Hitting the Showers

"Applicant 10,008," said C.Q. Cumber as I exited the train, "This is a very significant moment. Not only will this be your last test, but you will also encounter your final Thang. Fitting of the occasion, your journey will end of with a bang. What I mean is that you will be using an Inkjet to take on the final guardian." My tentacles tingled with excitement; I had grown to enjoy the Inkjet quite a lot, so I was ecstatic to have my final mission involve the vehicle. The conductor continued, "As usual, you will be using a modified version of the Inkjet that allows for infinite use. As long as you keep a steady aim and adequate aerial mobility, you should be fine. With that…" he tipped his cap, "Have a safe flight." I gave a thumbs up in thanks before paying the entrance fee and exiting through the turnstile. "Okay, Basstian," said Marina as I fitted myself into the Inkjet on the other side of the station, "This is it. Are you ready to finish this?" I nodded, gripping my ink blaster confidently as I answered, "Absolutely. The surface is within my grasp!" With that, I activated streams of purple ink, using their propulsive properties to hover my way over to a circular arena in the distance.

I arrived to see the usual puddle of greenish ink sitting in the center of the platform. However, this time there was a black rubber duck floating in the sludge. Before I could wonder what such an item was doing in this location, the toy was sucked into the small lake, which crackled with electricity. The typical chanting started up as 4 Sanitized Octocopters used metal chains to carry a strange, large, white machine out of the greenish circle. Looking closer, I could see that it resembled a shower head like the ones in my military camp from my earlier life. Once the contraption had fully revealed itself, it let out a loud whistle, its vent-like "eyes" red with malice. "Hey," said Marina, "That's the Octo Shower! Though it is bigger than what I remember…I think I'll call it the Octo Shower Supreme." I floated in place, my arms slack in disbelief. "So," I said with amusement, "I first had to dismantle an oven…then an obese Octarian…followed by a cube…and now I must defeat a shower head?" Marina laughed, "Heh, I guess when you put it like that, it does sound pretty ridiculous." Cuttlefish added, "But you can't let your guard down! Don't you remember what happened every single time you did that?" The squid had a point. Still, I could not fully take this fight seriously. After all, I did have an Inkjet in my possession, did I not? I would not have to worry much.

The Octo Shower Supreme shook briefly, ejecting two torpedoes out of holes in its sides. As the small missiles flew towards me, the 4 flying Octarians shot ink at me through ejectors in their propeller hats. I easily shot down the small missiles and leaned to the right to avoid the spherical masses of ink headed in my direction. I then aimed towards an Octocopter on the right, taking it out in one shot. Upon me doing this, the Octo Shower retaliated with a barrage of torpedoes. While I was able to destroy most of them with some bullets from my blaster, but a few hit me, knocking me off balance. As I righted myself, Pearl said, "I hate to admit it, but I don't think just shooting them will work. You've gotta dodge!" As my opponent was moved away from me, I said, "Oh, yes, thank you, Pearl. I will keep that in mind." However, no response. I realized that Pearl still did not understand my first language. It was then that I decided to step out of my comfort zone. Why not take this time to practice my skills in speaking Inklish? "Thanking you, Pearl," I said in the squid language, "I am heading to memory you words." I groaned in embarrassment; I had certainly messed up some words. Thankfully, my message was still understood. Going back to important matters, the Octo Shower Supreme was up to something. One of the Octocopters had flipped a switch on the machine's side, and now the shower head was flying towards me. I prepared to shoot at the smaller Octarians, but was thrown off when the carriers spun the Octo Shower's body around rapidly. As this rotation occurred, greenish mist came out of the pores of the contraption, most of it covering me. The world around me began to spin and become hazy, and I started to drool unwillingly. Through my stuffed ears, I barely heard Marina say, "Oh no…Mist! Bas…now!" I looked down at the ground to see that I was floating. "Ha…" I said in woozy happiness, "I'm a seagull! Oh, how I love flying through the air. I could float all day…fly all day…soar all day…" I looked around me to see some dots coming my way. "Woah," I mumbled with a smile, "Are these treats coming my way? I can't wait to eat them…" As it turns out, instead of being satiated, I was shredded to bits by flying torpedoes.

"Ay," said Cuttlefish as I arrived back at the starting area, "That thingamajig must've got you with some potent chemicals. You were acting nuttier than my granddaughter after a bowl o' ice cream!" Marina added, "The Octo Shower Supreme must've been using some form of Toxic Mist. The effects are unlike anything I've ever seen, though; you were totally helpless! I wouldn't get too close if I were you." I put on a replacement Inkjet and flew back to the fighting area, responding, "Affirmative. I shall keep my distance." I repeated in Inklish, "Agreement. Me wall stuck my feet."

When I returned, the shower head again tried to approach me and perform its spinning technique. I knowingly flew backwards, firing some parting shots as I did so. While it was difficult to aim due to the motion of the small zombies, I was able to get 2 of them due to the exploding properties of my projectiles. Now, only one Sanitized Octocopter was left, which was visibly struggling to hold up it's superior. Likely out of desperation, the flying octopus attempted to use the Octo Shower as a flail, summoning what little strength it had to spin the head as the latter fired torpedoes. I quickly flew to the right to avoid the spinning object, ignoring the 4 homing weapons and focusing on the singular Octocopter. As I expected, the defeat of the supportive goon caused the Octo Shower to fall to the ground with a loud clang. A green-blue tentacle emerged from a hole in the robot's white shower cap, which I blasted with my cannon.

The large arm immediately retreated back into its hiding place, causing the Octo Shower Supreme to let out a shrill distress whistle. On cue, 8 Octocopters appeared, all of them wearing different, purple propeller hats. They all attached metal chains with suction cups at the end of them to the shower cap, lifting the Octo Shower back into the air. The cleaning tool looked at me and made an angry sound with its steam before sprouting two spindly, metal arms. It used these appendages to pull a…hand-crank-operated minigun out of its body? What did this have to do with showers? As I attempted to form a reason, the Octocopters positioned themselves so that the Octo Shower had its underside pointed towards me. Warm air then flowed out of holes in the machine's body, which felt relaxing for a cold-blooded individual such as myself. Unfortunately, the wind also caused me to lose some control of my Inkjet, and the Octo Shower was starting to fire at me. "Uh oh," said Marina, "That gust could be bad. Try and dodge the fire as much as you can!" As a barrage of ink flew towards me, I leaned forward as much as I could to offset the pushing force of the gale. All the while, I swerved back and forth and used upward propulsion to evade the minigun's bullets (Learning from my "incident", I discovered a way to do so without embarrassing myself). I did try to shoot as I was doing this, but my projectiles were thrown off course by the strong gust. Eventually, both the wind and the firing ceased, and I was able to pick off two of the 8 Octocopters. Greatly displeased with my actions, the rest of the henchmen carried the shower head into the distance. I watched as the Octo Shower used it's right hand to reach to its side and tap it. It then shook around violently and whistled loudly before expelling a large, never-ending amount of fluid from its bottom. To be honest, this was not much of a surprise to me. The shower was then carried quickly over to my location, prompting me to fly to the right. "Ha!" I gloated in Inklish, "Much then that will be needing to wash me! Do not being so apparent next—" As I was talking, the Octo Shower made a curving turn, drenching me in falling ink. Not even my 1st line of defense could prevent me from getting rinsed to death.

"Hey," said Pearl as I became revived, "I think I know what's going on here. This supreme thing is just going through its settings! So far, I counted mist with that loopy gas, massage with that Splatling and those missiles, and full-body with that move you just got splatted by. There was also that built-in dryer with that hot wind technique; not even my home has that! Not gonna lie, I'm feeling jealous." Feeling similar, I responded, "Yes, I be possess ditto event. Camp of Basstian only have single option: shower." Pearl paused before answering, "Riiight. Are you going to talking like that for the rest of the battle?" I entered another Inkjet and replied, "Your are wrongn't!" Marina laughed and Pearl groaned as I returned to the circular platform.

Following my arrival, the Octo Shower Supreme once again charged towards me while spewing ink. I dodged the 1st fly-in, this time looking behind me to ensure that I was not caught by a follow-up. After dodging the anticipated 2nd strike, I watched the shower head pull out its hand-crank weapon. Unlike the previous instance, there was no wind to accompany the firing of the small Splatling, so escaping the bullets was far easier. Feeling confident, I fired away mid-flight and eliminated the remaining 6 Octocopters, causing the Octo Shower to crash to the ground yet again. As I attacked the emerging tentacle, Marina cheered, "Sick moves, Basstian!" I laughed triumphantly, stating, "Agreement! I have belief that the Octo Shower be at the end of the path." As I was saying this, the machine cried out for assistance yet again, causing a fleet of 16 Octotroopers with black propeller hats to fly in. The small scourges carried the shower head into the air, causing the object to whistle louder than it ever did. It then threw away its minigun in favor of a weapon with a long nozzle. "Ayo," exclaimed Pearl, "That's a Stingray! I guess this is the jet setting, huh?" The Octo Shower shook its Stingray up and down violently, causing a green laser to come out of the long nozzle. Although I was amused by the primitive method by which the machine activated its firearm, the beam was no joke. "Listen up, Agent 8," said Cuttlefish, "I have a plan; lead that laser in a circle around you. Think of it like playing ring around the rosie!" Despite the fact that I did not know of any ringing around rosies, I opted to take the squid's advice. Following a trick that I previously learned, I descended to the ground by temporarily going into my swim form before rising back up into the air. By doing this, I was able to evade the beam of destruction by traveling in a circular path. Soon, the Stingray deactivated, and I took the opportunity to snipe 4 of the 16 Octocopters. The other 12 Octarians began flying around in a circle, and I flew away just in time to avoid the resulting mist that emanated from the Octo Shower. However, with the combined effort of the Octocopters, the shower head was pulled towards me at a moderate pace. Preferring to keep my sanity intact, I leaned backwards to avoid contact with the harmful gas. Intuitively, I used the recoil from my cannon to increase my acceleration. Once the machine stopped spinning, it ejected a volley of missiles, all locked onto me. I handily dismantled these as well as 4 more Octocopters.

I smiled proudly as the shower head was carried away. "Observe," I said, "The Octo Shower are fearing my power!" Of course, my foe was simply preparing for a charge attack, but I liked to humor myself. As predicted, the Octo Shower approached me, spouting a deluge of fluid. There was a difference in its movement, however; it was making sharp turns in a zigzag pattern. Although this aspect disturbed me a fair amount, I was sure in my abilities as an Inkjet wielder. So, I analyzed the traversal of the Octo Shower, taking my chance to fly forward when an opening presented itself. I then turned around and fired from my cannon, disappointingly only taking out a single Octarian. Fortunately, I had a second chance when the shower head turned around for a second attempt, this time traveling in a straight line. Even with the simplified flight pattern, I merely shot down one Octocopter after flying out of the way of the rush maneuver. I expected to see my enemy transition into another phase of assault, but I was pleasantly surprised when it simply came back for yet another fly-in. "Oh," I said after dodging, "You have the desire to play, yes? Allow us to started, then!" So, the Octo Shower Supreme and I engaged in a cycle of flying, dodging, and shooting. While it was a bit tedious, I managed to destroy one Octocopter at a time until there were none left. The Octo Shower, with no allies left, crashed to the ground for the final time, causing the tentacle to emerge in distress. A devious smile crossed my face; I knew exactly how I desired to finish this off. "Every of you," I said while hovering over to the fat limb, "Look towards I!" I positioned my thrusters so that my purple exhaust rained all over the putrid tentacle. A fitting end for one who attempted to do the same to me. After taking enough damage, the engorged arm finally burst, spewing purple fluid onto the floor. As a last-ditch-effort, the Octo Shower Supreme emitted one final, pitiful whistle, hoping that it could be saved. However, the only salvation it got was a swift death by explosion.

"Congratulations," said C.Q. Cumber after the ink cleared, "You have now cleared every test that we have to offer. If I may, I would like to celebrate. Please hold." A short, 4-note fanfare played followed by a robotic voice stating, "You did it." The conductor cleared his throat, continuing, "That will be all. Anyhow, enjoy your prize." I smiled and hopped out of my Inkjet. Coming from C.Q. Cumber, his gesture was generous. As I walked towards the Thang, which was shaped like a black trapezoid, Marina said, "Hold on, don't you want to commemorate this moment? Why not take a picture of yourself with your CQ-80 device?" I pulled out my technology and looked closer at it, seeing that there was indeed a small lens on the back. Deciding to humor my friend, I positioned the lens so that it could capture both me and the Thang before I pressed down on the joystick, figuring that it would cause a picture to be taken. On the bright side, I was correct. On the other hand, the flash that emanated shined directly into my eyes, causing me to make a face. Judging by the reactions of my friends, I must have not looked very distinguished in that moment. Unfortunately, I had no idea how to delete the photo, so I simply sulked until a drone came to pick up both me and my reward.