Chapter 1 : From the frying pan, into an oil fire!

I awoke with a start, consciousness railing through me like the goddamn shinkansen.

Woah! I groaned.

Oh, that was a dream. Oh thank fuck that was a dr-

I froze mid thought as the surroundings finally met my notice.

An ink-void of nothingness. Nonexistence. In the face of it, my mind could barely register the fact that I existed. It went blank, ringing hollow like a dial tone.

I didn't know how long it took before the sheer terror and indescribable horror faded and my mind returned, but one thing was certain.

I'm dead. I'm DEAD.

Goddamn truck-kun! I looked left and right while crossing the street but when Isekai Corps' employee of the month comes for you, nothing's ever enough.

The bastard fell from the goddamn sky!

And it wasn't even a normal truck. Oh no no, that would have at least left a corpse. No, this motherfucker was an oil tanker. Blew my pancake of a corpse to kingdom come.

My parents won't even get ashes to disperse-

Oh. Oh no. My parents. 

Shit! Who'll take care of my parents? And my job. I had just finished my doctorate and secured a six figure job. High six figure. I was set for life.

No. This can't be happening…

Nononononononononononono- why me? Why- I-

Dammit truck-kun, why couldn't you just take some shitty NEET jerking it to loli m-preg hentai?!

Why me? I had the perfect life!

I felt myself shaking, fragmenting as the terror returned, whatever I was, I was breaking apart. It was dizzying, my entire being buzzing like tv static. Yes, that was the closest approximation to…..whatever I was.

No. Calm down calm downcalmdowncalm…

Fwooh! I exhaled painfully, my mind shaking like a washing machine on full blast, as a smattering of motes- of something, light maybe, billowed away. A small part of me lost forever, I recognized instinctively. More if I couldn't hold it.

No. Yeah. You can do it. I told myself.

Just don't think about it. Don't think about what's around you. Its fine. Its fine. Its...

FUCK!

Is this all there is? An eternity of this void, locked forever in a desperate struggle to keep myself together. Until I don't. Until I slip. And then poof. Gone forever. Never to exist again. Never to feel the cool summer breeze upon my face. Never to taste the cheesy deliciousness of pizza and a good chocolate thick-shake. Never to jack it to thicc big booty goth girls.

Oh the tragedy!

I felt my mood lighten with each word….thought, thing.

Ok. I can do this. There has to be some way out of this pickle, right? This can't be all there is. The afterlife has got to better than this this. And-oh, I was a devout Hindu, so I did believe- still do- in reincarnation. Yeah, there must be a way to reincarnate.

Like… like in those novels, in the void there exist entities. Maybe a god or two. Maybe I can bargain for something.

I mean yes, they're almost always horrid eldritch gods that fuck your shit up or twist you into some shoggoth monstrosity but even that is better than fading away into nothingness at this point.

Screw the Dark Forest theory! If I have to choose between dying in hiding or dying to something eldritch or worse, I think I'll take my chances with that something.

No sooner had I thought of it, did I find myself in a stark white, square grid room, pulsing ever so slightly with a purple energy, running between the square panels lining all dimensions of the space.

A wave of abject horror ran through me momentarily as I realized.

It was watching me. Probably from the start. Just waiting, watching. Whatever being it was that brought me here. This was too fast.

Was it waiting for me to calm down enough to reason with? Because why else would it wait? A being that can do this probably doesn't need my consent or anything.

Who knows, maybe this is like a standard reincarnation process. Is this heaven? Hell? Limbo maybe? Some sort of processing station between, in the afterlife.

Yeah. I was a good person. I volunteered in tuition programs for the underprivileged. I even donated my old clothes to charity. This must be my reward. Oh thank fuck.

Curiosity brimmed within me as I explored the space.

I wonder how this place works?

I knelt down and touched the paneling, feeling it with my now corporeal form, running my fingers along the edges, brushing against the pulsing purple energy.

Tingly~

I smiled.

Pushing my fingers into the gap between the panels I tried to see if there was some give, but the panels were locked in airtight. Probably for the best. Who knows what consequences messing with this place would bring.

I stood back up and looked around, spotting a lectern looking thing in the center of the room. I walked up to it to find one of those screens that show the layout maps in malls, only this one showed something else entirely. Something that dashed my high hopes of heaven as soon as I read the words.

Eigenweapon CYOA.

Being a gamer and terminally online weirdo, I knew exactly what that meant. All those nights wasted on the internet weren't for nothing.

How did I get two doctorates and have the time to play you ask?

Well, I blame JNU. The ridiculously generous monthly stipends they pay us doctoral candidates is borderline criminal. You can't blame me for milking that free government grant money for as long as I could, can you now?

Morally? Its dubious.

Ethically? Its wrong.

Personally? I love it!

Corruption you say? Nonsense. I call it good financial sense.

The government robs you daily, nothing wrong with robbing them right back, eh?

Maybe that's why I ended up here with an SCP CYOA in front of me.

Well, better than to fade away into nothingness.

Still, I'd be remiss to not try for a better deal. Just my Indian haggling instincts.

Prana jaye par bin bhaav kiye na laye.

"Hello. I would just like to say that I am extremely grateful to the esteemed being or beings who gave me this opportunity. Truly. And I do not mean to sound ungrateful, nor do I mean any insult by this, but….." I spoke out loud.

"I was just wondering if I could perhaps choose from another CYOA or maybe get three wishes or maybe choose another world or something....?" I trailed off, gauging for a reaction.

Silence.

"Please? Maybe we can make a bargain? Come to an agreement?" I proached again.

Nothing.

"Alright. Okay…um thanks for the opportunity, again. Appreciate it. Thank you."

I guess this is it.

And hey, its not so bad. I mean sure, SCP is a death world and this CYOA, in particular, IS set in a post-apocalyptic SCP world at that but I can always just find a way to escape. Having read through this CYOA before, I know the Wanderer's Library exists as a faction and that place has Ways, little multiversal wormholes, all across reality. So I can just survive till I find one and escape to another, safer reality. And look on the bright side. Maybe I can even find my way home with superpowers in tow. Now wouldn't that be awesome?

Yup, just gotta keep a positive outlook on life. I can make it. I've gotten this far, and the worst is behind me.

I pumped my fists.

Let's do this! 

I tapped the screen and began scrolling through the CYOA.

"The world ended in 2050…..demonic invasion…..blah blah…..okay, here's the good stuff." I skimmed the lore dump quickly and got to the important parts.

And I immediately noticed a problem. The Life choices and Factions were greyed out. I tapped the [Wanderer's Library] faction just to check…. And nope. Can't choose it.

Well there go my plans. But I didn't lose hope. I can always find another way there. No worries.

"What else is greyed out?" I wondered, scrolling further, "Oh no. Not this dammit.

Even the Projects, which were basically two choices out of six different projects that gave ten points worth of powers EACH, for FREE, were greyed out. They were such good powers too, [Supersoldier] body from Project Olympia, [Class 2 Reality Manipulation] from Project Zeus, even time manipulation from Temporal Artifice.

That's a whole twenty point loss right outta the gate. Damn, this is really setting up to be a Hard Mode run.

No matter. Lets see what options I CAN choose.

Immediately I saw the Eigenmaster section was greyed out too. Which makes sense, seeing as how you have to choose one of the Projects to have access to it. But then what is the point of giving me the Eigenweapon CYOA if I can't even choose the titular sentient kaiju superweapons?

I sighed.

"Whatever. Can't argue with the literal Word Of God. What else can I get…" I hummed, "Ah, finally, a section that isn't greyed out."

The Powers section. This is where the real juicy stuff lies.

Aaand there's rules here too. Aside from the 30 SCP points to buy powers, I saw another rule.

I can only get one power for each slot : Body, Offense, Defense, Mobility & Utility.

"Great more rules. Just what I needed." I rubbed my temples, "At least its not greyed out."

I scrolled down and began going through the powers. Here too I saw one power greyed out, when even reality manipulation was available. The most OP power in the CYOA.

[Probability Manipulation].

The instant Fuck You, I Win option.

Its game breaking, so given the trajectory of this CYOA till now, no wonder its greyed out.

"Am I here to entertain you?" I asked the being who was no doubt listening, "Is that why you gave me this opportunity?"

As expected, I got no answer.

Sheesh, dude. If you want me to pick a certain build just say so!

Very well. It doesn't matter, the other choices-

And instantly I saw three more choices get greyed out.

[Ultra Shields], a defense slot option worth five points that gave, along with a personal forcefield, a fully functioning Scranton Reality Anchor, the premier defense against the reality manipulating gods and monsters of SCP.

[Fission Ignition], a utility slot option worth 10 points that gave what was basically nuke lasers on line-of-sight basis.

And finally, [Antimemetics], which was only second to [Probability Manipulation], being a passive field of luck that kept you safe and out of sight, out of mind. In other words, literal Plot Armour.

"Me and my big mouth." I grumbled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by that." I added, hoping to entice some sympathy, but seeing as how nothing changed…

I better pick a build before any more choices go away.

Let's start with the body option, after all it is going to form the base of my build. Everything else I choose will build upon and complement it.

Frankly, the choice of the body comes down to one simple fact- survivability. Any body I choose has to ensure my survival wherever I end up in that apocalyptic world, and seeing as how I'm allowed to choose neither Faction nor Origin, it's not going to be anywhere pretty.

That means I can end up anywhere, be it in the desert, the bottom of the ocean or even in one of those demonic dimensions the CYOA mentions are invading.

So the baseline is that the body has to be strong, resistant and able to escape most places.

There were nine body slot options, three each for para-tech, magic and anomalous means.

The magic options were immediately out. I didn't want to be an [Elemental] and being a [Golem] wasn't much better than that. As for [Homunculus] body, it was a good option, just, it didn't offer enough benefits compared to other options. Peak human strength is good, as is poison immunity and double magic regen, but when you're up against SCP 682 or Shy Guy, that's not gonna save you.

Among the anomalous options, [Skinwalker] was just a shit-tier shapeshifter power with a once-a-month period of painful skin shedding. At that point why not just ask for period cramps as well?

As for [Material Master], it was a transformation power, so not only did it have an active requirement which meant anyone could pawn me when out of my transformed state with a well placed bullet, its strongest transformation only turned my body into titantium, which while strong, again offered few benefits.

The same went for the para-tech options. [Cyber Warrior]'s weakness to EMPs made it a no-go and [Cyborg] body had a top strength of one ton. Yup, you read that right, one ton, not one tonne.

That's 907 kg. For reference, the strongest human can lift over 2.5 tons, and that's not even peak human capability.

Weaksauce. Not buying that. Nope.

That left me with two options.

The first was the anomalous [Supersoldier] body, which had more benefits than God intended. Super strength, super speed, retractable claws, wall climbing, night vision, regeneration strong enough to regrow limbs, all-speak, bulletproof skin, photosynthesis, a supercomputer for a brain and if that wasn't enough, it was also nearly immune to all memetic hazards. And that last one is a BIG problem in the SCP world. Talk about OP, I'm popping a semi just thinking about how awesome this is.

But there are a few problems with it. For one, it still needs food and water or light to function so if I'm dropped into a dark underground cave system that's the end for me. Same if I'm dropped into the Mariana's Trench or one of the many dark dimension SCPs like the Infinite Stairwell. Not to mention space. I don't wanna go the Kars way.

It is also vulnerable to poison and disease, so I'll have to buy the [Skarkic Flesh] defense slot option to account for that, especially since I scrolled below and saw that in this world there's an anomalous disease spreading widely. That's one of the big missions in the CYOA's scenario. That's five extra points gone and my plans for the utility slot.

There's also the usual weaknesses to extreme heat and cold, which wouldn't usually be a concern except there's demons breathing hellfire and jotunn which are walking blizzards in-setting. That's where my utility slot was going to go. Because if you've ever read To Build A Fire, or watched that Jacob Geller video, you know the cold is not to be underestimate, and well, I don't have to say anything about fire. Its hot and deadly.

Survivability is the name-of-the-game here and I want only the best, since I'll be stuck with it for a long, long while.

The other viable choice comes from the para-tech section. A body that is completely analog, my soul being transferred into it. Tireless, without need for food, water, or air and made of beryllium bronze, a mystical metallic alloy stronger than titanium and lighter than steel. It can lift up to four tons, run faster than a speeding car and being completely metal, its immune to both poison and disease. And it has retractable swords in the arms. And bulletproof skin, to disguise as human.

The [Steam Machine]. Damn, that's a cool-ass name.

An analog automaton body. Sure, I won't be human anymore and yes, it doesn't have a supercomputer brain or night vision, or even immunity to memetics, but drop it anywhere and I will survive. Bottom of the ocean, deep dark cave, space, anywhere.

And of course, if my soul can be transferred into it, it an also be transferred out later into a better, fleshly form, should I choose so. I don't want to waste my literal second chance at life now, after all.

The only problem with this option is that it can freeze up in cold temperatures and if damaged by some unfortunate turn of events, it can't be repaired. Fixing that will cost a slot. As for which slot...it can only be the utility slot. But to buy or not to buy, that is the question. That and what.

The preeminent options being simple.

[Technopathy] was a good option, but the storage limit of 10 Tb was a big hangup, as was the fact that there were like three rogue AIs in-setting that would go straight for my head the moment they came into contact with me, being that I could in fact pose a threat to their existence. 

[Phantom Form] was also out. Phasing is a cool power but it requires practice and I cannot afford to waste a slot on something that is not practical in both the short and long term.

[Hawking's Light] and [Merlin's Mind] likewise are out. Genius level intellect and multiple doctorates worth of knowledge will only be useful if I stick the landing, and to survive the landing I need something useful in that slot. Besides, while not a genius, I am a quick learner and once I get to the Library, there will be no dearth of knowledge. At that point, it's just a matter of time and effort.

The magic utilities are out too.

[Alchemy] is limited in use seeing as it can't change one phase of matter to another. It can change lead to gold but not water to ice? Useless.

[Healing Magic] is unnecessary, whether I choose [Supersoldier] body or [Steam Machine]. With one I have regeneration, with the other, an automata body upon which healing magic will not work.

As for [Demonic Magic], well that's just common sense. One does not simply make a deal with the Devil and not live to regret it.

And [Arcane Battery]? Without [Merlin's Mind] or the [Sorcerer] Origin, having hella magic capacity is useless.

Still, I do need access to magic, so for that I will kill two birds with one stone, and choose [Way Opening] for the mobility slot.

Not only is it necessary for my plan to escape the world via the Library, the fine print also grants me access to magic via a simple loophole.

I quote "Along leylines, you can open Ways to anywhere in the world."

Meaning, by choosing this option, I gain the ability to tap into the leyline in the first place. And tapping into a leyline means having the ability to use magic.

One choice, two benefits.

Bingo!

As for the utility, it had to be used to cover the one weakness both body choices had.

Temperature control. That meant [Adaptive Systems]. In a word, "Nanomachines, Son". Not only do they vent heat and vibrate to ward off the cold, they also automatically harden upon impact, protecting the body, and in case of injury repair it. This was perfect for both body choices.

With that done, I was free to choose the offense slot option, and really, there's only one real option here.

[Reality Manipulation].

Because when you can choose rad psychic powers and the ability to bend reality over your knee and give it a good spanking, who the hell would choose a railgun or whatever other bullshit there was to get?

[Class 1 Reality Manipulation] was the easiest choice in this whole thing.

Telekinesis upto one ton and 50 mph, telepathy and mind control, the ability to imitate the effects of a small scale Scranton Reality Anchor by weakening or strengthening reality around you. Best five points I ever spent.

Which left only one choice- which body do I get.

Both cost ten points each, both require another five point utility slot in the form of [Adaptive Systems].

Man that's a tough choice now.

But as the legendary cougar connoisseur, old Benny J. Franklin once said, "When there's a tough choice, always make a pro-con list."

And that's exactly what I did.

[Supersoldier] body requires me to buy [Skarkic Flesh] for five points more, but it grants me night vision, faster thought and perfect memory.

On the other hand, choosing [Steam Machine] means I get five more points to spend on something else. Maybe upgrade to [Class 2 Reality Manipulation]. Or maybe….

There was an item selection down here but till now I hadn't considered buying anything from there. But now that I think of it, if I have five points to spare…..

I began going through the items offered and handily threw out a couple of them.

[GOC White Suit Mk2]? No thanks, I don't need any more armor after getting [Adaptive Systems].

[The Serpent's Fang] dagger is useful, but only once I get to either the Library or the Three Portlands pocket dimension.

[Orb Of EVE] is tempting but more magic won't matter so much until I get to safety and the side effect of holding it is not worth it in an emergency.

[The Everything Book] is great. A good choice overall but again, won't be worth shit till I'm in a safe place.

That leaves the [Voss Ring] for three points, which grants immunity to not just memetic but also cognito and info-hazards, at the cost of psionic vulnerability. But I have [Class 1 Reality Manipulation] so psychic defenses are not going to be a problem and it solves the drawback of the [Steam Machine] body not having memetic defenses.

As for the last item, that was also rather interesting. [The Broken God's Amulet] gets me all the benefits of [Technopathy] and none of the drawbacks. The ability to control all non-sapient machines I 'come across'. That wording implies that my control starts upon contact with the machine but lasts way past the 1 km limit of [Technopathy]. Now sure, I can't download data straight into my brain, but the piddling 10 Tb storage wasn't exactly doing me any favors with [Technopathy] anyway. For two points that's a steal!

Well then, that makes the choice easy. I have my build.

Body : [Steam Machine] – 10 points

Offense : [Class 1 Reality Manipulation] – 5 points

Defense : Nothing because [Reality Manipulation] and [Adaptive Systems] can pull double duty. Besides, if something manages to get past my tougher than titanium exoskeleton, I'm fucked either way.

Mobility : [Way Opening] – 5 points

Utility : [Adaptive Systems] – 5 points

Items : [Voss Ring] – 3 points & [The Broken God's Amulet] – 2 points

"Alright, I'm ready." I said taking a deep breath, "Lets go!"

I pushed the submit button at the end of the screen, and then with a plop, I vanished.

I don't remember much of what happened next, but the next thing I felt was a flash of blue, the familiar pull of gravity and the howling of the wind as I tore through the skies.

Wait what? Does that building say Stark Industries?! 

Is that a goddman sky beam?

What the fuuuuuu-