Chapter 82: Shadows (4)

Warning: This chapter contains scenes of domestic violence and sexual abuse, that might be too intense for some readers. Please proceed with caution. 

Spinner's End remained unchanged throughout the seasons, its rundown brick houses, and broken streetlights a constant sight. The river, polluted with debris, lazily wound its way between steep banks. The nearby mill's tall chimney tirelessly smoked, filling the air with the unpleasant odour of burning coal.

On Christmas Eve, there was no festive spirit in this impoverished corner of Cokeworth. Instead of joyful carols, the neighbourhood echoed with the howls of stray dogs roaming the streets freely, a stark reminder of the area's neglect.

In a cramped, dimly lit kitchen within one of the homes on Spinner's End, a petite, gaunt woman moved tirelessly between the oven and a small table. She wore an old black dress, its fabric weathered with age, and a stained apron wrapped around her. Nearby, a scraggy chicken lay in a tray, surrounded by a handful of potatoes and carrots.

On the opposite side of the table, a lanky teenager with shoulder-length black hair hunched over a roll of parchment, scribbling furiously with minuscule, cramped handwriting. He was engrossed in what seemed to be a detailed essay on the subcategories of venomous plants in Europe for his Herbology class. 

"Severus, it's time to stop studying. It's too dark, and your father will be home soon." – Eileen Snape gently admonished her son as she placed their modest dinner in the oven to roast.

"Maybe he could have paid the electricity bill instead of going around with his friends drinking." – the boy retorted, carefully setting his homework aside to allow the ink to dry and rubbed his tired eyes.

"It's not his fault he lost his job." – the woman pointed out sorrowfully – "Many people were let go. We're fortunate to have some meat for dinner tonight. You should show more gratitude. Darkness can be cozy, and we still have wood for the oven."

Severus lifted his head abruptly, anger etched on his face as he met his mother's gaze. Though barely visible in the December night's sticky darkness, he could sense the tears welling in her eyes. Yet, rather than evoking sympathy, this realisation only fuelled his resentment towards her.

"You're a witch! You can conjure some light." – he spat out with disgust – "Or even better – you can return my wand, and I can do it."

"You know perfectly well your father doesn't feel comfortable around magic." – Eileen attempted to diffuse her son's annoyance – "We're not going to discuss it again! You're grounded for using spells in the house, and I won't return your wand until you're leaving back to Hogwarts."

Severus clenched his thin lips tightly, suppressing his anger. It was bad enough he wasn't allowed to stay at school for the holidays, but having his wand confiscated for using it to repair the table his father broke during one of his drunken rages was beyond unfair. The young wizard was poised to continue arguing, but the sound of heavy steps in the corridor robbed him of that opportunity.

Tobias Snape staggered into the room, the unmistakable scent of alcohol and tobacco trailing behind him. He was a large, imposing figure, nearing forty-five. His hair was cropped short and still jet black, much like his piercing black eyes. A prominent hooked nose lent his face a menacing and perpetually angry expression, which seemed to be his default mood unless he found refuge in the local pub, away from his family.

For Severus' utter disappointment, he resembled his father greatly, except he inherited nothing of his physique. Even at the age of almost fourteen, it was evident that the young wizard would be tall and slender rather than brawny and stalwart. His pale complexion, however, made the boy appear frail and weak. This was likely one of the reasons why Tobias harboured such animosity towards his son.

"Why's it so dark in 'ere? I thought you lot 'ad gone or summat." – the man asked, chuckling at his own joke. 

"We didn't pay the electricity bill this month, darling." – his wife quickly jumped towards one of the cupboards – "We have a few candles though. I'll light one in a moment."

Tobias growled something under his breath, casting a quick glance at the chicken in the oven before plopping down on the closest chair across from Severus. Meanwhile, Eileen had found a candle and was hastily searching for matches. She was acutely aware that her husband tended to become incredibly impatient after drinking, and she didn't want to give him any reason to lose his temper, especially on Christmas Eve. When she realised there were no matches left, the woman quickly drew her wand from an internal pocket of her apron and lit the candle.

Unfortunately, her fidgety, rushed movements didn't remain unnoticed. Tobias Snape was surprisingly observant for a Muggle, and he seemed to be constantly aware of his surroundings. 

"I told ya not to use this thing around me!" – he shouted angrily, slamming his fist on the table – "Are ya so useless that ya can't do anythin' 'round 'ere without magic?"

"N-n-o, darling!" – Eileen stammered apologetically – "I just couldn't find matches and I wanted to save some time."

"Ah, so it's not about bein' useless but bein' lazy!" – Tobias exclaimed with an unpleasant smirk – "One would wonder what ya do with all that time saved. You certainly didn't take care of the 'ouse because it's a complete mess! And you didn't use it to make yourself look pretty for me! Although I suppose even magic 'as its limitations."

"Don't talk to her like that!" – hissed Severus, staring at his father with hatred.

It happened quicker than anyone expected. Tobias rose abruptly and sent everything on the table crashing to the floor with a single strike. Severus' ink bottle broke, soaking his Herbology essay in black ink. 

"Is that what they teach you in that school? To get smart with your father?" – the man shouted, with spit flying out of his mouth – "You should be working to help us pay the bills! Instead of being grateful for sending you to school, you sulk around, eat my food, and waste my money on clothes, books, and whatnot! And now yer tryna' order me 'ow to treat me own wife?!"

"Severus, go to your room and don't upset your father any further!" – Eileen interjected hastily – "I'll call you for dinner."

When the boy didn't move, his mother practically dragged him upstairs to his tiny bedroom on the second floor. Before closing the door, she cast a pleading look in her son's direction, though it was obscured by the darkness surrounding them.

Severus was oblivious to the passage of time. He was entirely concentrated on suppressing his rage against both his parents. While the young wizard was positive that his dad's words hurt much less than his fist or belt, he had a slight suspicion that his mom might not share the same opinion. The teenager hissed with irritation at Eileen's inability to put a Muggle like his father in his rightful place. Frankly speaking, Severus would have been more than happy to do it for her. However, the looming possibility of being charged by the Ministry of Magic for breaching the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, getting expelled, and being forced to return home had a very strong restraining power.

The black-haired boy crossed his room in just three steps, careful not to trip over one of the boxes containing his few belongings. He then opened the dirty window and gazed eastward, where Lily Evans' house lay less than a kilometre away.

'They must be having dinner now.' – he thought dreamily, his own stomach rumbling hungrily. The only time Severus had ever set foot in Lily's house had been just before they were set to leave for Hogwarts for the first time. It was a nice, cozy two-story building with large windows and flower beds in the front yard. The Evans family weren't wealthy by any means, but they weren't poor either. The furniture was new and comfortable, everything was spotlessly clean, and the mouthwatering aroma of chocolate chip cookies wafted from the kitchen. Lily's mom was very kind and had insisted that Severus take some sweets for the way home, which he had refused, trying to salvage some of his dignity, painfully aware of his shabby, mismatched clothes and unkempt appearance.

It was painful for the young wizard to admit that he truly longed for the life his best friend enjoyed. He wished he could spend his evening in a bright, festive, and warm living room, indulging in as much food as he desired and finding a gift with his name on it under the Christmas tree. He couldn't even recall if they had ever had a Christmas tree in his house, but he was certain that the only person who would have given him any present was Lily. She had tried to do so two years ago, but Severus was so ashamed that he couldn't offer anything in return that he snapped, declaring the holiday ridiculous, and returned the package wrapped in beautiful emerald-green paper without even opening it. Lily understood the message, and since then, she hadn't attempted to give him anything else, not even for his birthday. This was met by Severus with relief, as he was running low on plausible excuses.

The teenager's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a commotion downstairs, followed by his mother's scream. Severus shook off his daze immediately and dashed towards the door, only to find it locked.

'When did she manage to lock it?!' – he thought angrily, exerting all his strength to escape the room, but to no avail.

Tobias' angry shouting and a series of muffled hitting sounds reverberated through the boy's mind, causing him almost physical pain. 

"Alohomora! Alohomora!" – Severus shouted at the door, but the spell did little good without his wand.

The noise grew louder, and the boy was able to distinguish his father's vulgar insults, accompanied by Eileen's distinct sobbing. Severus sank to the dusty floor, pressing his back against the locked door, and covered his ears with his hands in a futile attempt to drown out the sounds coming from downstairs.

The young wizard preferred it when Tobias was beating him instead of his mom. At least the pain was dulling his other senses. At least then Severus was a participant rather than a helpless witness. He could retain some semblance of control, even if it was in the form of enduring everything without shedding a single tear. However, at that moment, a flood of tears was cascading from the wizard's tightly shut eyes as he once again went through the well-rehearsed routine that had preserved his sanity during the long years of his childhood.

'I'm all grown up now—a rich, powerful, and well-respected wizard whom everyone fears and envies…' – the boy recited the familiar story in his mind – 'The Ministry of Magic offered me several high positions, but I refused them all to concentrate on my own potion business. With numerous highly-valued patents under my belt, I could easily retire. However, the wizarding society needs me to guide them through their struggle with understanding Dark Arts and creatures, as they're either too naive to handle them properly or too ignorant to comprehend them.'

The sounds from downstairs became more erratic – Eileen's screams now mixed with excited grunts coming from Tobias. 

'All my former classmates are now seeking my company and advice.' – Severus continued the story in his head, pouring every ounce of his focus into vividly picturing every detail, thus blocking out the tumult of the real world – 'Members of every pure-blood family are frequent guests at my spacious, luxurious house. They often praise the style and quality of the furniture, the delectable food, and the opulent decor. Lucius is the godfather of my son, and he and Cissy dine with Lily and me every Saturday.'

The teenager was fully immersed in envisioning the grown-up Lily Snape, neé Evans, standing beside him, smiling at him with love and adoration, wearing an abundant number of jewelleries, all gifted by her husband. She held the hand of a young black-haired boy with the same emerald-green eyes as hers. 

Another piercing scream came from the ground floor, accompanied by the sound of breaking glass. 

'Last week, Bella Black came to ask me if I could find a job for her worthless cousin, who apparently couldn't keep a position despite all his family's influence.' - the Slytherin continued, delving further into his fantasy world – 'I told Bella I'd see him, but only to relish the opportunity to inform him that he's good for nothing and that he can join his buddy Potter in drinking all his inheritance away. It's understandable when one is so arrogant that they can't hold down a job for more than two consecutive months and not nearly talented enough to become a professional Quidditch player.'

The young wizard grinned as he imagined the shabby-looking Sirius Black timidly entering his office, attempting to apologise and beg for a chance, promising he would work hard and prove himself worthy. He even swore he could make James Potter come and show exactly how much he regretted their past behaviour. Severus shivered with pleasure at the detailed vision in his mind. He could see Black's weary, unshaved face so clearly. The desperation in his grey eyes was more than evident.

"Stupid ugly bitch, I told ya not to look at me!" – Tobias rough voice broke through his son's mental barriers – "Do what you're only good for! Is that so 'ard?" 

Severus felt the taste of blood in his mouth, realising he was biting his lower lip fiercely. He could sense his pulse racing and his mind growing foggy.

''I'm in control! I can't let my anger consume me or he's going to win!" – the teenager heard his own raspy voice, forcing himself back to his soothing fantasy. 

Severus pictured himself strolling through the dimly lit Knockturn Alley, searching for a few poisonous ingredients needed for his latest research. Suddenly, someone tugged his cloak, and he turned to find Peter Pettigrew, grinning broadly, and bowing deeply. Pettigrew insisted that Severus follow him into the nearby brothel, claiming he had an exquisite deal in mind. He had thought about it ever since seeing Severus receive a First Class Order of Merlin for his Dragon Pox Cure in last year's Daily Prophet. Unafraid but rather curious, Snape followed the former Gryffindor, finding himself in a suffocatingly dark room where half-naked witches served drinks to rather ragged patrons. Pettigrew took his disgusted former classmate to a secluded area where a bonny, dishevelled woman in a tawdry-looking short red dress, was sitting on low chair, staring at the floor, probably expecting her next customer. Her straight black hair emitted an overpowering scent, a mix of cheap perfume and men's sweat.

The woman lifted her head and Severus prepared to imbibe the sight of her battered, anguished face. However, to his surprise, the expression on the person who was supposed to be Catherine Plantier was far from what the young wizard had expected and wanted. 

No matter how hard Severus tried to imagine it differently, Catherine's jade-green eyes exuded blunt superiority. Her chin stayed proudly lifted, and her daring smile remained unyielding. 

'What the fuck is that?! Why can't I picture her the way I want!' – the boy thought annoyed and confused by the abrupt interruption to the satisfying dream scenario unfolding in his mind – 'It's probably because of Lucius and his stupid kinks. So much for Plantier and her "reactive face". She's worthless even for a fantasy!'

Gritting his teeth, Severus tried to regain his focus, but it eluded him. Catherine's defiant green eyes filled his mind, and all he desired was to shatter her composure, to replace her pride and ridicule with desperation and hopelessness. 

Eileen's muffled sobs started reaching the young wizard's ears yet again. The real world closed in, crushing the last vestiges of his dream reality. He slammed his fists on the dirty wooden floor, feeling utterly abandoned and frustrated.

"I hate you so much!" – he muttered angrily under his breath with his eyes still tightly shut.