34

Chapter 33: Allergic to Life

After the little conflict with Kakuzu and Hidan had been settled, Jiraiya had made sure that Naruto had gotten treatment back in Kumogakure for his more nagging injuries and wounds suffered from the prolonged battle. For the physical price he paid keeping Yugito out of Akatsuki's clutches a stay in the hospital was the least that could be allowed for him.

Speaking of Yugito, surprisingly after the battle was complete the worst damage she suffered was the injury through her hands that had been inflicted at the start. She didn't suffer any permanent nerve damage, but it was advised that she refrain from training until further notice to keep from reinjuring herself.

During Naruto's hospital stay Jiraiya took to trying to examine Naruto's sword… and failed miserably as it did not let Jiraiya lay a finger on it without cutting into his hands with wind chakra, which piqued his interest as that was Naruto's main element type, however from what he had seen of the sword Naruto, who had finished his wind element training, never channeled chakra through the blade, and then it had that second form that simply augmented his abilities, but from what he had gleaned from Naruto it drained him heavily.

Naruto was strong. This was always evident to Jiraiya. Back when he took Naruto with him to retrieve Tsunade it was clear that anyone short of the absolute best in the world would have a horrible day if they had decided to tangle with Naruto, but now Jiraiya wasn't sure if he could put Naruto down without having to resort to his absolute best, although any stirring from the Kyuubi and he could always slap a suppression seal on Naruto, but getting it on him was an entirely different matter altogether.

He and Tsunade needed to have a conversation on his growth once he got the kid healed up and dragged him back to Konoha. In the meantime he was getting his kicks off of watching the nursing staff in Kumo's hospital keep Naruto in place. Apparently with a jinchuuriki like Kirabi they got used to him trying to break out before he was released early on in his life and had way more experience dealing with a rowdy, powerful demon container. No leniency was given, even stepping out of bed set off an alert for trained orderlies to put him right back, forcefully… and if that wasn't enough the head doctor was a woman with a glare that could freeze lava on point.

Yes, after the first day Naruto was a good boy. The company didn't hurt either however.

XxX

(Kumogakure no Sato - Kumo Hospital)

Naruto sat, seething to himself in his bed, "I never thought I would find something I hate more than Konoha's hospital, but now I think Kumo's is pushing it firmly out of the way for sure."

Yugito rolled her eyes from a nearby chair, "Oh get over it Naruto-kun, they'll let you out when they think you're good and ready."

"I am good and ready! I was ready the day after I was admitted and now it's been three days! They're just now letting me bathe myself!" He nearly whined to her, "Hospitals are for the dead and dying. I am neither so they should let me go." He ran a hand through his hair, "I can't believe mugging that orderly and transforming into him didn't get me out… I thought that would work for sure."

Yugito didn't miss a beat, "Kirabi tried that six years ago."

Naruto sighed, "Of course he did." He then lightly glared at her, noticing that she was dressed in her own clothing, "How come they let you go?"

Yugito grinned cheekily at him, "All I had besides the busted ribs were a few burns and my messed up hands." Yugito lifted her heavily bandaged palms and waved them at Naruto showingly, "You had all kinds of torn muscles in your legs and arms. How did you even tear the muscles anyway?"

Naruto glowered, "The bastard sword I carry with me." He let off a scowl as his heirloom blade, "That thing is more trouble than it's worth sometimes. How am I supposed to train with it when it rips my body apart just using it?"

"Oh just toughen up you big baby!" Yugito said, popping him lightly on the arm, "We just beat the Akatsuki and here you are complaining about your sword. Prioritize Naruto-kun, just relax. Getting all stressed out will do you no good."

"Yeah, no good." Naruto replied, "No good like your bum hands!" He said, grabbing her wrists and waving her arms around as if she were a marionette before she realized what he was doing and narrowed her eyes at him.

"What do you think you're doing scarface?" She growled out at him, "Getting beat up by orderlies and your sensei isn't enough? You want me to stomp you too?"

Naruto smiled at her disarmingly, "I'm bored. I haven't seen anything but white walls for days, and I'm well enough to leave. Since I can't leave, I'll have to have you keep me company Yugi-chan… my lovely entertainment."

Yugito smirked at him, "Your entertainment am I? And lovely you say?"

Naruto shrugged, still holding onto her wrists, "It is what it is."

Yugito moved her chair closer to Naruto and inched her face closer to his, "And what makes you think I'm here to entertain you? Maybe I'm here for my own fun."

Naruto gave her a dry look in response and then looked at his hospital gown clad form, "I don't really see what would be so entertaining about me right now?"

Yugito's eyes went along his form, "You wouldn't would you Mr. Paper-thin-gown?" She placed her mouth near his ear, "It's a shame we weren't in the same room while I was in mine." She pulled away from him once she felt him let go of her wrists and laughed at the incredulous look on his face, "I just had to get you back for all of the stupid things you said in the cave. Don't be mad Naruto-kun."

Naruto's face went back to normal once he heard the laughter from Yugito, "That wasn't fair Yugi-chan. I thought you were serious, especially after your little kiss right before we fought Hidan and Kakuzu."

"Speaking of that." Yugito trailed off, "Why did you do it? Why did you fight for me against them? You could have just let them take me, they weren't here for you. You would be fine right now."

Naruto gave her a long hard look, "Because we're friends Yugi-chan." He set his head back on his pillows and looked at her from his side view, "I would protect you just as much as I would anyone else that was close to me and needed my help."

Yugito frowned, "Fighting when you didn't need to against such dangerous people and losing would have crippled your village's military presence. There wasn't any reason to do this- umf." Yugito stopped talking when a pillow smacked into her face.

Naruto's arm was still extended from the throw, "I just gave you the reason. Being one of my precious people means I'll fight for you when I have to, because it's the right thing to do. It doesn't hurt that I had to face off with them eventually anyway, but I needed to make sure you weren't caught. It's just that simple. The entire reason me and Ero-sennin even came here in the first place was to try and set up an alliance against Akatsuki's workings so the reason I came here was more or less to protect you I guess you could say, heh." He finished with a laugh.

Yugito looked at him long and hard with an expressionless face trying to ascertain any sign of falsehood in his body language after what he had just said. She finally sighed and stood up, hovering next to Naruto's bed and looking at him as he simply stared back at her equally impassively, "I told those idiots that you did it just because you were a sweetie." She said as a smile slowly worked its way to her face once more.

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto said, "I'm your hero and all of that crap. How could I just let you go and get killed like that without trying to stop it Yugi-chan?" He then felt Yugito lean over him and give him a short kiss on the lips, "What was that for?"

Yugito stayed close to his face, "That was for all of the effort it took to get me back from them in the first place." She kissed him again, "That was for fighting them as hard as you did for me." She then placed one final, very long kiss on him that she had to somewhat climb onto his bed/him to prolong before breaking it, "And that was just for me… speaking of which-." She scratched the side of his face hard enough to draw blood, getting a cry of anger from Naruto, "That was for making me run away when you were in trouble." Naruto tried to open his mouth to reply, shutting it firmly when he felt Yugito's close range glare on him, "No arguments, no excuses, you simply won't be doing that ever again, understood?" Naruto nodded quickly seeing as how he was pinned down, "Good boy."

With that Yugito lowered herself down, still straddling him, and proceeded to renew their previous activity with Naruto dynamically reciprocating her actions via beginning to reach under her shirt until-

"Yo Mr. 9 I got here fast after hearing about those guys that kicked your ass!"

The door to Naruto's hospital room was then kicked almost off of the hinges and the towering form of the very familiar Hachibi jinchuuriki filled it through, grinning widely, "It's Kirabi-sama singing you a tune, hoping to see you get well soon!"

He failed to notice that Naruto was sitting up unusually ramrod straight with most of his bed-linens askew over one particular spot around his legs as if to cover something as well as Yugito sitting statue-still in her chair, hair slightly awry and her face with a healthy blush running across it... as well as both of them panting slightly. Naruto snapped out of his trance first, "Bee what the fuck? You knock before you enter a room with a closed door!"

Kirabi scoffed at Naruto, "I don't knock motherfucker!"

"Clearly." Yugito said with her eye twitching at her older jinchuuriki friend wishing he would spontaneously burst into flames right that minute.

"Kirabi-sensei you need to slow down and be quiet, we're in a hospital!" Karui came inside of the room followed by Omoi and Samui who rolled her blue eyes at her teammate at the hypocrisy of that statement. Karui blinked at seeing Naruto up and about, "So you're finally able to take visitors Naruto?"

Naruto gave her a dry look, "I could have taken visitors yesterday, but I tried breaking out the moment I woke up and after three attempts they isolated me until today."

Kirabi nodded in understanding while the others simply looked at him like he was insane. Omoi, with the ever-present sucker in his mouth spoke up, "You're talking about this place like it's prison or something."

Naruto's dry look switched over to him, "It is when there isn't anything wrong with you." He looked between them all, "I will give each of you 10,000 ryo if you get me out of here now."

Omoi and Karui went wide-eyed while Samui simply gave him a questioning look, "Where did you get that kind of money to spend on something like this?"

Naruto smirked inside of his head. He was still counting his money from the bounty on Sasori, he had gone on back to back high level missions, didn't have any expenses other than food and Hamako handled those matters herself with the money she made assisting at the academy when he wasn't there… yeah he was so moving out of that apartment when he got back. Hell, with the money he was going to make off of Hidan's head he was going to be more loaded than ever before. Damn! He didn't get Kakuzu's corpse. Oh well, there's such a thing as too much money after all.

At that moment Jiraiya walked into the room, "That's not going to be necessary brat. You're good to go." He threw a bundle to Naruto that when caught showed that they were Naruto's clothes and other possessions that he sealed into scrolls for travel, "Yep. It's time we get out of here and go back to Konoha."

"Finally, it took long enough." Naruto said as he began to peruse through his things. He looked up in time to catch himself from taking his hospital gown off to prepare to change, "Um, could I get minute here?"

Yugito plopped down on the bed next to him, "Aww, you don't want me to stay Naruto-kun?"

Naruto pushed her lightly, "If you stay then changing is going to be the last thing that I end up doing in here." He panned his eyes over to Jiraiya who was writing down something in a small notepad, "Ero-sennin what the hell?"

Jiraiya looked up at Naruto and put his pad away, "Oh get over it gaki. I've been using your life to brainstorm ideas for my books since right after we went after Tsunade." He chuckled lecherously, "Lately you've been giving me quite a bit to write about I have to say. I didn't see you becoming a ladies' man."

Naruto sighed, "I'm not a ladies' man."

"Liar." Yugito stated plainly with her arms crossed.

Karui nodded, blushing slightly, "I remember the last time you were here you know. You're full of crap on that one."

Samui rubbed her shoulders, "Is there any chance you can give me another massage like you did last time you were here before you go?"

"Um…" Naruto said unsurely, "Ask him." He pointed over to Jiraiya who was once again rapidly writing and mouthing out 'massage', "Oi! Don't make me burn that thing Ero-sennin!"

"Oh shut up and get dressed already." Jiraiya said, wiping away the small amount of blood coming from his nose from what he himself had written, We have to get back to Tsunade-hime and give her the results of the successful mission."

Naruto blinked owlishly, "Success? But the Raikage turned down the idea of us joining forces."

Jiraiya grinned at the boy, "Well after your little rescue stunt and after he saw how two of the Akatsuki could get right into his village and engage Yugito here without a trace going out until the fight was more or less over he saw that there was a need for some kind of measure to be put in place. So congrats kid, your little hero act brought about another alliance… you seem to be making a habit out of that."

"You act like you're mad about it." Naruto said, "Now can you all get the fuck out so I can change?" He then stopped to think about it, "Girls can stay." Naruto hopped out of bed once he felt everyone start to move towards the door and almost started taking his hospital gown off until he felt the presence of others still in the room. Turning to the door he saw Yugito, Samui, and Karui still standing there, one smirking, one blushing, and one with no noticeable reflection on her face but a sparkle in her eyes told him all he needed to know.

Naruto let off a sweatdrop, "You know I was kind of joking about that."

XxX

(Konohagakure no Sato – Hokage Tower)

Tsunade stared at Naruto and Jiraiya with her cheek in her hand, leaning on her desk lazily as she looked at the two of them, "Well you certainly took the roundabout way towards doing so but good work you two. That's one village we can mark down for having our side against Akatsuki alongside Suna."

Jiraiya nodded, pleased with Naruto's rendition of how the battle went, "Three of the five villages isn't a bad number at all." He patted Naruto on the head, "Now don't you have something to discuss with the kid?"

"Oh yes." Tsunade perked up and reached inside of her desk, rummaging around for a moment before dropping a small stack of papers in front of Naruto and handing him a pen, "I just need you to sign some things for your identification."

Naruto shrugged and grabbed the pen, signing his signature on all of the corresponding areas Tsunade designated for him. After handing the pen back over upon completion he finally asked, "So what was that for anyway? I've never had to sign anything before."

Tsunade didn't answer and simply took out a stamp before slamming it on the paper and looking up at Naruto with a grin, "Oh that was just the registration forms for your promotion to jounin. Congratulations brat."

He simply stared at Tsunade for over a minute fully processing what he had just heard, "You're not messing with me right? You're finally promoting me? Why now?"

Tsunade sighed, "Politics brat. I would have done it sooner but you need ample backing from many high rankings sources in the village these days for any decision like this to go through. You can at least take it as a sign that things are definitely changing around here for you." She finished with a smile.

'Yeah, either that or I have friends in blackmailing places.' Naruto thought as he couldn't fight the smile peeking through on his own face.

Jiraiya ruffled Naruto's hair, "Way to go, I knew they couldn't keep you off of that rank forever. It was just a matter of time." He looked up to Tsunade, "So are we supposed to head straight out to the next village?"

Tsunade shook her head, "No. Naruto is on a probationary period as a jounin. He needs to get three more missions under his belt as the leader before it's truly decided whether or not he'll remain a jounin or get demoted to tokubetsu jounin or back to chunin."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "I'm on probation? We have probation?"

"Ranks higher than chunin have probation." Jiraiya explained, "We have a pretty large population of ninja so this is to make sure we have the best of the best leading the pack so to speak. Smaller villages don't have probation since they need their 'elite' ninja for a showing, but Konoha ninja are already perceived as the outright best so we simply make sure of that."

"You'll be fine." Tsunade assured him as she put the papers away, "You don't seem like a choke artist to me so just work the way you always do and things should go smoothly. You've earned this rank."

Naruto reached into his pocket, "Speaking of stuff I've earned." He pulled out a labeled scroll, "How much do I earn for this?" He unsealed the scroll and covered the desk in smoke.

"You blonde cock-chasing son of a bitch, I knew you'd let me out!" On Tsunade's desk sat the disembodied head of Hidan, snarling and nigh foaming at the mouth at Naruto, "Get down here and fight me like a man instead of like a bitch!"

Tsunade looked at the head on her desk cursing Naruto out colorfully, "You… didn't kill him."

Naruto looked up at his village leader slowly, "I can't kill him. But this should be better right? I mean, he's still alive. That's got to count for something." Naruto started raising his voice higher and higher as Hidan yelled over him, "We could always-! We could-! We-!" Naruto glared at the head and stuffed the scroll he had been sealed in inside of his mouth, "Shut the fuck up! Winners are talking here!"

Tsunade rubbed her temple and pulled out some sake, "I thought I'd seen everything physically possible in this world and then you literally drop something like this in my lap. You lead a… charmed life brat." She said before pouring herself a small cup.

Naruto then took the bottle from her and took a swing straight from it, "It's not my fault Tsunade-baachan. Stuff happens." He tried passing the bottle to Jiraiya before Tsunade snatched it back out of his hands.

"Shizune!" Tsunade called loudly.

Naruto pointed at the muffled Hidan's head, "Can I keep that?"

Jiraiya gave Naruto a deadpan look, "Why in Kami's would you ever want to keep that for?"

Naruto shrugged, "Hamako-chan could use some company when I'm not home and he'd make a great pet. I'll even de-fang him so he can't bite or anything. Hell I'm certain that I can interrogate him for some good stuff on Akatsuki."

"That's actually a decent idea." Tsunade admitted, "The interrogation part, not the house pet part. What is wrong with you?" Naruto looked away awkwardly when at the same time Shizune walked into the room, "Shizune can you take this to ANBU HQ until I can get a hold of Ibiki Morino or Inoichi Yamanaka?"

Shizune walked closer to the desk and froze when she saw a severed head mumbling curses with a scroll shoved into its mouth, shooting death looks at everyone around. Her eyes fluttered before she fell backwards into unconsciousness.

Naruto and Jiraiya looked down at the fallen black-haired woman, "Did Shizune-neechan just faint?" Naruto kneeled down next to her, snapping his fingers in front of her face and shaking her lightly in an attempt to revive her.

Tsunade looked over her desk at her oldest companion, Naruto, and Jiraiya, "Yeah… you're dismissed brat. I'll wake her up."

XxX

"Another bowl oji-san!" Naruto called out, placing an empty bowl of ramen to the side of the counter in an effort to wait for his next bowl, "I have no shortage of funds to pay today!" Naruto's exuberance over his meal caused Teuchi to chuckle at his most prolific customer.

A pair of hands were placed over his eyes before a very welcome voice let him know exactly who it was, "I knew that I would find you here Naruto-sama. Why didn't you come home first?" The voice finished almost poutingly.

Naruto smiled and removed the hands from his eyes, allowing his aide to take a seat next to him inside of the ramen stand, "Hi Hamako-chan. Anything interesting happen while I was gone?" He stopped smiling and looked at her rather gravely, "You didn't burn the apartment complex down testing stuff out did you?"

Hamako rolled her eyes and leaned on the counter, ever present smile still on her face, "No, I'm not even working with anything volatile now, all I did was outfit your gift with some seals and that was pretty much all I did. It's only been a week since you left you know."

"Speaking of seals." Naruto changed topics, "I can use the hardest stuff that you taught me on actual people now so let me in on some new stuff next time we train." He picked up his sword, "Also I need you to seriously help me break down all of the seals placed on this thing and help me work out how this thing works. Going blind with this thing isn't such a good idea anymore." Naruto stopped talking as a bowl of ramen was placed in front of him.

"Of course master." Hamako agreed before smirking, "By the way, you're in trouble."

Naruto stopped eating and looked at her with noodles hanging from his mouth, "Huh?"

A small laugh came from the white-haired girl before she explained, "Where do I start? Well you keep failing to tell people when you leave and that usually leaves me to inform them of your absence, people don't like that, especially the people that were looking for you."

"Like who?" Naruto asked as he continued to eat, "I was only gone for a week, who could have possibly had anything to say to me?"

"Tayuya-san first of all." Naruto stopped eating to listen, "I'm certain you were expecting that though. Then there was Anko-san as well about the cursed seal, but I handled that appointment in your stead… right up until Tayuya-san came over for what assistance she could offer and the story of your… ahem… exploits, got out."

Naruto stopped slurping up his next bowl of ramen at a breakneck pace and looked at Hamako, still holding his chopsticks to his mouth, "And?"

Hamako looked away sheepishly, "Everyone that knows of you now knows about it. I am sorry Naruto-sama."

Naruto looked over at Teuchi who had also been looking at him before the ramen chef turned away, whistling innocently. He then thought about that statement. Everyone that knows 'of' him. That was actually a ton of people in reality, "So when you say 'everyone' you mean-."

"Naruto-niichan!"

Naruto turned around on his stool to find Konohamaru along with Udon and Moegi. The leader of the trio was looking at Naruto defiantly, "Hey Konohamaru. You guys are genin huh? Good for you all." Hamako at his side waved pleasantly at the trio who waved right back to her.

Konohamaru made a fist and thrusted it out at Naruto, "I'll show you how much stronger I am now Naruto-nii, Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy Jutsu)!" Konohamaru promptly transformed into a beautiful, nude, brown-haired woman, only to sweatdrop after realizing nothing was happening.

Naruto simply raised an eyebrow at the display, "Huh. Man I haven't used that move in forever." Naruto vacantly realized that a pair of chopsticks were being held in front of him with food on them, "Oh, thank you Hamako-chan." Naruto gleefully partook in his meal, forcing Konohamaru to face-fault out of his transformation.

Moegi and Udon helped Konohamaru stand back up, "Man… well I guess for someone that invented the technique and can see the real thing whenever he wants it won't have much effect."

Naruto immediately stopped letting Hamako feed him before looking at Konohamaru emotionlessly, bringing a shiver to the newly minted genin's spine. Naruto turned and placed his money for the meal on the counter before cracking his neck and turning back to the trio, "So you know how I could never legit 'train' with you guys because you weren't ninja yet? Yeah, that little restriction is off."

The kids turned to run, but before they could take their first step, Hamako flashed some seals into Naruto's hands that he slapped onto the bodies of the three young genin before making a set of half a dozen hand-seals, "Fuuinjutsu: Mahi no Fuuin (Sealing Technique: Seal of Paralysis)." Naruto nodded in appreciation at the effect of the seals as he saw the kids freeze in mid-stride, "Good work Hamako-chan. How long do I have until it wears off?"

"The seal isn't attuned to you personally so I would give it two minutes since I don't think they know how to stop their chakra flow that well yet." Hamako informed him.

"Damn." Naruto started to gather them all up at once, "That isn't enough time to get all the way across town to the Forest of Death so I can cut loose. Oh well, I guess I'll have to make this informal at a nearby training ground. Later Hamako-chan, I'll be home in a bit. I've got stuff to talk about with you later anyway."

Naruto jumped off with Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon all being carried by him unable to escape, "Don't beat them up badly master! You'll get in trouble again!" Hamako called out to him before she began to make her way home.

XxX

Naruto didn't really beat them up, sparing them from the horrible flashback to their time in the academy. He really actually did train with them, not on things that they could do with their jounin sensei who he found out was Ebisu, such as tree climbing or teamwork drills. He made Kage Bunshin and actually worked with them for a bit on things that he figured played to their strengths. With Konohamaru being the heavy hitter he gave him a few pointers on strength exercises and told him that the sooner he showed marked improvement in the things that Ebisu had been training him in the sooner both he and Ebisu would more than likely teach him more ninjutsu to work with.

For Udon, Naruto taught him what he knew of wicked traps that the boy already had base knowledge on after hanging out with Konohamaru for so long and tried to steer him towards starting specialization in fuuinjutsu, citing that other than Jiraiya, himself, Hamako who wasn't a ninja, and maybe Kakashi there really wasn't anyone in Konoha that could claim any kind of advanced skill in sealing techniques. The things that Naruto attempted to give him a crash course were more of starter concepts for someone as smart as Udon was.

For Moegi as far as concrete teaching there wasn't much he could show her. She wasn't going to have the chakra reserves to handle Naruto's form of combat so all of the ninjutsu he knew were out of the question. He didn't know any genjutsu, he didn't know any medical jutsu, so he figured that if nothing else he could show her some blade work as an effort to teach her something. She surprisingly took to it rather well and worked hard to learn the basic things that Naruto was trying to teach her. He also promised her after giving her a wooden training sword that if she could show him that she had learned enough on her own he would buy her an actual sword and teach her more than just basics. He didn't just head right out and buy her one after finding out she was interested because he was certain that she wouldn't need one for quite a while, being a genin for a little over two weeks, and that he wanted to give her some incentive to actually train instead of coast on her laurels.

After a few hours of working with the genin, and hearing Konohamaru lament about how he wished Naruto could have been promoted sooner so he could have taken them as a team he sent them on their way, telling them that any time they wanted to reach him they could look for him or Hamako.

"Well just look at you Naruto." Naruto saw Kakashi emerging into the clearing of the training field eye-smiling at him as the sun was going down, "Maybe you should lobby on taking a genin squad of your own if that's how you'd work with them."

Naruto chuckled to himself, "No way Kakashi-sensei. I just like those kids, they're going to be good. I don't think I could take a team just like that. And from that I'm assuming you've heard that I got promoted." As a missed thought he rubbed the back of his head, "I hope Ebisu isn't sore about me stealing his team for a few hours."

Kakashi nodded, "Who do you think put in an endorsement for you to move up. I may not look it at times, but I am very influential."

"Ah." Naruto said as they began to walk back towards the town, "You're right. Walking around with your face buried in Ero-sennin's pervert book all the time doesn't make you look very influential, no offense."

Kakashi wagged his finger chidingly, "Says you. From what Anko said to everyone about you and the Tayuya girl-."

"Damn it Anko-chan!" Naruto shouted to no one in particular, "She just spread that around to spite me after she got sent back on that mission we were on. I'm going to get her back later, she better know that."

"You're in trouble." Kakashi chirped with a sing-song voice, "After that little bit of news broke there were some people very interested in speaking with you."

A twinge of rememberance ran through Naruto's head, "Hamako-chan said that too. She didn't really get a chance to elaborate on it though. What the fuck does that even mean Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi simply gave him his trademark look, "It's not my place to say. You'll find out soon enough, I'm certain." Naruto could swear that the man was radiating an aura of I-know-something-you-don't, "Once you get off of probation I should set up a party for Konoha's newest jounin."

"You never know Kakashi." Naruto said off-handedly, "I might get myself demoted. I mean what if I'm not good enough." Both of them stopped walking and turned towards each other, both of them with complete and utter straight-faced looks, right up until both of them simultaneously burst into laughter, "Yeah right. Can you imagine me saying that out loud to anyone? Yeah, everything's going to be fine… working with people way older than me that I have to lead might be awkward though."

Kakashi motioned for them to keep going, "Meh, you get used to it. I was a jounin at 13 remember, imagine how I felt. You're just lucky that there isn't a war going on right now."

Naruto immediately countered, "If there was a war going on right now I would have been promoted faster and the team leading thing wouldn't be an issue since I would lobby for more solo sneaking missions than anything else." He looked over at the masked jounin, "I get where you're coming from though. But that's just another reason that I wouldn't take a genin team even if I could get one right now. Akatsuki is still after me. What would my genin do if we were attacked while we were out?"

"Well then that's just extra incentive for you to finish them all off so you can experience the joys of teaching like me." Kakashi said cheerfully.

"What teaching?" Naruto asked, "All you taught Team 7 as a team was how to climb trees."

"I'm sorry Naruto did you say something?" Kakashi asked as his nose was right back in his favorite book.

Naruto's eye twitched as he fought the urge to tackle Kakashi and beat the crap out of him, wondering if he could get away with it, "Nothing important Kakashi-sensei, nothing important at all."

XxX

Sitting at the kitchen table behind Naruto, Hamako was using the only thing she knew that could possibly be construed as a ninjutsu, Shikoku Fuuin (Finger Engraving Seal) that she was using to engrave a seal on Naruto's upper shoulder.

Hamako wasn't too thrilled with doing this, as it required her to actually burn the seal into Naruto's flesh before she could actually apply ink to make a tattoo out of it, but Naruto wasn't complaining, or flinching, or even showing that this was mildly hurting him, allowing her to proceed with a steady hand. The entire time she was simply telling Naruto about the things of mild interest that transpired when he was gone.

It wasn't until Naruto started going over what he had been doing in Kumo, with Yugito, that she felt a twinge of something in her. Luckily for Naruto she had finished the part that required her to burn the seal onto his shoulder or else she might have slipped her control and messed up the pattern. From that point on, Hamako refrained from responding verbally to anything he said that tried to engage her in the conversation. She simply stayed silent right until she finished placing the ink seal over Naruto's burn.

After allowing the ink to dry he looked himself over in the mirror, "That's good work Hamako-chan. What was this thing again? You were pretty insistent on putting it on me."

Hamako responded almost robotically, "It is a simple seal of communication between you and I Naruto-sama." She lowered the shoulder of her kimono to show that she had already placed the exact same tattoo on her shoulder, "It will allow you and I to communicate by channeling chakra in short bursts resulting in sharp pulses to the other person's corresponding tattoo." She then tested it out on Naruto.

He felt the same feeling she told him he would feel on his shoulder, "So it's like morse code? Okay then, that's great." He then noticed that the small serene smile she usually had on her face was gone, "What's the matter Hamako-chan?"

Hamako tried to speak three times, but closed her mouth with nothing to say each time. She finally steeled herself in front of Naruto, "I allowed your relations with Tayuya-san because she knew you longer than I did and having someone like her care for you would have been a good thing. What of this girl in Kumo?"

Naruto leaned against a wall, "Yugito? Yugi-chan is interested in me. We didn't have sex Hamako-chan."

"But you were going to." She countered, "That's where your story was going until Kirabi-san interrupted you if you were to be believed."

Naruto frowned, "Maybe that's where it was going to go. What does it matter in the end?"

Hamako looked down, "Why do you think I've stayed for so long master? Why do you think I enjoy doing so much for you and helping you? I even sleep in your bed with you all the time. Do you really dislike me that much?"

Naruto blinked at her mood, "I figured you were just one big sweetheart that I couldn't convince otherwise. And no, I love you Hamako-chan. I don't know what I did to deserve you doing so many things for me."

Hamako shook her head, "You don't love me. Not the way that I wish you would at least." She stood up and started walking closer to him, "You are the most important person in the entire world to me Naruto-sama. You are the only man that I would readily give my life for if need be. I know you tell me not to, to live for my own dreams… well I've found something to live my life for."

Naruto looked at her expectantly, "And that would be?"

Hamako closed the distance between them and placed herself firmly against Naruto's body, "All I want is you Naruto-sama. I just want to see you be happy, not only that but I want to be the one that makes you happy. Without you I don't know what would have become of me if I had ever gotten out of cryogenic freezing without you, but you need me, and that makes me feel wonderful."

Naruto sighed and held her against him, "I can't marry you Hamako. I've said it repeatedly to more than just you; real relationships won't work for me, there are-."

"I don't want you to marry me, and from the way you reacted when we first met nothing about our relationship is normal." She cut him off, "I just want to know that you care for me. Because I really do love you, honestly."

Naruto tilted her chin up to face him, "I already told you that I love you didn't I?"

Hamako made a pouting face at him, "I don't mean like that master."

Naruto kissed her on the lips and felt her nearly go limp in his arms, "Oh you didn't?" Naruto asked, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand, "Are you sure? Because I think that was the kind of love you wanted to hear from me."

The amber eyes of Hamako were quivering at the prospect of this being some kind of trick, "C-Can I kiss you? Please?"

Naruto grinned down at her, "You never had to ask me if you wanted to do that Hamako-chan. Like I said since the day I brought you to Konoha; you're more than a servant to me. And I would do anything to make you happy."

Hamako's smile returned and Naruto thought it could have single-handedly lit the room were it dark inside. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed Naruto possessively, he didn't think she had that kind of aggression in her, the back of his head bounced off of the wall when she did that. Naruto scooped her up and plopped himself down on the couch, still holding onto Hamako with her sitting in his lap.

Naruto laughed when he felt her squirm for a better position, "Alright we need to talk about stuff."

Hamako shook her head, "I don't want to talk." She emphasized this by kissing him again, "I don't care what you end up doing as long as you love me master."

Naruto leaned down and placed her on the couch, "I can't not love you. I can't not love anyone. I don't have it in me to turn people down for some reason. Can you believe that? I'm supposed to be a killer aren't I?"

"I know." Hamako said, "And that's why people like me and Tayuya-san like you, probably why Yugito-san likes you too. If you care about someone you won't let them down, but if anyone hurts someone close to you, you destroy them. That's very reassuring."

Naruto laughed, "I'm the meanest nice guy in the entire world." Hamako pulled him back down into another kiss. Hey, he said she never had to ask didn't he?

XxX

(Hokage Tower)

Jiraiya sat across from Tsunade's desk, both of them drinking from her bottle of sake as the day wound down to a close. Jiraiya finished his drink and looked over at his old teammate, "I'm planning on heading off to follow up on a lead sometime soon. It shouldn't take too long, just in and out."

"When?" Tsunade asked, filling her cup back up, "We still need you to finish the mission with Naruto. You still need to head to Kiri."

Jiraiya watched her drink down her own sake, "We should give them a little more time to bolster their rankings before we try with them, possibly after the next chunin exams if I were to give it a timeframe." He laughed once she gave him a look of disbelief, "Hey I know enough about politics. I'm doing this alliance thing for a reason right?"

Tsunade let a smile grow on her face, "Alright, alright. So when do you plan on leaving on this mission of yours?"

Jiraiya shrugged, "Let me rest up a bit from this one and get word from my network operative and I'll be good. It should be about a month or so. And just so you know I'm going to take Naruto with me so have his schedule cleared by the time I'm ready to go."

Tsunade paid special attention when she heard that. Anything about Naruto was a point of serious interest to her, he was her only living family and she truly did care about him, "Why do you want to take Naruto with you?"

Jiraiya scratched his face, "A few reasons. But anyway, can you do that for me? He should be done with his probation period in a month or two shouldn't he?" He turned on the begging, "Please Tsunade-hime?"

Tsunade simply rested her face in her hands, "You're thirty years too old to be doing that you pervert. You're giving me more of a mutt face than a puppy-dog face." She lowered her hands once he went back to normal, "Alright. When he's all set with his new responsibilities you can take him with you again. Kami I'm going to regret sending you two out again aren't I? Both of you are bad luck and sending you both out at the same time is just begging for trouble."

"Yeah you would know about bad luck wouldn't you?" Jiraiya quipped, getting a tick mark to form on Tsunade's head, "Oh you know I love you Tsunade-hime! Now come on and show me how much you love me!"

Within a second after uttering that, Tsunade had sent Jiraiya flying backwards, obliterating the office doors and who knows what else with the force of her punch, "I love you that much pervert." Tsunade smirked while cracking her knuckles.

"I… knew you did." Jiraiya called out weakly from his place among the rubble.

Omake – Kage Bunshin Chronicles

"Alright Bee why the fuck am I here?" Naruto asked, seated in Kirabi's hut in the Unraikyou, "What kind of training are we about to do here?"

Bee sat down in front of Naruto with a look of utmost seriousness on his face. He took a deep breath before speaking, "This is the most important kind of training I could ask you to help me with." That immediately disarmed Naruto, Kirabi never spoke to him normally, ever, "Can you help me?"

Naruto pondered for a moment. What the hell could he possibly do to help someone like Kirabi train? Oh well why not? Maybe he could learn some cool jinchuuriki moves while he was there? That was more than enough incentive to help even if the fact that they were friends wasn't enough, "Alright, you've got it. What do you need me to do?"

Kirabi smiled and reached over to the side before thumping a sizeable batch of notebooks off of the ground. Looking at them curiously he picked one up. Maybe Kirabi was trying to work out the physics for a new jutsu or something. Upon reading what was logged inside he blanched and face-faulted, "What the-? What is this?"

Kirabi grinned, "My shit is old after the passing of time, it's time for the Killer Bee to make some new rhymes!"

Ignoring the large black man sitting in front of him, Naruto perused through the notebook before slamming it on the ground, "Down on the town, a face with a frown, a sad clown…" Naruto raised an eyebrow at Kirabi, "Seriously?"

Kirabi nodded, "Don't be a shiv kid let me know, do my rhymes kill or do they blow?"

Naruto stared at Kirabi as a war waged in his mind; the unbridled, unadulterated truth vs. his own personal survival instincts. He could tell Kirabi the truth; that everything he just read on that paper gave him brain cancer that the Kyuubi had to purge from his system swiftly. However, Kirabi took pride in his horrible rapping ability, and he seemed to take an incredible amount of pride in the drivel that Naruto was reading… and it got worse as it went along. Were Naruto to tell him how much it sucked then Kirabi would probably quickly show him exactly why he needed to come this far away from Kumogakure to actually train, and he wasn't looking forward to that.

Finished with his covert thoughts Naruto opened his mouth to answer Kirabi, "Well I think that I'm not interpreting the rap right or something. Maybe I'm not taking this the right way, rap's not my thing."

"Oh that's all?" Kirabi picked up one of the notebooks and randomly flipped it open, "I can teach you to feel the rhyme kid it's all right, Hachibi-sama's got all damn night!"

XxX

(On the road back to Konohagakure no Sato)

Naruto stopped right in the middle of the road before looking back down the road they had just come from with a shiver. Jiraiya poked Naruto in the side of the head to get his attention, "What's got you all messed up in the head gaki?"

Naruto shook it off and kept walking down the road as a stray tear fell from his eye, "I love my Kage Bunshin so much."

Omake – Kage Bunshin Chronicles 2

"Tell me again how I got myself into this situation?" Naruto asked as he was trying his very best to keep his eyes from straying downward. The reason being, there was a very naked Samui covered only by a towel, lying down on her bed with a content look on her face. The reason for that being, Naruto had his hands going all across her back and shoulders in a very soothing manner.

The girl in question turned her head to the side and looked up at him questioningly, "Are you complaining?"

Naruto shook his head as a grin broke out onto his face, "Are you kidding me? I'm here aren't I? Now chill out and let me work some of these knots out Samui-chan. You're so rigid all the time, it's bad for you." He cracked his knuckles before getting right back to work, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Samui.

"You know if you lived in Kumo I wouldn't have shoulder and back problems Naruto-kun." She replied sleepily, "I'm certain you'd make sure of that."

Naruto smiled wryly at her, "Trying to get me to defect huh? And what exactly would I get out of it?"

Samui smirked, "I'd be more than willing to let you touch more than my back if you were." She ceased speaking when Naruto worked over a particularly sore spot, stifling her words with another groan.

"Ah-hem." Naruto turned his head towards the door way to see Yugito and Karui both standing there in towels. Yugito was tapping her foot impatiently on the ground, "It was to my understanding that we were all supposed to get a turn here."

Samui didn't even spare her fellow kunoichi a glance, "I saw him first, get your own."

As Yugito visibly bristled angrily at that, Naruto felt the makings of a catfight brewing and despite his desire to see it, especially with them in only towels, he simply couldn't let it happen for his own reasons. He wordlessly made a cross hand-seal and in a puff of smoke, two Kage Bunshin were at the other girls' sides, escorting them to their own spots on the bed, Yugito grinning the entire way, Karui blushing and somewhat scowling, but her heart wasn't into it.

XxX

(On the road to Konohagakure no Sato)

Naruto and Jiraiya had stopped on their way to Konoha for the night and had set up camp. Naruto was simply poking at the fire they had started to cook their food just as blood slowly started coming from his nose and a goofy grin crossed his face, "I love my Kage Bunshin so much."

Jutsu List

Fuuinjutsu: Mahi no Fuuin: (Sealing Technique: Seal of Paralysis). A-ranked fuuinjutsu. Supplementary. The user applies the prepared seal tag to the target and activates it using their own chakra. Upon activation the seal will bring an enemy's physical movement to a complete stop, using the chakra needed to activate the technique to disrupt the opponent's chakra flow, much like a genjutsu. One talented enough with their chakra control can easily break the seal if they know how it works as all that is necessary is for one to stop and restart their chakra flow. The time limit on the seal when fully applied with full preparation and all needed hand-seals (25 in all) lasts up to five minutes.

Shikoku Fuuin (Finger Engraving Seal). C-ranked ninjutsu/fuuinjutsu. Supplementary, close-range. The user concentrates chakra into their finger and using the heat from that can apply writing on whatever they want. This allows them to write on the skin of animals, iron plates, or a wide range of things however doing so requires them to be very delicate with their chakra control. This jutsu causes slight discomfort for a living target and if it is on flesh, it will scar.