17| cigar

D I A N E

"Don't tell me how to do my job," Yulia snapped, her voice dripping with venom. "You don't even know how to use a gun."

"Well, at least I'm not the one who missed," I shot back, unable to keep my anger in check. "Maybe you should go back to training before you end up hurting someone."

She glared at me, her expression darkening. "I'm more than capable of doing my job," she said, her voice trembling with rage. "I don't need your advice."

I felt my anger beginning to boil over.

What was her problem? I was just trying to help her, and she was acting like I had done something wrong. I was the one who had talked Isaak down from hurting her, and she was acting like I was the enemy.

"Why did you want to shoot him?" I asked, my voice even." He's just a boy," I said looking at the boy who was practically mute. I thought about Isaak and his powerful reputation. I knew that he rarely had to resort to violence, because his mere presence was enough to strike fear into his enemies.

"You wouldn't understand," Yulia snapped, her eyes flashing with anger. "This is my job, and I know what I'm doing."

"You're just a civilian. You don't know what it's like."

"There are other ways of-"

"I don't need your advice," She said, her voice cold. "Why would I want advice from a ..... like you?"

"Yulia enough," Isaak's voice was low and the room went deathly quiet. A chill ran down my spine when I saw the look in his eyes; he wanted to kill. He wanted blood.

Isaak turned to one of his men and said, "Get him out of here." The man nodded and moved towards the young boy. My heart was racing as I watched the scene unfold. I wanted to do something, but I was frozen in fear.

The man roughly grabbed the boy by the arm and began to drag him out of the room. The boy struggled, but he was no match for the man's strength. I looked at Isaak, pleading with my eyes for him to stop this. But he just looked away, his expression cold and unfeeling.

"Don't kill him," I whispered, trying to get his attention. But he didn't even look at me, his gaze fixed on Yulia, who was staring back at him with a smug smile. It was like they were locked in a battle of wills, and I was just an insignificant bystander.

I knew I had to do something to break the tension, but I was at a loss for what to do. I felt so helpless, and I hated it. I didn't want to be caught in the middle of this power struggle, but I didn't know how to get out of it.

I felt like I was screaming into a void, my words falling on deaf ears. I was desperate to get through to him, but it was like he was no longer even listening. It was like he was in a trance, lost in his world.

I reached out a hand to touch him, to try to get him to come back to me, but he flinched away from my touch. I felt my heart breaking.

"I won't," he said, his voice softening ever so slightly like he just realized. "I promise."

I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. I felt like I could finally relax, like I could finally exhale. He walked out of the dark room without saying another word. Yulia glared at me but I followed his footsteps,  scared that he might do something crazy.

He made his way to what I assumed was his room and shut the door in my face. I tried to feel nothing about it as I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Silence.

I closed my eyes, knocking again, and this time I heard a harsh "What?" from the other side of the door.

They took the sound of the door unlocking, as a sign and opened the door.

I stepped into the room, taking in my surroundings. It was dark, the only light coming from the small window. The walls were covered in black wallpaper, and there was a large bed against one wall. A dresser was pushed up against another wall, and there was a desk in the corner. The room was neat and orderly, with everything in its place. But it felt cold and uninviting, like a prison cell rather than a home.

I watched as he slowly made his way to the balcony, his back turned to me. He stood there for a moment, his shoulders tense.

I  walked towards him, my footsteps echoing in the cold room.

To my surprise, he relaxed as I approached, the tension seeping out of his body. I reached out, my hand trembling, and took the cigar from between his fingers. I put it out in the ashtray, the smell of smoke filling the room. I turned back to face him, our eyes meeting. He looked at me, his expression unreadable. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

I was surprised when he didn't fight me, simply letting me take the cigar. I quickly put it out, wanting to get rid of the smell. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pack of gum, offering him a piece.

He looked at me for a moment, then took the gum. "Like the first time we met," he said, his tone wistful. He popped the gum into his mouth, his jaw working as he chewed it. I couldn't help but stare at him, his features lit up by the light of the sun.

I shoved the memory of us meeting the first time at the back of my mind. It was too special... "I thought you stopped smoking," I said, disappointment lingering in my tone.

"I did, a while after you left for varsity, " The memory flashed in my head as I blinked the tears away.

"I remember, " I chuckled lightly. "I cried like a baby, thinking I'd never see you again," I reminisced.

"I remember that too," he said, his voice soft. "I couldn't believe you were gone. I missed you so much."

A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. "I missed you too," I said. "I thought about you all the time."

His eyes met mine, and I felt my heart skip a beat. "I thought about you too," he said, his voice low. "I wished I could have been there with you."

I nodded, the memories flooding back.

"So what made you smoke again,"

"I started again because...," he trailed off, his voice filled with regret. "I guess I was trying to fill the void that you left behind."

My heart ached at his words, and I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. "I'm sorry," I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "I didn't mean to leave a void. I just... had to do what was best for me."

"I know, Varsity was your dream. I couldn't get in the way of what made you happy,"

"Besides, cigars reminded me of you," My face instantly changed into disgust. "Ew," He chuckled and my heart fluttered as his eyes twinkled.

"I know it isn't the most ideal but it does. Every time I had a cigar in my hand, I was reminded of your dislike for it-your contagious smile," He said. "It helped me forget everything at the moment,"

"What changed?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. He pulled me close, his eyes searching mine. "Everything," he said, his breath warm against my cheek.

I knew better than to ask something I knew I wouldn't get the answer to so I let him push me away, once again.

"I have to go. Yulia is waiting for me," His words snapped me back to reality, sending daggers to my heart.