Clash of Kings and Jesters: The Unforeseen Turn in the Holy Grail War

Timeskip - Zaegar's Residence

A certain Master was sleeping comfortably. She looked so peaceful it would almost be a sin to disrupt the sight.

Too bad that she was in the vicinity of a certain Hollow.

Zaegar grinned as he snapped his finger from the living room. He had woken up surprisingly early, and what better way to start the day than to piss off his Mistress?

In Emi's room, suddenly two large subwoofers manifested. Right beside her bed. 

The volume was turned to 50 out of 10. The room also happened to be completely soundproof. Fou also happened to be sleeping in Emi's room, so that was a huge bonus.

In summary, the morning was about to turn loud.

Zaegar: 3,2,1.... GO!

His grin widened to impossible levels as he heard the door to Emi's room being slammed open, with the music blasting throughout perhaps the whole neighborhood.

He was impressed at the resistance of the windows. They didn't even crack under that much pressure.

Oh, there was Emi and Fou. They were yelling something, but the music tuned them out. He laughed through the mental link.

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Sorry, can't hear you.

Emi: (Mental Link) TURN! IT! OFF!

He shrugged and snapped his fingers. The music stopped, and both Emi and Fou stopped covering their ears.

Zaegar: Good morning, sunshine.

Emi: WHAT?!

Zaegar: Uh, Morning?-

Emi: WHAT?!

Zaegar: Alright-

Emi: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THIS IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT, YOU HEAR ME?!

He chuckled, shaking his head as she shot him a withering glare.

Emi: I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!

Zaegar: Nah, I plead ignorance.

Emi: WHY WOULD YOU- Ugh...

Emi: (Mental Link) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Do what?

Emi: (Mental Link) THAT, YOU IMBECILE!

Zaegar: (Mental Link) What, precisely?

Emi: (Mental Link) THAT NOISE!

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Which noise would that be?

Emi: (Mental Link) DON'T YOU DARE PLAY DUMB!

Zaegar: (Mental Link) How can I play if I'm genuinely dumb?

Emi: (Mental Link) I FUCKING DESPISE YOU!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Your affection warms my heart.

Fou: FOU! FOU, FOU, FOU!

Zaegar: Sorry, couldn't catch that.

Fou: FOOOOOOU!

Suddenly, the tiny creature leaped from Emi's shoulder, delivering a futile flying paw strike to Zaegar's hollow mask, which remained impervious to such attacks thanks to his cuteness immunity buff.

Zaegar: Ha, try again. Are your eardrums devoid of awesomeness, Mistress?

Emi: Who even does that?! 

Zaegar: Who indeed? The previous owner must've had some baller mixtapes if they placed those subwoofers there right beside the bed. Convenient, right?

Emi: Don't you dare say that this wasn't your doing. Those subwoofers weren't even there last night!

Zaegar: Invisible subwoofers? Technology at it's finest!

Ophis: Yeah, alright, both of you shut the fuck up about the subwoofers. What's the plan for today?

Emi: Well-

Zaegar: Fuck the plan, let's have some fucking breakfast.

Fou: Fou!

Emi was about to retort, but her stomach decided to be a right prat and growled audibly, much to her embarrassment.

Emi: F-Fine. 

Zaegar: Neato. Can you cook, Mistress?

Emi: Of course I can. Who do you think I am?

Zaegar: A chuuni.

Ophis: A psycho chuuni.

Fou: Fou!

Emi: Hey! Fine, you can fend for yourselves, you rascals!

Zaegar: Deal. Let me cook.

Emi: Huh?

Timeskip

Zaegar sported an oversized grin while Emi avoided meeting his gaze altogether.

Once breakfast was prepared, Zaegar, wearing his "Kiss The Ass Of The Beautiful Hollow" apron, finished cooking and swiftly cleared the dining table with a wave of his hand. Instead of magically vanishing the dishes, he opted for a more direct approach, tossing them out of the window in a single swift motion.

Zaegar: So, how was it?

Emi: ...

Zaegar: I said, how was it, bitch?

Emi deliberated her response carefully.

Any praise would only serve to further inflate his already infinite ego, and she was already at her wit's end with him.

Emi: It was... acceptable.

Zaegar: Pft, you fucking loved it. 

She did. She loved it so much that she seriously considered proposing to her Servant for a brief moment.

Zaegar: The little rodent loved it too.

All eyes turned to Fou, who was currently nuzzling Zaegar's hollow mask in a display of affection. Though none were fooled by the act, Zaegar indulged the creature out of sheer smugness.

Ophis: Enough about breakfast. What's the plan now?

Emi: Right. Since this dumbass fought Archer last night- 

Zaegar: Fight is a very strong word. I handed that cheater's ass to him on a silver platter.

Emi: -and every Master clearly saw it, everyone is definitely going to be wary of us. In essence, you've lost the element of surprise.

Zaegar: If violence isn't solving your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.

Ophis: True, and we're not Assassins, so stop whining about that.

Emi sighed wearily.

Emi: No, it was bound to happen sooner or later. There's a chance that the other Masters will make alliances against you and Archer. Or worse, everyone will be against us.

Zaegar: What are we waiting for, then? We should attack THEM. They'll never see it coming. They'll see that our minds are too fast for eyes.

Emi: I know. It'd be stupid just to sit around and wait for them to gang up on us. Our only advantage is that everyone except for Archer's group doesn't know who I am.

Zaegar: Except, uh, Saber? And Rider, too.

Emi: Yes, yes, I remember. We still need to prioritize the Tohsaka's plan, though.

Fou: Fou?

Emi: Ha! No, they won't send Archer. If he was ordered to kill a little girl, I don't doubt he'd kill Tokiomi on the spot. No, I'm counting on Kirei Kotomine using-

Zaegar: Kiba courtmine, shitty name, who's that?

Emi: Assassin's Master. He'll likely dispatch Assassin to eliminate me when I'm, shall we say, "vulnerable and alone."

Zaegar: So, I should lay low to draw them out, then eliminate them?

Emi: No, I'll handle them myself. You, on the other hand, are at liberty to pursue your own endeavors for the day.

Zaegar: ...Wait, seriously? Why?

Emi: Well... You did save my life yesterday. It seems only fair to offer you some reprieve. I'll summon you if the need arises.

Zaegar: Well, damn. Who knew you had it in you to be something other than a creepy bitch?

Emi: Don't push your luck, or I may reconsider.

Zaegar: Understood. Looks like my dear Mistress isn't quite the creepy bitch I once thought.

Emi: I'm not creepy!

Zaegar: Your interactions with others suggest otherwise. Fortunately, you seem to have a soft spot for me, huh?

Emi: Tch, why even bother? I seek to bring about the world's destruction; you should be opposing me.

Zaegar: I'm not of this world, remember? If you destroy yours, I'll simply return to mine. No reason for me to concern ourselves, but no reason to be a whiny bitch about it either.

Emi: I... see your point.

Zaegar: Yeah. Anyway, thanks for the free time. Hell, I'll search for Caster again. I'm ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SURE he's hiding in the pub. If not there, at the amusement park. 

Ophis: Maybe he's at the movie store, hiding between the Columbo tapes.

Fou: Fou, fou, kyu!

Zaegar: Precisely, and those other locales. Until later, Mistress.

With a casual wave, he bid her farewell and exited the room, leaving Emi to ponder in solitude. After a moment's contemplation, she shook her head and departed the house herself.

She had matters to attend to.

Scene Break - Fuyuki City, Alley

In the dim light of the dawn, a figure sat amidst the shadows of a desolate alley, contorted in agony. Bulges protruded grotesquely from various parts of his body, particularly the left side of his face, rendering it almost unrecognizable.

Kariya: (Thoughts racing) The Servant slipped away... before Berserker could... finish him.

With painstaking effort, he rose to his feet, each movement a testament to his struggle, and limped out of the alley. Fortunately, the vicinity remained deserted, sparing him any unwanted attention.

Kariya: Why didn't you eliminate him, Berserker?

His query hung in the air, met only by a primal growl. The black knight materialized nearby and knelt in a display of barely contained fury.

Kariya: Zouken assured me of his weakness. Why does he still live?

Another growl, fiercer this time, echoed through the alley. Kariya could not comprehend its meaning, trapped as Berserker was in a perpetual state of madness.

He could only attribute his survival to the binding nature of their contract, reinforced by the Command Seals etched upon his flesh.

Yet, their mental connection hinted at a deeper understanding...

Kariya: And why provoke him to wield Arondight?

Berserker: Rrrrgh... (Translation: With Arondight, victory was assured.)

Kariya grasped the logic behind the action, but he was no fool. Should Berserker unsheathe that blade, the sheer mana drain would be his undoing.

With only a year left to live, Kariya harbored a solemn duty.

Kariya: (Inwardly resolved) Just a little longer... Sakura, wait for me.

Scene Break - Later, Fuyuki Church

In the solemn chambers concealed within the Fuyuki Church, Kirei Kotomine sat in solitude, his usual glass of wine untouched. He simply sat there, contemplating his motives. 

To his knowledge, he didn't have any desires. Yet, against all odds, the Holy Grail chose him to be a participant in the war.

At this, he had a question What was Kirei Kotomine's wish that even Kirei himself didn't know existed?

Perhaps, he thought mechanically, he would find an answer if he acquired the grail. Or perhaps not. It was ambiguous, but he felt the duty to attempt it anyway.

He reacted indifferently as a being materialized in front of him. The assassin was as silent as ever.

Kirei: Is there a problem?

Assassin: We've located her. The Master of the Eighth Servant.

A faint lift of Kirei's eyebrows betrayed his piqued interest. She had captured his full attention now.

Kirei: I understand. Where is she?

Assassin: Making her way toward Ryuudou Temple. Her Servant is notably absent.

Kirei silently lamented the missed opportunity to witness firsthand the Servant who had bested Archer in combat.

Assassin: Your command, Master.

Kirei: Dispose of her swiftly.

Assassin: As you wish.

With a swift departure, the assassin vanished into the shadows, leaving Kirei to his solitary musings once more. Unfazed, he resumed his contemplation, as if the encounter had barely registered in the recesses of his mind.

Scene Break - Ryuudo Forest

In the heart of the dense woodland, a young girl frolicked among the trees, her innocent facade belying a chilling aura of malice.

Halting her skip, she cast a smirk upon her lips, an expression devoid of genuine warmth.

Emi: It's intriguing, isn't it? The variance among those who bear the mantle of Hassan-i-Sabbah. One wouldn't expect the hundred-faced one to differ so starkly from the original.

Her voice, dripping with saccharine sweetness, held a sinister undertone that would unsettle even the bravest soul.

Emi: And to think, I'm flattered that you've dispatched nine facets of yourself to encircle me, Assassin. Quite the unexpected twist.

The nine beings she addressed as Assassin twitched.

They were supposed to have been bestowed with the highest Presence Concealment skill amongst Servants, befitting the Assassin class. It would be impossible for humans to detect it as their rank stood at A+.

Yet they felt their presence completely visible to the girl's eyes.

Emi: Would you mind showing me? It isn't every day that one gets to do this, you know.

As a response, multiple knives were shot in her direction. She was nonplussed as black tentacles of varying sizes appeared around her, deflecting the projectiles.

Emi: Silly Assassin, trying to be Archer.

The Assassins were taken aback. There was something wrong with their target, even more so with the tentacles she had summoned. If there was such a thing as evil, then they were staring at it.

Emi: Forget it. What's the point of wanting to see you if I already know everything there is to know? 

Her smile faded, replaced by a disinterested demeanor tinged with mechanical indifference as if she were a mere puppet reciting lines.

Emi: Forgive my indulgence. As a token of appreciation, I'll expedite your demise.

With a languid gesture, the tentacles multiplied exponentially, ensnaring the hapless Assassins before they could react, their attempts at escape futile as they met their demise at the hands of the enigmatic girl.

Emi: "I know that I know not nothing." A cruel inversion of Socratic wisdom. For her, ignorance was not bliss, but a relentless curse.

In the depths of her hollow gaze lay a darkness that defied comprehension, a chilling reminder of the true nature of her existence.

Emi: (Mental Link) ...Foreigner?

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Yo.

Emi: (Mental Link) What's your current scheme?

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Ah, just on the hunt for Caster, my dear Mistress. Checked the movie theater, but he was not there. Next stop: the amusement park. Then maybe I'll swing by the pub again. Why do you ask?

Emi: (Mental Link) Just curious.

Though a mundane exchange, it brought her a sense of reassurance.

She knew that she knew nothing... except when it came to her Servant's activities. In that, she found comfort.

To any observer, she would appear as a young girl, her smile radiant as she skipped through the forest.

It was a scene straight out of a fairy tale

Scene Break - Fuyuki Church

Assassin: ...!

Kirei felt no emotion as he saw his Servant clenching her fist as a drop of sweat ran behind her masked face.

Kirei: I assume you encountered some problems in your mission.

Assassin: The nine tasked with eliminating the target... they have perished.

Kirei: I see.

Assassin: I shall send more to eliminate her.

Kirei: No. Whoever this girl is, it's obvious she isn't an ordinary magus if she was able to kill a Servant. For now, settle for observing her until we know more.

Assassin: ...Understood, Master.

She vanished once more. Kirei looked minimally amused by this development.

Whoever the Master of the Eighth Servant was, Kirei felt the need to stay vigilant when entering conflict with her.

The same feeling he felt when he addressed the matter of Kiritsugu Emiya.

Scene Break - Evening

And now, for a scene straight out of a chaotic sitcom!

Zaegar: THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I'M BANNED?!

Bartender: IT MEANS YOU'RE BLACKLISTED, PAL!

Zaegar: OH, COME ON! I'M JUST GETTING STARTED WITH MY REPUTATION HERE!

Bartender: YOUR "REPUTATION" INVOLVES STARTING FIGHTS AND TORCHING MY ESTABLISHMENT!

Zaegar: HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF YOUR DRINKS ARE FLAMMABLE!

Bartender: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!

Zaegar: FINE! I'LL TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE! AND GUESS WHAT? THEIR BOOZE IS WAY BETTER!

Bartender: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Zaegar: NEVER! storms out dramatically

He angrily stomped out of the bar he had just been banned from. Why couldn't the barkeep appreciate his unique flair?

Okay, so maybe a few things caught on fire. And sure, there were some brawls. But where was the harm in that?

Zaegar: Stupid barkeep and stupid bar. His fault for not fireproofing the place.

Ophis: (sarcastically) Yeah, because every bartender should anticipate having an arsonist for a customer. Real genius.

Fou: (sarcastically) Fou.

Zaegar: Where's Berserker when you need a good punching bag?

He glanced around and spotted a random citizen passing by, accompanied by a young boy who appeared to be his friend.

Zaegar really wanted to punch something right now.

So he did what any logical and civilized person would do.

BAM!

And by "logical and civilized," I mean he attacked a random guy just because he felt like it.

Of course, he didn't go all out. He wasn't that mad. The guy stumbled into a nearby trash bin, looking dazed.

Zaegar huffed and turned to the boy.

Zaegar: Sorry about your friend, kid. I really needed that.

Boy: He's not my friend.

Zaegar: Oh. Sorry about your, uh, acquaintance?

The boy shook his head.

Zaegar: Relative? Neighbor? Guy you met at the arcade?

A nod. Zaegar considered himself lucky.

Zaegar: Right. Where's your mom, then?

Boy: He said she asked him to pick me up and she's waiting at the arcade.

Zaegar frowned. Killing the guy in front of the kid was a no-go. He'd catch up with him later.

Zaegar: You two look related with your strawberry hair and all.

Boy: Why did you punch him?

Zaegar: Eh, grown-up stuff. You'll get it when you're older. Let's get you to the police station and find your mom, okay?

Boy: Isn't she at the arcade?

Zaegar: Nah, she's probably bored of that place. Come on, let's get you somewhere safe. Oh, and I'm Zaegar, by the way.

Boy: Um, I'm Shirou.

Timeskip - Nighttime, Fuyuki Harbor

Kiritsugu Emiya adjusted the scope of his sniper rifle with precision, his eyes scanning the harbor for any signs of movement.

An encrypted challenge had been issued to the Masters of the Holy Grail War, and now it was a waiting game to see who would take the bait.

Saber and Irisviel were in their designated position, poised for action. Kiritsugu knew that soon enough, a Servant would make their appearance. The real intrigue, however, lay with the enemy Masters - their cunning, expertise, and strategies were what he sought to assess.

Movement caught his attention, and Saber acknowledged it too. The first Servant had arrived, and the question remained: which one was it?

A figure emerged - tall, handsome, wielding twin weapons with practiced ease. Lancer.

As pleasantries were exchanged, Kiritsugu felt a surge of annoyance. Saber's adherence to chivalry often irked him, delaying actions that could prove vital.

The battle commenced, showcasing the incomprehensible prowess of Servants. Kiritsugu couldn't help but feel a pang of concern for Irisviel's safety, a rare sentiment that hinted at his rustiness.

Ignoring the chaotic clash, his focus shifted to locating the enemy Masters. There, on a warehouse rooftop northeast of Saber and Irisviel, he found his target: Kayneth Archibald, known as Lord El-Melloi, Master of Lancer.

Just as he prepared to take the shot, an unexpected breeze threw him off balance. His frown deepened - this wasn't ordinary.

Adjusting his scope to the direction of the wind, his gaze fell upon a figure perched atop a crane. Recognition flashed through his eyes before they hardened once more. He relayed his discovery through his earpiece.

Kiritsugu: Maiya.

Maiya: Yes?

Kiritsugu: Assassin is alive. Atop the crane.

Maiya: ...I see him. Why is he alive?

Kiritsugu: I knew it was too good to be true. It was a setup. Continue to observe Assassin. Don't engage.

Maiya: Understood.

As Kiritsugu refocused on the battle, his mind churned with the implications of Assassin's survival. Kirei Kotomine's involvement meant that the situation was far from simple, and their mission just became exponentially more challenging.

Meanwhile, the conflict between Lancer and Saber intensified. Lancer strategically lured Saber into a trap, aiming to exploit her Achilles' heel - quite literally. Saber narrowly evaded the strike, but not without sustaining a debilitating injury to her left tendon.

Observing Saber's struggle, Kiritsugu grimaced. Lancer's spear inflicted wounds that defied conventional healing, leaving Saber incapacitated and vulnerable.

Intent on retaliating, Kiritsugu prepared to target Lancer's Master. But before he could act, a sudden burst of lightning shattered the battlefield's tranquility, heralding the arrival of an unexpected ally: a chariot descending from the heavens with a deafening war cry.

Scene Break

Waver Velvet couldn't help but feel a mix of astonishment and frustration as he watched Rider charge headlong into the battlefield, announcing his presence in the most bombastic manner possible.

Rider: Warriors, sheathe your blades and behold! I am of the Rider class, Iskandar, King of Conquerors!

Waver: What in the blazes are you doing, you fool?!

Rider rolled his eyes and flicked Waver on the forehead, the impact sending a jolt of pain through Waver's skull.

Rider: Fate has brought us together to battle for the Grail. But before that, I propose a proposition. How about you yield the Grail to me and join my peerless army?

Waver couldn't believe his ears. Had Rider just offered their enemies a chance to join him?

Rider: You'd be treated as honored allies, and together, we shall revel in the joy of world conquest!

Lancer and Saber exchanged bewildered glances before adopting stern expressions, rejecting Rider's audacious proposal.

Lancer: I must respectfully decline. My allegiance lies solely with my new lord.

Saber: Did you interrupt our battle just to propose this ludicrous idea? It's a grave insult.

Waver groaned inwardly. His fellow Servants were far more grounded and pragmatic than Rider.

Rider: I'm open to negotiation-

Saber and Lancer: Silence!

Rider: Right. Well, negotiations have failed. What a pity.

Saber: Furthermore, as the rightful King of Britain, I cannot degrade myself to a mere servant, even to a powerful king.

Waver was taken aback. This girl was King Arthur?! But Arthur was supposed to be a man, not a woman! He wisely kept his thoughts to himself, unlike Rider.

Rider: King of Britain, you say? What a surprise! I wouldn't have expected the King of Knights to be a little girl.

The remark clearly struck a nerve with Saber, who tensed, readying her invisible sword.

Waver couldn't believe he had summoned such a Servant.

He really didn't have the slightest idea of what he had gotten himself into.

Scene Break

Kiritsugu couldn't help but find Alexander the Great's exuberance a stark contrast to his historical conquests. Despite his bombastic personality, Rider's parameters hinted at his formidable strength, a testament to his legendary status.

Then there was his Master, a mere boy oblivious to the grim reality of the war between magi. Kiritsugu felt a twinge of pity, but sentimentality had no place in his line of work.

Steel the mind, and kill the heart.

Kayneth, Lancer's Master, harbored a personal vendetta against the boy, Waver Velvet, as he vehemently declared. Only Rider's words of encouragement kept him from succumbing to fear.

Speaking of Rider, the flamboyant Servant raised his hands and bellowed a proclamation that echoed throughout the area, even catching Kiritsugu's attention.

Rider: Heroic Spirits, reborn by the Holy Grail, gather now! Those too cowardly to appear shall face the wrath of Iskandar, King of Conquerors!

Kiritsugu resisted the urge to smirk. With such grandiose declarations, Rider inadvertently made his task easier.

As if on cue, a golden radiance appeared atop a lamppost, signaling the arrival of Archer. Kiritsugu focused intently, ready for the confrontation ahead.

Saber, even as a king, could not deny the sheer aura of reality exuded by the golden Archer. Much like hers and Rider's, it was a presence that demanded respect by simply existing.

Archer: So, two lesser beings dare to name themselves kings even in my royal presence.

Archer said as he stood atop the light post glaring down at Rider and Saber.

Rider: I fail to see where the problem lies, servant. For I am Iskandar, the legendary king of conquerors known through all the lands of the world.

Rider replied whilst scratching his beard.

Archer: What nonsense. You're deluding yourself. I am the one true king of the world. All others are mongrels, pretenders to the name.

Archer replied.

Rider: If you're that insistent on your claim then why not name yourself? No true king should be troubled by something as simple as giving his name to those he wishes to challenge.

Rider said back.

Saber couldn't help but agree. A king should proclaim their identity with pride, though she also understood the risks of revealing a Servant's true name.

Archer: So, you would question me, you filthy mongrel. Me, the one true king. If you cannot now discern my identity in the presence of my magnificent glory. Then your ignorant blindness will serve to see your doom.

Golden ripples encircled Archer as an array of magnificent weapons materialized around him, each undoubtedly a Noble Phantasm.

Saber positioned herself protectively in front of Irisviel, her left arm injured by Gae Buidhe, preventing her from fully utilizing Excalibur's power.

Before Archer could strike, a dark shroud enveloped the area, heralding the arrival of another Servant.

Veiled in black mist, the new arrival's form was obscured, save for the outline of armor and glowing red eyes that pierced through the darkness, likely a helmet.

The Servant let out a deafening roar, prompting Saber to quickly assess the situation.

Saber: Berserker?!

Kiritsugu furrowed his brow.

It was evident that the newly arrived Servant was Berserker. But this raised a pressing question.

If the unknown Servant wasn't Berserker, then who could it be?

Unlikely to be Caster. The Caster class typically lacked physical prowess, unlike the skilled melee combatant who had previously clashed with Archer.

However, it raised a pressing question: If the unknown Servant wasn't Berserker, then who was he?

The answer would only come with the Servant's unveiling.

Archer regarded Berserker with disdain as if he were no more than a common nuisance. It was a reaction one might expect from him.

Archer: Who gave you permission to gaze upon me, rabid dog?

The mad knight was unusually silent and ready for action. Archer scoffed and aimed the Gate of Babylon directly at him.

But before he could do so, Archer's attention was abruptly drawn to the ground, his expression shifting to one of annoyance.

Archer: Tch, yet another mongrel enters the fray.

As Archer's attention shifted to the ground, a sudden disturbance caught his eye. The earth beneath them began to tremble and crack, the ground giving way to a rising force.

From the depths of the earth emerged Zaegar, his hollow mask gleaming in the dim light of the battlefield. With a confident smirk, he rose from the ground much like Toji Fushiguro had emerged from Dagon's domain expansion.

Zaegar: Surprise, bitches!

Scene Break

There he was.

Kiritsugu scanned the area with practiced precision, searching for any sign of the elusive enemy Master. They had to be nearby, observing the clash from a safe vantage point. He contacted his assistant.

Kiritsugu: Maiya, attempt to locate the unknown Servant's Master.

He reached out to Maiya, his trusted assistant, hoping for some indication of their whereabouts. But there was only silence. No response.

Kiritsugu: Maiya, do you hear me?

Emi: My, my, Mr. Emiya. It seems you're in a bit of a predicament, aren't you?

He frowned. That was not his assistant. It was the voice of a young girl. The unknown Master, he rationalized.

Emi: I must say, your strategy is admirable. But I've taken the liberty of putting your assistant to rest. Don't fret, I'm feeling rather generous today. She's alive... for now.

Kiritsugu cursed inwardly. The Master knew who he was and how he was operating. The situation had been compromised.

More importantly, although the girl put up a sickly sweet voice, he wasn't fooled. Her tone was hollow and without emotion. He knew she would kill Maiya without an ounce of hesitation if he didn't comply.

Emi: Keep your focus on the battle, Mr. Emiya, and perhaps I'll consider returning your dear assistant unharmed.

Kiritsugu mulled his options. The mission would be monumentally more difficult without his assistant supporting him. He couldn't relinquish her life without getting anything in return.

Scene Break

Emi would feel smug if she felt any sort of emotion towards the Magus Killer in general.

His assistant hadn't felt a thing as she was soundly incapacitated. Oh, she knew it would be easier to kill her, but she had a much better idea than that.

Now, though? It was time for spectating.

Emi: Let's see what you're made of, Foreigner.

Scene Break

Zaegar inspected his fellow Servants while still adopting a rather strange pose, just for the hell of it.

Zaegar: Well, well, looks like the gang's all here.

Rider: Ah, it's good to see you, my friend!

Zaegar: Yeah, yeah, good to see you too, big guy.

The amicable exchange with Rider was a rare moment of warmth amidst the palpable tension radiating from the others, particularly Archer.

Archer: So, you face the king again, Jester. 

Zaegar: Yeah, yeah, save it for someone who gives a damn. Now, where were we...

Everyone almost gawked at the dismissive tone as the new Servant simply ignored Archer as if he wasn't worth his time.

The blatant disregard for Archer's ego only fueled his irritation, while Zaegar remained unfazed, his own ego towering over the petty squabbles of others.

Archer: You dare mock-

Zaegar: Yeah, yeah. Oh, look, it's blondie and albino. Did you buy that one dress the other day? 

Saber maintained her stoic composure, but Irisviel saw no harm in the inquiry.

Irisviel: Yes, it was lovely!

Saber: Irisviel...

Irisviel: What? It's a harmless question, Saber.

Zaegar: Yeah, stop being a high-strung bitch about it, blondie. You looked pretty damn uptight while throwing down with, uh, I wanna say Unimportant Fuckboy, but...

Lancer: Lancer.

Zaegar: Fuckboy it is, then. Didn't I crash through your hotel room the other night?

Lancer: Crash... That was you?!

Zaegar: Guilty as charged. On the bright side, your hotel has excellent shampoo. My Master can vouch for that, right?

A subtle mental sigh echoed through the link, confirming Emi's exasperation at the memory.

Zaegar: And there's our silent friend Berserker. Any words of wisdom from the Shakespearean archives?

With a casual shrug, Zaegar turned his attention to Berserker, offering a nod of acknowledgment.

Berserker: Rrrrrgh...!

Zaegar: Truly an intellectual, this man. Right, that's about all of 'em. Anything else before this goes down?

Irisviel: ...Forgive me, but are you perhaps Caster?

Zaegar: Oh, come on now. Me? Caster? Do I look like I'd be conjuring spells and wearing a pointy hat?

Saber: There is no need for such a question, Irisviel. If he is a Servant, then the only class left to reveal themselves is Caster.

Zaegar: Yeah, here's the thing: I'm not Caster. Do I look like a fucking chuuni to you?!

Ophis: I dunno, those poses say otherwise.

Zaegar: Those are two ENTIRELY different concepts!

Lancer: You must be. Then again, with yesterday's performance, you are indeed an abnormal Caster.

Zaegar: Listen here Fuckboy, I just said I'm NOT Caster! 

Rider: So, Caster, will you reveal your legend for all to witness?

Zaegar: SONUVABITCH, SAY I'M FUCKING CASTER ONE MORE TIME! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, AND I EVEN TRIPLE FUCKING DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Rider: Well then, why don't you tell us your mysterious new class?

Zaegar paused before grinning, relishing the chance to unveil his unique status.

Zaegar: I'm the Eighth Servant. Extra Class: Foreigner.

Scene Break

At that moment, a collective thought emerged in the minds of the majority of the Masters of the Holy Grail War.

What was the Foreigner class?

The summoning of an Extra Class was not too surprising, considering that the Berserker of the Third Holy Grail War was replaced by a rather weak Servant, Avenger.

Rider's eyebrows shot up, a rare display of surprise from the confident king. Saber furrowed her brow, pondering the implications of this unforeseen twist. Lancer's eyes narrowed, a sign of his wariness towards this unknown variable.

Meanwhile, in the minds of the Masters, a storm of speculation raged. What did it mean to be a Foreigner? How did this new class fit into the established hierarchy of Servants? And most importantly, who was behind this unprecedented deviation from the norm?

For the Servants themselves, the concept of a Foreigner was as enigmatic as it was unsettling. They were beings from beyond the known boundaries of existence, hailing from realms beyond mortal comprehension. Such a revelation challenged everything they thought they knew about the Holy Grail War and their place within it.

As the gravity of this revelation settled in, one thing became abundantly clear: the war had just taken an unexpected turn, and the true nature of this enigmatic Foreigner would soon come to light.

Scene Break

Irisviel: ...Foreigner? Is that possible, Saber?

Saber: Yes. One of the rarest, if not THE rarest, classes of Heroic Spirit.

Waver: Foreigner?! What kind of fake class is that?!

Lancer: It's anything but fake, Master of Rider.

Rider: Well, well! This war must be one of a kind if such a Servant was summoned! Young warrior, I must have you join my army!

Before Zaegar could refute the offer, he blinked as multiple projectiles disintegrated when they collided with him. He snorted at Archer.

Zaegar: Golden Boy. Just don't cry when things don't go your way.

Ophis: (sarcastically) Yeah, like you never cry when you lose at poker.

Zaegar: Hey, that was one time!

He raised an eyebrow. Archer looked positively infuriated... Positively in the sense that Zaegar found it hilarious.

Archer: I knew it. You disgusting, abominable, repugnant parasite!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Ah, the great philosopher Archer graces us with his wisdom. Today's lesson: the ethics of servitude.

Archer: I should have known that a jester such as you was nothing more than an invading pest. The king's garden will NOT be sulled by your existence!

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Oh, boy, really? Man, I'm sorry to invade this garden that people call "Harbor". Lots of metal to see in a garden, that's for sure.

Archer: Fool! This entire world, nay, the entire universe is my garden. And you, mongrel, are not permitted to exist in it!

Zaegar: Well see here little blondie boy, this universe perhaps is your garden however it pales in comparison as the absolute void is my playground I can do anything and anything I do is no sin!

Zaegar raised an eyebrow as the golden Archer immediately pulled a set of twin swords from his treasury. It was the same bow he would have used the other night, Enki.

The other Servant's eyes widened. Its name was unknown, yet they could feel the sheer power radiating off the bow. Zaegar, for his part, only blinked in nonchalance.

Speaking of which, Berserker took in his surroundings for a split second. He saw every enemy Servant. Then he saw Saber.

You can pretty much guess what happened.

Berserker: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

He was off like a rocket, ignoring Zaegar and Archer's conflict. Everyone paused as he grabbed a metal pole and jumped in Saber's direction.

Irisviel: Saber!

Saber: Stand back!

The improvised weapon impacted Saber's invisible blade. It was a surprise that Berserker's pole didn't break on impact. They then saw the changes in the pole.

Waver: What kind of skill is that?!

Zaegar: It's obvious. Whatever he grabs onto becomes metal as fuck.

Rider: More like whatever he grabs unto becomes his Noble Phantasm, perhaps.

Zaegar: Mine's better.

Saber grits her teeth as she is forced on the defensive. Her left arm was still unhealed, and Berserker, befitting his class, was rather strong. Zaegar was amused by the display.

Ophis: (Within Zaegar's Mind) You've got more pressing matters at hand.

Zaegar: (nonchalantly) Nah, I've got this. Now, Golden Boy, shall we see if you can shoot straight?

He flashed a cocky grin and gestured provocatively towards Archer. The king's expression soured further as he readied his bow to retaliate.

Scene Break 

Tokiomi Tohsaka was facing two possible outcomes.

The first was allowing Archer to unleash his bow against this "Foreigner". The King of Heroes no doubt wished for the Eighth Servant's immediate termination, but what he was about to unleash was too much for even Tokiomi. If it were to be unleashed, the city and, eventually, the Clock Tower would notice such an event.

The second one was recalling Archer before he could do so. At this outcome, he faced Archer's wrath. He knew Gilgamesh wasn't stupid enough to kill him and sever his source of mana, but his trust in Tokiomi would severely diminish. Then again, Archer didn't seem to trust him that much.

He sighed. Damn that Eighth Servant.

Tokiomi: By my Command Seal, I order you, Archer, to retreat from the conflict.

Scene Break 

Zaegar arched an eyebrow as Archer's expression contorted into one of fury, his gaze fixated on the sky as if searching for divine retribution.

Archer: How dare you presume to command a king to retreat?! Allowing this... abomination to defile my domain with its presence?! Your impudence knows no bounds, Tokiomi!

Ignoring the ongoing clash between Saber and Berserker, Archer's rage was solely directed at Zaegar.

Archer: My Master is scarcely less vexatious than you, mongrel.

Zaegar: (sarcastically) Oh, what an honor.

Archer: However, heed my words. You are forbidden from meeting your end by any hand but mine, Jester. Your demise is a privilege reserved for the king alone. When the time arrives, you will capitulate, and I may deign to grant you the mercy of a swift end. Do you comprehend?

Zaegar: ...Could you maybe look somewhere else?

Archer: What?

Zaegar smirked mischievously.

Zaegar: Sorry, it's just that the massive hate boner you have right now is creeping me out. Do me a solid and leave my presence, You filthy mongrel.

Archer's expression darkened considerably. Zaegar pondered if Archer might forsake his better judgment in an attempt to slay him, but the golden Servant vanished without another glance in his direction.

He chuckled to himself. Irritating Archer was rapidly becoming one of his favorite pastimes, second only to provoking Emi.

Speaking of his Mistress...

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Did you catch that, my dear mistress?

Emi: (Mental Link) Unfortunately, I did. You're lucky Tokiomi decided to intervene before things escalated.

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Oh, you mean his fancy golden bow?

Emi: (Mental Link) It's not important right now. Focus on the task at hand. We still have other Servants to deal with.

Zaegar: (Mental Link) So, what's the plan?

Emi: (Mental Link) Attack.

Zaegar grinned wickedly as he received Emi's command. Without hesitation, he materialized between Saber and Berserker, causing a momentary pause in their clash.

Saber: You—?!

Berserker, fueled by rage, disregarded Zaegar's intrusion and continued his onslaught.

Berserker: RAAAAAAAAAA—

Zaegar: I like ya cut, G.

He abruptly halted Berserker's roar by grabbing the front of his helmet in a vice-like grip.

Zaegar: Remember how grabbing things turns them into your Noble Phantasm? Well, I'm grabbing you now, sooooooo...

With a mischievous grin, Zaegar used Berserker's armored figure as an improvised weapon, bashing it against Saber's sword with surprising effectiveness.

Waver: Is that even possible?!

Rider: It is now.

Zaegar: Bored now. YEET.

He nonchalantly threw Berserker's body over his shoulder. The rest stared as the mad Servant rocketed out of the harbor and out of the battle.

He pondered for a few moments. Three Servants left. He could fight them systematically, one after the other, or simply take them all on at once.

You have 3 guesses to say what he chose. The first 2 don't count.

Zaegar: Eeenie, meenie, miney, all of you!

It was very lucky that Lancer possessed A+ Agility and the Eye Of The Mind skill in his repertoire since these abilities allowed him to see Zaegar's attack.

Now, I know what you're thinking: The words "Lancer" and "Lucky" don't go together unless there is a negative in-between. Bear with me for this one.

Moving on. Zaegar was off like a shot, speed-blitzing Lancer, who had his spears at the ready. The spearman quickly found himself on the defensive.

Lancer: (In thought) Hrgh, he's dodging every hit! I can't lay a finger on him! What kind of incredible mental discipline has this guy gone through?

With a taunting grin, Zaegar taunted as he delivered swift punches.

Zaegar: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's MAN!

Zaegar punches Lancer up in the air

Zaegar: Bake me a cake as fast as you CAN! 

Zaegar punches Lancer back and eventually launches him towards the ground

Zaegar then vanished. Rider looked up with an excited grin.

Rider: Hoh, so it's my turn now?

Waver shielded his eyes as his Servant summoned lightning to his blade, just in time to connect with the Foreigner's fist.

Zaegar pondered this, before shrugging. He jumped back to casually avoid the bulls of Rider's chariot striking him.

Zaegar: Yeah, you're right. This is everyone's turn.

He vanished again. He appeared behind Lancer and kicked him forward. He disappeared again.

Irisviel gasped since she was face-to-face with the new Servant. He gave quite the friendly salute before nonchalantly backhanding Saber to Rider's position.

Both knights quickly regained their composure and landed beside Rider's chariot. You would think that there would be some kind of pre-battle dialogue that would extend the fight scene. You would be wrong. 

Zaegar: MY VOICE IS SO FUCKING, POWERFUL!

Saber and Lancer, being honorable knights, preferred a traditional one-on-one approach to battle. Now, however, they were forced to fight beside each other as Zaegar did not allow them such luxury.

He appeared between them. Saber parried a punch to the head, but she was too slow to avoid the one to her abdomen. Lancer gave a low sweep with Gae Dearg, to which Zaegar responded by backflipping and using his momentum to kick him upside the head, introducing his face to the ground and into a rather nice relationship.

Saber went for a front stab, but to her shock, he simply kicked her sword's tip not too far away from his direction. He went for another strike, but she used her position for a newer attack.

Saber: Strike Air!

The compressed wind around Saber's sword suddenly burst into a high-pressure gale that struck point-blank against Zaegar and destroyed the ground behind him.

She released a sigh. It wasn't often since she found herself entirely on the defensive. Whoever her opponent was, he was skilled, unpredictable, and extremely dangerous.

Zaegar: Well, that was a good breeze. I'd recommend you for AC duty.

And apparently, his Magic Resistance skill was so high that he could effortlessly shrug off a direct hit from her Noble Phantasm.

He hadn't even moved from his spot With a tranquil demeanor, Zaegar retrieved a red spear, much to the surprise of Saber and Lancer.

Lancer: How can you-?

Zaegar: Grab it? Eh, it's just a pointy stick. By the way, aren't we forgetting something?

Saber: What-

Lightning arched through the battlefield. The three Servants quickly found out what they were forgetting.

Rider: ALALALALALAIEEEEE!

Zaegar poker-faced awkwardly before teleporting out of the way. Saber and Lancer, both with A and A+ Agility, were able to get out of the way just in time as Rider's mount, the Gordius Wheel, roared through the battlefield.

Zaegar: ...That happened.

He appeared atop of a crate as Rider came to a stop not too far from there. The King of Conquerors grinned before pausing. He reached down at his Master, only to see him passed out. Rider then sighs.

Rider: And just when it was about to get interesting. I really wish he'd man up a little. 

Zaegar snorted. Rider's Master looked like he didn't have the slightest idea of what he had gotten himself into, a thought that was shared by Saber and Lancer.

He sensed a pull within their mental connection.

Emi: (Mental Link) That's... quite sufficient, Foreigner.

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Aw, come on, Mistress!

Emi: (Mental Link) No negotiations, idiot. We've got what we came for.

Zaegar: (Mental Link) But it's just starting to heat up!

Emi: (Mental Link) Foreigner!

Zaegar: (Mental Link) Fine, but don't expect any cooking if you deny me the fun of battle.

He smirked victoriously as he could practically taste her reluctance to give up his food. He cracked his neck and prepared to finish the fight-

Rider: There's no helping it, then. Unfortunately, we're going to have to suspend this scuffle.

Zaegar: YOU BITCH!

Ophis: (Within Zaegar's mind) Heh, your plan got backfired.

Emi: (Mental Link) Ha! How about that, you jerk?!

Rider: I suppose that Lancer and Saber aren't too thrilled about having to team up, being honorable knights, and Saber isn't able to fight at full power due to her wounds. Wouldn't it be better if we repeated this at our finest? Simply imagine it. It would be a battle for the ages!

Apparently, Rider's A-Rank Charisma skill decided to shine at that moment. Zaegar rolled his hollow eyes, but he supposed that it would be fun to beat them down at their strongest.

Rider: Would you agree to these terms, Lancer and Saber?

Saber: Yes.

Lancer: Very well. My Lord has ordered me to retreat anyway. Until then.

He gave a curt nod before he entered his astral form, leaving three Servants standing. 

Meanwhile, a certain girl had just finished dispatching Assassin when no one was looking. It was a rather easy task for someone such as her.

Rider: Well, then. I must admit that I find myself eager to test my might against the King of Knights and the young warrior. Speaking of whom, My friend! I must have you join me! With such talent and expertise, it would be a sin not to have you in my army!

Zaegar: Nah. I'm not that kinda guy.

Rider sighs.

Rider: I suppose that was to be expected. Without further ado, I take my leave! Farewell!

They watched as the Gordius Wheel took off into the sky with an arc of lightning. And then there were two.

Zaegar: Well, that was something. Hey, you wannabe edge lord, you can stop lurking now.

Irisviel and Saber blinked at the odd demand. Suddenly, they noticed that the new Servant had a companion by his side. Emi gave a hollow smile before curtsying.

Emi: Hello, Saber. I don't suppose that your Master is nearby, hm?

If this disturbed Saber, then she didn't show it. Irisviel, for her part, widened her eyes before quickly composing herself.

Emi: Tell him that he's rather rude. His little assistant is also quite unpleasant. Speaking of whom...

She motioned at Zaegar. He reached down before throwing forward what appeared to be a human body. Irisviel gaped as she recognized who it was.

Irisviel: Miss Maiya! 

Before the woman's body could impact the ground, Emi snapped her finger and she was caught by a pair of black tentacles that lowered her at their feet.

Saber twitched. The tentacles felt horribly wrong, as did the girl.

Irisviel quickly rushed in to inspect the woman but found out that she was merely unconscious. She wasn't even injured. 

Emi: And with that, Our time here is up. Until our next encounter.

With a mischievous grin, Zaegar hoisted Emi up by her dress, much to her chagrin.

Emi: H-Hey! That wasn't part of the plan!

Zaegar: In life, sometimes you gotta burn the script and improvise.

Emi: No, you're just trying to embarrass me!

Zaegar: Improvisation at its finest.

Needless to say, it ruined the atmosphere immediately, as Saber and Irisviel could only stare, dumbfounded at this mood whiplash.

Zaegar: Anyway, I'll take you on any time. See you around.

With a playful laugh, Zaegar leaped into the air, leaving Emi cursing his antics as they disappeared.

Irisviel: ...So, this is the Holy Grail War.

Saber wanted to give her an answer, but with how bizarre things turned out today, she had lost the will to speak at the moment.

She guessed that this conflict would turn outright ludicrous as it drew longer.

She guessed correctly.

Scene Break - Underground, Fuyuki Sewers

???: Hey, that's the guy who punched me earlier! He was one of those Servant guys?! He's a dick, but he's kinda cool!

???: OOOOOH! LOOK, RYUUNOSUKE!

???: Uh, what is it?

???: HER! SHE HAS COME TO LIFE! THE HOLY VIRGIN, JEANNE D'ARC, HAS FINALLY RETURNED TO ME!

???: ...Uh, she sure has... No idea who that is, though...

Scene Break

Zaegar smirked triumphantly as he carried Emi in a bridal-style hold, effortlessly leaping from one rooftop to another. Emi shot him a glare of annoyance, unimpressed by his antics.

Zaegar: So...

Emi: What the fuck do you want now?

Zaegar: Sheesh, talk about being a stuck-up bitch.

Emi: What was that?

Zaegar: I said how did I do?

This made Emi pause. Truthfully, she had expected her Servant to struggle, but he had just faced five Servants. One, the strongest out of them, was forced to retreat, and the other four were dealt with effortlessly, especially Berserker, who was nothing to take lightly.

As much as she hated to admit it, she had severely underestimated her Servant.

Emi: You faced five Servants, forced one to retreat, and dealt with the others effortlessly. You exceeded my expectations.

Zaegar: Oh, did I~?

Emi gritted her teeth, already regretting her praise. Of course, the smug hollow had to preen on the slightest bit of praise. She vaguely wondered if his ego had a limit. 

She didn't know, and that was fine with her.

Emi: Well, of course, you did. You were summoned by me, so it was inevitable. 

Zaegar: You know what else is inevitable? You not eating my food.

Emi sighed in exasperation, knowing there was no winning with him.

Emi: ...Fine, you're amazing. Are you happy now?

Zaegar: Nope.

Emi rolled her eyes, reluctantly giving in to his ego.

Emi: Ugh, you're super duper amazing.

Zaegar: That's more like it.

Ophis: By the way, why didn't you kill that hostage you had?

Zaegar: You're not fit to be a part of our being, that's for sure.

Emi: Having eyes and ears behind enemy lines can be the key to victory, you know.

Ophis: Huh. Smart move. 

Ophis nodded in agreement, impressed by Emi's strategic thinking.

Emi: Eheheheh, naturally.

Zaegar: ...You're creeping me out, Mistress.

Emi: Shut the fuck up, you dumbass.