The ocean

REX

He feels lost. Like a raindrop in the ocean. Ocean engulfs its existence once they collide. Rex doesn't like the ocean, ironic because he grew up there, all his life. He doesn't like how ocean seems to have it all. He doesn't. He feels small whenever he stands in front of those big waves.

He likes mountains and snow better.

Sigh!

Clutching the CV in the calloused palm he walks out of the glass door. Rejected. Again. And again.

"It's okay!" Manager Lee pats his back.

"Hmm.." he tries to put on a smile but it turns out sad.

All the way back to that one crammed mess room he reflects on his life. Where did it all go wrong?

Actually no, everything was always wrong as far as he can remember. It was wrong that his father met with a car accident when he was 5, it was wrong that his mother had to do all the work in the house and the small sea food shop they owned while his father sat on a wheelchair whole day. It was wrong that his mother cried every night after tucking her husband to sleep. And it was so wrong that she remarried within 3 months after that man died from infection, Rex was only 9 then.

The only right thing was a guitar that a tourist left at their shop, by mistake. Rex took it. He was 7, he liked how the strings felt under his fingers. He liked how everybody praised him at school when he first performed in school's annual function. By the age of 14, he knew what he wants to do in life, he was so sure of it, it just felt right.

Music, his only escape from everything wrong in his life. When his step father would come home drunk and beat him up for being nothing but a space occupying nuisance. A failure, like his disable father. His mom would fight with his step father every day for money. She'd protect her new daughter from that man's wrath, but not him. Because he's old enough to save himself.

When everything became too much, he'd run away to the ocean with his guitar.

So one day, when a man in black suit approached him saying he'd make him a star if he joins his company, Rex agreed. Because honestly what else could go wrong? He'd be given a place to stay and two meals a day. He couldn't ask for more.

It was too alluring. The hope of a happy future. He fell for it. Afterall he was only 17.

Rest is not very surprising. He went to Seoul and signed as an idol trainee in that company. There were a lot more pathetic nuts like him. They stayed in dorms with low ceiling and smelling like rat fleas. They practiced days and nights, like dogs. He worked part time in several places because apparently their company didn't have enough money to feed 30+ teenagers with lion's appetite. This went for an year. Then one day they selected a few of them and said they would debut soon. Rex was one of them.

"Hang in there a bit more... we're almost there!" He told himself. He'd be happy.

But it never happened. What happened was their company disappeared overnight. That man, who claimed to be the CEO, eloped with everything.

Everything, including his dreams. Rex had been stupid enough to let himself dream. Dazzling lights of Seoul must have possessed his brain. He should've known people like them do not get to dream. He laughs at his audacity to this day.

Suddenly he had no place to go. He left that shitty place he called home for 17 years. And he knew he's not going back there. He was 18, with a pitch black screen for future.

He was left with nothing but his guitar and his torn out diary of lyrics, written over the years. Whenever he couldn't contain overwhelming emotions that threatened to overpower his whole being he'd sit down and write it out. They'd form such good melodies, coming raw from a wretched soul. He didn't even have to put effort, they'd just come out spontaneously.

At night he'd sing at a bar. Music kept him alive. At day he did other part time jobs, sometimes restaurant, sometimes delivery, he did everything he could.

He didn't give up on his dreams immediately though. He was 18 with blood boiling with vigour in his arteries. There must be some place for him to belong, right? Seoul is such a big city. He tried auditioning for several companies. But apparently there's no opportunity for a poor homeless 18 years old guy.

Sometimes he'd meet with the other trainees. Almost everyone had moved on in life. Maybe he's the only one left behind....not that he has much of choice.

One day after being fired from his most recent part-time job, he was sitting by the street reflecting on life when a man in his early forties approached him. Lee soo hyuk, their manager in the old company.

****

Two years later.

"There's an audition for 'rising star' ,they say there's no age limit ! Wanna give it a try?" Lee hyung says fidgeting with his fingers.

"It's okay hyung, you can stop trying now!" He says brewing coffee for the customer.

"An iced americano please." One more comes up.

"Sure!" He flashes a business smile.

"Omg! He's so handsome!" He hears the girl in front of the counter whisper to her friend. They both start giggling, with occasional shy glances at him. He's used to this kind of attention.

Whenever this happens something stiffens inside him. 'Is that all they can see? Would they still look at me the same way if they knew how pathetic I am?' But he plays along, because it brings food to the table.

"It's not getting anywhere...." he continues to Mr. Lee.

"This is the last one! I promise...give it a try, okay?"

"Ok hyung!" He sighs.

Nowadays he manages this small cafe with Lee hyung. He still sings at the bar. He does have some fans there... drunk people who'd praise his singing, they'd give him tips occasionally. But that's all.

Hyung still tries to find opportunities for him, but honestly he's given up. He's too old to start afresh. Idols these days debut at as early as 14-15 years. He'd be 21 in a few months. He has just accepted his fate.

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