Real Life

"Remember when you said that you were looking for a boyfriend?"

"Yea?"

"Well, I have something to tell you. I think we got to know each other well in the last month and when Zheng Ren didn't treat you well, it made me sad. That's why I wanted to support you."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Well... I think that I can treat you better and make you happier. Tina, I like you. For a long time, I liked you."

"Ahh, Phillip-"

"So, when you said you were looking for a boyfriend, I was thinking we could be together."

"..."

"Hieu asked me out yesterday, I'm sorry. You should have told me sooner." She said bluntly, shifting the blame to him.

"What?"

Phillip froze. He didn't think that Hieu would ask her out all of a sudden. He must have liked her too. He jumped in when he saw an opportunity.

"But I didn't know you would date him without asking me. You could have asked me. Why didn't you talk-"

"Because he told me he liked me and I had a feeling for him too, so I said yes. You didn't say anything."

"I didn't think you would date someone that quick and I was preparing for you. I have to spend a day to think about it because it was a serious thing. It's only been a day, tell him that you changed your mind."

Phillip thought that Tina liked him too and dated Hieu because he hadn't given her any indication that he wanted to be her boyfriend. Since they spent a month chatting at school in the morning, lunchtime, outside the school and message each other on Line at night, he figured that they were tight.

"No, I can't. He asked me first and I already said yes."

"What? But I love you, Tina. I love you so much."

His speech slurred and he started to cry on the phone.

"Phillip? Are you crying?"

"Yes, because I can't believe that I could have been with you. But I was TOO late." He sobbed.

"Don't cry. Phillip, you are a big man. A man doesn't cry. Ok?" She said in a firm voice, almost sounding cold.

"Yes. You're right. I am a man. I'm not crying."

"So, don't cry okay? You have to be a strong man."

"Yea, I'm not crying at all." He said suppressing the cries in his voice.

"Good."

"..."

"Okay, well I'll talk to you another time. Goodbye." Phillip said trying to end the conversation.

"Okay..."

After hanging up on the phone, he cried on his bed silently.

"I love you... God... why?"

The next couple of days, he watched her joyfully kissed Hieu on the lips while their friends celebrated around them during lunch break. They chatted on Line but it was lacklustre. They drifted away and Phillip couldn't bear watching her live a joyous life with another person.

Tina's relationship lasted for a couple of months. Phillip thought that she would come to him this time yet she dated Yaya, whose facial features made it difficult to guess what ethnicity he was from. He didn't have an Asian or Caucasian look; he wasn't black or Indian either.

In year 12, Phillip's reputation had improved. It was still a negative number but people didn't bother him as much as before. This came from the respect that they had for his high academic performance and one time he showed off doing 100 push-ups in one set. The bullies didn't bother with him as much anymore.

His best friend, Akifumi, was friends with Zheng Ren and Yaya. Tina's two ex-boyfriends had become close. Originally Zheng Ren intimidated Yaya as he was jealous.

"So, have you f***ed her yet? Was it good?" Zheng Ren said antagonistically at odds with his smile.

Yaya was silent. Tina had just left the room. Phillip watched, eager to clutch at any straws he could for blackmail. Despite this event, the two boys became good friends.

Akifumi asked Phillip to keep a secret since he found something dirty. Akifumi told him that Yaya and Zheng Ren had sex with a group of girls in a room. Phillip was shocked. He doubted the validity but Akifumi was sure that Zheng Ren was telling the truth.

Three girls were all of Yaya's friends. Yaya had a threesome on a bed opposite to another bed that had Zheng Ren and the third girl. Also, Yaya contracted HIV presumably from one of those girls.

Phillip wanted to tell Tina that her bf had an STI but Akifumi begged him not to tell because then he will be in trouble. Since he wasn't supposed to tell that secret to anyone.

Phillip was still resolved to do the right thing but the fact that Tina dated guys other than him made him reluctant. Why should he sacrifice his friends to do right for someone who didn't care about him? He had put it off. Eventually, Tina and Phillip didn't talk anymore and she had long broken up with Yaya.

A year or so later, her friends had hooked her up with Phan. They got along really well in less than a year. He wanted to marry her as his visa was about to expire and Tina had already received her citizenship in high school.

She was reluctant but he said that if she wasn't ready, he could marry someone else so he could be with her. It was the love that matters. This convinced her to marry him but also because she found out she was pregnant.

Initially, she wanted to do an abortion but Phan said "Don't do that, we shouldn't kill the baby. It's alive."

After the marriage, they had moved in with Tina's mother. Every day was hell because her mother was, to put in simple words, a bitch. She was like a drill instructor in a world where there weren't any pads or tampons. She would order them to do every clean and every chore perfectly. Everything had to be done precisely as she ordered no matter how mundane.

They were her unpaid errand runners. Being so poor, they had no choice but to listen. That would have been bearable but Phan seemed to have changed personality. He was always focused on his work and would never help her with the baby.

Tina wanted to move out but he objected because it would save more money staying in the house. She said "But we're not happy. What's the point if we can't be happy?"