Nightmares

After spending the night in the embrace of my new wife we both went to sleep….

As I dreamed for the first time in what seems like forever I remembered why I don't sleep like everyone else…

"Please…. No more….." I say starved and hungry nothing but a pile of skin and bones that's being brutally whipped by my captors.

"SLAVES DON'T TALK BACK!!!" The shadowy mass of a person says in a voice that is hard to describe weather it's a woman or a man talking as it whips me more while forcing me to carry heavy stones from one place to another making it into a pile.

I'm not alone as there are other shadowy masses of people that also carry boulders to one spot alongside us.

But eventually even with all of the whipping and pain we all felt we got them all in place like our masters wanted.

"Hmmm…. Actually I think we need them over there instead, so get to it you worthless mongrels!!!" One of our masters says again.

But hearing this some of us collapse to tired to go on, "Oh, it seems like some of you slaves don't feel like listening! I guess will just have to make an example out of you lot!"

He then goes at a few of them and then lastly points at me, seeing this I'm shocked and terrified but before I could even run to far a noose is wrapped around my neck as I'm dragged off into the torture chamber.

I try and thrash and get away but it's no use as I am chained up to a wall with my hands and feet bound to a stone cold wall with my mouth gaged so no one could hear my screams.

But they didn't torture me, no they did something much, much worse as they let me watch the one thing I hate more than anything being seen in front of my eyes, the painful death of my father, the constant rape of my mother and the eventual suicide of her as well.

But I didn't see this just once no I saw this on a loop, over and over again and then I saw my crew beaten and mangled up, and my women…

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH I WILL NOT LET YOU HURT THEM!!! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU FUCKING BASTARDS UNTIL THERES NONE OF YOU LEFT ON THIS WORLD!!!!!!" I scream to the heavens at the sight of what they had done to me, my parents, my crew, my wives, my lovers…. My children….

I have lost everything

But a man with nothing left to lose

Is one of the scariest things in the world

And I see them, I see them standing there mocking me laughing at my pain and suffering because it's a joke to them.

"You think you are worth anything?"

"No! Your just a plaything to us!"

"A plaything that will play with until you break!"

"And toss away like all the rest when we're done!" They say as they begin to laugh more and more as it's echoing in my ears, but there is only one thing on my mind.

*KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!*

And I do just that I begin to rip into them and beat them senseless as I toss them all around throwing them like rag dolls even if they try and get in my way.

This goes on for quite awhile but several of them are able to get behind me without knowing and dogpile me.

I begin to thrash and roar, "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL EVERY LAST CELESTIAL DRAGON IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO!!!!" I scream to the heavens but what I'm met with is a sharp and straight through my back.

And when I turn to look all I see is the bastard running the show, the one who even a god says is the true final boss of this world, body shrouded in darkness with only a sinister smile being seen.

"You will never amount to anything, you were born a dog, and will die like one as well." They say before pulling there blade out of my back.

I try as best as I can to turn and face it but can't as it pushes me off a ledge into the abyss below before I submerge into some calming waters and completely lose consciousness.

"... Thank god he's out cold, now everyone take him to the infirmary, I'll need to keep him there for awhile to watch after him and look into his mental state." Theo says to everyone who can still move as he over looks the trashed town of Haven.

"Dammit, he didn't take his meds and this is what happened…"

Let's rewind a bit back to when I had just fallen asleep with Smoothie, not long after I fell asleep I actually woke up but was in a half awake dream like state as I got up and then proceeded to hide and cry to myself in the corner trying to just get away from it all.

But this sudden movement woke up Smoothie who saw me huddled up in the corner, she found this behavior to be odd as she had never seen me act like this before.

"Baby? What's wrong?" She says as she goes and try's to get close to me but I just claw at her making her just barely dodge my attack before curling up into a ball and crying.

Now she was definitely worried, so the best thing she could do was get dressed and go see Theo and see if he knows what's wrong.

Luckily he was on Haven tonight so she went over to the clinic and see if he knows what's wrong.

"Ahh ms. Smoothie, I should congratulate you and Captain officially getting married." Theo says as he just comes out of the clinic.

"Theo! Something is wrong with Vargas!" Smoothie says as she goes on to explain what's going on with me currently.

Hearing what's going on visibly shocks Theo, but before he can ask more and explosion happens with me being at the center of it, covered in flames as I have unconsciously taken on my Ifrit form.

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" They hear the sound of me roaring to the heavens as I go on a rampage around haven taking and beating down anyone getting in my way.

"GOD DAMMIT!!! He didn't take his medication did he?!" Theo says as he looks at Smoothie, who seems genuinely confused.

"Medication? What medication? I've never seen him have to take meds before…"

"Look I'll explain later but we need to stop him! Florence! Prepare your knock out syringe!" Theo says as he shouts back inside to his lover/nurse Florence.

"… Uhm…" she nods as she grabs a comically large syringe filled with a potent knock out serum.

While they were getting prepared I was currently fighting off all my main crew members, but me being the strongest out of them all while being in my Ifrit form enraged makes me much much stronger in comparison.

The people who were trying to do there damndest to hold me back and were bringing me to a stand still were the combined might of Albedo, Shalltear and Yamato all together as they worked as a team to try and stop my destruction of haven.

They were trying to reason with me and find out what is wrong but as I am I can't even hear them as I am as our battle wrecks more and more of Heaven in the process.

But while they were keeping me distracted Theo was able to round up all of the people in my crew that had Flame abilities and had them go around me while I'm distracted and take me down by surprise by dogpiling me.

And so while I'm distracted they do just that and pile on me while I'm thrashing about.

"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL EVERY LAST CELESTIAL DRAGON IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO!!!!" But as I finish saying that Florence gets up behind me and stabs her large needle into my back before pumping me full of knock out serum.

I begin to thrash around and almost break free but soon I slowly come to a stop and fall completely unconscious.

"... Thank god he's out cold, now everyone take him to the infirmary, I'll need to keep him there for awhile to watch after him and look into his mental state." Theo says to everyone who can still move as he over looks the trashed town of Haven.

"Dammit, he didn't take his meds and this is what happened…"

But after he says that Theo is immediately grabbed by the collar as he is brought face to face to some rather angry women.

"Now, I think we deserve an explanation as to what just happened don't you think?" Albedo says as flames are spitting out of her eyes in pure anger.

"Alright, Alright! I'll talk….. you already know of his past right? That he was born a slave and was a slave until 10 before he escaped with the Boa sisters?" They all nod at what he said.

(A/N Though besides Yamato none of the other beast pirates, Ulti, Maria or Page One are currently there.)

"Well thing is that because of his terrible childhood he has very intense nightmares that he told me he had for years before he had access to the frontier but when he activated the frontier and could sleep without having to suffer through nightmares he hardly ever genuinely slept since, for 20 years not getting any good nights sleep but still being able to push on and seem fine on the surface, but he always kept coming to me to get some form of medication that would make him feel well rested without ever needing to sleep, but he kept wanting more and more, but at one point I told him I can't as he was becoming addicted to it and that he needed to sleep."

"He told me that if he'd sleep like normal he would just have nightmares again, he was I would say 16 or 17 at the time when I told him to just sleep like normal…. But as you can see that he went on something like this as well, it took both me and Owen together to hold him down at the time to put him into a complete state of unconsciousness like now just to calm him down."

"I ran some tests and from all the trauma he suffered as a child he has horrible nightmares and intense PTSD that I had to devise a medicine that would completely calm his mind and let him relax while he sleeps, that's why this is the first time any of you have actually seen him like this, he has either been training in the frontier or secretly taking his meds so he can sleep normally."

"I once asked him if his system could supress his dreams so he can sleep in peace, but it just told him that it wasn't made with a sleep suppression function in mind, so I had to be the one to make a medication for him to sleep and have good dreams instead of constant nightmares…."

When they heard what Theo had to say everyone from his crew mates, lovers and wives all got teary eyed and started to sob at thinking of the pain there Captain had to endure all this time.

"….. That's probably why he still has a burning fury for the CD's he just can't let what they did to him and his blood parents go, but it scared him both physically and mentally that without my help he can't sleep peacefully…."

"And the reason he never talked about it to anyone besides you is the reason were finding about it now?" (Albedo)

"Yes, he goes so far as to not even write about it as he's to ashamed to even think about that it's not even in his personal log book."

(A/N aka this book)

"All I can do now is administer some medicine to calm his mind, though it might not be as effective anymore, that form of his, Ifrit as he calls it, it's him when he reaches his boiling point and unleashes all of his pent up anger and hatred into that form that's why it's him in his most primal state as the manifestation of his anger, hatred and rage, he's trying to get control of it but as you can see his past still haunts him, either he completes his mission of killing them all off the face of the world or he learns to somehow move on, but until he can he wont be able to be in complete control of himself."

"Then all we can is be there for him like friends and family should right?" (Smoothie)

"That's the best we can do, be there for him and stop him when he loses sight of himself." (Albedo)

…

..

.

"Who am I?" (Vargas)

"You are me." (Vargas)

"You are Justice." (Eagle)

"You are Hate." (Ifrit)

"You are skilled." (Kagutsuchi)

"You are nobody." (???)

"You are the beginning." (Vargas)

"You are the end." (Eagle)

"You are......

.

..

…

The void of nothingness that surrounds me begins to fade as light enters my eyes as I slowly wake up from the abyss I was trapped in to realize that I'm not in my bed but in the infirmary as it slowly dawns on me what had happened.

"*sigh* I went on a rampage again didn't I?" I say to myself thinking I'm alone but Theo is close by and over heard me.

"Yes you did, luckily your crew is strong or there would be less people living here now." Theo says as he writes down some things and then hands them off to another person I didn't think was here.

"Noel? Why are you here?"

"To help devise a device that will at least make you realize your having a nightmare while you sleep if and when you stop taking your medications."

"Why would I stop taking my medication?"

"That Ifrit form of yours we believe is your suppressed emotions that we believe you have been keeping locked up and changing into it releases your anger and hatred.

*I am Hate* I hear echoing in my mind as I see a version of myself in the form of a monstrous beast that looks back at me and grins.

This sight visible disturbs me as I grab my head before shaking that image from my mind but a question constantly ringing in the back of my mind that I lock away but I still hear it every so often from now on.

"Who am I?"