Breathing exercise

Colin

"Dad, nothing is wrong." I shake it off because I don't know what he wants to do to me. He looks upset, but he always looks upset when he is out of the loop, so that could mean he just wants me to talk to him.

"Get up, Colin, and follow me,'' he tells me sternly.

I take a deep breath as I obey his orders. I do not like it when he is angry with me, and even if deep down, I know that he is not angry with me, I just want this to just stop.

I grab a fresh pair of shorts and a shirt, and he watches me as I put them on slowly. "Hurry up, son. I don't have all day."

My papa gives me one last smile before he walks out of the room. I look up as he leaves. "Come on, let's go,'' Dad tells me calmly.

I don't know where we are going, but I follow him out of the room and out of the house. Once we get to the compound, he turns to me and says, "You're going for a run with me. Is that okay?''

He always asks, even though one of my favourite things to do is run with him. "Okay," I answer immediately.

I notice for the first time that he is dressed in a pair of joggers and sneakers, just like me. I don't know if I have the energy to run but I want to do this with him. Maybe it will get my mind off things--at least I need this.

We go into the woods and he starts with a slow walk. I follow him, and after a couple of minutes, he starts to jog. I have no idea how long we run, or where we go. It doesn't matter. I have followed my father like a lost puppy. I am drenched in sweat when we stop, and we are far away from the community and in unknown territories. This is the middle of nowhere, but I know we are safe, as long as I am with my dad. I don't have anything to worry about. My father sits down cross-legged on the ground, and I imitate his movements.

"You know, I don't want to say I know what you're going through because you haven't told me anything, but I know what this feels like." He breathes out finally, his eyes intense as he watches me.

"Dad,--"

He shakes his head immediately. "Don't say anything yet. Do not speak, just close your eyes and breathe for a couple of minutes. "

I obey his commands as my eyelids flutter closed and my breath deepens. I have almost forgotten what it is like to just relax and breathe. As I meditate, there are no thoughts in my head, and my body starts to feel warm and lethargic. This is not the first time my dad has meditated with us. He learnt this from his uncle Jules. Something that he has paved for us. I know he just wants me to stop thinking, and somehow, it is working. It's not a miracle cure, because I am still damaged goods, but I know my next step is to overcome this obstacle I've created for myself.

As of right now, I am weightless. I feel lighter than I ever felt in my entire existence.

All thoughts vanish and the only sound I focus on is the wind flowing through the morning sky. I don't know how long I got lost in the nothingness, but when I open my eyes, he is still watching me.

"How do you feel?'' he asks.

I let out one last breath. "Better, I think."

He nods, "Tell me what has happened."

He is looking at me, and there is no way I can keep this from him. There is no point in any of this anymore.

"I found my mate."

As the words leave my mouth, I feel the tension in the air. Confusion flickers in his eyes, but it only lasts for like a second.

"I want to say congratulations, but I know you. You are not happy about this? Why not? "

He knows me.

"I met someone else. I like him so much. The things I feel about him are so much more than what I feel for her.''

He nods, "This guy you met, is it confirmed that he is not also your mate?"

I think about his words, and I know what he is referring to. Uncle Blue, Gyles, and Rex are all together. That is something that could happen, and maybe if they were not siblings and if I didn't loathe the idea of having Ashina as my mate, then I might think that.

"It's not the same. My wolf doesn't even want him. "

"What do you mean by that? You and your wolf are one. You would want the same things."

He is watching me and he senses what I am about to say. Why is this whole thing scary to me. Even if I choose to reject my mate, my wolf should be with me. We are one and the same. Whatever we go through, we go through it together.

That is not what is happening right now.

"I don't know how to control him anymore."

He shakes his head, "That is not possible."

I understand his disbelief.

"I don't know what is going on with me. I feel like I am in a prison and there is no way to get out of it,'' tears start to well up in my eyes and I don't want to cry. I want to be strong. I want to be like him. able to take on the world.

"Stand up,'' he tells me.

I obey him and he does the same.

"Come out, '' he growls, his eyes lightening up. The Alpha in him is coming out. The sound of his voice gives me goosebumps, the kind that frightens me. He is not talking to me anymore.

He is talking to my wolf.