21. Chapter 21

Before you get into the next chapter- I hope you take a few extra minutes to read this message first. I wanted to start this chapter with a message to all of my BIPOC friends on here- your life matters, BLACK LIVES MATTER! I stand with you and I will listen to you. I struggled with posting this, not out of fear of backlash or hate, but that I might not be using the right words or getting my thoughts across in the best way. I am not typically an outspoken person and sometimes shy away from making my opinions public. I now realize that is part of the problem, especially on issues like this. I am by no means an expert on this subject, I am doing my best to learn right now like I'm sure many of you are! And to be honest, writing hasn't felt that important over the last few weeks given everything that's going on in our world. But I wanted to make sure I shared this because it is so important. Systemic racism and discrimination has been ingrained in our society for hundreds of years (I live in Canada, not America. But these same issues exist here too within our Black, Indigenous and other minority groups). And I know that it cannot be solved over night or by a few people alone. However I do think the momentum lies with us to start the conversations, listen to each other and to look for ways to get involved. It is not up to the people of colour in our lives to educate us, we need to do that ourselves.

I know many of you out there (myself included) have grown up in a city or place of the world where you do not see racism or racist acts- this does not mean it is not happening. I do not understand, nor will I ever, what it's like to be black in Canada (or America or anywhere else). But I do stand with those protesting and demanding justice and change. I have never been afraid to go for a jog, a walk in the park, or get pulled over by the police and I cannot imagine how that must feel for people with a different skin colour than mine. I have spent the last few days checking my white privilege and educating myself on how I can use my voice in my personal and professional life. Having white privilege does not mean that your life hasn't been hard or that you haven't struggled. It means that our skin tone isn't one of the things making it harder. Not acknowledging your privilege is contributing to the problem. I saw a quote online this week (sorry unsure of the author) "We are all in the same storm of life, but not all of us are in the same boat" (some of us are in yachts, some of us are in small fishing boats, some might only have a life raft- you get the drift of how this can be applied to people weathering difficult situations and life events). I thought this was a really poignant way to sum up everything that's happening in society right now, with COVID, the protesting, police brutality against the Black community, what privilege means, and really helped drive home my understanding of why it is important to say Black Lives Matter, instead of All Lives Matter. This is not an attack on anyone, please try and put yourselves in others shoes right now, and listen and validate their experiences. I don't have the answers, but I do know I can hold myself more accountable in having the hard conversations about racism and putting in the work to educate myself and those around me, especially as someone working in healthcare.

I am trying to listen more actively and to learn, and find ways I can help drive collective change, even just in my close circle. I want there to be justice for George Floyd and the countless others. Those responsible for his murder must be held accountable, there is no excuse. Fellow white people- please use your voice to stand up for the injustices in our society and to be an ally for those who are facing racism and discrimination in our schools, communities, healthcare systems etc the list goes on. Take this time to educate yourselves on the systemic racism that exists in our world today, listen to BIPOC and other minority groups and take action where possible- sign petitions, support Black owned businesses, donate to bail funds and other organizations fighting racism in your local communities. There are tons of options and resources out there on how to get involved and not all of them require financial contribution (although this does help if you are able to do so). This is not an exhaustive list by any stretch, but a good place to start if you are unsure of how to support this movement.

I do not think I have a "following" by any means, but I do know by the stats on here that many people around the world read my words. I hope that you take this message to heart today and reflect on what is going on, and more importantly WHY. Be outraged by it and let's not be distracted by what the media is showing us (and what they aren't). It is my hope that you also meet this message with the same passion, open-mindedness and kindness as my fictional stories. My inbox is always a safe place, and I am always open to learning about different resources/books/podcasts etc that would help me become more educated on this matter. If you have the space/energy to do so please feel free to contribute to this conversation. I know this website is for fiction, but this is real life and I cannot think of a more pressing issue right now than justice and equality for our fellow humans. This is urgent. If you are protesting- I stand with you. The world needs more love, equality and tolerance. Our collective differences and diversity is a strength, not a weakness. Generations before us did not get this right, but I hope that we do. It's on us now, let's have those difficult conversations with ourselves, with our families and friends, the time is now- enough is enough. I know I will be. Thank you for reading this important message today. Stay safe out there everyone and enjoy this update. –K.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere- MLK.

Chapter 21

Hailey groaned as she opened her eyes, or attempted to. She had a pounding headache, and couldn't for the life of her remember the last time she felt this hungover. It took her a second to become aware of her body in time and space, suddenly her eyes shooting open as she realized she was just in a tank top and underwear, pretty much naked in her books, especially lying here with her partner.

Oh my God, she internally shouted as she looked to the left of her and saw Jay lying there fast asleep. She watched him stir a few seconds later, coming to as well. She saw him repeat the same wake up that she just had, his eyes also becoming a little wide realizing that he too was also very naked.

"Mhmm, morning", she cleared her throat.

Jay looked over at her, his face red with embarrassment.

"Umm, Hails…did we?...", Jay asked confused, as he motioned downwards, then over to her as he peaked under the blankets.

Hailey snorted back, "That's cute. That you think we had sex", she grinned cheekily. She watched as Jay's face scrunched up trying to process what had happened the night before, he was also very foggy and hungover.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know how this happened", Jay stated.

Hailey laughed, trying to brush off the situation, it was obvious that Jay's memory from the night before was non-existent. It was funny in a way, but she was also feeling a bit hurt that he blacked out, she was hoping he would remember at least some of what happened between them.

"Tequila, I think that's how this happened, guess we'll never know", Hailey smiled, pretending she didn't care, didn't want to make a big deal over this.

Jay eyed her closely, watching her face drop for a second as he confessed he didn't remember what happened, or so she thought anyways.

"That's cute, that you think I don't remember kissing you", Jay smirked, repeating her tone from a few minutes before. Hailey's eyes went wide, and she flashed him her dimples as she bit her lip, blushing slightly as her eyes met his.

The events of the night before came flooding back to them as they stared at each other in silence and smiled.

The ride home from Cruz and Chloe's reception was your typical tipsy endeavour. Their Uber driver was blasting some classic hits and ever so kindly took them through the McDonald's drive thru.

"Chicken nuggets, chicken nuggets", Jay and Hailey were chanting at Vanessa from the backseat who was in charge of ordering as she was the least drunk of the three.

"Okay kids, you guys behave back there alright or I will turn this car around", Vanessa joked, usually it was Hailey and Jay acting as her parents.

She laughed at the two detectives in the back seat, clearly enjoying themselves. They pulled up to their house, stumbled inside and feasted on their meal. Hailey disappeared into the kitchen and came back out with three tumblers and a nice bottle of tequila.

"I don't think you two need anymore of that", Vanessa chuckled and pointed at Jay in particular.

"Oh Vanessa, lighten up, we're having an after party", Jay said back to her, rather sassier than normal, which made Hailey burst out laughing.

"Okay if you insist", she smiled and held out her glass so Hailey could fill it.

The three of them carried on in the living room until well past 3:30 in the morning. Vanessa could barely keep her eyes open, how was it that these two were out-partying her? She finally decided to call it a night, hoping that Hailey and Jay would have some alone time. She had this weird feeling that Hailey wanted her to stick around. That she was almost sensing some unusual nerves at being left alone with her partner, at what might finally happen or be discussed thanks to the liquid courage. After tonight, the wedding, the dancing- that wouldn't surprise Vanessa one bit. Every single person in the room felt their chemistry, maybe it was about time realized it too.

"I am going to bed you guys", Vanessa quietly announced as she yawned and got up from the couch. Hailey and Jay pouted.

"Party pooper", Hailey joked, but winked in her direction, reading Vanessa's mind. She winked back at her roommate, and discreetly raised her eyebrow in Jay's direction. Vanessa mouthed good luck and disappeared upstairs.

That left Hailey and Jay in the living room with a half empty bottle of tequila and their dress clothes scattered on the couch. Jay's suit jacket was hanging over the armrest, Hailey had taken her heels off and let down her hair. They were both sitting on pillows on the floor as Vanessa had been sprawled on the couch earlier. The fireplace was going, and Hailey looked around, realizing Vanessa lit a few candles before going upstairs.

Suddenly, her heart started racing, taking in the romantic setting. Jay noticed too, giving her a small smile holding out his hand.

"What's on your mind Jay", Hailey asked suspiciously.

He paused for a second, taking in her features in the soft glow of light from the fireplace.

"Dance with me?" He asked charmingly.

She raised her eyebrows, tilted her head and gave him a smile back. She accepted his hand as he helped pull her up to stand.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket to play some music. Hailey smiled as the familiar tune of an acoustic version of "Stand by Me" flooded her living room speaker. He gently twirled her around the living room like he did on the dance floor of Joe and Chloe's reception. Only this time, it felt more intimate, just the two of them, barefoot by the fire and dim lighting of her house.

Hailey inhaled his scent, his woodsy cologne, the faint smell of the cigar he smoked on his clothes. They were laughing and dancing until the song ended at which point Hailey decided to question his moves.

"So, how did you learn to dance so well for real?" She asked.

"You're gonna laugh at me", he replied.

"I won't, scouts honour", she joked.

"Well, I was undercover once, years ago when I was still in Robbery-homicide. We were trying to bust this drug ring who was using a dance studio as their front, it was a smart operation really…", Jay rambled about the detail and then got back on track when Hailey laughed and mimicked for him to get to the point.

"Long story short, I had to spend a lot of time at this studio for lessons, eventually just got good. And let me tell you, Ryan was a hit with the ladies in that class", Jay chuckled, having not thought about that undercover in years.

"I'm sure you were", Hailey jokingly rolled her eyes and grinned playfully.

The pair continued to hold each other close, slowly rotating on the living room floor, laughing about some of their other strange undercover operations, time seemed to fly by, neither of them wanting to release the other from their grasp. Jay was much chattier once he had a few, or twelve, drinks in him. Before they knew it the short playlist he had put on was over and it was nearing 4 in the morning.

Hailey went to pull away, to tell him they should go to bed when she stopped and looked at him, really looked at him. She knew that look in his eye.

"What's really on your mind, I can hear you thinking from here", she asked cautiously.

He bit the corner of his lip, just staring back into her eyes. He blinked a few times, gauging her reaction, her eyes told him yes, he knew how to read her too, so he went for it without thinking too much more about it.

Jay's right hand came up to hold the back of her head, his fingers getting tangled in her hair. His left softly caressed her cheek, their eyes never separated.

Hailey almost shivered, he hadn't even really touched her yet and somehow this was the most intimate she had ever felt with him.

His head came down to reach her, his lips just grazing hers at first. She felt him relinquish control to her, a subtle move that he would play this how she wanted to play this. So she kissed back, fiercely. It was short, but meaningful. He held her face to his for a few seconds longer before pulling back.

"That's what's really been on my mind", he whispered into her ear.

She exhaled deeply. "Whoa."

"Whoa", he echoed back.

"Was that…Ryan…or was that Jay?" She asked, her voice felt smaller for a second, doubting that Jay actually wanted her the way she wanted him.

He shook his head at her and grinned, "I am Ryan", he replied with confidence and she felt her shyness and her insecurities melt away.

"And Hailey, one other thing"…

"Mhmm", acknowledging that there was more.

He paused, before giving her a lustful look, "That's a beautiful dress, but I would really like to get you out of it."

Hailey's heart just about jumped out of her throat when she heard him say that. She looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of that being a joke, but she didn't see one. The Jay Halstead standing in front of her in her living room was one hundred percent serious, giving her the most genuine gaze. That terrified and enthralled her all at once.

"Okay", Hailey managed to get out, smiling at him, communicating her approval, her want, no need for him too.

He smirked back, and motioned to her stairs.

She followed him up the stairs and down the hall to her bedroom.

The whole way up she was thinking Wow, this is actually happening. Finally.

She paused as they entered her bedroom, telling Jay that she was going to wash her makeup off before they went to bed, he smiled and nodded before starting to take his suit off.

Hailey spent a few minutes alone washing her face, surprisingly not really feeling the need to look "sexy" for Jay. He had already seen her sleeping before, this was not new. However introducing the physicality into their relationship was. So for the sake of that she decided she was going to come out in just her underwear. At least make this a little like the movies, she giggled to herself.

She mustered up the courage to open her bathroom door and take the leap into the thing she wanted most with Jay, intimacy. Even though they were quite tipsy, she did not doubt for one second that this is something that she wanted, and now she knew he wanted the same.

Then she heard him as her eyes adjusted to the light and saw him. Snoring. Completely out cold.

She stood there for a second and then laughed. Laughter because they were so close. So, so close this time. Closer than ever to crossing that line. And here he was, Jay Halstead in all his glory, who was kissing her just moments ago and eager to move their party upstairs- completely passed out face down in her bed. He was a light sleeper, but when she crawled in next to him and he didn't do his usual half-awake sigh and twitch, she knew there was no chance this was happening tonight.

She gently ran her hand over the back of his head before turning the lamp out on her bedside table.

One day Jay Halstead.

The replay of events in her mind was speedy, her words trying to fill Jay in on the rest. Leaving out some of the more explicit parts, she wanted him to hopefully recall those on his own. They were way too hungover for that conversation right now. They spent a few minutes laughing at themselves, not realizing that Rojas had snuck in the doorway, silently watching them whisper at each other, and the huge belly laughs that followed. The flirtatious looks did not go unnoticed, and the fact that Jay was at least half naked. She could only see his top half, but it didn't take her long, or being a police officer to notice that fact that his pants were on the floor next to Hailey's bed either.

"Smells like tequila and bad decisions in here", Rojas candidly announced her presence.

The two of them shot up, she had clearly surprised them. Jay looked like he immediately regretted the sudden movement, Hailey laughed at his expense.

He took his time gingerly laying himself back down to a more horizontal position.

"Ouch", he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You look like shit", Vanessa told Jay.

"I feel like shit", he replied with his eyes closed, turning on his side toward Hailey, who looked like she might even have a bit of a buzz still herself if Vanessa had to guess.

The two women chuckled.

"Hailey I think I'm getting sick my throat hurts, I feel achy", Jay said quietly.

"Jay you're not getting sick you are hungover and your throat hurts because you were smoking cigars with Adam and Kev last night", she corrected him.

"But I feel sick", he pouted.

"I know", she chuckled sympathetically, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Can you feel my forehead I think I have a fever", Jay asked ever so nicely, although he was being silly at this point, flashing her a wink.

She humoured him and placed the back of her hand on his forehead and cheeks.

"You do not have a fever, you have the whiskey and tequila sweats", she laughed, Rojas joining her.

"Ughhhh", he groaned.

"Jay, I thought you could handle your liquor?" Vanessa joked.

"Vanessa, I feel like death, please don't talk so loud", Jay was struggling, trying to laugh but on the inside actually felt terrible.

That made her laugh even more, Hailey couldn't help herself either. It was pretty funny, she had ever seen Jay drink so much in her life. They did have quite the night.

"Hailey, why is Rojas so energetic right now? I vaguely remember you joining our after party too" Jay said out loud.

"Because she is young and hasn't tipped past the "hangovers last for 2 days now" stage of her 20s. You and I…not so lucky", Hailey elaborated, giving Rojas a look, whispering that Jay was way more of a light weight compared to her, she could still handle her own.

Vanessa winked back at Hailey, clearly asking her another question with her eyes. To which her roommate pursed her lips and grinned cheekily.

Rojas mouthed dropped, and as she was about to say something else, Jay suddenly shot up in bed again, eyes wide open this time, first looking at Vanessa then to Hailey.

"Vanessa you need to leave right now", he said urgently.

"What, why?" She asked as if he were kidding.

"Because I am about to throw up and if you don't you are going to see me completely naked", Jay said very plainly, not really caring about the assumptions behind the last part. His focus right now was not throwing up in Hailey's bed.

Hailey's eyes went wide, and covered her mouth with her hand, trying to suppress her own laughter, and maybe a bit of embarrassment.

"I would do as he says V, can confirm that he has zero clothing on underneath this blanket", she said seductively as she pretended to lift the covers and check herself.

Vanessa looked so stunned, she froze. She thought for sure they were kidding about this, but clearly, they were not.

She closed her eyes to let Jay get up and at least have time to put his underwear back on, she had no clue if Hailey closed her eyes for that part or not too.

By the time she opened them, he was just running past her, but she did get a quick glimpse of his body.

"Wow", she mouthed to Hailey, giving her a thumbs up sign.

Hailey rolled her eyes as Vanessa approached her side of the bed, dying to find out the details of whatever it was that went down here last night.

"So?!" Vanessa asked.

"Circle of trust?" Hailey started slyly.

"Circle of trust", Vanessa confirmed.

"Okay. Vanessa I'm freaking out", Hailey whispered, voicing her inner feelings for once.

"What? Why?" She knew that having sleepovers with Jay was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Wait…Hailey…did you have slutty wedding sex?!" She asked a little louder.

"Vanessa shhh", Hailey whispered motioning to her bathroom.

"Not exactly…", Hailey grinned, and was about to whisper something when they heard Jay vomiting violently in the bathroom, instantly cringing.

"We are definitely going to circle back to this later", Vanessa motioned to Hailey's bed and went to go grab Jay some water from downstairs.

"Thanks V", Hailey laughed, feeling a headache brewing herself, saved by Jay's hangover to have to explain what happened last night.

By the time Vanessa came back upstairs armed with water, Advil and some chips for the two of them, Jay had made his way back to Hailey's bed, hiding under her blankets.

Hailey's eyes were closed too, one of her hands resting against Jay's back.

She popped one eye open when she heard footsteps in her room.

"Advil, water and chips", she whispered to Hailey who smiled, gave her a thumbs up and closed her eyes again.

She made her way over to Jay's side of the bed, who did not look the best.

"How are you feeling Jay?" Vanessa asked sympathetically.

"Not good", he replied from under the covers, unable to open his eyes.

She disappeared into the bathroom, coming out with a cool washcloth for him, setting it across his forehead. It was a whisper, but he mustered up a "Thanks V." She liked that the two of them called her V, she had never had a nickname like that before. It made her feel special.

"Alright mom, dad, I'll be downstairs if you need anything okay", Vanessa said jokingly.

That even got a smile out of Jay, who managed to give her a thumbs up as well.

"We are the worst parents right now", Jay mumbled quietly so that only Hailey heard, she giggled next to him.

Vanessa snuck out of Hailey's room, and went back downstairs to make something for lunch. It's happening, they've reached their turning point, she thought, unable to wipe the smile off of her face.

Hailey resurfaced sometime around dinner, feeling a little more alive after a shower. Jay on the other hand, was still in the land of the dead.

"Jay is still not up?" Rojas laughed incredulously, Hailey following suit.

"He is strugglingto say the least", she replied.

"Wanna order pizza for dinner and then also discuss what happened last night?" Vanessa asked her roommate.

"Pizza yes. Last night….little fuzzy. But long story short we kissed and then went to bed. To sleep", Hailey clarified as Vanessa's mouth dropped.

"That's all?" She pried.

"That's all", Hailey confirmed, her silence signalling that she wasn't willing to elaborate at this point. Vanessa knew she would spill when she was ready, so she left it at that and respected her not wanting to share anything else.

After they ate Hailey snuck up to check on Jay who was still dead to the world.

"Jay", Hailey went over to him, gently shaking his shoulder. No response.

She flipped on the lamp on her nightstand and saw the Gravol package and chuckled slightly. He must have been up and found that in the bathroom. He had been sick a few more times during the afternoon. She was sure he would be avoiding drinking for a while.

Then she realized there were double the amount of pills gone from the blister pack than there should be, silently freaking out. What if he wasn't waking up because he took too much by accident? She kept trying to wake him up but it wasn't working. Starting to get a bit nervous, she decided to text Will just in case.

Can you overdose on gravol?

Will responded within the minute. Why?

Asking for a friend…

Is your friend Jay Halstead? Lol. She could see Will laughing at her from his couch.

Maybe

How much did he take? Will responded.

Looks like double of what he should have…unsure how long ago. I was downstairs eating. I've been trying to wake him up but he's completely out.

Between you and me, Jay used to take gravol a lot when he was back from his deployments to help him sleep… not ideal that he took double but he'll be okay.

Hailey thought about that for a minute. Okay so I shouldn't be nervous?

No he's alright. Is he breathing?

Yes. She triple checked by putting a hand on his back, feeling it rise and fall normally.

Just leave him. All he can do is sleep it off now, looks like you might have him for another night. You guys had fun at Cruz's wedding?

Little bit too much lol. Thanks Will!

No worries, talk to you later Hails

She felt comfortable enough hearing that from Will to leave Jay be and go back downstairs to hangout with Vanessa.

When it was time to head up to bed, she was quiet as Jay was still sleeping. She turned on her light to get ready and organize her stuff for work in the morning. They'll have to get up earlier so they can make the stop to Jay's for him to get new clothes. It would look pretty suspicious if he turned up to work in his wedding outfit. Stride of pride, she laughed.

She crawled underneath the covers in the dark, feeling the warmth of Jay's body heat as soon as she got settled.

Jay twitched and came to slightly, groaning as he rolled over to be closer to her.

"You awake?" She asked quietly.

"Mmmm", he grunted back.

Hailey laughed, "You know you've just spent probably 23 of 24 hours in bed today. You okay?"

"Sort of", Jay took a minute to process how his hangover was going.

"You should have some water before you go back to sleep", Hailey said.

Jay sat up and took a few big gulps of the water that was within arms reach on the nightstand. Immediately feeling a little better. His head hit the pillow again, and he reached a hand out to find Hailey, resting it on her forearm.

Her right hand came up to meet his hand that was grazing her left arm. Her thumb gently rubbing a small circle into his skin.

"Night Jay", she whispered.

"Night Hails", he replied sleepily.

There was silence for a second, but an unspoken energy in the room. Jay filled it.

"Hailey?" He said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to kiss you again someday", he said sweetly, sounding more awake than he had all day.

She smiled, from ear to ear. He hadn't forgotten, and he really did share the same feelings as she did. "I might just kiss you back."

Their alarms went off way earlier than normal the next day, both of them groaning in realization that they had to go to work today.

"Come on, we have to get up", Hailey poked at him, feeling better herself, but knowing Jay had a worse time than her yesterday and would likely have a worse time than her today.

"Alright, alright. I'm up", his eyes opened and he sat up in bed. All of the talking about the important things like what this meant for them, had been put on hold because of the hangover of the century.

Jay was bold and brave last night telling her he wanted to kiss her again, so Hailey decided she was going to be bold and brave too.

"I'm going to have a shower", she stated.

"Alright", Jay replied, rubbing his eyes, trying to get his bearings.

Hailey got out of bed, and it didn't take long for Jay to realize she wasn't wearing any pyjama bottoms, just underwear.

"I'm going to have a shower….and I think you should join me", she said seductively and spontaneously, staring at him with fire in her eyes, giving him a minute to process what she had just said.

Jay's eyes popped open wide and his jaw dropped, it was rare that he was speechless. But this was one of those times.

Hailey turned away from him smirking as she knew her words just shocked him.

"Better think quick Halstead, that offer isn't going to stand forever", she yelled cheekily from her bathroom as she started the shower and made a point of throwing her clothes past the door frame so he could see that she was naked.

Jay's brain had been fuzzy for the last 24 hours but this moment instantly cleared it. He got out of bed faster than he ever had before, eager to finish what they started, but hadn't quite been able to finish, the night before.