To the Promised Land!

"Cowabunga!" exclaimed the telephone when I returned to it, "You've done it! Every Thang is here, including this foundational one! Way to be the octopus, my man." I looked at all 4 of the objects, which were laid out in a circle, and asked, "Now that I fulfilled your requirements, what must I do?" The communication device answered, "It's simple, dude! Just lemme build a radical ride with these parts and we can skedaddle on over to the promised land. But, before that…" The telephone's voice took a slightly serious tone, "I have just one more question to ask you: are you ready to go?" Although I was eager to depart, I knew that there was one more thing I had to tend to. "Actually," I replied, "I do have but one more matter to tend to. Excuse me for a moment. I pulled out the mem cake, which was shaped like a large Splat Roller, and looked at it with awe. This was my final memory. After eating the pastry, I would finally reclaim my past. I breathed a sigh of happiness, knowing that my endless dedication had led to this wonderful moment. Desiring to enjoy the event to its fullest, I stuffed the entire sweet directly into my mouth, chewing slowly so that I could experience the flavor thoroughly. After ingesting the food, I sat down on the floor and prepared to revisit old times.

I stood in a pit between rocks in Mount Nantai, my Octobrush firmly in hand. Staring me down was a yellow-tentacled, dark-skinned Inkling that was wielding a bulky Splat Roller. I was facing the number one enemy Looking at the weapon, I felt somewhat discouraged; us Octolings never had access to such a tool. All of our Roller-type weapons were painfully standard. However, I refused to let up; I was confident in my Octobrush, and I was not about to allow an Inkling to change my thoughts. This was my opportunity to prove my mettle, and I was not going to discard it. "Puny squid," I said while pointing at my foe, "The power of your weapon is of no use in this situation. Using my superior intellect, I shall destroy you!" Unfortunately, my boasting efforts were all for naught; the Inkling either did not speak my language or was too stupid to reply. Personally, I believed the latter. "Anyhow," I said while preparing my weapon, "Let us duel!" We both charged forward, clashing our weapons together and flinging ink at each other as we engaged in close combat. Admittedly, I did feel outmatched in terms of brute strength, but I possessed the advantage in speed. After many swings, slaps, and dodges, both of us became thoroughly tired. That all changed when an elderly squid came out of a crevice with a boom box that played uplifting, energetic music. I could not explain why, but I felt as if my very soul was given new life, and I was ready for battle once again. Evidently, Agent 3 was also energized, which was all the better for me. We resumed the fight, coming at each other with all we had. Without no fear of getting struck by the other, the two of us moved around the arena in a high-effort struggle, neither of us stopping to take even the smallest of breaks. I found myself moving my Octobrush to the beat, using the rhythm to smack my way into a favorable position. "Ha-ha!" I laughed while standing over the Inkling, my bristles held against his face, "Your clock has run out, pitiful squid. Prepare to fall by the hands of me, Basstian Brine!" I wound up my Octobrush, preparing to deliver the finishing blow before Agent 3's hair began to glow brightly. He then punched the floor as hard as he could, causing a shockwave of yellow ink to emanate from the impact point. Fortunately, my Octo Armor 1st line of defense protected me from getting splatted instantly, but a more serious event had occurred: the ground started to collapse! I looked at the reckless Inkling with accusing eyes, stating, "You idiot! Do you realize what you have—" Agent 3, the elderly squid and I fell down hundreds of feet into the revealed abyss, all of us crying out in distress. In the dark hole, a foreign object struck me directly on my head, and the vision came to its conclusion.

I returned to reality in a cold sweat, my brain buzzed in confused excitement, thoughts bouncing around in my head like frantic flies. What did I just experience? Why was I fighting Agent 3? What were those two Inklings even doing there? And why did that song motivate me so much? While I was struggling to digest the vast amount of information I was given, Cuttlefish exited the train and looked at me on the floor. "Ahoy, bucko," he said, "What's the matter with you?" I looked up at him and shakily answered, "I do not know. I recently remembered a scene from my past. I was battling Agent 3, with me using an Octobrush and him using a large Splat Roller. We were fighting each other normally until…" I widened my eyes in realization. Looking over at Cuttlefish, I continued, "Until you came out with a noise-making device!" My expression of realization turned to one of anger. "Hold on," I said while glaring at the elderly individual, "You were trying to kill me! That song you put on, it was meant to motivate your cohort, Agent 3!" I got up and paced around, my mind muddled with thoughts. "Hey," said Cuttlefish, "I thought I already told you about that! Don't you remember back when we first met at the beginning of the station?" I looked back at him and responded, "In that moment, I was simply going along with what you were saying, as I was still not fully aware of my surroundings or sense of self." I stopped in place and pointed at Cuttlefish, continuing, "Furthermore, that order to attack was not normal. I observed how that music affected Agent 3; you clearly had the intent of having me obliterated!" Cuttlefish waved his cane at me and responded, "I said that I was sorry, didn't I? Besides, by the looks of it, you were enjoying the song!" I clenched my fist in anger, replying, "That point is irrelevant. If it weren't for your wretched music, we would not be in this predicament!" I heard a chime from my CQ-80 device as I ranted, "You could have simply left us alone to settle our matters, but you simply could not resist providing your support. Because of your actions, that…that…FOOL had the nerve to break the entire floor!" Cuttlefish retorted, "I didn't know that Agent 3 would do that!" I returned, "Well, it says a lot about the intelligence of your species if you cannot even control your own subordinate. I should have killed you both when I had the chance. Cuttlefish, greatly offended by my statement, slammed his cane on the ground and stated, "I can't believe you would say that! What happened to our truce?" I crossed my arms and answered, "Consider that truce abolished." In response, Cuttlefish gripped his walking stick tighter and said, "Y'know, I really thought that the Calamari Inkantation had purified you, but it seems like I was wrong. You are still the same damn zhang you've been your entire life."

I widened my eyes in complete shock. "Zhang" was a taboo word in my culture, as it was a derogatory word used to refer to my species. For Cuttlefish to use it was an offense to the highest degree. I stared at the Inkling, my mouth wanting to form words, but I was unable to generate any. As I stood there stupefied, the telephone said, "Uhh, you good, bro? " I looked at the machine, then towards Cuttlefish, and back at the phone with a dark face. "Telephone," I said, "Just bring me to the promised land, please. I have had enough of this horrid place." The communication device paused a second before answering, "Fine with me! Let me get all this mashed together so we can get our groove on." I watched as the robot started crackling with electricity, making a loud noise as it levitated all of the Thangs into the air. It fitted its head through the hole in the sealing Thang, lifting itself up in the process. While the machine was in the air, it assembled the foundational, surrounding and precision Thangs in that order so that it and the sealing Thang rested on top. "Righteous!" exclaimed the AI, "We're all set! Step right on in gentlemen and…gentlemen!" I marched my way through a flap in the foundational Thang as cheerful music began to play. To my displeasure, Cuttlefish walked in after me; I moved myself as far to the right as possible in response, although the surrounding Thang provided little room to do so.

Refusing to make eye contact with the old fool, I instead thought about my plans following my escape. Firstly, I would make my way back to Octo Valley as soon as possible. I suspected that my squadron was wondering where I was after all this time. Returning to a normal life would surely be welcome in these trying times. Secondly, I—hold on…for some reason, Cuttlefish was screaming. I glared at him and said, "Will you be quiet, you ink sac? I am trying to—" It was then that I heard a whirring noise above me. I looked in that direction and gasped as I realized what the racket was about; the precision Thang was spinning down towards us! In my foul mood, I had failed to notice a crucial fact about this supposed vehicle of salvation. The foundational Thang with all of its buttons, the surrounding Thang with its clearness and handle, the precision Thang with its sharp blades, and the sealing Thang acting as a cover, all of these were components of a certain appliance: a blender. In fact, my mother had a smaller model of her own that she used to feed Jereef when he was young. However, instead of scallops and crab meat being the ingredients, we were the ones to be diced to pieces! I joined Cuttlefish in banging against the glass as Marina said, "Crap. I knew this whole thing was sketchy! Hold tight, I'm going to see if I can hack this thing…" A pause. "Dang it!" she exclaimed, "I can't break through!" I looked up to see that the blades were growing ever closer, eliciting a vulgar shout from Pearl. "Ohh, noo," said Marina in a worried tone, "You guys are going to get blended up! …That's it, I have no other option; I'm sending out a distress signal! Someone, anyone, come and help us!" A loud beeping noise came from my CQ-80 device as the precision Thang looked inches above Cuttlefish and I. When it seemed like all hope was lost, a suddenly heard a crash come from the ceiling. Flying in at an incredible speed was none other than Agent 3. He immediately punched the telephone with all of his might, shattering the surrounding Thang in the process. Cuttlefish and I were launched away, tumbling on the ground along with some debris. By some miracle, we were saved.

I walked over to Agent 3, who was lying on the ground unconscious. I shook my head in ridicule, saying, "Well, well, well. Look who we have here. Your recklessness has proved to be your downfall yet again. Cuttlefish whacked me on the head with his stick, saying, "Shut yer trap, octo! Can't you at least be grateful for what Agent 3 did?" I rubbed my head and looked at the motionless Inkling with contempt, answering, "I would rather have been made into a fine pace than be rescued by this sorry waste of life." As Cuttlefish and I stared each other down with contempt, Marina shouted, "Can you guys shut up for one second?!" Her outburst indeed silenced us both. "Okay," said Marina in a calmer tone, "As you can see, the way to the promised land, aka the surface, was a fraud. But I don't want all of this to be for nothing. Does anyone know another way for Basstian and Craig to get where they need to be?" Pearl spoke up and stated, "Ooh, ooh, how about they escape through that hole Agent 3 made?" I looked towards the mentioned spot. To be honest, that plan did not sound too bad. "In fact," I said to myself, "With Agent 3's weight, he must have created many holes on the way down." Marina then stated, "Great idea, Pearl. Basstian and Craig, do you agree?" Cuttlefish shook his head and answered, "I'm afraid not. I want to stay behind and watch over Agent 3 for a bit. We'll catch up later." Marina replied, "Alright, fair enough. Basstian, are you ready to go?" Before she could finish her sentence, I was already Super Jumping up through the gap, desperate to put as much distance between myself and the squids as possible.