Ch 24 The Other Side

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There were several things that Severus secretly enjoyed, although he would never admit it. One of those was Lily being concerned on his behalf.

"The exam is tomorrow, Severus. Do you really think you are ready?"

Of course, that didn't mean that he didn't find it annoying sometimes, like right now.

"Don't worry, Lily, I'm fine!" muttered Severus impatiently as the two of them walked the halls and corridors of the ancient castle.

"Alright, Sev, have you made any progress on your Patronus, any at all?" replied Lily heatedly, her obvious worry having grown as the hours dwindled. "It's almost like you don't even care, anymore."

Severus gave her a disdainful look. Didn't she realize how hard he was working on this? "You're quite exaggerating, Lily. I'm having some minor difficulty trying to draw the necessary happiness from the memories in question. It'll just take a little more effort, then I'll be ready for the exam."

Lily huffed with annoyance. "'Minor difficulty', Severus? You have yet to even come close to a solid, corporeal Patronus. All you've gotten is white mist, every single time."

"And what would you suggest, Lily?" retorted Severus, glaring at her. "I've tried all of your ideas at least once, so don't make me look like I'm being stubborn!"

"Well, maybe you could use some outside assistance." Lily was unable to suppress a smirk. "We've tried everything we can think of, but maybe some fresh ideas will help."

"And who are you thinking of?" asked Severus suspiciously, his dark eyes narrowed. Merlin help him, if she said Potter...

"Mary MacDonald," retorted Lily, giving him a look that said 'don't even try to disagree'. "She's almost as good as you at DADA, and has had far more success with the spell."

"That will be perfectly acceptable. I don't mind her being there," replied Severus with a nod. MacDonald was quite possibly the only friend Lily had that didn't aggravate him. In fact, she was even somewhat likable. Their past interactions had always been colored by his friendship with Mulciber, and now that Mulciber had 'dumped' him and he could no longer be a Death Eater... "Shall I assume that she will be in the Potions classroom when we get there?"

"Yeah, she'll be there," muttered Lily in a distracted tone of voice. She seemed to be glancing between his face and the floor.

Severus wondered what was bothering her. Was she angry at him perhaps? He couldn't think of anything that would be bothering her in particular, but maybe he had done something.

Lily then spoke up, rather timidly, "Sev, I..." She then swallowed. "I..."

Severus felt his heartbeat quicken, until it was thundering in his chest. Was Lily...asking him out again? Last time, he had been trying to decide about Mulciber's offer, but now...he hoped she was.

Or was she angry at him about something? Could she be trying to break the news to him that she was going out with someone? That she hadn't meant to ask him out that time? Or maybe she was going out with James Potter now.

"Sev...are you doing alright?"

He shivered at the thought of James snogging her. He hoped not.

"Sev?"

Realizing he had gotten distracted by his foolish dreaming, Severus cursed himself mentally, borrowing several expressions from his father's rather colorful vocabulary. Stalling for time, he said, "Am I alright?"

Lily turned toward him, watching him closely, before saying, "I mean, between your mom, what happened with...her, the problems in DADA, and the money issues you've been having, are you doing alright?"

Severus looked at her with suspicion, but in the end replied coolly, "I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you sure?" pressed Lily, her emerald eyes seeming like the lasers described in Muggle comic books. "I've heard some things, you see."

Cautiously, Severus raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out what she meant. "What sort of things?"

"Well, I was talking to Professor Slughorn, you see," said Lily, in a falsely-casual tone of voice, indicating that the Gryffindor was trying to be 'sneaky'. In other words, she was pretty much an open book. "Evelyn's been bothering you a lot, hasn't she?"

Severus gritted his teeth, trying to control a surge of sad rage. He did not like thinking about the girl, far too...confusing. "Not really. Why do you ask?"

Lily shrugged with feigned nonchalance. "Well, he told me that if you asked him, he could get her to leave you alone completely. Take you a few minutes of your time and all. Be rid of her forever."

"Not necessary; I can handle her myself," replied the Slytherin coolly, trying not to think about either her hateful words or her sad eyes. "Is that what you really wanted to talk about?"

"No, not really." Lily flushed, biting her lip. "Sev...are there any girls you fancy?"

Severus felt his face heating up, and opened his mouth. "Yes, there is...her name's Lily Evans" That was all he needed to do, say it suavely and calmly...or would it be better to say "You" ? He had to be careful; Lily could get very emotional about the strangest things.

"Or...is it perhaps a guy?"

Severus blinked at her, his mouth hanging in place as his brain shorted out. Lily thought he might be...gay? No, this could not happen. "Lily, the person I fancy is...Potter!"

"WHAT!" shrieked Lily at the top of her lungs, her eyes bulging comically. "Oh Merlin, please no. Ew!"

"So, I'm guessing that this is a bad time?" said the boy in question, James Potter, having surprised Severus when he walked up behind Lily. "Or did Snape go and use an Unforgivable or something?"

Lily whipped her head around, staring at Potter a moment, then turned back to Severus. Letting out a sigh of relief, she muttered, "Dear Merlin, I'm glad to hear..." She broke off, blushing, before turning away, still red in the face. "James, seriously, quit it about Severus."

"Fine, sorry Lily," replied the great oaf in question, clearly only sorry it was making his 'beloved Evans' unhappy.

Severus barely noticed. Lily had given him an excellent opportunity to set her straight about his...crush on her. He didn't want her thinking that he liked guys, or some other girl. This wasn't last time, when he'd been going through a stupid debate about something that he should have cleared up to himself back in bloody January. He needed to tell her...sometime soon.

"...James, you don't need to be worried. I'll be fine in Transfiguration. Between our sessions and studying on my own, I shouldn't have any trouble on our exam. Instead of you tutoring me, why not go and see if Peter could use some help?" Lily was speaking consolingly to Potter, obviously still oblivious that he was trying to use it as an excuse to spend time with her, the prat.

Potter let out a sigh, before grinning. "Ah well, we'll have plenty of time to hang out together after exams are over, what with the Europe thing."

Severus frowned. "Europe thing?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" replied Potter with a superior smirk. "Lily and I are going to be traveling all over Europe this Summer."

Severus' frown deepened, and he found himself mightily wishing he could just hex the little wanker. However, he had promised Lily that he wouldn't. Besides, surely Potter was just being thick again...right?

"Um, James?" said Lily with a touch of confusion. "I asked my mum about that, and there's no way on earth she's going to let me go. I'm sorry, but-"

"Actually..." He whispered something into Lily's ear, making her eyes pop.

"She...I...you..." Lily had started to babble.

"Uh, Lily?" asked Severus. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," replied Lily, in a mild daze. She took a deep breath, before saying in a much calmer voice, "I...I just need to talk to James for a bit. Would you mind going ahead? Mary should be waiting."

"Are you sure, Lily? I wouldn't want..."

Lily looked at him with no small amount of desperation. "Sev, trust me on this. Go. Now."

Realizing that he had missed the boat again, thanks to Potter, Severus nodded, before trudging wearily down to the dungeons, his self-loathing mocking him for his cowardice even as the smallest sense of relief washed over him.

He was always a failure at whatever he did, wasn't he? Whether it was being a Death Eater, saving his mum, or his romantic aspirations with Lily.

"Expecto Patronum."

Even as he practiced the Patronus charm, Severus watched MacDonald reading her textbook out of the corner of his eye, trying to figure out what she was up to.

Glancing at him, she smirked slyly before returning her gaze to the book in her hands, an 'I know something you don't know' look on her face.

Severus' eyes darkened. Lily clearly was hoping that she could help him somehow, but what the girl got out of it was rather a mystery. Perhaps she wanted to trick him, make use of him in some cruel manner, and that was why Lily wasn't-

Severus sighed deeply, shoving his concerns about Lily's absence from their study session to the back of his mind, preferring to concentrate on his made-up fears rather than his real ones.

He knew perfectly well Mary didn't have some sinister plan, but better think about that than what Potter might be up to with Lily in his clutches. It was obvious that Potter was up to something, and it was only the fact that he had no real evidence of wrongdoing that kept him from saying anything. Lily was stubborn about Potter, and Severus did not want to speculate why, so he preferred to wait until he had something rather than sounding like some jealous suitor-

Severus shook his head, grinding his teeth. He was not a suitor, he reminded himself. He just had a bit of a crush on his best friend, that was all, and with his luck, she'd be telling him about her mad passion for Potter when she got back from bloody Europe.

Besides, if his crush hadn't gone away since almost before he could remember...well, that just meant he was due, right? The heat in his eyes was really just annoyance, after all, she had promised to help him and he was angry about that. Swallowing, he shoved his worries back into the darkest corners of his mind, pretending they didn't exist.

"So, Snape, why are you acting so...woebegone? Missing Lily that much?" asked Mary in a falsely-casual voice. "Wow, you must be really good friends, aren't you?"

"Yeah, we are, MacDonald. Why?" replied the Slytherin boy with a stoic mien, forcing himself to appear unperturbed. He and Mary had helped each other in the past, but that hardly meant that they were friends.

"The two of you sure seem close," replied the messy-haired brunette, her smirk widening. "It's pretty obvious to anyone with a working set of eyes."

Severus frowned, but said nothing. Mary was definitely insinuating something, but he didn't dare call her out on it. Instead, he tried another Patronus, calling upon the same memory as he had before, trying to wrestle every bit of happiness he could from it.

The image of a hot summer's day crept into his mind: Lily in Muggle clothing, relaxing in the sun, her t-shirt hanging low, failing to obscure two small mounds of creamy flesh. Biting his lip, trying to keep the disgusting feeling in the pit of his stomach at bay by reminding himself Lily had given him permission, he bellowed out, "Expecto Patronum!"

Once again, the result was nothing more than a useless lump of white mist. He sighed, all too easily imagining the grade he would get with such a pathetic charm.

"Are you sure that's your happiest memory?" asked Mary quizzically, balancing her chin on her index finger as she watched.

"I'm quite sure," replied Severus, frowning at the brunette Gryffindor. "Why?"

"Well...it certainly doesn't seem as if you're very happy." Mary squinted at him, reminding him vaguely of a cat staring at a mouse. It wasn't a pleasant thought. "In fact, I'd say you look more guilty than happy. It's like you're ashamed of whatever you're thinking."

Severus felt his eyes widening, but managed to keep any other signs of the surprise he was feeling from showing on his face. "I suppose that would be a bad thing, wouldn't it?"

"Oh, very much so. If you were feeling guilty about the thought, it's unlikely that it would make you very happy," said Mary, nodding vigorously. She then raised an eyebrow, a fiendish grin on her face. "Of course, that does raise the question of what could possibly be making you feeling so guilty about what should be a happy thought. Did you do anything...unseemly?"

Severus felt his face heating up, but managed to keep his voice from cracking as he replied, ignoring her question, "Perhaps you're right. Maybe it would be better if I changed which thought I'm using then."

Severus cast about his memories for one that would give him the necessary level of happiness. Perhaps the first time he got Potter with a really good hex? Or maybe when Lucius told him that he'd make a fine Death Eater once he left Hogwarts...although that would bring him to thoughts of how he'd never become one now. What was a good, really happy memory?

"Severus, that was bloody brilliant, best night out I've ever had!"

Severus felt himself grinning, then reminded himself that the last time he tried using a thought of Lily, it had resulted in weeks without progress. He considered the time that his mother told him how he was going to go to Hogwarts, no matter what his dad said, but-

Mary interrupted him, saying, "Hey, what were you thinking of right then? When you were grinning like a brainless git, I mean."

Severus frowned. "I don't think it would be a good idea to use it; last time I thought of Lily, it just made me feel guilty."

"Still, it's worth a shot, I think." Mary chuckled, seeming rather amused.

Severus gave her a wary eye, but fixed the thought of that evening they had spent in Slughorn's office, dancing. Opening his mouth-

"Out of curiosity, how long have you fancied Lily?"

Severus bit his own tongue, and, in the process of whirling to face the girl, went crashing to the floor.

"Whoops."

"Alright, you've shown you can do the charm. It's just a matter of not getting nervous tomorrow and you'll be fine," said Mary as she packed up her things-mostly DADA books, more than Severus had ever seen a Gryffindor carry.

Severus nodded slowly, watching the girl with a hint of trepidation as he replied, "You've been very helpful, MacDonald. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Snape." However, the girl made no move to leave, instead looking right back at the Slytherin boy.

Knowing that the answer could not possibly be a good one, Severus nevertheless asked, "Is there a reason you're staring at me."

Mary smirked, a bad sign already in Severus' opinion, then said, "So, you and Lily-"

The classroom door opened, causing Mary to stop herself mid-sentence as Evelyn entered the room, her eyes hidden by her hair, the once sleek-straightness replaced by what could only be described as a rat's nest.

Turning to face Mary, Evelyn said coolly, "Mind giving us a few minutes? He and I need to talk. Please?" The calmness in her voice was undone by the tremulous uttering of the final word.

"Alright, I guess we can discuss this later, Snape. I'll leave the two of you alone." Without a further word, Mary hoisted her bookbag and walked out.

In Mary's absence silence filled the room, Evelyn staring at Severus from behind her wall of hair. He wondered what Evelyn was thinking, then scowled darkly. He didn't care what she was thinking, not after what she'd done.

Glaring at his former friend, he snipped, "So, what is it this time, Matthews? Did you get dumped again? Did you need some chump's shoulder to cry on? Or are you trying to mess me up...again!"

She looked up at him, her face no longer obscured.

His glare faltered as he saw her face, a single tear tracing its way down her cheek, more filling her eyes. He didn't apologize though-he had trusted her with the story of his mother's death, and she had betrayed him. She didn't deserve an apology.

All the same, he felt a lump in his throat as he looked at her.

"Severus," said Evelyn quietly, biting her lip. "I'm going to try this one last time. I'm sorry about what I said that day, really I am. I was just angry and-" She faltered, her voice cracking.

Severus felt a new surge of fury well up within him, and he sneered, "Oh, I didn't realize that you were sorry, my mistake. Don't you get it? I don't care that you're sorry! I trusted you, even when my best friend said I'd be better off without you, and you betrayed me. I hate you!"

His last words echoed through the room, as Severus glared at his companion. However, there was an odd tone in them, sounding more like a sobbing child than the crushing counter he had meant it as.

Swallowing, he tried again, yelling out "I hate you!" once more, but it sounded even weaker than the first time, especially as even more tears ran down her cheeks.

"Please," whispered the girl. "Please forgive me."

Part of Severus wanted nothing more than to sneer as he showed her the door, but it was small and rapidly-fading, so instead he whispered, "How can I trust you again, Evelyn? You are one of only two people I ever told about my mother...and you used it against me. What can you possibly give me to make me trust you again?"

Evelyn bit her lip, before shaking her head. "I...I don't know. I mean, I could offer you sex or an apprenticeship under my dad or something, but would that really make you trust me? Or would you just think I was bribing you?"

Severus frowned, opened his mouth, then frowned again. Finally he admitted, "You're right. There's nothing you could give me to make me trust you again after that."

Evelyn opened her mouth, then paused, before closing it again. Glumly, she nodded. "I guess this is it then. I'll see you around, Severus."

"It's not that I don't want to trust you," blurted out Severus, surprising himself with the truth. "It's just..." He trailed off, before nearly whispering, "...how can I really know? How can I be sure something like that won't happen again?"

Shrugging, Evelyn smiled ruefully, her eyes still watery. "Absolutely sure? Beyond any doubt? I don't think that's possible. Before that day, I was sure I would never say anything that would hurt you like that, but look at what I did."

She shook her head, still smiling. "Can you trust me to be your friend, even if I hurt you? I'd like to think you could. It's up to you, Severus. What do you want?"

"I...I suppose I want my friend back," said Severus slowly, looking away. "I don't know if I can trust you yet, but I'd like to try."

He could almost feel her hopeful gasp. "Does that mean that you forgive me, Severus?"

"I guess so," mumbled the Slytherin boy, turning to look at her out of the corner of his eyes. "Yeah, I forgive you, Evelyn."

For a second there, he thought he heard her squeal before shouting, "Thank you so much, Severus!" Then, before Severus could do anything, she tackled him, so enthusiastic she nearly bowled him over. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Grumbling, Severus half-heartedly wondered if it was it too late to change his mind about the whole forgiveness idea.

Then the door burst open, Lily behind it, shouting, "Severus! My mum! She's sent a letter and...what is she doing here!"

There was a pause, with Lily staring at him, several emotions playing across her face.

Evelyn reacted first, turning around and letting go of Severus as she did so. Her voice rather dry, she said, "It's nice to see you too, Evans.

Somehow, although it made no sense whatsoever, Severus had the feeling he had made a mistake. In an almost-placating manner, he said, "Evelyn and I...err, well, we made up."

"I can see that," replied Lily simply, before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Part of Severus wanted to dash to the door, throwing it open as he pursued her and tried to fix whatever had been messed up, get some form of explanation.

Instead, he turned back to Evelyn, muttering, "She'll get over it by tomorrow, with DADA finals and all."

Evelyn gave him a knowing look, sarcasm flowing through her voice as she spoke, "I'm sure she will."

He didn't believe what he was saying either.

"Alright, Lupin, Remus, you're up."

Severus sneered as the teacher called up his Gryffindor classmate, wondering idly if the Marauder would fail to produce a corporeal Patronus. He rather wished he would, the dirty little coward.

Lupin was now at the front of the classroom, where he looked around worriedly, seeming to draw strength from the support of his friends, Lily included. There was a shout from Potter of 'Go Moony! You can do it!"

Severus saw Lupin beginning to smile confidently and scowled in disgust, before a thought struck him. Careful to make sure the other boy could see him, he cupped one hand in front of his mouth and mimed a howl.

Lupin's smile instantly faded, and he glanced around, probably to make sure nobody saw, fearing they would figure out his secret: the fact that nice guy Remus Lupin was really a werewolf.

Of course, the odds that they would actually figure such a thing out were minute, even if they had been watching him. Severus didn't mind. After all, both he and wolf-boy knew that the only thing keeping nice boy Remus Lupin in the school was outcast Severus Snape, and considering Lupin's blatant unwillingness to stand up to his goonish buddies...Severus thought he was being rather generous.

"So, looking forward to when you get called up?" excitedly whispered the girl sitting next to him. "I don't know about you, but I can hardly wait to be done for the term!"

"Me too, I suppose," replied the Slytherin boy wearily.

Loud cheering muffled the sound of Severus' sighing at his partner. It wasn't because he disagreed with her-far from it as he was rather looking forward to the end of this whole business about Patroni-he just just wished that the person beside him had been someone else, a red-head instead of a blonde.

Unfortunately, Lily had been acting as if he didn't exist from the beginning of the day, refusing to even look at him. As such, Severus was sitting by Evelyn Matthews while Lily was with Mary MacDonald. At least it wasn't with Potter, he supposed, although he didn't like the sound of whatever had been going on between the two of them.

He really wished that she'd not blow what happened out of proportion and talk to him though. Still, he was rather used to Lily's strange moodiness.

He sighed, something about that thought was vaguely depressing.

"Matthews, Evelyn, you're next."

Severus broke out of his considerations as his friend's name had been called up. Turning to her, he gave her a pat on the back, forcing a smile for her benefit. "Good luck, Evelyn. Remember, on average, 97% of those who have succeeded on the Patronus charm once do so in the future as well."

She offered him a confident grin, each knowing she preferred hearing theories and figures to meaningless wishes for good fortune. "Thanks for the statistics. Now, here I go."

Pausing briefly his worrying contemplations, Severus watched the blonde girl walk to the front of the classroom, take a deep breath, then shout, "Expecto Patronum!"

A silvery cat sprang into life, pacing atop the desks, idly observing those around it.

Severus closed his eyes and began to clap, the noise echoing loudly over the polite, stilted applause of their fellow classmates. As he finished, opening his eyes once more, Evelyn returned to her seat with a proud, hip-swaying walk, a far cry from the broken girl of yesterday.

For several monutes neither said anything, then she smirked, breathing out in a whisper, "That went well, but Evans looks rather unhappy. I guess she's still angry."

"Ah," replied Severus simply, ignoring Mulciber's strutting up to the front of the classroom in favor of swiftly glancing in Lily's direction. She was talking with Mary however. "Does she now?"

"Yeah," said Evelyn, before changing the subject with a rather somber look on her face. "I'm so glad we're friends again, Severus. It was so lonely, not being able to talk to you, and I missed you very much."

Severus felt a lump in his throat as he replied, "I'm glad as well. It was nice though, not having to worry about being blown up by one of your poorly-prepared potions."

Covering her mouth with her hand, Evelyn managed to muffle the giggle escaping her throat. "It's nice to see you missed me too, Severus, although I have a bit of a theory about my...mishaps: you're so sure that I'm going to fail, that I get nervous and end up failing."

"Fascinating theory though it may be, I'm fairly sure it has far more to do with your seeming inability to pay attention to your work," replied Severus absentmindedly, his gaze upon Lily, who was fiddling with her wand, an odd anxiety about her movements.

"Perhaps so," replied the blonde, turning away from him with a sigh. "Good to have you back though."

"Mmm..." mumbled Severus noncommittally, glaring down at his desk. He didn't know what was going on, but Lily apparently hadn't glanced into his direction even once.

"So, Evans hasn't gotten over it, has she?" asked the Ravenclaw girl politely, the unspoken tone of 'you're wasting your time with that shrew' hanging in the air like a heavy fog. "Well, I suppose that'll quash those rumors, then."

"What rumor?" growled Severus irritably.

"Well, from what I heard, you had simultaneously dumped her at an altar and started on a torrid affair, as well as confessed your undying love and threatened her mum. Really, the rumors were quite fascinating." She laughed, shaking her head. "I'm guessing the reality wasn't nearly so interesting, though. Good thing you didn't do anything stupid, though."

"We wouldn't be shagging," replied an annoyed Severus, his face heating as he tried to defend himself. "And it wouldn't have been a mistake either. If it weren't for Mulciber showing up..." He trailed off, settling for glaring up at his fellow Slytherin.

He knew perfectly well that it was his own fault, as if he had just said no to his offer right then, then he could have said yes to Lily without feeling like a cowardly, backstabbing git...but it had been so difficult to say no, to give up on being a Death Eater, to give up on being somebody important, somebody special.

Now he really was worthless, with nothing to show for it.

"What's Mulciber have to do with it?" replied Evelyn curiously, bringing Severus back down to Earth.

Watching as Mulciber's visage filled with hatred and anger, his eyes fastened on...

Severus frowned. Apparently, he was attempting to threaten Mary or something, the way he was glaring in her direction. "Never mind. It was my fault anyway. I should have just said 'no' right off the bat. Speaking of which, would you look at him? He's acting rather peculiarly."

Evelyn turned back to the head of the class, just in time for Mulciber to shout "Expecto Patronum!" and get...nothing but silvery wisps. She snorted. "And would you look at that? Looks like the little wanker couldn't manage it. Should've cracked the books more, rather than letting you do it for him."

"Ah, well, I suppose that was my fault," replied Severus with a shrug, glad that she had gotten off the topic of Lily. He didn't like how the two of them seemed to hate each other so much, whether it was Evelyn's subtle barbs or Lily's rants.

Severus let out a small sigh. Speaking of Lily...he glanced in her direction once more, only to see her looking back, a grimace on her face.

He blinked, then raised a quizzical eyebrow.

Her face flushed, but she held his gaze, mouthing 'I'm sorry'.

Not knowing what to say, Severus offered an accepting nod as he let out a sigh of relief. He hoped it meant that whatever was going on would blow over. Maybe she'd ask him out on another date...

The professor's voice rang out, interrupting his thoughts, "Snape, Severus, your turn is next."

"Remember Severus, 97% success ratio." whispered Evelyn, patting his shoulder. "Just focus on what makes you happy and you'll be fine."

Severus nodded, before taking a deep breath and walking to the front of the class...

Severus frowned as he stared out into the crowded classroom. He had done this before. He just needed to focus, ignoring all those eyes around him.

There was only one pair he wanted to watch then, with piercing, emerald green orbs lighting the way into his very soul...or so he supposed. Right now, they were fixated upon his eyes so tightly that he nearly forgot there were other people in the room.

"Snape, we're waiting," pointed out the professor gruffly.

"Just a moment, sir."

Severus closed his eyes and began to focus, reminding himself that he had to get going. Even so, he was rather distracted by his wayward thoughts.

What would it be like, to see those eyes watching him every day? Lily watching and smiling at him, every single day day of his life. It was a simple dream, he supposed, but somehow...he wanted it so very much.

Would that be too much to ask?

He swallowed, then banished that thought for the moment-he had a spell to cast. Closing his eyes, he called back to a time quite long ago, months in the past in fact: the night of Slughorn's party, the mere memory of the smile on Lily's face making him grin.

She had been so happy then, and just the way she had looked at him, like he was her savior, it made his heart veritably sing.

"Acceptable? Fine, be that way! I'm still saying that it was brilliant, though! We should definitely, definitely do that again some time, Mr. Snape, god of dancing!"

"Opening his eyes and finding Lily's emerald-green ones, watching him with a mixture of hope and worry, he shouted, "Expecto Patronum!"

With a burst of light, a large silvery snake slithered out of his wand and on top of the table in front of him. An adder of some sort, his detached mind noted, it coiled up its several foot length, eyes observing the classroom as its small tongue flicked in and out.

Lily started to cheer loudly, along with Evelyn's somewhat less brazen clapping...although the rest of the class was silent.

In spite of this, Severus allowed his grin to widen, a fierce joy burning in his chest-he had done it, after so many weeks of hard work, constantly failing, he had called forth this great silvery beast. For this one shining moment, he was not a failure.

"Very well, Mr. Snape. You may return to your seat," said the instructor dryly. Full marks, although it won't make up for all of your past difficulties, I'm afraid.

"Yes, sir." He didn't mind much, as he'd have done the same in the man's shoes.

Dismissing his Patronus, he was about to make his way back over to Evelyn, when he noticed something odd. Lily was gesturing over to him, while Mary seemed to have changed tables, sitting by Peter Pettigrew.

Frowning, he glanced back at Evelyn, mouthed a quick 'sorry', then slipped into the seat next to Lily.

Raising his eyebrows at her, he asked in a low voice, "Yes?"

She bit her lip, then muttered, so quickly that she was barely understandable, "I'm sorry I've been acting like a hag today, Sev. I just got so...ergh about Evelyn, and I wish you didn't forgive her, but it's not your fault what she did, and she's your friend, and it's not like it's my job to police your friends or anything-unless they are really despicable-and...I'm sorry."

Severus blinked, not sure of what to say. It was unusual for Lily to say something like that, especially after all the disagreements he had had over his choice of friends...especially when he had started to have the vaguest feeling that she might just be right about them.

In the end, he simply replied, "I forgive you, Lily."

"Thanks, Sev, it really means a lot to me," replied the Gryffindor girl with a small smile, ignoring the professor as he started to speak. "More importantly though, congratulations on your Patronus, Sev. Was Mary helpful?"

"Yes, it went quite well," replied Severus, recalling the time he had spent with the brunette. It hadn't been unpleasant. "If it were to happen again, I wouldn't be opposed."

He still preferred being alone with Lily though, to be honest. Although she could be a bit of a firebrand, she cared a lot for him, and seemed to have his best interests at heart. He couldn't fault her for failing at that. He just wished that there could be more than just friendship.

It just never seemed to go quite right; every time it looked like something might conceivably happen, there would always be something to derail it, whether it was Potter, or the situation with Evelyn, his mother, or the Death Eaters.

He shook his head. Maybe it would go his way one of these days, if he just kept waiting for the right moment, trying his hardest like he had with his Patronus...

He noticed Mary watching him with interest, a single eyebrow quirked as she mouthed, 'Do it.'

...or not.

He stared down into his desk and sighed. He couldn't lie to himself, not today. He was just making stupid, dunderheaded excuses that sounded pathetic even to his mind.

He had never really tried his hardest at...wooing Lily, not like he had at the bloody Patronus. In fact, he had never really tried at all. There had been chances in the past, real ones, chances he could have taken and tried to push them from their long-standing friendship into something more.

He hadn't taken them, not a single one. Even though she had explicitly asked him if he had been willing to go out with her, he was still waffling, and hadn't said a thing. Even Mary MacDonald, a girl who had but the barest acquaintance with him, had spent a mere thirty minutes with him before outright asking, "What are you waiting for? You know she'll say yes."

And Severus knew it. From the moment that Lily had asked him, he knew it. Lily had a bit of a tendency to find her answers before realizing she had, so if she had asked him...then that meant that it was probable that she had unconsciously made her decision a long time ago.

So what was he waiting for? He had wanted this for the longest time, hadn't he?

He had, and still did. He was just afraid, not of 'no', but rather of 'yes'.

Severus suppressed a self-loathing sneer. It was pathetic of him, really. 'Oh no, a girl fancies me and I fancy her right back! What ever shall I do? Why, sit on my bum and try to find something to blame other than myself, of course!'

It was just...how did someone do this, this dating thing? Or rather, how did they do it without screwing it up? Because he knew how to be friends with her, knowledge gained over years of trial and error, but he didn't really know how to be her...boyfriend.

It was a concept that rather perplexed him, to be honest. Oh sure, he had had friends (or in the case of Mulciber and Avery, ex-friends) who had been in...romantic liaisons, but he didn't want some puerile 'snog and shag' relationship. He wanted something more, especially with Lily. Maybe Medusa would have an idea or two to make sure nothing went wrong.

No, that would be rather like cheating, in a way. He'd have to do this himself, and the first thing to do would be declaring his interest in courting her...dating her in common parlance. That should be easy, as even if he cocked it up, she'd probably say yes.

Severus looked around, noticing that Professor Skeith was droning on about the end of term. It was a pretty standard farewell as he let them know how he wouldn't be coming back next year due to a contract with the Bulgarian government. Severus ignored him, preferring to focus his attention upon the girl sitting beside him. Opening his mouth, he marched through the gate of his fears, saying-

He closed his mouth, a thought striking him. It would be easy to just ask her out by whispering to her in class...but, he still remembered how hurt Lily had been when he had rejected her. She deserved more than just a simple 'Hey, would you like to go out next week?' asked at the end of class.

No, he could at least try to create some some semblance of romance, a small token of fantasy. He wanted something that would make her-

Lily interrupted him with a poke on the shoulder. "Um, Severus, I don't know what you are wool-gathering about, but class is over."

Blinking, Severus looked up, only to see that she was correct. Most of the class was getting ready to leave, or (especially in the case of her fellow Gryffindors) had already left. Soon they would be the only ones remaining.

They would soon be alone...

He turned back to Lily, who was watching him with a rather odd expression in her eyes, her arms crossed over her chest. "Are you alright, Severus?"

He frowned at her, thinking carefully, a small, solid ball of fear bunching up in the pit of his stomach. He ignored it.

"Severus?" Lily's arms had uncrossed, as she peered at him, anxiety creeping into her voice.

"Come with me." Without waiting for her to reply, he stood up, then walked out the classroom door, holding the door open.

She blinked, but nodded, following him out through the open door.

Severus felt a small smile threaten to creep over his lips. Turning away so she couldn't see it, he walked as quickly as he could up the hall, heading to the moving staircases.

Lily nearly had to jog to keep up, her legs being much shorter than his own. "What is it, Severus? Is something the matter? Why are we going so fast?"

He shook his head. "No, there's nothing the matter...Just keep up, alright?"

She pursed her lips, but followed grimly.

Soon they reached the staircase, climbing the stone steps swiftly, up one floor, then a couple others, up and up until they had reached the topmost level.

Looking around quickly, he spied a nearby window, through which light streamed in from a slowly-setting sun. It would have to do.

He walked over, then turned around, waiting for Lily to catch up.

Breathing heavily from the exertion of keeping up with him, she walked up to him, a confused look upon her face.

Taking a deep breath, he reached out and took her right hand, holding it in both of his own. Looking down into her emerald green eyes, he spoke, trying to keep from stuttering this time in spite of his embarrassment, "Lily, you've been one of the greatest sources of life in my dour existence, a sparkling ruby amongst the darkened shadows. I can hardly imagine spending a single day without you..."

Lily blinked, before staring at him with widened eyes.

He lifted her warm hand to his lips and kissing it briefly, before continuing, "...I don't want to imagine it. I want to spend every day by your side, as not just your best friend...but as something more." He took a deep breath, then asked simply, "Lily Evans, would you allow me the honor of being your 'boyfriend'?"

Lily blinked again, her cheeks turning more and more pink as she stood there, her mouth gaping slightly.

Severus bit his lip.

"Um...yes?" replied Lily, in almost a question, so great was the hesitance in her voice. Her mouth worked, once then again, before she swallowed, saying in a stronger tone, "Yes, Severus, I would be happy to...erm, give you the honor."

Severus felt himself starting to smile, then grin, the warmth of the feeling in his stomach inexpressible any other way.

She. Had. Said. Yes.

Then she started to laugh, a hysteric, giggling laugh.

Severus looked at her, an uneasy feeling starting to eat into his pulsing joy as she held onto his hand in support, breaking into gales of laughter. "Um, Lily?"

She said, laughing so hard she could only stutter, "I'm...s-sorry, S-Severus. It-it's just th-that...well, that was..." Her giggling returned as she tried to explain, until finally she just said, "Oh, sod it."

Before he could do more than blink, she had grabbed him by the front of his robes and pulled him down to her in a burning kiss. Taking a quick advantage of his surprised gasp, she plunged her tongue into his mouth, tasting his tongue before beginning a more determined inspection.

Severus' eyes slid shut, and he barely noticed as his left arm slipped around her back, so engrossed was he in the taste of her mouth.

Several seconds passed, or were they hours? He couldn't tell. Either way, eventually Lily pushed him back, allowing her to pant out, "Would you like to go on a date sometime?"

"Huh?"

"I-I mean, would that have been so d-difficult?" asked Lily, gulping for air as her face flushed from exertion. "Just a-ask me out, then k-kiss me? D-did you have to do some...absurd production?"

Severus blushed, mumbling, unable to focus on more than her slightly-swollen lips "I thought you'd like it..."

"Well...it wasn't bad," said Lily with a rather silly grin. "But...well, I would have said yes anyway, you know?"

Severus tried to think of a brilliant, or even remotely intelligent response, but he was rather distracted by Lily's pink cheeks and heaving chest. Finally, he muttered, "Fine, I'll do it your way."

"Huh?"

"Would you like to go out next Friday?"

"Uh, sure, yea-" She was unable to finish her sentence, for Severus had let out a low growl, before pressing her against the nearest wall as his tongue stole entrance into her waiting mouth.

Based on her responding groan, he decided that perhaps her method had its-

She sucked on his tongue.

Sod thinking.