Superb Service

On a clear sunny day the sun was hanging high in the sky casting its rays right on a drunkard pirates face. That pirate flailed his arms around and covered his face as he tried to get rid of whatever was disturbing his nap to no avail. The sun surrounded him on all sides it was like relentless landlord who demanded their money. There was no escape he could only give in and face the beast head on.

Over time the pirate began to sober up and move around a bit more. He was a bit peeved that the sun woke him up from his nap because he was having one of the best dreams ever. In his dream he was making love to a goddess. The mere thought of their passionate kiss lit up a firey passion inside him enlarging his loins. That pirate felt like he was never going to have such an amazing dream again or fund such an amazing lover in this world but he did.

As that pirate was reminiscing about his dream he felt something thing soft next to his hand. One look over and his dream became clear. It wasn't a goddess that he was dreaming about but some fucking mangy mutt. That pirate clear on what really happened wanted to vomit in disgust because the troubling truth made him realize that he could still taste the dog slobber in his mouth.

That pirate stumbled out of the ally way in disgust leaving his once in a lifetime lover all alone as he conducted the walk of shame. He tried cleaning himself off by brushing the dirt off his back but could do nothing about the lingering smell of ally way piss on him. That smell wasn't to troubling for him since he was a pirate. Pirates were never know for smelling good anyway. What troubled that pirate was the smell of dog on him. That pirate wanted to get rid of the dog smell as fast as possible but his attention was more focused on his missing tools.

"What the hell's going on where is my gun and my sword is it with that damn dog?".

The pirate was frantically trying to remember where his weapon where that's when he recalled what happened last night.

"Dagnabbit I knew we should have quite when we won the whole pot but Chester just had to convince me to double down. Now I ain't got nothing besides the clothes on my back and these dang dirty boots. Wait a sec ... MY BOOTS!".

That pirate was excited because he remembered that he always keeps an emergency stash of cash inside his boots ever since his brother started taking his money. A few seconds later that pirate was kissing a large stack of cash that stank like his foot. He was happy that he wasn't completely broke but also sad that he was gonna have to part with his hard earned money soon.

It was half an hour later before that pirate found a shop that caught his eye. The exterior looked like any other shop around but though the large glass display windows that pirate saw many things that made him intrigued. There where a bunch of exotic weapon that he had never seen before. They filled the inside of the shop all over it was like he was at a strip club. There was eye candy everywhere he looked but he knew that he couldn't possibility touch or afford anything in there. Well that was until that pirate looked at the prices displayed in the window.

"What!? This has to be wrong all these fancy weapons are only 20% above the usual market price. Somethings definitely wrong here it can't be true".

While that pirate didn't believe what he saw he still went in because even if it was fake all he would lose is a bit of his time. Once that pirate stepped into the shop he felt very underdressed to buy anything from the store. All the decorations were fancy, the weapons looked exquisite, the glass cabinets were well made, even the owner was dressed up nicely in a tightly fit tuxedo with white gloves on his hands.

"Welcome to Guns R' Us. My name is Ulrick Von Yeager the owner of this establishment and you are my first customer. This is truly a joyous event worthy of becoming a holiday but I digress. Please mister tell me how might I be of service".

The pirate was weirded out by the fact such a fancy shop was in an area like this it made no sence to him but he still went along with it.

"The name Rob and you can help by telling me what's going on with this shop of yours". Rob spoke in an unrefined tone to Ulrick but Ulrick didn't care he just wanted the name of his shop and his talents to enter the ear of Alexander Simoni by any means.

Ulrick fully willing to satisfy his customers needs said, "this shop sells only custom made weaponry all of which has been forged and designed by myself. You will not find any of that dollar store garbage you typically find peddled to you on the street. Guns R' Us prides itself on quality over quantity but for the right price i'm fully sure that we can meet any demand that is requested of us if you catch my drift.

Rob gave Ulrick a knowing smile easily figuring out that not everything in the shop is up to code and surprised that someone like Ulrick was willing to work with known criminals without fear of repercussion.

"Oh, my. I'm starting to like you already. Alright i'll bite now tell me what would you recommend for someone like me".

Ulrick gave Rob a gentle smile then he took out a gun and gave his recommendation, "From the looks of you I believe that your a pirate so I bet you tend to see your fair share of battle and require a weapon for such rough and consistent use. That's why for you I'd recommend the M18. It is a semi automatic pistol with 17 rounds per mag of which I can upgrade to 21 if I extend it a bit. It is extremely accurate and durable enough to withstand even the roughest conditions.

For close range i'd suggest that you use a Ka-bar series combat knife. They work well in combat and in times of need you can use it as a crate opener wire cutter. As for a close range weapon with a bit more reach lets just stick with the classics and use a standard one handed cutlass. Now if your looking for something with a bit more fire power then I have more then enough options to suit your fancy all over my shop".

Rob looked at everything that Ulrick laid out in front of him and tested them out. Rob had never used such a strange looking gun before but after Ulrick showed him how he quickly realized how easy it was to use. The guns design fixed many of the problems weapons like what he used before had. Even the sword was well balanced and felt as sharp as a razor in his hand.

After Rob finished inspecting everything he said to Ulrick, "I'm not entirely sure that I can buy this. The sword sure I have enough knowledge to know a quality blade when I see one but your guns are to strange for me to risk my money on. Even your ammo is different from anything I've seen before. Meaning that I can only resupply from you if I do buy it".

Ulrick contemplated the pirates words for a second before he replied, "that's understandable you don't wish to risk your money on an untested product and since I don't have a shooting range out back there's no way for me to alleviate that feeling. So, how about me and you make a deal. I'll give to you all the weapons I recommend to you for free including that fancy katana on the wall over there. But in exchange I want you to advertise my shop to everyone you meet. Be it to your friends at the bar or the whores at the strip club just brag about all the amazing equipment you got from me for dirt cheap. I've heard that you pirates have big mouths so this should be easy for you right".

Rob looked over at the fancy sword Ulrick was pointing at. The black blade hung on the wall taunt him as it's sharp edge shimmered in the light. Rob gulped in a mouthful of saliva as he quickly replied to Ulrick.

"You had me at free I can talk louder than anyone else on this island you can bet on that".

Ulrick coud tell that the pirate didn't give a damn about advertising his shop he just wanted free stuff. But Ulrick didn't mind if he didn't because he has a good guess a typical pirate captain wouldn't be a fan of one of their underlings having better gear then them. So, he will probably start some shit and then Ulrick have a pirate captain paying him a visit. Ulrick honestly didn't care what happened the louder around his shop the better for him.

After a while the shop was empty and a very happy pirate was laughing as he walk up the street. Ulrick alone in his shop slapped his head when he just realized something important.

"Why didn't I distribute any flyers around town. Shit i'm gonna have to do that tomorrow. Maybe I can get some of the homeless kids to do it I'm pretty sure child labor is legal here and technically i'd be doing them a service since who else would hire them?".

Unwilling to find a solution to these questions now Ulrick continued to run his shop for the day.