The Festival (IX)

He found Tsunade sitting on the railing of one of Konoha's highest buildings right in the centre of the village, her head turned upwards to watch the stars.

"You followed me, huh? I should have expected that. You never knew when to leave someone alone."

Jiraiya hid his worry at her hollow voice and chuckled softly, much different to the usual boisterous laugh he preferred, as he sat down next to her. "With how upset you looked? Of course I followed you. You don't leave someone alone when they're like that."

"Even if I ask you to?"

"Yes, even then."

Tsunade snorted. "So you know what's good for me even better than I do myself now?"

"Maybe not," admitted easily, making her turn towards him in surprise. "But even if I don't know for sure what's the best course of action, I can still try to do what I think is right. That's the only thing all of us can do."

When Tsunade spoke this time, he was glad to hear that her voice sounded slightly more alive than before. "Look at you, trying to sound all wise like this. Finally trying to live up to the hype?"

"Well, someone has to set a good example for the next generation, right?"

She just shook her head before surprising him by crossing the distance between them and leaning her head against his shoulder. If there was one thing that showed him in how much pain she was, it was this. After all, the last time she had hugged him was when Dan-

Yeah, let's not think about that right now.

"Don't think I don't see what you and Sensei tried there," Tsunade said, her voice now somewhat muffed. "It's cruel to bring up bad memories like this, you know."

He hesitated for a moment as he thought about the right words before deciding to just say whatever felt right. There was probably no perfect way to do this anyway, so he could just as well follow his own words and do what he thought was right.

"And what exactly did we try?"

While she didn't raise her head from his shoulder, he could feel her tense. "Seriously, Jiraiya? Bringing a kid that's so similar to-" Tsunade's voice trembled and she was forced to take a deep breath before she could continue. "A kid that's so similar to them in an effort to make me stay. That's low, even for you."

A rueful smile crept up his face. "It is, yes."

"You knew that and did it anyway?"

"Tell me, Tsunade," he said instead of answering her question. "Do you think we were subtle?"

"What?"

"I asked you if you think Sensei and I were subtle in bringing you into contact with Naruto," he elaborated. "Did we really manipulate you without you even realizing it?"

She was silent for a few seconds until-

"Don't play games with me. What are you getting at, Jiraiya?"

"You say we set you up to meet Naruto in an attempt to make you stay in the village by counting on the fact that his similarity to Dan and Nawaki" -he ignored the way she flinched at these names- "would convince you to do so. But tell me, does that work if you're aware of what we were doing? After all, if you know you're being manipulated, the trick is over, right?"

"So you're saying you weren't trying to manipulate me because you weren't subtle about it? So what, you didn't try to make me stay here and all that was just in my head." Her voice was one of disbelief.

"No," Jiraiya confessed without hesitation. "We want you to stay, and it's also true that we wanted you to meet Naruto because of his similarity to those two. However, we don't want to manipulate you into it. In the end, it must be your decision, not ours."

"I don't understand," Tsunade said, clearly lost. "You say you don't want to manipulate me into staying, but your actions speak otherwise."

This was the critical moment. So far, Tsunade had been too stuck in her grief to get angry, but Jiraiya could feel that this was about to change. If he said one wrong word, this conversation was over.

"Tsunade," he said slowly while turning his head to look into her eyes. "Can I be completely honest with you?"

She hesitated for a second, caught off-guard by the seriousness in his expression, before nodding.

"You say that Naruto is similar to Dan and Nawaki, and that's not wrong, but if such similarity is all we wanted, we could have brought countless other children as well to fulfil the same role." He raised his hand to make her stop in her tracks when she opened her mouth to disagree, only continuing when he was sure she wouldn't interrupt him. "It helps that he looks similar to Nawaki, and that his dream is the same as his and Dan's. However, he isn't alone with that. There are literally thousands of children in this village who have big dreams as well, hundreds of which include becoming Hokage. Maybe not all of them have the same willpower as Naruto to strive for such a lofty goal in the long run, I will give you that, but they all have one thing in common: they have absolute confidence in their abilities to achieve their dream one day.

They work hard with their dreams before their inner eyes, no matter whether that dream is something big like becoming Hokage or something objectively easier like being the best older sibling they could possibly be. They all sweat and bleed to achieve whatever they set out to do. And while there are doubtlessly many who will ultimately accept defeat, there will also always be those that don't give up until the very end.

There are hundreds of little Narutos, Dans, and Nawakis dreaming of the future all over the village right now, and the reason we brought Naruto to meet you was to remind you of that. Tsunade, there are so many people with bright hopes for the future, but all you seem to remember when you think of Konoha are the bad things when there is so much more."

There was a profound silence when he finished, but Jiraiya didn't push her to reply immediately. He took the fact that her head was still on his shoulder as a good sign, though.

It was almost fifteen minutes later that Tsunade finally replied.

"You're full of shit, you know that?"

He suppressed a wince. Now that wasn't the reaction he had been hoping for. "Tsunade-"

"So what if they all share the same conviction and even the same dream? In the end, all of them will be disappointed. Sure, some might claim to be happy, claim that they have fulfilled their dreams, but they're lying. At best, they simply realized the impossibility of their goals and changed them to something achievable. They pretend to be happy with what they have to the outside world, but on the inside, they know full well that they have failed in what they truly wanted. They understand that choosing the second-best is the most they can ever do because their true goal is forever out of their reach." She took her head off his shoulder to direct her gaze towards the few ant-like figures of people walking below them in the streets. "Dreams are for fools."

Jiraiya looked at her for a moment while he fought down the impulse to put an arm around her shoulder. He doubted she would react well to that right now.

"Were Dan and Nawaki fools, then?"

Her head jerked around. "Jiraiya-"

"I asked you if I can be honest with you and you agreed," he reminded her before she could finish. "So that's exactly what I'm gonna do. So, let me ask that again: do you think Dan and Nawaki were fools? Were they blind idiots who followed dreams they could never achieve, that they never even stood a chance? Can you really look into my eyes and tell me you believe that?"

Tsunade opened her mouth, but no tone escaped her. She tried several times to say something, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring herself to say it. Just like he had thought.

It was after her fifth attempt that she finally gave up and averted her eyes from him with a growl that sounded suspiciously like a sob, but not before he could catch a glimpse of the open anguish in them. "What does it even matter?" she said, her voice once again hollow. "They're dead, whether they were foolish or not will not change anything about that..."

"That's true, but letting that loss define the rest of your life will neither."

She snorted, sounding more bitter than amused. "Oh, you think I don't know that?"

"Tsunade-"

"Do you think I'm not aware that others have lost their loved ones too? I don't think I'm special, Jiraiya. Many have lost even more than I but still go on with their lives, I know that just as I know that just running away will solve nothing, but that doesn't change how I feel. Just because I know that they wouldn't want me to waste my life like this doesn't mean that I can change the way I feel!"

He hesitated a moment before slowly putting his arm around her to pull her close, giving her more than enough time to turn the offer of comfort down.

She didn't.

"I just want to hold them in my arms one more time…"

When it became clear she was done with swallowing all her hurt down and he heard her openly sob into his side, Jiraiya fully realized in just how much pain she really was.

Tsunade only ever cried when she was at an extremely low point. In fact, this was actually only the third time he could remember her crying at all.

When he spoke next, he kept his words slow and steady. "Even when someone dies, they're never truly gone. Just like we carry the will and dreams and ideals of our sensei and the generations before us, there will always be people who carry on the believes and hopes of the people we have lost. Even if you extinguish their light, there's no way that their flame will ever burn out. That's the Will of Fire."

Tsunade knew that as well, of course, but he thought she needed to hear it nonetheless.

Jiraiya could feel the wetness of his clothes when she pressed her face harder into his shoulder. "That's not enough for me."

"And it never will be. When someone dies, they will forever leave a hole in our hearts where they were supposed to be. All we can do is live on to the best of our abilities. If not for ourselves, then at least for them."

"And how do you do it?" When she raised her head again to look him in the eyes, Jiraiya could see the conflicting emotions in hers. There was the well-expected pain and sorrow, of course, but what gave him hope was the almost desperate wish for an answer.

"There is this one phrase I once read," he said. "Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times." He chuckled softly. "It's simple, but there is some truth for it. However, what I think the person who wrote this didn't understand is that if the 'strong men' try hard enough, they should be able to achieve something akin to permanent peace. There will always be problems and crises, of course, but their extent can be limited. Just think about it: a mere century ago, the entire continent was in a constant state of war. No area was unaffected, no one knew peace. The loss of loved ones wasn't a heartbreaking tragedy but a reality of everyday life.

Then your grandfather came along and brought that age to an end. Yes, there are still wars, but honestly? Compared to the past, having only three major conflicts in a century is a great improvement! If you were to travel back in time and tell the people of that period about it, they wouldn't believe you and call you crazy! After all, a world not trying to tear itself apart all the time? Preposterous! However, your grandfather didn't let himself be stopped by such believes and went on to make peace with the Uchiha, made friends out of enemies, founded this village, and inspired others to do the same.

Today, people live longer than ever before in recorded history, much more children are allowed to have actual childhoods, and families don't need to constantly be afraid of losing one another. The world we live in isn't perfect by any means, but it is better than what it was before.

You want to know how I manage to live on? I strive to make the world of tomorrow even better than what it is today. I do my best to clean the messes our generation has made to stop them from becoming a problem in the future, I pass on what I have learned, and I have trust that the people that follow us will do the same.

I have hope that this world will get better bit by bit with every generation until ultimately, there will be peace."

That was what Jiraiya honestly believed. The Great Toad Sage had foretold that a student of his would be a force of great change in the world, but he knew that this one person alone wouldn't be enough to bring peace. However, if they could bring others to their side, to open other people's heart's to their cause, they could be the source of a revolution that would ultimately bring peace to the ninja world. Such a thing couldn't be done in one lifetime, but creating the foundation on which future generations could build on? Now that was more than possible.

It was notable to mention that the aforementioned abilities were skills Naruto already possessed.

"You said we tried to manipulate you," he said, bringing up the topic from the beginning of their conversation. "And in a way, that's probably true. It might not have been our intention, but a case can be made that it happened anyway. However, what we wanted to do was to give you the chance to choose. Regardless of whether you decide to stay or to leave after this, we want you to make this decision not only in the form of an emotional affect, but as a result of rational consideration. But to do that, you need to know and understand both sides of the argument. That's what this whole thing has been about.

If you now decide to stay here, you will no longer be burdened by the ghosts of your past because they will have become your strength instead. On the other hand, if you choose to leave Konoha, it will not be an escape. You will no longer be running from your past, but instead walking towards a new future. No matter what you ultimately decide, you will be free to look towards tomorrow instead of remaining stuck in yesterday."

That was it. Jiraiya had no more to say, and now it was up to Tsunade to make a decision.

They kept sitting like that for hours, with her leaning against his shoulder and his arm around her waist, as they watched the starry sky slowly give way for the rising sun in the east. He didn't pressure her and gave her all the time she needed to come to an answer. If necessary, he was ready to sit here for days. As long as Tsunade found comfort in his presence, he wouldn't leave her alone.

What she had said was true; even if you knew that your emotions were irrational and went against all logic, you couldn't just change them at will. You did not decide how you felt. Sure, it was possible to put emotions aside for a while, but in the end, they always came back. Tsunade was actually a good example of that: she had wandered the continent for many years, filling her time with gambling and alcohol that helped her forget, but in the end, her emotions caught up with her, leading to this very moment right now.

Jiraiya couldn't really blame her for running away, though. Not when he had apparently done the same in an alternative timeline and would have done it again in this one hadn't it been for his sensei and Itachi sharing the latter's tale with him.

In the end, humans were weak creatures. When a rare strong person appeared, they latched onto them for strength and support, looked at them for advice and leadership, and depended on them for safety.

On the other hand, when this strong person turned out to be malicious in nature and there was no other strong person to protect the people from them, humans banded together to find strength in numbers.

Yes, humans on their own were weak, but when they created bonds with others, they became strong.

If humankind one day truly managed to put its quarrels and disputes aside and allowed peace to settle into the lands, there was nothing they couldn't do.

It was in the early morning hours that Tsunade finally made her decision.

"I guess I should pay a visit to the hospital first to see how much the standards have fallen in my absence, don't you think?"