35

Chapter 34: Good Natured Hazing

Naruto sat in the shady branches of a tree situated near the main gates of Konoha as he waited for the team he was intended to lead on his first mission as a jounin. He had finally decided to wear his flak jacket, and underneath that a black long-sleeved muscle shirt. The change in clothes due to the climate he was going to be facing for this mission. He had never lead anyone before, that was for certain. He was more accustomed to taking orders and dealing with whatever he was instructed to handle and he was for the most part okay with that. However overlying mission parameters didn't direct him to be a follower, they directed him to be a leader, because what Hokage couldn't lead a few missions?

Hamako, who was relishing her new position as the primary woman in Naruto's life more or less by default, but it didn't matter to her, was quick to give Naruto a goodbye kiss when he left for the mission that morning. After that point, Tayuya caught him outside of his apartment and laid her own claim on him, heading back inside of her apartment after stealing a blistering kiss of her own with a toothy grin. Strange, Naruto assumed she'd be more pissed about their little escapade.

Oh well, it was time to get to work as usual, "You're punctual aren't you Sai-kouhai?" Naruto said to seemingly no one before Sai appeared in an ink Shunshin with his strange smile on his face, "You're the first to arrive. Looking forward to working with you."

"This certainly makes things easier now doesn't it?" Sai asked the scar-faced blonde.

Naruto nodded, "Yep. Now I can just act like we met on this mission and hit it off and became friends. It takes away one pain in the ass of finding you to talk to for sure."

"You should get used to it Naruto-senpai, as of now I am a permanent fixture on your squad for the foreseeable future." Sai said, pulling out a notebook that he began drawing in as they waited for the rest of the team. Naruto watched Sai from above and began to chuckle, "What's funny?"

Naruto stopped laughing and looked at his comrade, "You might be all about pushing your emotions away and all of that, but you still have a coping mechanism for all of the crazy stuff we do, just like every other good ninja does."

Sai looked up at Naruto blankly, "I don't understand senpai."

Naruto shook his head, "Your notebook. What are you doing with it right now?"

Sai looked at the notebook in his hand and back to Naruto, "I don't understand."

Naruto jumped down from the tree and took the notebook from Sai's hands, flipping through it with an analyzing eye, "You draw more than just stuff to fight with?" Sai nodded and Naruto handed him back the notebook, "That's your thing. Drawing is probably the thing you always do when you're not on missions keeping you from cracking like an egg, the only blatant link to your emotions you have. And to prove my point, give me that for the duration of the mission."

Sai looked at his notebook for a moment before handing it over to Naruto who gave it right back, "I thought you were going to take it away, why give it back?"

Naruto grinned at Sai and patted him on the shoulder, "Nah I didn't want it. I knew no matter what it meant to you, you were going to hand it over since I was the one that told you to do it. All I needed to see was the little flash of hesitation you gave me before handing it over. That would be a normal thing to other people, but to guys like you that Danzo-jiji trained that's exceptional. I'm starting to get through to you kouhai."

Sai's face showed no inflection of actually caring, "I fail to see how you being able to see through my emotions is a good thing. It means my training is a failure and I need to be conditioned again."

Naruto let out a phantom shiver at the thought of being reconditioned, "No you don't. You're my liaison to Danzo-jiji and apparently his successor so that means that you need to be somewhat functional in social situations or else you'd be really suspicious. How else are we supposed to work together to help each other do our missions if I can't even get you to hold your own in a public forum? Although I'm barely the guy to be counting on for that…"

Sai put up his drawing notebook and pulled out a smaller one, "Then I will simply have to take notes on regular interactions from you. You are my senpai and you have far more experience than I do with the matter."

"Um." Naruto stared at the pale teen blankly, "Sure, why not? Let's try that."

Sai's eyes flecked to the gate, "We will have to continue this conversation another time. I believe it is time to get to work."

Naruto rolled his neck loose and started towards the gate to reach his other teammates, "Alright, let's do this. You might want to have on some better clothes for where we're going, but hey, you're a grown ninja." He patted Sai on the shoulder as they both walked over, "Everything's going to be a-ok on this one, it's an easy detail."

XxX

"Hello Tenten." A cheerful Sakura said as she walked over to the gate only to see the bun-haired girl with a sweatdrop on her head, "What's the matter?"

Tenten rubbed her temple, "Other than the fact that you and I are the only ones here on the squad we also have-." She pointed at a middle aged man with glasses freaking out about something around a crew of others, "This guy that's all worked up in a frenzy and he's not telling me what's wrong."

Sakura's reply was cut off when Naruto and Sai walked onto the scene, "Hello Sakura, Tenten-chan, meet Sai, he'll be working with us on this one." Sai nodded in confirmation of Naruto's statement, "You guys ready to do this thing?"

Sakura pleasantly greeted Naruto with a wave, "Hi Naruto. Congratulations on your promotion." She looked him over, "So you're the jounin on this mission? You're pretty young for it aren't you?"

Naruto shrugged, "Everyone's got to grow up sometimes right? Hell, Neji's a jounin and he's one year older than us, right Tenten-chan?" Naruto looked over at the weapons specialist who haughtily turned away from him getting Naruto to sweatdrop, 'So she's one of the people that wanted to *ahem* 'talk to me' is she?'

Sai nudged Naruto out of his stupor, getting him to clear his head on the matter, "Okay so let's get this show on the road and roll out already, we've got to get moving to get to the coast right? Where's the Sandayuu guy that hired us?"

"We can't leave yet!" The man that had been so upset the entire time came scrambling over to Naruto and clutched at his vest, "The entire reason we needed the escort, Yukie Fujikaze, isn't here! She's missing!"

Sakura gasped, "That's who this is meant to protect? The movie star? I've seen all of the Princess Gale films!"

Naruto hadn't, but he knew who she was, she was so famous. Being busy almost nonstop for years kind of kills your free time. He looked at the man before gently pushing him off, "Alright then. This mission is starting off just great isn't it?" He sighed before calling his team in, "Sai, Sakura, you two search for Yukie and I'll send a Kage Bunshin with you in case you two or me and Tenten find her."

Everyone nodded and set off to search. Naruto simply walked, keeping Tenten from running off like Sai and Sakura had, "What are you doing Naruto? We have to find her."

Naruto noticed her snappish tone and how she had taken the –kun off of the end of his name, but didn't say anything. He simply made the hand-seal for Kage Bunshin and created three dozen before setting them out to search the village. He gestured with his head for her to follow him as he walked through the village to wait for any feedback giving him Yukie's location. He could feel Tenten's eyes on him, but when he panned his onto hers she would turn them back down the street, "You want to talk while we wait Tenten?" He kept the –chan off of her name that he had been calling her ever since their border patrol mission because she was doing the same. Maybe he could get her to snap and tell him what was wrong.

"I don't really think we need to talk Naruto." Tenten replied, keeping her eyes straight ahead, "I think I know all I need to without even hearing a word from you."

Naruto groaned inwardly, this wasn't going to be something she could set aside for the duration of the mission and the last thing he needed was her attention split if they wound up in a fight. He stepped out in front of her and stopped her from moving any further, "Alright I was going to wait until you told me yourself but this isn't something that I can hold off on. Tenten what's wrong? What did I do?"

Tenten's eyes locked with his, glaring before she had to turn away from him, "What happened to Tenten-chan? Or did you drop that once you did your neighbor?"

Naruto froze in place, confused look on his face before he slowly spoke, "What me and Tayuya-chan did is between us. Why does it bother you? And I stopped using the –chan because you're acting all pissy and you dropped the –kun from my name."

Tenten took a deep breath, "I was starting to like you a lot Naruto-kun. The month we had doing the border patrol was the best mission I'd ever had. Everything you did was so sweet and you made me think that you were into me."

Naruto could see where this was going, "I do like you Tenten-chan…" He looked around seeing people in the streets looking at them both, "Can we talk about this some other time?" He almost flinched at the recoil her face made, "I promise we can talk about this later, I swear. But we have to work. One of my clones found Yukie and they're bringing her to the gate as we speak."

She liked him too? Man this couldn't have come up at a worse time. He could only hope the mission wrapped up quickly so that he could work this out. He put a hand on her shoulder and pulled away quickly when she balked under his touch. What could he say? There wasn't any time for him to even try and smooth this out with her, they had to move out now, "…Come on Tenten-chan. We've got to get moving. Everything's going to be okay."

This was all his fault, he never thought girls would actually get attached to him if he dropped his guard and acted like a spaz around them as opposed to being iceburg cold like part of him wanted to be and he was fully capable of pulling off. They hated him when he was sealed and he was a total airhead then, so how would he know how different they would see him after that?

'Does Tsunade-baachan even know she's giving me such clusterfuck missions or is it just me?' Naruto thought to himself as he and Tenten headed back to the gate.

XxX

(With Naruto – A few moments earlier)

After telling the rest of his team to head back to the gate and wait for him, Naruto kicked in the door to a dimly lit small bar with a perturbed look on his face. He saw Yukie Fujikaze downing shots like a champ at the counter of the bar, only taking note of the people in the room… Yukie and the bartender, a middle aged man with short black hair, visibly graying in certain places.

Yukie's cheeks were tinted pink to show how under the influence she currently was when her eyes turned to the door and took note of Naruto, "Ugh, this kid again. Why do you keep coming after me?"

Naruto kept a straight face as he sauntered in, "Because it's my job, and I'm not really into failing missions. I'm supposed to escort you to Yuki no Kuni and be done with it. It's kind of hard to pull that off when you mace me. I wouldn't try that again by the way, it won't work twice even if you did actually get me with it this time."

She glared at him for a moment before letting it go, "Oh what would a kid like you know about life anyway?"

Naruto chuckled slightly, sharing a look with the bartender who had a smirk of his own, "Oh lady you have no idea. Now come on, let's get going so that you don't let down your legions of fans by not finishing your movie."

Yukie let out a bitter laugh, "Actors are the biggest fakes in the world kid. This business is dirty, almost as dirty as being a ninja like you I could guess." He really doubted that most actors had to kill people with metal wire on a day to day basis, "We're just fakes, following the lives of others written by others, never really being ourselves." She looked Naruto over before a drunken leer met Naruto's eyes, "Hey, you want to know what it's like to be with a movie star?"

Naruto blinked and looked at the bartender who was simply cleaning glasses and watching the dialogue between them with an amused grin. Naruto turned back to Yukie, "First of all I tend to avoid hooking up with drunk women as a personal bylaw, second of all you wouldn't even know what you were getting yourself into. Now let's go, I'm sure you can take your drinks with you… and I'm paying. Sandayuu's waiting, he's pretty upset right now."

"All he's worried about is me and his meal ticket. Let someone else play Princess Gale. Movies switch actor's roles all the time. Another actress can take my place in the next movie, I'm not going to Yuki no Kuni no matter what you say."

Naruto sighed and sat down at the bar next to Yukie, "Yo Ren, get me a quick shot. Top shelf stuff if you would." The bartender nodded and grabbed what Naruto asked for.

"Finally decided to quit and let me do what I want?" Yukie gloated before downing more alcohol, "And you even decided to drink and keep me company."

Naruto shook his head, keeping his eyes forward at the bar, "Nope, not quite. One shot, no matter how strong it is, won't do anything to me. I'm just drinking so I can get myself ready to be bitched out for what I'm about to do." Before she could ask what he was talking about another Naruto clone appeared behind her and grabbed a point on her neck, rendering her unconscious, slumped over the counter.

Naruto took his shot and swiftly downed it, grimacing at the taste before pulling the money out to pay and dropping it on the counter. He stood up and hoisted Yukie up over his shoulder, "Later Ren. I'll probably be right back here after the mission is over so I'll see you soon enough."

XxX

True to his previous thought, Naruto was indeed chewed out once he got Yukie to the front gate… Mostly by Sakura, who only refrained from trying to hit him due to him outranking her and the fact that she still had never forgotten him dropping her with one punch all those years ago. Sandayuu almost fainted at seeing the actress out cold.

Once the princess was set inside of the carriage intended to transport her, still unconscious, the ninja got everyone moving to the coast, hopefully able to make it there by the end of the day. The group moved surprisingly fast and got to the ship intended to transport them by sunset where Naruto proceeded to drop the woman he was intended to protect in her cabin on the bed.

Naruto shook his head as he looked her over. She was very beautiful, that much was for certain, but her attitude needed a serious adjustment. He was about to leave her until something caught his eye around her neck.

He got closer and almost backed away in surprise, "No way… the last time I saw that was 10 years ago…" He looked at the woman that was out cold and tried to dredge her face up from memory, "It is her. Holy shit."

(Flashback – Ten Years Ago – Yuki no Kuni – Naruto: Age 5)

Naruto was sent on a simple mission of reconnaissance to Yuki no Kuni (Land of Snow) by Danzo as his first assignment in order to get his feet wet in the kind of work he was to do. This was intended to supply Danzo with information on what was to go on in the country. The old master of espionage was well informed that there was underlying turmoil being stirred up in the court of the daimyo even though the man himself was unaware, and Naruto was to bring back info determining whether or not Danzo should send any of his Root ninja under the radar to push things along for one side or the other to keep the status quo among the nations.

This seemingly easy mission however would be the first sign of a pattern of Naruto's propensity for drawing missions that undoubtedly would go sour as soon as he began. Shortly after arriving in the capital city of the country and beginning to record his findings a ruckus broke out at the daimyo's castle. An entire attacking force made of amassed mercenaries and ninja from a new, small village, Yukigakure, took on the outmatched royal guards of the daimyo.

Staying hidden in the shadows the entire time he forsook taking his notes and made it a priority to get the hell out of dodge before he was caught in the crossfire. It wasn't his fight and he had no reason to stay there any longer.

As he made his way out of the city under siege he saw one of the most famous men his village had ever produced. Gravity defying hair, facemask covering his nose and lower face, and hitae-ate covering… nothing. His single Sharingan eye was out and looking behind him as he drove a sled out of the area with a small girl, 4 years older than Naruto, away from pursuing forces also on sleds.

Either get discovered or allow Kakashi Hatake and the girl he was protecting to be caught and maybe killed by the people after him... Kakashi was too valuable to allow to die, and having Konoha fail a mission like this no matter the circumstances would undoubtedly have negative economic repercussions for years to come. Naruto pulled a plain white mask over his face and jumped out into the open between the retreating Kakashi and the pursuit force.

Facing down the enemy of the copy-ninja, Naruto made a quick set of hand-seals and linked his fists together before pushing them out, "Fuuton: Fuujin Seiken (Wind Release: Divine Fist of the Wind God)!" Naruto shot off a full power burst of wind from his knuckles, not worried about missing, knowing that they didn't even see him standing in the way, fully focused on Kakashi.

The shimmering wind attack hit them all with the blunt force of a brick wall, and at the speed they were moving on sled it might as well have been one, as the concussive force killed everyone it hit on impact. It missed one however as he jumped off of the sleds and over the attack, letting his fellow warriors perish from Naruto's jutsu to cover his next move. He rapidly descended and attempted to crush the young Root under his heel. Naruto rolled aside and slid to a stop on the surface of the ice.

Naruto patiently looked the man over. He had a forehead protector similar to the Nidaime Hokage only with the insignia of Yukigakure, a grey high ponytail, an odd set of armor and an arrogant look on his face.

He laughed at the diminutive ninja facing off with him, "This is what they send to protect the princess? A baby ninja and 'Copy Ninja Kakashi'?" He stopped laughing and sneered at Naruto, "You allowed Kakashi and Princess Koyuki to escape. Doto-sama will at the very least reward me when I return with your head."

Naruto had used a lot of his chakra hoping that he would blow away the entire contingent with that one attack that he got them off guard with, seeing one had survived didn't really bode well for him, especially since he looked to be a top flight adversary. He slowly drew the small tipless tanto he was provided early in his career for combat before wordlessly rushing his enemy. The man quickly drew his own kunai to clash against Naruto with when he slashed at him, "You're just a little brat playing ninja! Get that useless toy out of my face!"

Naruto felt himself being pushed back. Even if he wasn't physically inferior to his opponent, he was still only five years old. The pure size that the man had over his own was too much of a decisive factor. He learned this the hard way when the man simply held him off with one hand, grabbed his collar and slung him across the landscape, Naruto's body hitting the solid ground with a thud and sliding to a steady stop.

Naruto stood up and lifted his tanto to swiftly block a kunai intended for his chest only to see his enemy close in. Naruto rolled under the man's lunge and took his legs out from under him with the sudden move. Naruto tried to scramble to his feet only to take a kick to the face from the man that knocked his mask off as he himself picked himself up.

Naruto shook the cobwebs of the kick off and saw the Yuki ninja attempt to stab at him with a kunai. Naruto diverted the stab with the tanto, but a grown man being blocked completely by a five-year old boy with a little over one complete year of training, the best training feasibly possible yes and far from being a normal little boy, but still only one year of it and still a little boy, was an impossibility.

Naruto still wound up stabbed in the side with the kunai, watching the man smirk as he let out a pained gasp as blood began to flow onto the ground. He weakly elbowed the man off of him, freeing the kunai and spilling even more blood onto the ground, as he weakly held his tanto up despite the bloodloss.

"You ignorant runt." The man taunted, "Did you really think you could kill Nadare Roga? I'm the finest ninja Yukigakure has to offer."

Naruto finally spoke, as he could feel blood welling up inside of his mouth, "If you're the best that your village has then you're lucky I fought you instead of Hatake. I'm only 5." He could see that his comment rose the ire of Nadare and that wasn't going to do him any favors while he was wounded, 'I can't die now! Not on my first mission! I promised Danzo-jiji I would be the best ninja there ever was! The best don't die like this!'

"Do you want to live boy?"

'What?'

"You heard me! Do you want to live?"

There was no one else around, but then he remembered what Danzo had told him shortly after his training began. The fox that had attacked the village the day he was born was entrusted to him when the Yondaime sealed it inside of him. Danzo said he could use it as a weapon, but he had never felt anything… until now, 'Can you give me enough power to survive this?'

The laughter of the demon echoed throughout Naruto's mind and Nadare circled him like a predator, "Give you such a miniscule amount of power just to survive? Why not enough to eradicate this pathetic human in one blow? Very well, you asked, you shall receive… just stay alive."

Naruto immediately felt his entire body reenergized. The wound on his side faded from a biting pain, to a dull throb, to nothing at all in just seconds. Nadare saw this all as an orange aura began to generate off of his body and proceeded to move in to attack before anything else could be done. Naruto slammed his tanto against Nadare's kunai, only this time he held fast. His heart was pumping a mile a minute as he held the larger figure back. He freed one hand, noticing how his nails had sharpened and swiped at the man's exposed face. Causing him to recoil in pain and let Naruto slam his fist into his face, sending him flying backwards.

Naruto didn't stick around to survey his damage dealt as he took off, in order to leave the country in the midst of its insurgence.

(End Flashback)

"Ahh, good times." Naruto heard the Kyuubi say inside of his head. Naruto had wandered out onto the deck and sat out there as night fell and everything went still on the ship.

"What's going on around here?" He wondered to himself, and to the Kyuubi as it was the only soundboard for any input and ideas, "I can see why she doesn't want to go back to Yuki no Kuni after everything that went down that forced her away, but still..." He shut his eyes in thought, "It's just for the movie. Once the movie's done she can leave. As long as no one recognizes her then she'll be fine."

"Who'll be fine?" Naruto turned and saw Tenten walking up to him, "You've been out here for a while."

Naruto sighed, "Meh, don't worry about it. By the way, in case anything goes down you're second in command."

Tenten blinked before narrowing her eyes, "This isn't a way for you to get on my good side is it?"

"Is it working?" Naruto quipped before getting serious, "No, it has to be you because you have more experience than Sakura and while Sai has way more experience than you he's not one for leading squads if you get my drift." He looked around, "Where are Sakura and Sai anyway?"

Tenten pointed behind her, "Below deck. Me and Sakura were talking for a while with the rest of the film crew and all of that. Sai went off on his own, writing stuff in a notebook. He's kind of odd isn't he?"

Naruto laughed slightly, "Everybody's got quirks. At least he isn't ranting about youth or fate."

Tenten nodded and stared out at the sea along with Naruto for a while before speaking, "So you said we were going to talk later. Well it's later now isn't it?"

"It is." He still wanted to wait until the mission was over, but Tenten was a very stubborn girl… the kind he tended to attract, Kami how did he not see this coming? Naruto rubbed his jaw and spoke, "Okay then. You want to talk? Let's talk. Go ahead and fire away Tenten-chan and I'll tell you what I can."

Tenten looked at him intently, "You had sex with that Tayuya girl next door to you?"

Naruto nodded, "Yeah. She wanted it, I didn't back down. Why would I have? I'm 15 and it was sex… with Tayuya… who is really, really hot once you get past the attitude and the swearing. And I would do it again too, I care about her a lot."

Tenten frowned, "And Hamako, your assistant? Helper? What is she?"

Naruto shrugged, "I don't know. Assistant sounds good. Although it could double as girlfriend now though if she has anything to say about it."

Tenten raised an eyebrow at him, "You did her too?"

Shaking his head rapidly, Naruto disputed her claim, "No I haven't. Not yet anyway I should say. I care about her a lot too. She's the only link to my family and clan that I have and I'm the same to her. I would never leave Hamako-chan alone… not after what she told me." Naruto locked eyes with Tenten, "She told me she loved me. Not like a brother, not like a benefactor, legit loved me." He noticed Tenten look down in defeat, "And she isn't the only one."

Tenten let out a sigh, "So you finally got it did you?"

Naruto nodded, "Yeah. Temari-chan does too, so does Yugi-chan, so do you."

"Wait." Tenten's head snapped back up, "Other girls like you too?"

Naruto could only scratch his head in confusion, "It's just as weird to me as it is to you. Yugi-chan is from Kumo though. I swear I'm seriously not trying to do all of this stuff, it just happens when I go places. I don't want to hurt you or any of these women, how can I pick?"

Tenten stared at him before a smile crossed her face, "So the only one you have is Hamako for sure right? Since she's bonded to your clan no matter what?" Naruto nodded, Tenten then moved in and kissed him on the cheek, "Well then I better get myself in gear and put my name in for consideration shouldn't I?"

Naruto stared at her vacantly, "What?"

Tenten giggled, "You just said that you don't really have a girlfriend, that you and Tayuya only had sex for the fun of it. You're still on the market as far as I'm concerned, and I'm not letting this drop. You will be mine Naruto-kun, count on it." With that, Tenten confidently stood up and walked back inside, making a show of waving her backside as she vanished, leaving Naruto by himself outside.

Naruto stood staring at where Tenten had just been walking for upwards of two minutes before talking, "Wait a minute… What the hell just happened?"

The Kyuubi was laughing maniacally in Naruto's head, "For such a powerful human you sure are whipped by the females in your life boy!"

Naruto growled audibly at the Kyuubi's taunts before he stopped and thought, 'Hey did you just actually vocally admit I'm one of the most powerful people in the world?'

Kyuubi stopped laughing abruptly, "No I… You… I mean… *sigh* Shut up kit."

Naruto grinned and looked back out at the ocean, 'Aww, Kyuubi I love you too you big furball of amassed violence and hatred.'

"I really can't wait to eat you…" The powerful entity growled inside of his container.

XxX

(The Next Day)

The next day had the team on basic guard duty while the film crew shot the scenes that they were able to on the ship. Having never seen one of her movies before, Naruto had to admit that Yukie really was a fantastic actor. Now if only that translated over into her having a great personality there would be something there. Honestly he was more surprised that she wasn't visibly hung over from all the drinking she had done yesterday.

"She's like a completely different person once the cameras turn on." Sakura commented from nearby, getting a nod out of Naruto.

"That's Yukie." The director commented, "Once it's time to play that character there's no one like her in the world. She was born to do this role."

Naruto turned towards the area away from the shoot to see Sai, leaning on the railing of the ship with his notebook out, "How are you holding up Sai?"

Sai turned his attention to Naruto, "Just fine Naruto-senpai, though I am learning much about interaction between others from you. For instance-."

Naruto cut him off before he could say a word. Tenten raising an amused eyebrow as she heard what Sai was saying, "Sai-kouhai I have not handled a single personal relationship the right way since this mission has started. At all. Everything I did yesterday, absolutely everything… it would be better for you if you just forgot that it ever happened. How long have you been taking notes?"

Sai flipped back in his book to the indicated point, "Since the point in time where you drank with Fujikaze-san to diffuse her temper in order to ease the difficulty to have your way with her. Allowing her to drop her guard and let you get close." He stared at Naruto expressionlessly, blinking at regular intervals.

Naruto deadpanned a look at Sai, opening his mouth before thinking on it and trying to speak again, "Okay that actually works depending on exactly what kind of personal relations you're aiming for. However that is a whole 'nother conversation I don't feel like having here in the open."

Naruto turned to the others only to see Tenten smirking and Sakura shaking her head with a dry look on her face, "Oi, quit gawking! You ain't being paid to look at me. And Sakura, do you really think you can do a better job teaching Sai about relationships?"

Sakura had a smile come onto her face from the banter, "Better than you I'm sure."

"Really?" Naruto said, getting into the spirit, "Well let's backtrack shall we? In the academy you basically threw your best friend away for a guy that showed no interest at the age of 10. 10! You just now got around to fixing that not too long ago, and that's probably because the guy had issues and left the village, thus taking away the point of your conflict! And don't even get me started on Sasuke-teme himself because that's about two hours of griping right there."

"You try to fuck anything with legs and a uterus!" Sakura shot back, "I thought you weren't a pervert?" She said tauntingly.

Naruto frowned, "Okay, I'm somewhat a pervert, but in my defense I never had a chance. Look who all of my most prominent sensei were; Kakashi Hatake and Jiraiya of the Sannin. One reads porn everywhere he goes, blatantly and brazenly. The other writes said porn among other unscrupulous activities. I'm well balanced by comparison, which is weird because the way I live and as strong as I am you would think that I would have some extreme quirk at some point right?" He then stopped and snapped back, "Hey, I don't try to fuck anything with legs and a uterus, I've only ever done it once…" He sniffed haughtily, "…And I haven't tried to fuck you yet have I?"

"Yes you have…" She said dryly, "I count all of the stuff you did when we were first genin as you trying to fuck me."

Naruto gave her a perplexed look, "You thought I was trying to fuck you back then? I barely understood what that implied until right after the chunin exams. I just wanted to date you. I was simple like that; I figured that was the pinnacle of what I was going to get out of you. What made you think all I wanted was to fuck you?" He looked her over, "Though now I might be considering it. You filled out quite a bit Sakura."

Sakura gaped at Naruto before growling with a flustered face, "Na-ru-to!"

Naruto shook his finger at her chidingly, "Ah, ah. Superior officer standing here. I'm not one to abuse my power, but in this case I'm more than willing to as long as you don't hit me."

"Hey! We've got a scene going here!" The director snapped at Naruto and Sakura.

"Sorry." Both of them said before Sakura went to silently fuming at Naruto.

Tenten noticed Sai writing dutifully in his notebook and looked over to see what he was doing, "What are you writing in there?"

Sai simply read back what he had been writing, "Friends tease and provoke one another by bringing up negative character traits that distinguish them as well as bring up examples from the past that serve little other purpose than points of humor. Also friends of opposite sex tease one another with innuendo laden remarks and suggestions, such as what Naruto-senpai did with Ugly over there."

Tenten sweatdropped, "Yeah… I wouldn't try that with anyone if I were you. People don't like being called derogatory names like ugly. That's no way to make friends."

Sai simply looked at the bun-haired girl, "Well I understand that nicknames are a way to endear yourself to the people around you. If that is the case and going along with all of the other things I've learned thus far I think have a name for Naruto-senpai."

"You do?" Tenten asked. This Sai guy was totally weird. Did he really not know anything about other people, "What is it then?" Tenten moved her ear closer to Sai so that he could whisper the name to her. Tenten choked back a laugh and patted Sai on the back, "I would keep that to myself at least until we're done with the mission. It might disrupt things if you start calling him that."

Sai gave her one of his smiles, "Okay Bun-girl."

'Bun-girl?' Tenten asked herself before remembering her hairstyle, 'Well he might not be totally clueless at the name giving thing.'

XxX

The crew and the ninja protection detail disembarked from the ship on the site of a massive glacier. As the crew took to setting up the lights and sets for the shots the director ran around manically, "Yes! This is absolutely perfect for the fight scene I have written out! Who says that going on location to shoot is dead?"

As the fight scene began being filmed, an explosion rocked the glacier, causing a slab to crack from the top of it towards the crew. Naruto narrowed his eyes and sprang into action, jumping in front of everyone and making his hand-seals before linking his fists together and thrusting them out, "Fuuton: Fuujin Seiken (Wind Release: Divine Fist of the Wind God)!" Naruto viciously smashed the chunks of ice to harmless powder with the force his jutsu hit the debris with.

"Get into standard defense formation!" Naruto knew his allies were astute and learned enough to know the simple formation and was not disappointed when they immediately backed him up.

"It's just like last time!" Yukie began to panic as the chaos started building, "I should never have come back here again!" She began to run off in no particular direction, getting a growl out of Naruto for making his particular job that much more difficult.

"Sakura!" Naruto barked, "Go get Yukie and get her back to the ship. Keep watch over her until this is all over." Sakura nodded and went after her to fulfill Naruto's order.

As Sakura drew near Yukie, a large man on a snowboard quickly bared down on both women. Tenten saw this and broke formation to cut him off. She quickly brought out a scroll and produced a large metal sphere spiked with kunai welded into it that she threw into the man's path before it suddenly exploded. Showing a great amount of navigational skill on his board, the man dodged all of the shrapnel and debris from Tenten's ball.

"Well I remember that jutsu." Naruto's eyes turned red and slitted for a moment as his memory dredged up recollection of who the voice belonged to, "I remember that face too." Suddenly appearing in front of Naruto and Sai was the Yuki-nin from Naruto's last escapade in Yuki no Kuni, "It's good to see you again boy. From the looks of your face the years haven't treated you too kindly have they?"

Naruto scoffed, "Look who's talking. Although I guess you wouldn't mention the little gift I left you the first time we met would you?" Naruto was referring to a small vertical scar right under the man's right eye. The glare he got for that remark settled him down enough to get Sai an order, "Sai-kouhai go back up Tenten-chan. This is their squad leader."

Sai nodded and rushed off to take on Tenten's adversary alongside her.

"Now Nadare." Naruto said as he set himself in a fighting stance, "Let's get to round two shall we? I have a habit of paying back all of the few bastards that left scars on me when I was kid. Lucky you, you were the first one that did, and you're also the last one left alive... Not for long though."

Nadare put his hand out expectantly, "Just hand over the princess punk, you couldn't beat me then, you can't beat me now."

"Princess?" Naruto feigned ignorance, "But the only princess here is an actress that plays a princess in movies. You might be able to get an autograph though but I doubt it, she's kind of a bitch."

Nadare narrowed his eyes, "You were there, you can't tell me you don't recognize Yukie as Princess Koyuki." He let out a short laugh, "Still a brat that doesn't know any better." Nadare taunted, "Yukigakure has made some improvements over the last ten years that you couldn't imagine. You won't get a lucky shot in on me again the way you did last time."

"Funny." Naruto said as his face turned stone serious, "That was going to be my line." With that, Naruto lowered his center of gravity and rushed at Nadare who immediately jumped back out of his hand-to-hand range.

XxX

(With Sai)

Sai swiftly made his way over to Tenten, however before he could get to her he found himself trapped once a pillar of ice incased his body, freezing him solid. A woman in a grey winter hat with two pink pigtails sticking out the side appeared with a smirk on her face, "Hyourou no Jutsu (Ice Prison Jutsu)."

Sai's body suddenly turned to ink within the pillar. The woman then found herself forced to dodge a swing of Sai's tanto as he appeared behind her. As she got away from Sai's surprise attack she sneered at him, "You're rather talented to avoid that in the blink of an eye like that."

Sai said nothing and pulled his scroll from his back.

The Yuki kunoichi made a tiger seal as a burst of ice flew up around her and took the form of miniature swallows, "Hyoton: Tsubame Fubuki (Ice Release: Swallow Snow Storm)!" The sharp winged projectiles scattered about before focusing in a straight line at Sai.

Sai drew out his brush and special scroll, "Choujuu Giga (Super Beasts Imitation Picture)." Sai quickly drew a gigantic leech, three times Sai's size that covered his body, taking the brunt of the attack from the enemy jutsu as it riddled the leech's body. It eventually turned to ink and dripped to the ground, revealing Sai had vanished again.

The woman licked her lips, "Cute and somewhat talented…"

XxX

(With Tenten)

Tenten threw a salvo of kunai and shuriken at the large man, but instead of impaling him on contact they simply bounced off of his body. The man barreled on through her attack on his snowboard and slammed his body into her, sending her sprawling through the snow.

The man laughed as Tenten stood up, glaring at him, "Your little projectiles won't get anywhere near me as long as I have my chakra armor on and active."

"Chakra armor." Tenten said distastefully, "What a useless shortcut."

The large man simply laughed at her, "Say that when I'm alive and you're dead." He placed his right arm out at Tenten and seemingly fired it out at her when she realized that it was a weapon. She dodged the hand that flew past her and grabbed into the ground, but when she turned back towards her opponent he was coming right for her, being pulled in by a cable attached to the hand behind her.

Tenten quickly summoned a katana to avoid being smashed into fully by the man's metal snowboard. It did still make impact with her and send her sliding through the snow once more. Tenten rolled through to her feet this time, getting angry at this person. He wasn't even really that good, but he was troublesome to try and fight with her style. He could ignore her projectiles for the most part and just run right through to attack her.

This guy was seriously getting under her skin with the way he was just snowboarding all over the place. He wasn't even moving that fast. The markswoman in her just wanted to fill his slow ass with projectiles and be done with it but that damn armor was in the way. She was about to seriously test that crap out and see who had the better tools.

XxX

(With Naruto)

Naruto was sick of Nadare playing keep away with him, getting him to finally back off, "Here's a throwback for you, Fuuton: Fuujin Seiken (Wind Release: Divine Fist of the Wind God)!" Naruto fired off one of his oldest and most favored ninjutsu at Nadare who simply allowed it to hit him flush before it simply dispersed in front of an odd colored shield of light, "What?"

Nadare smirked, "Like I said, Yukigakure has made improvements that you couldn't even imagine boy. Our chakra armor is the pinnacle of shinobi technological research."

Hearing this didn't faze Naruto at all, "Then I'll just have to break it won't I?"

"If you think you can, go ahead and try it." Nadare began making a set of hand-seals, "Hyoton: Haryuu Mouko (Ice Release: Tearing Dragon Fierce Tiger)!" From the ice surrounding the field of battle a massive dragon bodied tiger formed and went at Naruto.

Naruto moved and the jutsu crashed harshly into the glacier quaking the surface and cracking it from the collision. He still wasn't safe however, as the tiger penetrated the surface and continued its pursuit, it came so close to his body the temperature dropped immediately. If it had hit him it would have flash frozen him. While the respective battles were raging on, the director was screaming at his crew to get all of this on film, saying it was better than any script.

Dodging this tiger was beginning to utterly piss Naruto off. He turned towards Nadare and saw him holding his hands in his last seal. Grinning widely at what he saw as a sitting duck, Naruto began rushing straight towards Nadare, choosing to completely ignore the tiger altogether.

Nadare saw Naruto coming and pumped more chakra into the jutsu, speeding up the tiger, adding more mass to it, and putting more force behind it. It crashed right into the ground behind Naruto's feet drudging up a cloud of powder snow and ice chunks. Nadare smirked as he felt the glacier begin to collapse from his jutsu, there was no way the kid walked away from that.

His party was short lived however when the blonde figure of his hatred flew out of the cloud of snow and delivered a jaw shattering punch that sent Nadare's body flying before smacking roughly against a wall of ice. Naruto goaded Nadare from a distance as the glacier started to split, "I thought you said I wasn't going to sucker punch you again?" He could feel the place coming down around them, getting him to glare at Nadare who had picked himself up, rubbing his red jaw, "You're lucky…"

Naruto started making his way back to the ship, yelling around for his partners, "Sai-kouhai, Tenten-chan! This place is going down, we need to get out of here!"

Tenten looked back at a retreating Naruto and narrowed her eyes at her opponent, "You'd better hope we don't see you again."

The man grinned at her untastefully as Nadare called out to his own squad to fall back, "Mizore, Fubuki! With me!"

The woman, Fubuki ceased her battle with Sai and winked at the boy before making her way to her leader, "I'll see you later cutie."

Sai simply blinked and stared emotionlessly before moving to get back to the ship with the rest of his team.

Naruto, Tenten, and Sai reconvened onboard where they watched the glacier quickly break apart into small chunks and sink. Naruto sighed and slumped against the siding, "Too many x-factors or else I would have torn that asshole apart." He looked at himself and noticed the back of his arms, legs, and torso had a layer of ice on it, "That last jutsu must have been closer than I thought."

Tenten frowned, "You're not the only one. That stupid giant with the armor… I was about to put him under."

"The glacier was unstable." Sai commented.

Naruto nodded, "That was the only thing keeping me from tearing Nadare to pieces. Using anything high level enough to maybe get through his armor would have done just as much damage as the idiot's last attack if not more. It would have definitely taken the glacier out if I had used it." Naruto shrugged, "Oh well, he wasn't worth it anyway."

Sakura came running up to her team, "Are you guys alright?"

Naruto blinked before looking at his fingertips and toes, "Can you cure frostbite Sakura?"

Omake – Lost Missions 2

(During the Border Patrol Mission – 1 Year Prior)

Naruto and Tenten were seated in the lookout tower of the border outpost their group of them, Neji, Rock Lee, and Shikamaru were stationed at for the month along with twenty other ninja that were out and about or scattered along the base. Naruto was seated all the way across the space from Tenten, holding up a kunai by the blade and waving it around right as a second kunai from across the way hit Naruto's kunai right through the ring.

Naruto looked and whistled at the accuracy of the throw, "Damn Tenten-chan, If I wasn't so sure that you wouldn't spike me with that damn thing I might have been weary of letting you do this. That makes you 22 for 22, point well proven, you own me in accuracy."

Tenten stood up and proudly walked over to Naruto to retrieve her kunai, "I wasn't blowing smoke when I said I would Naruto-kun."

Naruto nodded before snorting and looking away, "I still dominate you with a sword though." Tenten got a tick mark on her head, much to Naruto's amusement, "Hit a sore spot there did I now?"

"Says the guy that lost his own sword in the middle of a fight once." Tenten said as she pulled out a scroll and quickly summoned a katana.

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "You aren't seriously going to-." He was cut off when he had to draw his own ninjato to keep from being split vertically by the bun-haired kunoichi. Naruto blocked and began to push back as he kept sitting in his chair, "I don't think we should be doing this right now… we're going to get busted for this."

Tenten smiled as she continued to push against Naruto's sword, "Shikamaru is with Neji, he won't be very motivated to finish his rounds quickly and Neji won't be able to make him go any faster. Lee is on his own, so once he finishes his rounds he'll probably head out to do more for some reason."

"Good points." Naruto mentioned as he continued to defend. He sat back and placed the bottom of his foot on the back of his sword before kicking it, generating enough force to throw Tenten off of him. Tenten stumbled back as Naruto fell backwards out of the chair and ran back towards him to keep fighting.

Naruto quickly stood up and kicked the chair at Tenten, hitting her in the legs and getting her to trip up right into Naruto's grasp, who disarmed her and performed and over the shoulder toss that took the air out of her, letting him put his body weight on top of her as he held his sword to her throat, "But I can think of way better things we can do with this free time than fighting." He stared at Tenten who began to fluster under such an intense gaze, "Huh, you have really pretty eyes Tenten-chan."

Tenten blushed at being complemented so intently by a boy that was right on top of her, "Uh, y-you too Naruto-kun."

Naruto grinned and got up off of Tenten, helping the girl to her feet as he set his sword over his shoulder, "Thanks! I don't really hear too many complements you know. We can spar this evening when it's our group's turn to take a break."

Tenten remained anxious around Naruto, "That sounds good." 'What the hell is wrong with me?' She tried to look anywhere but at Naruto when her eyes rested on his sword, "Wait, that's new. You have a new sword?"

Naruto looked at the blade over his shoulder before holding it out for her to see, "Oh yeah. This is the Sen'nenki no Ken, it's an old heirloom of my clan… it's a long story." However Tenten wasn't concerned about that at the moment. Naruto had to pull the weapon back before, "Oi! You can't touch it!"

A sparkly-eyed Tenten pulled her hand back empty without Naruto's sword in hand, "Mou, why not Naruto-kun? What wrong with me touching it?" She said with a pouty face.

Naruto looked at her face, 'Wow, that's a really cute look.' He cleared that thought, "You can look but you can't touch, it's my most personal piece of hardware. It's basically in my genetics."

Tenten moved closer to him, prompting Naruto to hold the sword overhead out of her reach while he kept his hand on her head to keep her from jumping up, "Come on Naruto-kun, something like that is meant for others to enjoy."

Naruto let out a laugh, "Yeah, it's really enjoyable when I shove this thing into someone. You should see when I pull it out too." Naruto shook his head, "You couldn't handle this thing Tenten-chan."

Tenten's face furrowed in anger, taking that as an insult, "I'll have you know that women like me were born to handle things like this."

"You're right, some are. Too bad for you, you're not one of them!" He was referencing the fact that it was an Uzumaki heirloom. Naruto gave her a challenging look, "I'll believe it when I see it."

"Fine." Tenten said with a grin, "You'll see right now!" With that she tackled Naruto to the ground and started trying to wrestle his sword away from him.

XxX

Outside of the lookout room on the stairwell, two Konoha shinobi were frozen in place at the door to the room with their ears to the door and blood trailing down their noses. They had been standing there ever since Naruto had said, '-…It's a long story.'

Tenten grunted loudly from inside, "Give it to me Naruto-kun!"

"I thought you could take it?" Naruto taunted right after she spoke, crashes and bumps sounding out all throughout, "Call me Naruto-sama and I might lighten up."

"Do your worst." Tenten said, "You won't break me." She grunted in effort before cursing loudly, "Damn it why are you so big?"

That was all the poor eavesdroppers could take as they blacked out and fell halfway down the flight of stairs.

Omake – Kage Bunshin Chronicles 3

Naruto stared across a desk with half-lidded eyes that were steadily shutting quickly. He caught himself and snapped his eyes wide open with a hard slap to his own face, "Give it up Tsunade-baachan, I'm better than you. It's that simple."

Tsunade gave Naruto a look much like the one she was giving him, "You're a few decades too soon to be trying to outdrink me brat." Tsunade snapped her fingers, "Shizune, fill us up again."

Shizune stood off to the side with a container of sake and a sweatdrop on her head, "Tsunade-sama I don't think a drinking contest with an underage subordinate is such a good idea. And Naruto-kun you shouldn't be getting drunk like this, it's not good for you." She had been sitting there watching her master and her surrogate little brother throw back drinks for the better part of two and a half hours. What had started as allowing Tsunade a reward for finishing her work so efficiently degenerated into a competition once Naruto had randomly ambled into the office. After heading home and returning with a ridiculous amount of alcohol for any 15 year old to have he began to engage Tsunade in a game of the drink.

Naruto slapped his hand on the table hard, "Oi, I'm not as think as you drunk I am! Now you heard Baa-chan Shizune-neechan, fill it up again!" He finished loudly, holding his saucer out for her to fill.

"Eager to get put under the table brat?" Tsunade wisecracked as Shizune topped them both off, "I outdrink Jiraiya on a regular basis, what makes you think that you can put me down?"

Naruto didn't answer he simply smashed his fist on the desk and grabbed his drink before tossing it back down his throat in one go, followed by Tsunade doing the same. Both of them held the saucers up with both of their heads tilted back before Tsunade fell backwards out of her seat onto the ground, snoring with a content look on her face.

Naruto lowered his head and saucer, swaying in place for a moment before shakily standing up and walking over to Tsunade, nudging the unresponsive Hokage with his foot, "I think I can put you down because I'm not really Naruto…" With that, 'Naruto' fell backwards and disappeared in a puff of smoke once he hit the ground.

Shizune was visibly gaping at what she had just seen. She rubbed her temple and sat down where Naruto had been sitting before pouring herself some sake of her own, "I need a drink."

XxX

Naruto was seated out on the deck of the ship by himself just looking out at the ocean when a memory hit him, "Damn it!" He scowled, "My Kage Bunshin and Tsunade-baachan drank all my sake!" He held his head and growled, "And I get the hangover effect? Fucking stupid clones!" He stood up and headed inside, "Sakura! Can you do Shizune-neechan's hangover cure?"