Her Loneliness

He disappeared from her life for five days. Sally said he was busy, but Gwen knew he's avoiding her. He knew she would demand to meet his cousin if they met.

She considered just going to his office, which was at another side of the palace. She was aware he often had guests and important meetings, so she felt reluctant to intrude.

She had always felt restless ever since she arrived in Galsbourg, yet she felt another sort of emptiness. Surely she wasn't missing him, right? That couldn't happen.

She had her morning and evening strolls, her daily visits to the library, and watched the news on TV.

Ayris and Ruby emailed her, and she had replied, using Rainier's laptop and the limited internet access that she was finally given. It seemed that she would keep talking with the two ladies that way.

In her own world, when she was a detective at the Republic of Kilare, she had friends to talk with. There was Kevin, her best friend and fellow detective. There was Natalie, the best friend that had a cafe across her house. Her father was also there, living under one roof with her.

She could share her troubles with them.

But in Galsbourg, she had no one. Simply nobody she could talk to. She didn't feel right to share her troubles with Sally, although she's her assistant.

Who were the separatists? Why did they hijack the plane? Was it true that they wanted Rainier to be overthrown?

Gwen found out that the terrorists had all been executed three days after the incident at the Isou Airport and their family members had been deported from the kingdom.

To say that she's annoyed she couldn't ask him personally about what happened was an understatement. She's irritated and angry.

She's been feeling these emotions a lot since she first arrived there, but these were different the kind of emotions that debilitated her.

It's so easy for him to decide everything. She had nothing. She's powerless.

He could see her whenever he felt like it, avoiding her when he chose to, punished her when she made him angry, and he even decided who she could talk to! And she? What could she do to him? She could do nothing!

**************************

Her days blurred into one. She wore pretty dresses and silly high heels everyday, only to spend her day at the library. She walked around the palace after breakfast and before dinner, changing to comfortable sneakers and wearing thick coats.

Her thoughts were only poured onto her notebook, which had also become her journal.

Rainier had promised he'd have sex with her again on Friday. Friday had passed, and he still didn't appear.

It's not that she wanted to do it with him again, but she wanted to talk to him about the separatists and the consultation with Duchess Samantha. She discovered that there were several separatists terrorist attack in the past five years, yet no one had died. She hadn't found anything in the library that could explain the attacks.

Only the newspapers helped her, but she really wanted to ask him that directly.

She also needed to talk with Duchess Samantha immediately.

She had also read about the past queens of Galsbourg. They all seemed to have duties and professions. None of them were locked in the palace like her.

She needed to do something and talked to someone. She needed a friend. She needed to talk to people.

Or perhaps she could go to Broadstower University and really study the kingdom's history.

She had to do something, goddammit! She couldn't just wait for him forever! She needed to have her own life as well!

***********************************************

On the sixth day, she reached her limit. She finished reading a novel about a mysterious criminal case at 11 P.M. It's clear that she wouldn't see Rainier again that day, and she had no way to communicate with him.

She wanted to see a goddamn psychiatrist, not go to a strip club! He damn well knew she needed it, and yet he avoided her because he didn't want to have the argument.

She decided she'd had enough. She wouldn't sleep until she talked to him.

Without thinking much, she wore a coat from the dressing room and a pair of flat shoes, then opened the doors.

The only good thing that he did that week was finally unlocking the bedroom doors. She could go outside whenever she felt like it, but that was it. That was the only form of freedom he was willing to give her.

Well, she's going to fight for this one.

Sally and Jeremy were shocked to see her open the doors. It was the first time she did it at that time of the night.

"Where's the king? I need to see him now."

"Ma'am, how about in the morning--"

"No!!! Now!!!"

Whatever the situation was, she had never yelled at them. Rainier said they were her people, and Gwen respected them.

But not that night.

"Bring me to him. He has avoided me enough!!!"

This display of emotions unnerved Sally, who bowed and answered, "Yes, Ma'am. This way."

She didn't know the way. She had never been to his office. The palace was massive. Without being helped by Sally, it would take ages for her to find his study.

Left, right, left, left, right, left, right, right. She tried to remember the way through many hallways, paintings, and chandeliers, yet she knew it would take her at least five times visiting the study to remember it.

At the end of the eighth hallway, she saw Jake and the rest of his guards.

He looked shocked to see her there.

"Are you going to stop me?" she challenged him.

He looked conflicted for a moment before bowing, "No, Your Majesty."

She thought he would. It surprised her that Jake gave way to her. And because no one barred her way, she pushed the door to his study open.

***********************

Rainier was reading a report from the Ministry of Education when he heard the door opened. He thought it was Jake who would remind him to stop working. To see Gwen standing there surpassed even his wildest imagination.

"What are you doing here? It's past 11 P.M."

"I could say the same thing to you."

"I'm working."

"Right. And I have no job. Oh, wait. That's because of you."

Her tone was filled with sarcasm, and he raised his eyebrows at that.

"Why are you here?"

"You damn well know why I'm here. I asked you for one thing, and you avoid me for a week! I'm good for you when you want to kiss me or fuck me, but I'm avoidable when I ask things you refuse to give!"

She had been walking to his desk. Under the lamplight, he could see that she was so furious. So much that she's willing to go all the way there to rant at him.

"What am I asking, Rainier? You took me from my world! You took everything from me! My father, my job, my friends, my world! You want me to do whatever you want. You lock me in this palace! You rob me of any means of communication. I asked to consult a psychiatrist for my own mental health, and you refused!!! And you don't even have the decency to tell that to me directly, you avoid me because you don't even bother!"

"The answer is no, Gwen."

She knew he'd say that, but it still hurt so much to hear it.

She wanted to break down and cry, yet she didn't come all the way there to merely accept defeat.

"Let's go. I'll walk with you back to your room."

He got up and took his suit, circled around the desk, and walked to her. When he nearly reached her, she asked, "What do I need to do to change your mind?"

"I'm not going to change my mind," he said with finality.

"I'd let you do it again if you let me consult with your cousin."

He turned to her, shocked beyond words at what she just said.

Gwen stood there, fisting her palms, her own nails hurting her palm. She knew it's wrong, but she was desperate. She needed to know about the separatists, and she had to talk with his cousin. Sex seemed to be the only weapon she had. It was shameless, but what else did he have to persuade him?

Rainier stood frozen, staring at her like he was struck by lightning.