The Last Talk | Adam

'Meet us at the clinic in thirty minutes.'

-Unknown

I packed my laptop and papers and headed to my car as soon as I received the text. To say I was confused and excited would be putting it too lightly. Many thoughts ran through my head on my way there but I couldn't get consumed by them and miss out on this chance. I can't believe all my attempts to talk to Primrose went to waste when all it took Lilianne was less than a week to convince her to meet me. I don't know how to feel about that, but I suppose there is gratitude among the complex emotions burrowed somewhere inside my chest. I can attempt to detangle and understand that some other time. Parking my car, I texted her back.

'Where are you?'

I didn't have to wait long because she replied right away.

'Dr. Rowanda's office.'

-Lilianne

It took less than a couple minutes for me to get there and sign Primrose out for a couple of hours so that we can go out.

"The fair?" I asked, following as she led the way. "That's all it took to convince her?"

She didn't need to say much but I could feel the judgement from the look she threw my way. I decided not to stretch my luck. She turned all of a sudden to face me, crossing her arms. "She may have agreed but please don't do or say anything stupid."

"Who do you take me for?" I narrowed my eyes at her, scratching the back of my head.

Lilianne shrugged her shoulder as we turned the corner to find Prim waiting by the water fountain. I took a deep breath, feeling nervous despite all the mental preparations for this moment during my drive here. At least she looked healthy and she was warmly dressed. Though she's still avoiding looking at me like I don't exist and instantly clung to Lilianne's arm, whispering. "I think I changed my mind. Let's go back."

"Today's the last day of the fair, are you really going to miss it?" Lilianne replied quietly, holding her hand and approached me. "What are you waiting for? Lead the way."

I looked from her to Prim then sighed and nodded, leading them to the car. I guess I could have prepared myself some more to be patient and not expect too much, but that's never been one of my strong suits. Lilianne pushed Primrose in the passenger seat and took the backseat before the latter could complain. I didn't miss the angry looks she shot her and the whisper complaints she had for the first half of the ride before she quieted down and sulked in her seat.

"Don't be a party pooper, aren't you excited for your first adventure out in awhile?" Lilianne nudged her shoulder trying to get her to cheer up.

"Well it wouldn't have been my first time if someone were to remember I existed a long time ago." Prim scoffed.

Fair enough. I sighed, trying to smile regardless. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

She shrugged her shoulders and muttered under her breath. "Like you promised not to leave years ago?"

My grip tightened on the steering wheel subconsciously. The bitter reminder made me feel instant guilt again that made me want to disappear here and now. Lilianne flicked her shoulder. "Don't be mean. That was not what you were saying before he got here."

Prim gasped, giving Lilianne -who wasn't fazed in the least- a death glare. The blonde raised a challenging brow at my little firecracker of a sister who finally caved in and sat back quietly, making me chuckle under my breath. She really didn't change in all the years I hadn't seen her.

"What are you laughing at?" She turned to me. "I only said yes to go to the fair, it doesn't mean you're forgiven."

I immediately sobered up and tried to suppress my smile and look serious. "I know. I'll earn your forgiveness."

"You don't have to try too hard." Lilianne added from the back, making Prim throw her hands in the air in frustration. "Whose side are you on?"

Lilianne shook her head at the silly girl and ignored her question. "I heard they have all kinds of sweet snakcs. There are even stalls for crepes and-

"Waffles?" Prim perked up. Of course she wouldn't miss the chance to ask about her favourite food on the planet. Maybe I underestimated Lilianne. This girl knew exactly what she was doing.

"All kinds of waffles." I replied. "You can get your favourite nutella and banana combo."

Luckily this time she didn't give a hostile retort to my comment and remained cheerful until we reached our destination. Prim barely waited for me to lock the car before she pulled Lilianne along and headed excitedly towards the stalls stationed all around the big square. From vintage clothes and furniture to every type of food stall you can imagine. It was truly an impressive market. Naturally, it was one of the biggest events of the season in this town. It's usually so busy one can barely find a parking slot, the streets teeming with people, you'd end up spending hours just to get from one end to another. The only memories I have of this fair were from when I was a little kid. Maybe it was our luck that we came on the last day, it didn't seem as crowded as I recall.

"Can we go watch the puppet show?" Prim dragged Lilianne towards the little stall and I followed behind, content just watching her have fun, her face lighting up like a little kid reminding me of years gone by.

"Aren't you too old for a puppet show?" Lilianne crossed her arms and stood behind the crowd of mostly young kids and their parents. Prim completely ignored her comment and watched the show attentively.

"It's alright." I stood back beside Lilianne to watch from a distance, keeping an eye on Prim. "She must have missed doing things like these."

"Obviously." She replied, zipping up her jacket. "I don't believe she's been out much since she was admitted to the clinic."

"Since when have you been with her at the clinic?" I was curious as to how they seemed to have a strong and close relationship. Lilianne probably can't tell, but Prim hangs on her every word like it's the law.

"A couple of years now." She smiled at whatever joke the puppeteer made, the crowd of kids howling in laughter. "She's made a lot of progress in the time I've known her. Primrose is strong and kind, but she's also still a kid who needs someone older and more responsible to take care of her and be there for her. That's why I agreed to help you in the first place. I want her to leave the ghost of the hard times she had at the clinic behind her and move on."

I nodded, looking at the spectacle but not really paying attention to whatever's happening. Even though I wasn't around, I just assumed that Prim would be well-taken care of. I thought she had Liam and mom. It was presumptuous and evasive of me. I should have known better. As much as it is a relief to know Lilianne has been by her side for the majority of her time spent at the clinic, it makes me feel like a failure of a brother.

"Talk to her." Lilianne's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. She was looking at me attentively. "She may be stubborn and snappy but she wouldn't have been here if she hadn't already forgiven you deep down. Talk to her and make things right."

I nodded slowly. She has a point. This is my chance to explain myself and at least hope to get closer to Prim again. I cannot focus on my guilt and regret and let the present chance slip from between my hands. I wasted enough time as is.

"I'll go take a look around. " She pointed towards the confectionery stalls. "Take her on the ferris wheel or somewhere you two can talk without interruption."

Before I could thank her or say anything at all, she had already slipped through the crowd and disappeared from view. I sighed, feeling both relieved and nervous, noticing Prim coming back from the show that wrapped up.

"Where's Lily?" She looked around trying to find her among the sea of people.

I stepped in front of her, leaving her no option but to face me. "She said to go ahead and try some rides. She'll text us when she's back."

"But-

"Come on, let's go on the ferris wheel." I held her shoulder and steered her clear out of people's way and towards the giant wheel in the very middle. "You've always loved it as a kid. The views must be very good from here."

"No, wait- Prim complained about the ride taking too long and waiting in line and whatnot. All excuses to delay having to face me, I suppose. I paid our tickets and got into our cart just a few seconds before the wheel started moving.

Primrose sat on the bench opposite mine and stared decidedly out the glass at the bustling city in the distance. Silence filled the space instead of all the words I should have been capable of saying, but now when I most need them I can't seem to find the right thing to say or how to begin. I slumped back against my seat and ran my fingers through my hair, racking my brain for a starting point. The different lights and shadows played and danced in the little space and on Prim's face. Now that I look at her closely, she has grown quite a bit from the little annoying girl running around loudly. She seemed to have aged out of turn and I think I despise it.

"I broke my promise about always being by your side. I left when you needed me the most." I looked down at my hands clutching my knees. "I was selfish and irresponsible. It's something I am fully aware of now. It was a terrible mistake Prim, but I don't want it to define me."

She didn't say anything, and though she wasn't looking at me, I know I have her attention. I smiled bitterly. "There are moments and times in life when you realize it's not possible to honor the words you said and the promises you made. I didn't think that would be me. You might have had me on a pedestal but I'm just... human. I had a moment of weakness and cowardice. We all have our own fears and worries, right?" I observed her face closely, wondering if I should be this candid, if it's the right thing to do. "I'm telling you this because you're older now, not because I want or deserve sympathy, but because you understand."

Prim sighed. "I don't blame you for leaving."

"Is that really true?" I smiled, reading the blatant lie in her eyes. She was never a good liar.

She pursed her lips and turned away. "Don't ask stupid questions."

I chuckled. "You can resent me for it. Hate is just as good of a reason to stay sane. I hold onto hatred too, that's probably why I'm back to this town again."

"So you're not here because..." She looked hurt, understandably so.

I shook my head quickly to dispel the misunderstanding. "Of course I'm here with you now because you matter to me. You're my little sister whom I love and care about."

Her eyes were downcast. "Then why... couldn't you have taken me with you at least?"

"Primrose." I took a deep breath, trying to hold in my guilt. "I couldn't. You were barely fourteen. I was twenty and incredibly impulsive and irresponsible. How could I have protected you or taken care of you? You would have suffered more-

"Don't assume things for me." She retorted, wiping her fallen tears.

I hate to be bringing her even more pain. She's had enough for the last few years. "I'm sorry. I didn't know they put you in that clinic. I only found out when I came back."

"Do you know why they put me there?" She whispered, sniffling and scrubbing at her face. It took all of me not to grab her and hug her tightly. "Did they tell you?"

I nodded, looking away from shame. I don't think I have the audacity to face her. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." She shook her head. "I would have done it again, as many times as it took. If they didn't put me in the clinic. Who knows if we'll be here having this conversation-

"Don't say that." I pulled at my hair, blinking down at the dark floor of the compartment. "It was our fault, all of us."

"No." Prim played with her fingers absently. "You were coping too. Escape was your way for it. Mine was... harming myself. I just felt so helpless and lost. I didn't know what to do with myself."

I changed seats and pulled her close to me, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. I'm still unable to hear it, especially from her lips. I don't want to think about what she went through. It tears my heart to pieces. "It's okay now. We'll be okay. We coped in very wrong ways. Escape did nothing but make me more resentful and insufferable." I swallowed the sour taste in my mouth. "I want to make it up to you. I want you and I and Liam to be together and whole again. I want truth."

Prim wiped at the corners of her eyes and looked at me questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Don't mind the details. I just want you to focus on yourself now yeah?" I looked outside. From this high up, everything seemed so calm and serene, you would never see this view and think about all the struggles and misery lurking in every corner and on every mind. "Liam and I will find a way to get you out of there. We'll find out the truth about... Sarah's death."