Chapter 8: Facing Harsh Reality

Hidan

Hidan dug and dug, throwing all kinds of objects out to his sides. Pieces of paper, fabric, old dolls, trucks, a basketball, a hat, two buckets, and a bedsheet all went flying. The small chest he was kneeling in front of was notorious for this sort of behavior. "Come on already, it's her birthday! What do you want? What is it? I'll do it! Please?" he asked. When he next reached into the chest, there was a hidden space. Leaning all the way over, Hidan's fingers just brushed a corner of the object he was searching for and he gasped, but his fingers inadvertently pushed it deeper. He stretched out his legs and reached even further into the chest, trying to reach. In this position he was leaning down into it with only one arm holding him up, so when his hand lost its grip there was nothing else to hold him. "Aaahhh!" He flailed his arms, trying to keep a grip on the precious treasure, but it was useless. His arms only hit the side of the wall, throwing him away from it. He landed flat on his stomach in a small, dark cavern. In the last light just before all illumination disappeared, he saw the precious object bounce into a small, shadowy corner. It was urgent that he get it in time, URGENT. His arms flailed all around, trying to get a grip to push himself off the ground, but he couldn't do it. His arms slid off the ground uselessly, hit what few handholds there were at all the wrong angles. Desperately Hidan tried to crawl across the ground towards it. He screamed, growled, roared, anything to keep the growing sound of scurrying away from it.

His efforts were useless. No sound he made had any effect, and as the sound of it brushing against the floor disappeared, Hidan whimpered and started to cry silently. He would never be able to get it in time for her. It had bounced away, beyond his reach. Now she would be too. Just then his nails found purchase. It was water. He stabbed his fingers into the liquid surface, dragged himself forward until he could stand. A sound of rhythmic splashing came from the far side where the water issued from. He staggered forward, the water slipping from under him, dragging himself back to his feet the first few times but settling for a crawl the last half of the way. His left eye was nearly smashed near the bridge of his nose by some blunt object. He reached up and grasped the stem of his scythe. His grip faltered as he nearly blacked out from lack of air, but he gagged out the current mouthful of air and dragged in another by sheer willpower and pulled. Nothing. He tried to get up and pull it in various directions. It would barely tilt in response to his moving from side to side, but nothing else. The two longer blades rotated anxiously, splashing in the water. Their younger sibling was trapped, caught in a rock. It would not pull free. Hidan crawled up to the 3 blades and whispered his apologies to the two spinning ones, then pulled up. There was an agonized sound, and Hidan wept as he feared his apologies for destroying the smallest blade would prove necessary. The rock refused to let go, but the other two blades were able to reach it as the scythe tilted. They cut into the stone, stabbing deep, like two pinpricks in the sensitive tissue of a giant. As they moved back and forth, back and forth through the material of the cave, it gave way, heaving away from these stabbing, needling objects.

The young blade broke free as the rock split, and Hidan's hands slipped down the neck of the scythe as it pitched forward. He grabbed it again at the base of the stem where his eye had nearly bled, and pleaded for his life as the first of the sharp stones stabbed upward into his tailbone in a fireworks explosion of agony. For the first time ever, his pleading found reception, and he kept a grip of the scythe as his face was rubbed bleeding and nearly ground to paste through being pushed through the dirt and stones. He tilted upwards, and gained a bird's eye view of the countryside below, separated into neat little geometric shapes of different color, with no other details visible from this height. There was another agonized sound which cut off very quickly, and Hidan looked and saw the topmost blade wedged between two boulders. The boulders were themselves struggling to burst free from their kin, and this position could not be held for long. Just then a flash of white briefly appeared against the mountain below. Hidan struggled to catch more than a vague sense of motion against the white clouds before the scythe slipped. As he jerked forward and almost fell, the vague sense of motion resolved itself into a seagull. It carried against its matted breast a red frog, limply dangling and at risk of falling. Hidan's anger boiled over, and he threw his body into convulsions swinging himself back and forth, until with a roar he let go and launched himself down at the bird. It whirled away, but his hands lashed out, grasping for the air, pulling him nearer through sheer force of desperation and fear until he grabbed securely the bird's left leg. It shrieked and dipped, and Hidan's guts were rearranged in their cavity while it fell. He held on, for above all it must not fall, the precious gift for -

The scythe touched his side gently, leaving a trail of coolness in its wake. Hidan reached his left hand for the seagull's leg, but it wouldn't move. Nothing would. His eyes opened wide, and a field of colored clumps came into view. Was he low enough to see the individual trees?! No, it was carpet. His left hand wouldn't move because he was trying to push it through immovable floor, turning himself onto his right side as he did so. The stem of the scythe met the floor and was pushed up, forcing the blades back again over the trail of coolness as they moved more to the center of his back. His right arm was somehow both tense and completely asleep, so he just fumbled it into position and leaned on it to look around.

Kakuzu sat on the bed, watching and patiently waiting. Hidan met his gaze and stared back. Kakuzu blinked and looked at his phone, not interested in a wake-up game. The bright lighting shining off the leaves of the distant trees outside told Hidan all he needed to know about why Kakuzu grumbled under his breath as he looked. The older man put his phone away and looked down at Hidan again.

"How does that thing stay on your back?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Hidan was a little mad from the sudden wake up. "What thing?" he retorted. The scythe rested against his back, no longer cool but warmed to match the rest of his body.

Kakuzu figured he had time for pointing out the obvious later. "Never mind. Let's go. It's after 10."

Hidan's unhappiness disappeared into a puff of smoke at that number. Hey, I got some nice long sleep then! He got up off the carpet, brushed his arms off in case there was any dirt, and followed Kakuzu out the door.

They met Konan in the kitchen. Something about the way her eyes changed when she glanced at him told Hidan her dreams had not been of the calm and fluffy sort. He didn't pick up any painful or angry sensations though, so he figured she was okay. Most of her attention stayed on Kakuzu, for he was the one in doubt.

"What have you decided?" she asked, voice carefully neutral.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. Her attempts to pretend he had some choice in the matter were pissing him off. His voice also carefully neutral, he replied, "Someone needs to look after this little idiot, and I don't exactly trust you with the job."

"That is to be expected," she responded, with some relieved tone just barely audible in her voice. "How was your night, Hidan?"

Hidan's face went blank for a few seconds while he tried to remember. Haltingly, he muttered, "I woke up from a dream where...there was a present I needed to give you...for some event...and a little sky-rat flew away with it...and I was buried but then on the side of a mountain somehow...and my hands kept slipping everywhere, like they always fucking do. I think there was a treasure in a house, and maybe a fan in a pool of water? Or… Ah, I forgot everything else."

Konan smiled. "You dream of doing kind things?"

Hidan grinned at her. "If I ever remember what the present was, I'll give it to you. Small enough for a winged vermin to carry has to be manageable, right?"

"Perhaps." Konan decided that she'd best get down to the practical business, the part that would involve spending money. "You seem to be happy sleeping here, as am I. We'll need supplies to make this building livable. Any suggestions?"

Kakuzu wondered why she was asking them for suggestions. Perhaps she wasn't as high and mighty as he'd thought. "Some food would be nice. That corner over there -" he nodded to the right side of the kitchen where the cabinets ended, leaving an unoccupied corner, "- needs a refrigerator in it."

Hidan looked around but didn't see any space. He frowned. "What about ice pops? Summer's coming up, you know. We've gotta have somewhere to keep the fucking ice pops."

Kakuzu nodded, although he disagreed with Hidan's reasons. Konan motioned behind her to the adjacent room. "There is plenty of room in there for whatever you need."

We only need one thing, and that's a freezer. Hidan wondered about her vagueness. Do they not have freezers where she comes from? He glanced at Kakuzu, who glanced back with a similar questioning look.

Konan noticed this exchange and decided to come clean. "I woke up in this world the day before yesterday, in the mid-afternoon. I looked through the abandoned houses, hunted, found someone to talk to who told me about his experience discovering he was not a normal person of this world, and went to sleep. The entire next day was spent planning, finding this place, and locating all of you. The only thing I have had time to learn about this world is that a great many things exist which I do not understand. Whatever it is you require, you will have to acquire."

Kakuzu's eyebrows shot up, and Hidan grinned from being very impressed. Kakuzu would have time to indulge his dislike of being forced into such annoying, unpleasant, perplexing circumstances later. For now, all these things were overshadowed by the fact that the person who had done this to him and a boatload of other people was a woman who had spent one day in their world, understood nothing of their technology, and was dealing with all of her loved ones, coworkers, and herself being dead at the same time. And here she was, getting down to business on her second day. If there was anything he could respect, it had to be such resilience.

Hidan figured she would need someone to show her 'round, then. Who better than yours truly? For the second time in as many hours as they had spent in each other's company, he gave her a thumbs up. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and made some sarcastic comment in his thoughts about Hidan appointing himself as Queen's servant boy. Konan started to be quite concerned, which was not the feeling he was going for. As soon as Hidan registered that reaction, his smile fell and he wondered what he was doing wrong.

Konan skillfully and conspicuously changed the subject. "I would assume those are food storage devices. So, aside from places to keep food, what else?" Since she didn't have the slightest clue what they would consider necessary, she made herself useful by conjuring a sheet of paper out of her cloak and retrieving her pen. Someone would need to keep an orderly list of supplies.

Hidan mentioned, "I ran around a lot while we were waiting yesterday and checked out the place. All the rooms have a bathroom in them, and the faucets work. Ooh, speaking of yesterday, have you seen the basement yet?"

"Yes. Water in bathrooms is generally used for bathing, not drinking. Do any other rooms have drinking water?"

"Aw yes! That baby could stand a little renovation for cleaning purposes, but otherwise it's like it was custom built!" Hidan then considered her question. "What's wrong with bathroom water? I drink out of the streams we have running in the woods here, which do not have any kind of pollution running into them, I checked before I decided to drink from those things, and the faucet water doesn't taste very different."

Kakuzu wondered how his companion could be so artfully clueless about things he was supposed to know so well. "What's wrong is that those faucets are located in the bathroom, a place that reminds people of germs and filth. A toilet seat's technically cleaner than a kitchen cutting board, but you still won't catch me eating off one. Think of how other people will think of it, Hidan."

Hidan looked thoughtful, and scratched his head idly. Then he turned, approached the cabinets on the right, and opened two of them that had their handles together in the middle to reveal a hole in the wall where a pipe would have gone. "Looks like there used to be a sink here!"

Konan agreed, but… "Why the hell do these cabinets have tops then?" Kakuzu asked.

"When I was exploring the abandoned houses the day before yesterday, many of the beds had sheets on them. Could that be relevant?"

Hidan snorted. "What, you think you're the only one to sleep in those things? Please."

The other two looked sharply at him in unison. "What? I've seen signs of human use and the occasional people in there at night. I don't know anything else, okay? What are you guys staring at?"

Konan thought back to her recent stay there and the signs of complete abandonment she'd observed. "What signs were those?"

Hidan replied, "Uh, some person shaped depressions in the beds, doors opened where I hadn't left them open, shit like that. Wait, no, it was windows opened; the doors were closed. I think one time there was some sound from the basement."

Konan immediately wrote something in very large size across the top of the paper. "Hidan, you and I are as of right now assigned to exploration detail. You say you have already explored this entire building, and I have seen the bottom floor and basement, so this location can be confirmed safe. Every other building on this entire street must be checked, thoroughly, inside and out, by the both of us. You can detect people or other sentient beings easily, and I know what to look for as well as having some searching jutsu of my own. I'm classifying this as an urgent mission, to be completed in a week at most."

Kakuzu facepalmed. "Of all the things...after I agree to stay here for your ninja games, now we find out we're stuck between the town and a nest of nocturnal creepers. Perfect. There goes the neighborhood."

"Neighborhood?!" Hidan started. "That guy who was like us! Who the fuck was he? An asshole or a cool guy?" he demanded of Konan.

"His name is Hatake Sakumo. He has a group of his own somewhere…" she did some quick geographic calculations in her head, "to the east of here. His entire clan is half-beast, which is why they were very well aware of being abnormal and needed no convincing to gather. So far, all I know of what is going on here is based off what he told me. He was very helpful."

"So...not an asshole," Hidan concluded. "Did you know him? Uh, original him?"

"I knew of his original. We did not live in the same village, but news spreads of outstanding ninja and their feats very quickly. He was known as the White Fang of the Leaf, had his battle skills recorded carefully in every Bingo Book, but unfortunately died by his own hand after deliberately failing a mission to save some of his comrades. Such sentimentality is not appreciated in the world of ninja, especially not from elite ninja who must carry out missions essential to the security of the country. He left behind a son, Hatake Kakashi, who is just as talented as his father. His clone here seems very gentle and unaware of his own skills, but just as sharp minded."

"Hot fucking shit," Hidan exclaimed. "People in your world hated on him so much for saving lives that they drove him to suicide? That's fucked up! What's a Bingo Book?"

"It's a book of elite ninja which contains information on their strengths and abilities. Ninja recorded in the Bingo Book will fetch extreme gratitude for their death, and are usually wanted criminals and traitors with bounties on their heads so it's open season for anyone powerful or stupid enough to think they can catch one. Of course, elite ninja who still belong to a village may be noted in other countries' Bingo Books as noteworthy enemies."

"Wow. Shit. We, uh, probably aren't going to do anything like that, because in this world that counts as all kinds of fucked up," Hidan stated. He looked to Kakuzu for confirmation, and received it.

"I didn't think you would. Let us save that for the second week. We'll need time to gather everyone and get set up, if indeed everyone else chooses to stay, before we contact his group. I would expect a man of his abilities and so suited to what is considered appropriate in this world to be placed highly, so most likely the rest of his group can be counted as allies." She stopped writing in mid-stroke. "Wait, that doesn't make any sense."

Kakuzu sighed. With encouraging elbowing from Hidan, he muttered, "Seems it's time for me to give up the act." Orienting his body fully towards her, Kakuzu allowed himself to show great interest in the portions of his face that were visible. "What other mysteries are there?" he asked, audibly eager to hear more.

"Crap," swore a voice from outside. It was Kisame. He poked his head around the doorway. There was no smell of fish to most people's noses (Hidan's was more attuna'd to such things); he must have taken some time to freshen up this morning. "What has this lady done to you, Kakuzu?"

"Told us some cool shit that she hasn't told you yet, because you took fucking forever to get here, that's what," Hidan gloated. "Wanna know what it was? Maybe, just fucking maybe, we could make time later to tell you."

"Hidan, it is the weekend," came Itachi's voice from the other side of Kisame. He stepped into view likewise wearing nicer, but sturdier looking clothes. "We have no jobs to go to, and at least two days worth of time to listen to her and consider our options. More, if we should decide to stay. You have nothing to be gloating about yet." Hidan bristled and stuck his tongue out at that.

"Perhaps I should wait," Konan decided. "My apologies, Itachi, Kisame. I was originally discussing our living expenses with these two, but got sidetracked onto topics of general interest. It would be better to wait until everyone is here, and have a meeting. Did you pass anyone else coming in this direction?"

Itachi shook his head. "I am on a first name basis with the people I directed you to, but not on a know where they live basis. Nor do I know what vehicles they drive, aside from that Sasori drives a motorcycle. I saw no unusual vehicles or motorcycles."

"And I didn't see any people with unusual hair colors inside any of the vehicles we passed," Kisame offered, as he had been the passenger this time. "Well, if there are mysteries to be discussed, they'd better not wait around. It's past 10 in the morning already."

"Hopefully so." Konan picked up the list she had been writing on and made a note of what she had realized. "It seems there are some mysterious and potentially dangerous things in this world that Hidan only just now bothered to tell anyone about which might influence your decision, so I won't ask anyone to confirm anything until after the meeting."

Kakuzu simmered, his sense of intrigue frustrated. "Fine, then. Let's return to discussing living expenses. We already mentioned the need for a refrigerator and a freezer, and we found a place where a sink should go." No one had closed either of the cupboard doors, so that was plainly obvious. "Hidan confirmed all the rooms have water, and it tastes clean. Food, water, he didn't mention any structural problems." Kakuzu knew that was not the same as not having seen any and narrowed his eyes at Hidan. "Did you see any problems, Hidan, aside from that missing corner of the roof?"

Hidan put on his offended face. "I was the first to decide to sleep here, asshole! You think I would leave out details like that in a place I'm going to be using for shelter? Fuck off! No, I did not see anything dangerous-looking. If there should be anything dangerous-looking, I'm not a trained architect and have less experience living in houses than other people, so I can't be blamed for not having seen it. Dickface."

"I'm pretty sure your experience living in houses is zero, Hidan, so I'm actually going to agree with you there. Someone who is a trained architect should be looking at that corner post-haste." Kisame sighed and looked around. "Problem with that is none of us are trained architects. Sasori's the closest thing, and he might be able to tell if water's likely to leak through or something like that, but he works with metal, not wood or plaster, whatever a roof's made of. How the hell would we explain this to any architect we hired?"

"I wouldn't expect Sasori to know nothing about the properties of wood…" Konan murmured. Seeing everyone else's attention, she added, "But of course all of that would be learned knowledge, the sort you lack, and your life experience seems to be translated in spirit at best. Of course an actual architect should be hired."

"Or we could just seal off the fucker," Hidan grumbled resentfully. "If hiring someone's going to be that much bother before we can get to the cool shit, we should just ask if there's any kind of stone-sprouting jutsu or something that can cover the whole place up." He turned to Konan. "Is there any kind of stone-sprouting jutsu that can cover the corner area so nothing'll leak?"

Konan stared blankly. She had not expected to be asked about jutsu this early, and for such civilian reasons. She scrambled to come up with something. "If some emergency cover can be erected in case of rain, I know Kakuzu is capable of using earth-style techniques. I should be able to teach him the basics of how jutsus work and how to perform them, and he may be able to figure out from there a technique that can do what you ask. I do not know of any specific technique, but that should be possible. Deidara could use his clay techniques to create a giant blanket or such in the meantime." It felt so very odd to be thinking of how techniques could be used to fix a building instead of destroy it.

Hidan clapped his hands. "Sounds fuckin' fantastic! Alright, now, since I'm more than a pretty shirtless dude, I've got some ideas for the training room that I came up with last night." This time the pride radiated from him instead of the other way around.

Kisame and Itachi entered the kitchen and found places to lean while they listened. Itachi found one first and asked, "What is your idea?"

Hidan rubbed his hands together and tried/failed to suppress a grin. "My idea is a room where you can punch everything and they keep coming back for more punching!"

Out of respect, Kisame tried not to sigh noticeably. "That's...a nice idea."

He fooled no one. Hidan snapped, "It is, I fucking swear it! So you hang up a bunch of heavy bags - but not too heavy, or else they won't swing much - so they hang to around chest height, in maybe an X shape, that sounds good, and you go to the one in the middle and you punch it and it swings around and hits another bag and you punch that one when it swings towards ya and then it makes another one start swinging and all the bags end up swinging around in every direction so you have to punch everything or get hit and have to drop out!"

He looked around excitedly to see how this explanation resonated. Everyone looked like they were actually thinking about it, that was good… I am a fucking genius, I am. When he turned to see how Konan was taking it, his face broke out in all directions. She was smiling at him! "That sounds like a very good idea. It would require comparatively light bags, but ninjas are expected to be swift on their feet more than physically strong, so that is not a downside. If it can work as described, it sounds like an excellent room to train reflexes, observation, and endurance in."

Hidan looked around frantically. He had never felt any sign she would appreciate it, so he was not about to take out his need to hug someone on her. But fuck, he needed to hug someone right now!

Just then some footsteps came from outside the door. "Where is everyone? Maybe in he -" Nagato's sentence was abruptly cut off by the armload of shirtless man he received on walking into the kitchen doorway. Hidan squeezed him tightly, so tightly that between his body heat and Nagato's deep blush the air around Nagato's face seemed ready to combust. Nagato was lifted off the ground by sheer joy and forced to hold onto Hidan's body to stay steady as he was spun around. The blush disappeared, but Nagato panicked because he knew full well where the blood that was no longer in his face was headed. The smell and feeling of being so tightly held was intoxicating and scared him into paralysis. He heard Yahiko laugh behind him.

Since this all happened in the span of only a couple seconds, Hidan experienced a mood whiplash that left him disoriented, from sheer joy at his achievement in ninjary to the cold sobering paralysis of fear. He overcame the paralysis and forced his arms suddenly open, dropping Nagato a few inches to the ground. The redhead stepped back and tightened every muscle in his body that he could control, even hoping that the blood would rush back into his face. The combination of everything confused his circulatory system greatly, and he would have fallen down if not for Konan's hand suddenly pressing on his back, steadying and calming him.

Everyone was staring. Nagato reflexively adjusted and stepped forward, pretending that being suddenly dropped by Hidan had unbalanced him just a little. He swallowed, tried to moisten his mouth. "Uh...an-anyone want to explain what that was for?"

Hidan gave all of his voluntary muscles another tensing before laughing. "Konan just confirmed I'm pretty awesome, so I needed to hug someone. You were convenient."

Nagato wasn't sure whether the best course of action would be to stay close to Hidan so he would know when the shirtless man was in a hugging mood, or stay far away and keep someone between them at all times. Everyone was still staring. He looked back at Yahiko, who was still smiling. "I'd rather not be. So, what has everyone been talking about?"

"Hidan had a plan for a training room," Konan summarized. "I'll discuss his idea with whoever is going to be in charge of setting it up, since Hidan has another mission to do. Speaking of, have either of you seen Deidara and Sasori?"

"HEY!" Hidan yelled, as if outraged. "I just realized something! The acoustics of this place are frickin' weird!"

"What…?" murmured Yahiko, speaking for all.

"Even when we're in the mid -"

The sputtering, grinding sound that they had all heard last night cut him off. It died down in a few seconds.

"As I was saying, when we're in the middle of talking we can't hear car engines from all the way in here. But even in the middle of a sentence the sound of a motorcycle cuts right through like we don't even have walls. The shit is up with that?"

Konan patted him on the head and left to greet the newcomers. That was the moment Hidan realized he liked being patted on the head, and started involuntarily purring. He looked to Nagato hopefully. Nagato backed away as inconspicuously as he could. Yahiko wondered why Nagato would be the one looked at, then wondered why he was wondering that. He blushed mildly and looked away as inconspicuously as he could. Kakuzu missed nothing and gave up his usual grumpiness for the freedom of letting himself be fully entertained, just for a moment. Itachi filed it all away for later perusal.

Konan stepped into the lobby just as Deidara and Sasori entered. Deidara was smiling in a way he had perhaps been too tired for the night before. Sasori snuck glances at this every so often, confusing and mollifying himself by doing so. Deidara rushed forward. "Sorry we're late, yeah! The thing last night was reeeaaallly far past my bedtime, yeah, so I had to sleep in. Did we miss anything?"

Konan decided the room opposite the kitchen doorway would do. It seemed not fitting somehow to hold an actual meeting about important topics in the kitchen. Instead of answering, she gestured for him to follow her, and turned back to the kitchen. Deidara turned to Sasori for explanation, then realized she was walking away. He realized she must have a slightly different culture or something, that weird petting motion must have been her way of asking him to follow. He ran a few steps to catch up, Sasori doing likewise as he caught on.

Konan stopped in the doorway and addressed everyone, interrupting Hidan's purring. "I do not wish to hold such a lengthy and, I suspect, very important meeting in the kitchen. The material there is to talk about, let's talk about it somewhere else."

Hidan's ears perked up as much as they were able to. "The sunroom?"

Konan looked at him blankly, so he pointed out the doorway in the direction of the room opposite. Her eyes got a strange expression, and she nodded. With this many people around it was hard to tell if a subtle influence even existed, but he thought some bittersweet combination of feelings might have crossed the space between them. He wondered why as they filed out of the kitchen and into the room opposite, Konan shutting the door behind her.

At this time of day, the sunroom did not have any sun shining in it. That was good news. There were no seats aside from a neglected stuffed chair in a corner. That was bad news. The floor was carpeted in a thick, soft layer which solved everything. Hidan and Konan went to the middle of the floor and sat near each other, legs folded beneath themselves. He smiled up at everyone else, questioning why they were standing, so they moved around the floor to form a rough circle and sat cross-legged. Dei was reminded of kindergarten. He wondered what lessons they would receive.

General

Konan pulled out the paper she had been making plans on. "Alright. As Kisame and Itachi know, this meeting was planned in response to a discussion with Hidan and Kakuzu that went off track from supplies to mysteries and possible dangers. I don't want to do everything, so would one of you please summarize?"

Hidan squeaked. "Called it! Okay, so...the sink. We found a place where the sink should go in the kitchen, and it didn't make any sense because the cabinets there still had tops. So we were wondering what was up with that, and Konan mentioned she'd seen some other funny things while she was going through the abandoned houses the day before yesterday, which is apparently the day she got here. She'd seen sheets on the beds, and didn't know why. I knew why, so I told her it was because people use those beds. Well, maybe not people exactly, I've never caught human scent even from a fresh depression, or any scent really except for sometimes blood, but I've seen occasional glimpses of them sneaking around at night so they're at least human-looking for sure. I also mentioned windows and doors being opened and closed and hearing a noise from the basement one time. Basement noises must indicate bad things where she comes from, because she immediately assigned the both of us, me and her I mean, to check out all the other buildings on this street. Kakuzu said something to remind of me of something she'd mentioned earlier, which was that she met some guy who was like us, with weird abilities and not-trustable memories and shit. She told us about that guy, who is friendly and like a werewolf and shit, and then got a funny look on her face and that's where Kisame broke in so we stopped. Did I miss anything?"

No, but he had done something equally bad. Quick as a lightning bolt, a scenario flashed through Konan's mind in which she called him out on this right now. She decided the outcome of such a scenario would be bad. There was a time for taking a hammer to someone's sense of reality, and that time was only when necessary. She began to contemplate how slowly she should introduce certain concepts to the rest of the group. In the meantime, Hidan would definitely need to be given some standing orders. That would be best saved for after the meeting.

"No, everything I recall discussing was there." Technically true responses are the best kind of responses. "Does anyone require more clarification?"

Nagato's eye suddenly widened, and she could be pretty sure that if he'd had more color in his skin to begin with he would have paled visibly. His mouth opened as if with a sudden exclamation of horror. But then his eye regained focus, and he closed his mouth and looked down. The long-haired redhead seemed to have decided whatever his reaction was was a bad idea. Yahiko seemed slightly confused at what little he could see of a change in Nagato's posture. Nobody else seemed to have noticed, caught up as they were. Konan decided to have Hidan question her brother's clone after the meeting.

"Excuse me," a skeptical voice called. Sasori's glare surprised everyone. Even Deidara, who had seen an occasional glare from Sasori in defense of him, was startled. For one thing, there was no threat to Deidara or anything else Sasori usually cared about. For another, this glare was different. There were no fragile glass walls of simple denial to be found here. He sat calm, collected, hands relaxed in his lap, and absolutely ready to walk out without a moment's glance. "I don't believe in werewolves."

Konan met his expression of resistance and decided to do something very risky. A leader's job was to project confidence. However, she was not yet a leader, and had the beginnings of a creeping suspicion that she might never be. So she caved. "That is perfectly fine. You don't need to believe in werewolves."

"Huh?" Hidan was thrown. "But you said earlier -"

"That Sakumo was a half-wolf," Konan explained as if to a five year old. "A half-wolf and a werewolf are different, a fact he made very clear to me at the time. And that is irrelevant, anyway. My purpose here is to pass on what I know in the hopes that there is some use for it in this world. Dealing with any other fantastic elements this world may have is not a top priority. When Sakumo is contacted as a potential ally, which will be after we have achieved some group coherency, it will be because he was a good shinobi and nothing more. I am a shinobi. You are not. This gap must be closed. Do not talk about his species again until everyone here is comfortable being a ninja."

Sasori resumed his usual blank expression and stayed seated. Kakuzu was disappointed in a small part of him which he immediately chastised for being infantile and childish. The rest of him knew that was the smartest decision to make. He'd lived long enough. He could wait longer still for the rest to come out. Meanwhile Deidara was relieved of a fear he didn't know he'd had, that she might repeat yesterday's smashing of his sense of reality. Most people gathered were. Nagato decided to keep what he'd thought of to himself. He held enough secrets, what was one more?

Hidan was no longer puzzled. Oh, right, they don't like crazy shit as much as I do. I need to remember important shit like that better. He dug his thumbnails into the flesh of his first fingers just enough to produce a little pain to seal that with. I'm gonna remember. Promise!

Kisame asked, "So, you and him are just going to make sure we won't get hurt by any odd business in the meantime?"

"Correct."

"Just checking." His shoulders relaxed somewhat. "What did I interrupt? If it's not connected to anything too far out there, that is."

Konan did not think it was. "It is not, as far as I know. I had merely realized something that did not make sense about Sakumo's being cloned in this world. It's only the sort of mystery I gathered you all for in the first place." She glanced at the notes. "You interrupted after I realized but before I could explain that I have no idea why Sakumo is here in the first place."

"What? You said yesterday that something happened after people in your world died. I would assume that mean he's here because his original died," Kisame muttered.

"Yes, but this hasn't always happened. Otherwise this portion of this world would be overrun by shinobi and there would be an entrenched ninja culture by now. According to Sakumo, the members of his group with the longest awareness of being unusual have been aware of their situation for about the past year and a half. The fact that none of you have corrected me when I assumed you'd been here for the same amount of time as your originals have been dead confirms that there is almost no delay between the original's death and the appearance of an amnesiac clone in this world. Hatake Sakumo was a very well-known ninja in my world. It is common knowledge for anyone who is an adult in recent times to be aware of his history, which includes the fact that he died 25 to 30 years ago. It should not have been possible to be cloned at that time, and he told me his own memories changed only a few months ago. It doesn't make sense."

There was silence. Nobody could think of anything, even those that tried to think of something blatantly supernatural and as unrealistic as they could. Yahiko murmured, "Wow… There's a lot more to this than playing with magic abilities, isn't there?"

Playing with magic? Is that what they've thought of my offer? Konan wondered if she hadn't made a mistake in thinking they were ready. No. I can't believe I would think that of any of them, but especially him. We were civilians once too. I shouldn't have so little faith in my friends. "It was always going to be. I didn't… well, regardless, yes. The reason I asked all of you here was to solve the mystery of why you exist. There is a mystery behind all of you, doubly so for people like you and Sakumo. Ninjas never merely 'play.'"

Yahiko blushed and lowered his head in shame. It was still hard to take her offer seriously, though she so clearly believed everything she said to be reality. His face burned and he briefly wondered how qualified he was to try and help her if he couldn't even keep track of what she had lived through. That was so insensitive. I'm treating her entire life like a children's story. She's a ninja, and that's real, it is. It needs to be real for me too, or I'm only going to make things worse. Hell, it is real for me too. What am I even thinking? I hope original me was better at this.

Meanwhile, Nagato wondered what wasn't right about her statement. "Wait. Doubly so for who, exactly?"

That was the moment Konan realized she hadn't been careful in her words. For the first time ever, it occurred to her to wonder if she needed to be. Perhaps in this world… Her eyes turned far enough to her right to see the tips of Yahiko's orange hair. They snapped back into place and froze there. YES. I do need to. Always. She resolved to never repeat her mistake, and conceded to the corner she'd allowed herself to get forced into. "Doubly so for...Yahiko. He and Sakumo are...well, let's just say his original died some years ago. Not decades, but many more than one and a half."

Yahiko and Nagato looked at each other in surprise. Nagato could've sworn he and his companion were on the exact same page and always had been. There could be no way Yahiko's existence was a mistake. Yahiko turned back and worked out what to say for a few seconds. Eventually he muttered, "So...is there no reason for me to be here?"

"Hidan had an excellent idea for a training room." Konan proceeded to write down all the details of that idea in her notes. "Unfortunately, it won't be enough. Physical training is not enough for a shinobi. None of you were pure taijutsu specialists. We'll need somewhere else to train other things. Any ideas?"

Their expressions went unnoticed as she continued to look down at the page. Yahiko looked down at himself, confused. Most got the hint, and Nagato cut off the silence by offering a quick suggestion. It was shot down, which was okay, because he had no idea what he was talking about at all. The important thing was to talk. A couple others tried to suggest things, which got tentative "if we can't think of anything else" approval. Deidara had no idea what was going on. He'd thought she was uber military like Sasori had said, and he'd never seen a military training base run with so little planning. "Just what the hell are we supposed to be doing, huh? Do you have any idea?"

Konan looked at him sharply. "If any of you have inherited abilities from your originals, then you should be able to perform them without needing training. Training is for developing capacities you do not have now. I can't see the future."

Hidan raised his hand. "Okay, okay, but no matter what the fuck it is, training should use stuff we're already able to do, right? So, what should we be able to do if we do have their abilities?"

Konan agreed that was a good point, and proceeded to tell them in more detail about their originals' abilities. Starting from her right, she went around the circle. "Nagato, you specialized in the use of jutsu using all five elements, as well as some other Rinnengan-only techniques. These special techniques allowed your original to attract and repel objects and even other people's jutsus, absorb chakra, summon large beasts, bring people and machines back to life and perfect repair, pull out souls, fire missiles, and create chakra rods allowing you to control dead bodies and project yourself into them. I can't think of anything you need training in, except for perhaps taijutsu to better protect your main body."

"Yahiko, your original used water-based jutsus. He mostly used them for defense and to drive away enemies without killing anyone. He was quite capable at taijutsu as well. Mental training to become more psychologically capable of leading a ninja's life would be best."

"Itachi. Your original was talented in genjutsu, the creation of illusions. He could overwhelm the enemy's chakra and trap them in an illusion with only one finger. In addition he used fire-style jutsu, could use his Sharingan for excellent taijutsu, and used strategy well."

"Kisame. Your original was a talented swordsman who used Samehada's chakra-consuming qualities well against enemy techniques, and also used water-style jutsu. I believe he could also summon sharks."

"Sasori. Your original was an elite puppetmaster, one of the very best in the Five Nations. You even took out the Third Kazekage before joining the Akatsuki, which is quite an accomplishment considering Kages are usually the strongest ninja in their entire village. You made your own puppets out of...a wider variety of materials than usual, controlled them with puppet strings made out of chakra, and could design poison nobody but the best medics in the world could make an antidote for. Puppetmasters tend to devote themselves entirely to such an art, so that was all."

"Deidara, your original thought of himself as an artist. This was because he had a fascination with explosions bordering on creepy. The mouths you have in your palms are used for chewing a special explosive clay he used, blending the clay with his own explosive chakra and molding it into various shapes. Common shapes included spiders and birds, which he would use a jutsu to expand to a size most would call 'giant' and direct to attack a target. Once within range the clay animals would explode, of course. The clay birds he also used for transportation, riding on them to, from, and during battles as well as carrying captured enemies. He probably had some training in basic ninjutsu and taijutsu, just as Sasori would have because all shinobi trained by a village will be taught all the basics, but I don't know if he bothered training them beyond that."

"Kakuzu, your original also used jutsus with all five elements, but only as long as he had a heart from someone who could use that element. He used the 5 Hearts technique to take hearts from his enemies and use them, greatly increasing his durability. Your stitches are there because the interior of your body is filled with tentacle-like things, which can be fully let out of your body to rampage as beasts of four elements, each of them having a heart of course. Even without five hearts, he could still stitch people together, undo all stitches on his arms and send them long distances, etc. Taijutsu was good as well. He did not use any genjutsu."

"And, Hidan. I already explained to you your abilities last night, which consisted of a technique that would drive you insane if you used it because you are too different from your original, immortality, and training with your scythe. It's not much of a loss; that technique wasn't very useful in battle anyway. He only used it because his religion mandated it. That raises questions about what techniques he used before becoming a Jashinist, as the fact is that he was quite successful before joining the Akatsuki, and in ways that the ritual could not possibly have allowed. I don't know enough about him to say for certain what those techniques were, but his fascination with bladed weapons suggests you might want to try using those. Nothing I've seen or heard suggests he used any jutsu besides the ritual. The use of weapons is probably his only notable skill, and perhaps other forms of taijutsu. If it's any consolation, he could use the scythe for both short and medium range combat, by attaching a rope to it and throwing it. He was actually very good at that."

Konan looked around everywhere except to her immediate right and observed how they were taking this. Most had their mouths hanging open, or in Kakuzu's case eyebrows raised. Deidara looked pale. Out of her peripheral vision, Yahiko looked red and Nagato seemed to have his head down, looking at his hands. Deidara was now sweating. Hidan was glaring at her. What had she done to warrant that? Deidara was trembling. Sasori seemed disappointed, then concerned. He turned and put his hand on Dei's shoulder. The blond took a deep breath and curled tighter around himself. Everybody noticed this, and he lowered his gaze as far down as he could. That didn't keep anyone from seeing tears.

Konan froze. She had never expected this reaction. Why was Deidara acting this way? Seeing motion to her left, she turned. Hidan was wavering unsteadily and looking pale, while clutching his stomach. After blinking sweat out of his eyes, he noticed her attention and beckoned her using a hand gesture that vaguely resembled a "come here" gesture turned upside down and backwards. Nonetheless she recognized it and shuffled closer so he could lean on her shoulder and whisper in her ear. After a brief shiver, Hidan whispered to her that he felt nauseous, but not the kind from being sick. It felt like there was something liquid all over him, and the squeezing feeling in his guts felt like guilt. He also mentioned wanting to cry, but seemed frustrated. She looked at his face as he squeezed it, but nothing came. Hidan fell completely silent and looked away from her. Konan touched his shoulder. Hidan tightened his shoulders a little and mumbled, "No...it's just...there's no reason to. You don't even...just leave me alone."

Presumably similar words had passed between Sasori and Deidara, who now shrugged off his friend's hand and was angrily wiping away the few tears he'd managed to get out. Sasori retracted his hand and shuffled closer, simply staying near Deidara until he recovered. Deidara didn't seem to be in the mood to recover, though. He broke out of the circle and left the room, leaving the door swinging behind him. Only a few seconds after leaving, he got far enough away for Hidan to shake his head and look more like normal, which Konan didn't see as she blocked the door from swinging shut and followed.

Deidara wondered if he should head towards one of the rooms. No. It's been long enough. I don't need to throw up anymore, nah. He really wanted to though. It would have given him something to focus on that wasn't the fact that he was apparently predestined to be a monster. Bombs...living bombs, that could just skitter up to people and jump in their faces before they even had a chance to scream and blow them up, bam, not enough left for the kids to identify, nothing. Spiders, just crawling all over you for the right spot, wouldn't even leave you paraplegic, too good for that. He changed his mind and crossed the lobby, hurrying down the other hallway and into the nearest room there, entering the bathroom in said room and pushing the door away until its momentum dissipated a centimeter from closing. It swung back open to an inch in response. Deidara didn't notice. He was too busy squeezing his stomach muscles, over and over again hoping his stomach would get the hint. His mouth watered but his stomach seemed paralyzed, unable to do anything. Dei leaned on the sink, feeling cold and still shaking. If I can't...does that mean I don't really feel bad? Why would I not really feel bad? Am I that bad that I don't even know it? People are supposed to throw up when they're thinking of something bad, yeah! Those blasts were, kind of, a little...beautiful. Do I really like that? Oh god, that would explain everything. In desperation he pounded on his stomach, but it didn't work. He just hurt now. It felt better.

The door swung open all the way. Deidara lurched forward out of its path, but didn't utter a word. Konan stepped to his side. She did not try to touch him, but simply looked at him, then to the empty toilet. Without a sound she went behind him to the sink, where a cup was provided. She filled it with water from the faucet. Then she walked around him and offered it. Deidara wondered what she could possibly think she could do, and looked up. The look in her eyes was trustworthy, so he took the cup and drank it. It tasted bland. The squeezing of his esophagus echoed all the way down his digestive tract. All at once he understood, and seeing him understand Konan retreated to sit on the edge of the bathtub. The first didn't do it, so he refilled the cup and drank it again. Then again. After the third time the message got through and it proved very fortunate that the sink was right next to the toilet. Deidara wondered if he was going to die of suffocation, but just as stars began to cross his vision the cramped shaking of his abdomen subsided. He got his arms behind him before he could fall down and managed to crawl backwards enough to lean against the wall.

He allowed his eyes to close for a second, then panicked against the possibility of them staying there like they wanted to and leaving him to wake up in a nice comfy bed where people would want to make him feel all better. He pried his eyes open, back to the too-bright bathroom and the cracked plaster behind his head and his left shoulder pushed too far forward by the sink. Absorbing all the too-bright light like a shadow, Konan sat across from him, still looking with a faraway look in her eyes. Deidara wondered if he could reach any toilet paper from this position to clean himself with. That's stupid. Why...why would I even think of that now, huh? So shallow…

He exerted some effort to wipe his mouth with a sleeve instead, and uttered a high pitched squeak. He tried again, and spoke. "How...h-how many people have you killed?"

Konan disregarded the formalities and answered the question he really wanted to know. "You did not enjoy it, and you have not enjoyed it at any time since, Deidara."

He gaped. But...the blasts were kind of...awesome…

"A personality like yours would always like impressive, loud things. That is at the core. The consequences of such things are a different matter. Little children only enjoy their actions, not all the consequences of them. Whether or not they still act like that as they grow depends on what they learn about the consequences and what they decide. You have no shared memories. You have no shared decisions."

He had nothing to say to that. But did it even matter? He hadn't been a little child. Had she? "What about you?"

Konan looked down somewhere to her left, thinking of what to say. "Enjoying a blood spray or a scream looks very distinctive. You do not look like that."

What...who...what could that possibly mean, huh?! "U-uh?"

She looked back at him, mind whirring to determine how much to say. "It's unclear how many decisions there were to make. How much learning could have changed things. In reality, there is only one danger for me, or for anyone else." Konan stood up and looked down at him, sprawled on the floor against the wall as he was. "You can still fly."

What? Fly? How? I don't think I can, not so easily...wait. He realized she was speaking literally and remembered the other uses she'd mentioned for the clay beasts. The pit of his stomach soured a little as he thought of spiders, but he pushed it down. They're only animals. Only animals, yeah. Made out of clay, that I should be able to control so it doesn't explode, yeah. Only animals. Animals can be used for a lot of things, yeah? Pranking Sasori with a bunch of spiders in his bed would be kind of cool. I never need to think of Halloween decorations ever again. Nobody ever got blown up by a decoration, yeah.

He was glad to note that picturing giant white spiders in the middle of some glittery decorative web actually did help slow his heart down. Gratefully, he reached out a hand. Konan seemed confused about why he would do this, but took it and held on as he stood. When he was upright, Deidara managed a small smile. She took this as a sign he would now be alright by himself, inclined her head politely, and left. Dei stared after her. He knew it shouldn't be any surprise, after the way she talked so easily of other things. But that didn't change the fact that she was the first person to hold one of his hands since he'd first started thinking about them who was both in her right mind and not disturbed by it. It felt nice.

He walked just a little unsteadily to the doorway and looked out. The room was sparse with no decorations, like a blank piece of paper ready for anyone. It was so bland. Deidara could hardly understand how such a bland room could be host to such an important moment. He'd have to change it, fix the blandness. I wonder what Teddy would think of that shelf, hmm...

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