twenty two » closer than ever

22

Closer.

In which Mira and Sebastian are closer than ever.

Trigger warning: this chapter deals with very depressing topics, so if you may feel triggered by it, please do not read this chapter ❤️.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬♛▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

A CHILL SURGED DOWN MY SPINE and I became speechless. The silence extended for a few minutes before I got a grip on my thoughts. "Sebastian...you're not a murderer. You don't have a bad bone in your body so what do you mean you killed Cade?" my voice shook just like his and my hands curled around his wrists. "Tell me the full story before you make me jump to conclusions." There was no way Sebastian was a murderer. One key thing I noted was James and the rest of the Douglas family didn't hate him, so of course, he didn't. They still welcomed him as their own.

He closed his eyes and I followed the tear that rolled down his cheek. "He was depressed. He had been for most of his adult life so we got him help, and we thought it worked." He shook his head in disappointment, his lips trembling. "But one night, I was at a party and Cade had decided to skip that one because there were times where he distanced himself from me. That night he called me at exactly 9:36 but I didn't pick up because I was pissed at him. He died twenty minutes later and the one thing I could think was if I picked up the call and made him feel better, he would still be alive. I told him I would always have his back and the one time I didn't—."

I removed his hands from my face as he stopped speaking, leading him to the sofa to sit down again. Unshed tears gathered in my eyes at the sight of how broken Sebastian looked and I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around him.

He sat me on his lap, resting his forehead on mine after I laid a kiss to it. "You didn't kill Cade, Sebastian. You blame yourself for his death, that's two very different things."

He shook his head and I could feel his nose rubbing against mine. "I had a chance to save him and I blew it. It was karma when I got into a car accident the same night. Cade lost his life and I got a scar to constantly remind me of that night. In my mind, I pulled the trigger myself."

My hand came down to his hip where I remembered the scar started and I traced it down his thigh. "You cannot think about the what-ifs, Sebastian. The guilt has been eating you alive for six years. That's a very long time to blame yourself, baby. Cade killing himself is not your fault, it never will be because you didn't drive him to do it. So look at me." His beautiful eyes rose to stare into mine. "It's not your fault."

We sat in silence for a while, me straddling him with his large hand stretched across my back. His fingers were massaging small knots from my spine and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. It was times like this where I felt safe with Sebastian. His muscular body caged me into his warmth and all I could focus on was him. He nudged my face with his nose to angle his face closer to mine and ease me into a rough kiss.

Hoisting me higher in his lap, I cradled his face as my tongue dipped into his mouth, blessing me with the sweet taste that nearly drove me insane. My fingers began to unbutton my shirt, Sebastian taking the hint as he met me halfway before pushing the soft material off my shoulders and passed my arms.

Ducking his head, soft lips traced my collarbone and gave me a chance to breathe. My mind was reeling. Why would Athena and Sebastian think I would leave once I knew the story behind Cade's death?

I had no time to think further since Sebastian's grip on my hips tightened and he pressed himself against me, leaving nothing to the imagination regarding his manhood. His kisses lowered until he stood up with my legs loosely wrapped around him, and remained like that as he laid me down on the sofa.

I tugged at his shirt so he could remove it, and once he did, my hands were everywhere on his muscular body. He trembled on top of me, his lower half heavily resting on mine as he held himself up with his arms. Slowly brushing my fingers across his abs, my hands stopped at the waistband of his joggers and I opened my eyes to see the lust etched deeply on his face.

Feeling bold, my hand dipped into his briefs. His eyes shot open and a desperate groan tumbled from his lips seconds before he brought them down onto mine. He relaxed on top of me, allowing me to continue for a few more moments before he halted any movement in his hips.

"Mira," he breathed once his lips weren't on mine anymore. "I can't—," the word was lost as I raised my head to mark his neck. "Not here, I haven't got a spare change of clothes."

Needless to say, I didn't listen.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The first thing we did when we arrived at his penthouse was something both of us wanted to do since we argued.

Sleep.

And we did until midday. When I opened my eyes, I took the time to truly appreciate the man beside me. He was deeply asleep, but the frown on his face seemed to deepen the longer I stared at him. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were slowly losing the redness it had after he kissed me.

My fingers wandered to his hair that was growing, which reminded me that he would be cutting soon since he hated his hair growing out. Throwing the covers off my body and tucking him in, I traipsed to the bathroom and cleaned up before I proceeded to make a late breakfast.

It was a very important day for me since my restaurant would finally be opening. It was meant to take a lot longer, but Sebastian fast-tracked the process and I couldn't be mad since it meant I would fulfil my mother's wishes quicker.

Finishing the last of the pancake batter, I plated our breakfast and returned to his bedroom to see that he was no longer in the bed. But, he wasn't too far when I heard the water running in the adjoined bathroom. 

I had finished my food when he exited the bathroom fully clothed and with wet hair. He massaged a towel into the strands, gracing me with a smile as he sat against the headboard behind me. "Morning, beautiful."

He pecked my lips once, grinning when his eyes fell on the breakfast in front of him. Dark sienna eyes shined with gratitude and he dug straight in. I was texting Ada when his phone rang, which he didn't hesitate to hand to me as he continued cutting through the stack of pancakes without even looking at who it was.

Glancing upon the caller ID, I felt my eyebrows lowering in confusion.

Weston Caldwell.

The most feasible explanation was that it had something to do with business because I knew Sebastian thought Weston was a slimy fucker. Without further thought, I answered the call. "Hello?"

My ex-boyfriend's voice was surprised when he responded. "Mira? Why are you picking up his phone?"

I rolled my eyes and a curious expression flitted across Sebastian's face. "Well, he is my boyfriend, West—on." It was hard to break out of the habit of not calling him West since I rarely called him his full name when we were together.

Sebastian swallowed his mouthful, placing the nearly finished plate of food on the floor near the bed as he held out his hand.

"So the tabloids say, but I thought you were trying to make me jealous."

I raised an eyebrow. "And why would I want to do that? That would mean I actually care about you and your opinion."

An impatient Sebastian took the phone from my hand and he cleared his throat. "I made it clear that you don't speak to me directly anymore, I only talk to your boss, Caldwell." I couldn't make out what he was saying, but the conversation lasted for another minute before Sebastian abruptly hung up. "I always thought he spoke too much."

Eliciting a laugh from me, he climbed over me and almost crushed me with the way he rested on me. His head laid on my chest and our legs tangled as he hugged me like I was his teddy bear.

"You're such a big baby sometimes, you know that?"

He lifted his head with a pout on his lips, gleaming eyes looking happier than they did a couple of hours ago. There was a change in our relationship because he finally opened up and bared a part of his soul to me.

"It's not my fault that you're so comfortable." My hands weaved through his hair and I massaged his scalp with gentle fingers as he closed his eyes and sighed against my skin. A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke. "You're the first girlfriend I've spoken to about what happened that night." He admitted quietly, rubbing smooth circles on my stomach. "No woman has meant this much to me before."

I caressed his head softly. "Why did you think I would leave you?" I questioned softly. "I'd never turn my back on you for that."

He remained silent. "I forget that people don't see me the way I see myself. I thought that maybe I had more baggage than you could handle. I'm glad that you're still with me because I feel like we're closer than ever." He laid a soft kiss to my stomach. "I'm completely obsessed with you."

We stayed in that position for another hour simply talking and I couldn't shake the feeling that I hadn't gotten the full story. Yes, he told me about Cade, but there had to be something else he was hiding and whether I would find out from him or not was unknown to me.

But, I was done pushing him in directions he wasn't ready to go in. He trusted me, and that was enough.

We went out separate ways an hour later since I had to go to my restaurant to make sure everything was set for later on, and he had to stop by his office. In true Sebastian fashion, he didn't leave without making a comment about what I did to him earlier, claiming I had fulfilled one fantasy of his.

Seeing Esmeralda's on the front of the building, I felt closer to my mother than ever. It was like she was standing right beside me on the street, her kind eyes looking at the sign with me and her hand joined with mine. My eyelids lowered until I could imagine what she would say.

"I'm so proud of you, Mirabelle."

My father and sister would be coming back to London and Sebastian promised that he, along with my friends, would eat dinner with them and keep them company whilst I was in the kitchen. Entering the restaurant, I felt a sense of gratitude as I glanced upon the decor. It came out exactly how my mother and I envisioned and I had Sebastian to thank.

I greeted all the staff, feeling somewhat hopeful that the night would go great. The menus were set as was the dining room. The last thing I did was run my sous chef and the rest of the kitchen staff of how I wanted things to go. Last week, we all went through exactly how the food was meant to be cooked and I had faith in all of them.

They were all talented individuals and my sous chef was previously Sebastian's personal chef, which meant she was exceptional and even had the experience. The day progressed and before I knew it, it was a half-hour before we would finally open Esmeralda's and I had changed into my chef uniform.

My phone vibrated on the desk that I had in my office. Seeing it was a text from Sebastian, I couldn't help but feel more at ease with his words.

» SEBASTIAN »

When my eyes fell upon Oakleigh, I realised that she strongly resembled Mira with her big brown eyes and slender nose. Her dad, Ian, was a tall man and I only had two inches on him. My attention was on him and I extended my hand in his direction.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Mr Casey."

He gave me a kind smile and shook my hand with a firm grip. He had a dominant handshake. "Likewise, Sebastian. And you can call me Ian."

I extended a hi to Oakleigh who looked a bit dazed when she smiled at me. Leading them towards the car, George nodded in my direction and proceeded to drive us towards the restaurant. Small talk filled the car and before long, we arrived at Esmeralda's.

People were coming in and we met Ada, Lena and Mira's other friends exiting the car in front of us. I welcomed them into a hug and since our table had been reserved, we were seated quickly.

"Wow," Ian marvelled, surveying the interior of the building. "This is really happening." He was getting more emotional by the minute and he gripped onto Oakleigh's hand, holding the menu with the other.

In italics, Esmeralda's was written at the top of the menu, and I could only imagine what he was feeling. His late wife's dream was alive right in front of his eyes all due to his very own daughter. He turned to me and his light brown eyes held mine.

"My baby girl told how most of this wouldn't be possible without you, so I would like to thank you deeply. It makes me proud as a father to know the man my daughter loves is an extraordinary man."

Love? I gave him my best smile.

The mere thought of Mira loving me sent an arrow of longing towards my heart. I had already come to terms that my feelings for her were strong. But, I couldn't tell her just how strong they were because I thought once she found out, it would hurt her more to leave me.

Surprisingly, telling her about Cade and receiving the reaction I did caused the weight that was weighing my shoulders down to ease up. But what made my guilt deepen was the fact that she still didn't know the entire story and I wasn't ready to tell her just yet.

It wasn't because I didn't trust her, it was because I didn't know how to go about it. The only reason my family had found out was that my father had surveillance on me and he got more than he bargained for. If they couldn't change what was happening, no one could.

I brought my attention back to the people in front of me, joining in the conversations from time to time as we ate. From a businessman perspective, things were going smoothly in the restaurant, and all I wanted to know was how Mira was finding things.

Once desserts were served, I knew it would still be a while before I could see Mira, but the food that I had eaten had been exceptional so I guessed that she was extremely happy. The bill came and I told everyone that I would cover it all.

Ada made a comment about me wanting to be a good boyfriend and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Should I just let everyone pay?"

They were all quick to disagree and I pulled out my black card from my wallet. The night was officially over and Ian and Oakleigh were going to go with Ada back to her and Mira's apartment since I was going to hang back and wait for her.

Remembering where her office would be, I stepped into the room that captured her personality with the colours and took a seat at her desk. Busying myself with calls to international shareholders, I didn't realise she was in the room until her lips pressed against my cheek.

I wrapped up the call and placed my phone on the table as she leaned against the wooden structure, her hand linking with mine. "How did you think it went?"

The smile that graced her face almost rendered me breathless with how happy she looked. Instantly, I smiled too and stood up since she wanted to hug me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I steadied her with my fingers curling around her waist.

"I feel amazing, it's like I'm on cloud nine and I feel so proud because I can't believe it's finally happening!" she pulled back and cupped my face, delivering a hard kiss to my mouth. "Thank you so much for all the help, it means the world to me."

You're my world.

"I'd do anything to make you happy," I admitted with a soft kiss to her forehead.

Do I have what it takes to make her happy?

There I was, not being entirely truthful to her in order to protect myself and her feelings. But, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide things from her for much longer.

"Everyone's gone home, can we leave?"

I nodded and moulded my lips to hers once more in a passionate kiss. All I had to was make her happy until she got tired of me not being able to give her what she wanted. A good future. I didn't have it in me and I would rather have her hate me than be disappointed and heartbroken. She had the reins of our relationship.

"You're tense," I commented, undoing the buttons on her chef jacket. "I can give you a massage."

She raised an eyebrow humorously. "That's pretty much code talk for sex."

I guffawed, shaking my head in mock surprise. "You don't want to have sex with me? You felt differently when your hand was wrapped around—."

Her gasp cut me off and I laughed at how shy she seemed. At times, she could be bold and other times, she was shy. It was quite hot. Lowering my mouth to her jaw, I laid hot kisses up towards her ear.

"I would rock your world."