Chapter 5 : I lost myself

[Finn POV]

I ran into my house and slammed the door, grabbed all the remnants of the drugs and alcohol and threw it into the garbage can. I could feel a strong resistance from within me but I pushed it away. We were gonna figure this out and move forward.

All that was left now was to process everything I'm feeling, into words. Some may need to scream it out, some need to write a diary. For me it's always been music, it started as a stress relief and grew into everything. An all encompassing obsession.

I don't need to change myself, just be the best version of me.

And with that I started writing my lyrics, trying a few chords on my guitar to get the right feel. The process of creating a song was always the most therapeutic of times in my life.

The day passed me by and night came and I finally felt like I had it, a song that encompassed everything me and Finn felt right now with our situation. A song to find some direction.

I started strumming my guitar in my dark room, with no light but that of the moon shining through a sole window.

[Munn - I lost myself]

Finn : ♬♪I lost myself that night. I threw it all away. Those are the things I've hated. Then I went and caved in.♬♪

'Finn hated druggies because his mom did, yet in the end that's what he became. The iron wasn't lost on him, it might have led him to his final decision...'

♬♪I'm a mess right now. My heart is in two places. Half is back at home, the other's off and racing.♬♪

♬♪I've been Running and running and running and running away. I know they'll catch me Running and running and running two opposite ways. I can't let my past catch me now, me now I can't let my past drag me down, me down.♬♪

'I'm split in two, one wants to grieve and yet the other is tired of grief. Running in opposite ways, I can't fail again with this second chance at life.'

'I felt something change in my soul, it was like Finn was able to finally see me. In my mind I too saw a hazy figure kneeling on the floor.'

♬♪I lost myself that night. I threw it all away. Recall my father's words. But it was far too late. I feel the burden now. It's weighing down my soul and I can't catch my breath 'cause these demons follow.♬♪

'I lost myself the day my parents each died and Finn lost himself the day his mom died, his dad told him this would lead to hell but I guess we were already there. Following our demons to overdose.'

♬♪I've been Running and running and running and running away. I know they'll catch me Running and running and running two opposite ways. I can't let my past catch me now, me now I can't let my past drag me down, me down.♬♪

♬♪I can't let my past catch me now! , me now.

I can't let my past drag me down! , me down.

I can't let my past catch me now! , me now.

I can't let my past drag me down! , me down.♬♪

'I could clearly see the kid in front of me sobbing. Finn. Behind him I could see a younger version of myself. Ah... we're the same aren't we? A couple of failures who lost the people who meant the most to us... '

♬♪Swear I've changed, but you don't care that I'm not the same.

You'll always haunt me!!

I swear I've changed, but you don't care that I'm not the same!!♬♪

'I hugged the sobbing Finn, you were never someone else were you? We're the same.'

'I am Finn.'

'I'll take care of the rest, pass on all your dreams and sorrows to me. I won't get lost again. I'll find the best version of me and keep marching forward.'

♬♪I can't let my past catch me now! , me now.

I can't let my past drag me down! , me down.

I can't let my past catch me now! , me now.

I can't let my past drag me down! , me down...♬♪

'The sobbing kid in my embrace started to fade away, the last thing his lips muttered were 'Be Happy'.'

As the song of my soul ended I broke down into a sobbing mess, all the emotions of two lives finally came out all at once. My past can't drag me down anymore. I will find my best version for the scared and lonely kid inside me that never left from my very first life.

I'm Finn Matthews and this is my story of how I became the best me.

[Jamie POV]

I walked into the house to hear the very unusual sound of the guitar, it's been far too long since I heard anything but silence and sobbing in this house.

As I walked through the house to the source of the music I passed the kitchen, in the garbage bag I found every drug, pill and alcoholic bottle Finn had bought since Angela died.

I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I simply couldn't help myself. I could feel a desperate smile creeping onto my face.

As I got to his door I could hear my boy singing his soul out, I never knew Finn could sing in such a hauntingly captivating manner.

♬♪I can't let my past catch me now! , me now.

I can't let my past drag me down! , me down.

I can't let my past catch me now! , me now.

I can't let my past drag me down! , me down...♬♪

My boy...he is actually growing, the same boy I held in my arms as a toddler.

♬♪Swear I've changed, but you don't care that I'm not the same.

You'll always haunt me!!

I swear I've changed, but you don't care that I'm not the same!!♬♪

"That's my boy..." I could finally let that relief flood my system, my son was out of the darkness. I won't lose my baby boy like I did the love of my life.

I slide down to the floor outside his room, letting my tears rain down freely. For the first time in a long time, it was tears of joy...

"Our boy will be fine Angela, you can rest in peace..." I was finally able to mutter the words I wanted to say for so long as the song ended and I could hear my son breakdown. To be built anew.