatigue, I maintained my consciousness.

"...Why?"

Ela began to grip my hand harder.

"Why are you able to so easily discard your fear of life and... help others?"

I couldn't help but laugh. It was painful, but my laughter still filled the room.

"I am not able to do that."

Ela stopped clutching my hand so firmly.

"But..."

My head ever so slightly shook from side to side.

"I was always scared... Even now...."

My hand faintly wrapped around Ela's. Reyna's death and Ned's lack of breathing had scarred me.

Even now, I didn't want to think about it. To forget about it completely. Yet...

"I guess... I learned something... When I lost..."

My head fell to the side, facing Ela.

"It was... to dare... to hold... the things that make me happy..."

Ela pressed her lips against each other.

"What?..."

My throat was getting dry.

"I... thought if I just... never saw anyone... that I wouldn't have to feel the pain... of separating from my friends..."

My body could feel the chill of the snow. My heavy feet persistently traversed the snow. Trying to find something.

"Yet... losing something... doesn't hurt nearly as much... as never having it at all..."

It was lonely...

So lonely...

"That is why... even if it scars my hand... or breaks my mind... I will still grasp it."

My eyelids opened a little.

"That is why... I cast the healing spell on you... not because... I was brave... or wanted to be a hero... I just... didn't want to see you die."

Ela gingerly held my hand with both of hers.

Unable to fight it any longer, my body went to sleep again.

...

Awakening, I felt much better, and other than feeling stiff. I cracked my neck, noticing one of my hands was uncomfortably warm.

Looking over to my side, I saw Ela. She was still on her chair, her eyes were closed and slightly hunched over. Her breaths were soft and her hands softly held mine.

My hand escaped from Ela's grasp. I sat up, surprised that I felt so recovered. How long was I asleep?

I could feel my stomach constricting painfully. As I sat up, Ela's eyes flickered open. There were some noticeable sweat stains on her suit.

"Are you feeling better?"

I laid the bedsheet aside.

"Yeah, I'm really hungry though."

Ela nodded.

"Of course. Ned and the others prepared some food for you, I can heat it up for you."

"Thanks."

As I got off the bed, Ela took my arm and put it over her shoulder. Although it wasn't exactly easy to walk by myself, the extra help was unnecessary.

"I'm ok, I think I can walk on my own."

Ela stared at the door and did not let me go.

"This is not the first time I have done this for you, it is a small matter."

With that, Ela led the way to the dining room.

On the way, we passed by the palace entrance. I looked out to see the faint glow of moonlight on the dark streets. It seemed I had woken Ela from the middle of the night.

Upon reaching the dining room, she set me down on a seat. Ela walked briskly out of the room.

"Stay here."

I nodded.

"Alright."

There was only me in the dining room at the dead of night. My mind unconsciously thought about Mildred, who I haven't seen for a while. Although she had helped me so much and so much of my time was spent with her, I was more or less a stranger to her.

Was it going to be like this with Ela? She would no longer remember me while I am the only one that still carries our memories.

Did any of the time that I spent with them matter?

Maybe...

"Jay?"

Ela came back with a plate in her hand. There was a meal that emanated some steam. My dreamy state was interrupted.

I blinked a few times.

"Oh, hi Ela."

Ela was looking at me intently.

"Did something happen?"

Unknowingly, there was a frown on my face and I was hunched over the table. Sitting up, my face quickly made a smile.

"Nothing, just... thinking about some stuff."

Ela's lips parted like she wanted to say something, but she closed them soon after.

There was a long silence. Ela brushed her hair back.

"Here is your meal, please eat it."

Ela gently placed the plate on the table and gave me a fork to eat it with. My eyes would not leave the food on the table.

"Thank you..."

Wanting to keep a decent image, my fork was restrained, eating slowly. Ela rested her head on her hand while her elbow was on the table. She was just looking at me.

Gradually I could not help myself, the hunger was forcing my hand. Soon there was nothing left and my face was a little messy.

Ela was still looking at me, her expression did not change despite my embarrassing display.

"Would you like some more?"

Trying my best to hide any embarrassment, I shook my head while avoiding eye contact.

"No, no I feel much better now."

Ela was still looking at me which made me uncomfortable. She did not seem to notice my embarrassment.

"My brother... was quite the unrestrained one. He never bothered to attempt proper etiquette. It would not be difficult to see him running around the halls. Whenever he found someone, he would make a ridiculous face and then run off."

A smile started to form on Ela's face.

"My father always tried to discipline my brother, but just when my father thought my brother had been pacified, he acted up again. He was stubborn and refused to change his character. I've wondered why he was like that for a long period of time. Why did my brother feel the need to run around making faces all day?"

Ela looked off in the distance.

"Recently, I came to a realization. It was my brother's way of cheering everyone up. He was doing his best to make everyone happier in his own way."

...He sounded like a free spirit.

What would he have been like when he grew older, had he not died? Surely he would change, but I could only wonder how stubborn he was.

"He sounds nice."

Ela grasped my hand and interlocked our fingers. A tear fell from her face.

"He was..."

We looked off into the distance as if there would be something at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe Ela would forget everything the next time I died. Maybe she would disdain me when I looked at her. Maybe she wouldn't even acknowledge my existence.

But for now... I decided I would grasp this, even if it would hurt once the sun came up once again.