24. One Flu Over The Loud House

One Flu Over The Loud House

[Episode begins with Lincoln waking up]

Lincoln: [yawns, and to the viewers] Ooh, the sweet sound of silence. That never happens on a Saturday. I must be the first one up. [notices the time] Wait a minute! 10:00 AM? How could it be this quiet this late?

[He opens the door as he puts his clothes on. He notices the upstairs hallway is all wrecked.]

Lincoln: Uh, hello? [Suddenly, a strange noise is heard coming from Lola and Lana's room.] Hey guys! [The twins come out of their room as they look sick, and they look like zombies. Lincoln laughs nervously and walks back to Lori.] Oof! Lori, I think something's wrong with the... [Lori looks sick and there were flies around her. Lincoln screams. There is a sick Lynn as well. He tries to back away and tries to open Lisa and Lily's bedroom door. Lisa opens the door, and she pulls Lincoln inside as he screams.] What the?

Laney: Is he ok?

Luna: He looks okay, but we better check him.

Leni: [checks him with a temperature scanner] 986 degrees? He's good. Let him go.

Lincoln: Will someone please tell me what the heck is going on?!

Lisa: Haven't you heard? This morning our house became infested with an acute, febrile, contagious virus. Or, as it's known on the street, [suspenseful music plays] The flu.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] With 14 Louds packed into 1200 square feet, when someone gets sick, it spreads like the plague. We're not just talking flu, we're talking...a zombie apocalypse!

Lisa: The first virus sighting was in Lori's room.

[An old time movie reel complete with countdown starts with Rita checking Lori's temperature with the scanner]

Rita: You have got a fever, young lady. You need to get right back in bed.

And as Lori sneezed, her virus spreaded...

[Lori sneezes and her mucus gets all over Lynn's basketball. Lynn picks it up, spins it on her fingers, gets Lori's germs on her, sneezes, and catches the flu. As she groans, she goes down to the kitchen and drinks orange juice straight from the carton]

And spreaded...

Lana: Morning.

[Lana pours a glass of juice into a glass, drinks it as it contains Lynn's bacteria screaming as it goes down her throat. This causes her to get sick and drink the rest from the carton]

Lola: MOM! LANA'S DRINKING FROM THE CARTON!

And spreaded.

Lola: [Lana coughs on her] AND NOW SHE'S COUGHING ON MEeeeeee... [gets sick, too and moans]

[End flashback]

Lisa: Okay, the only survivors are you, me, Leni, Luan, Laney, Luna, and Lucy.

[The group is shown altogether]

Lincoln: [panicking] Wait! Lucy's infected!

Lucy: Incorrect. I always look like this.

Lincoln: But what about Laney? Usually she's the first one with the flu.

Laney: Don't worry about me. I've never been better! [stretches]

Lisa: If we wanna live to see another day, I suggest we initiate escape protocol ASAP.

Lincoln: I'm on it. [gets his radio and calls Clyde] Healthy Loud to Safe Haven. We've got a level four outbreak.

[Clyde spits out his cereal]

Clyde: The flu?! Lincoln, give it to me straight. Did Lori make it?

Lincoln: [sighs] Negative...

Clyde: [gasps and laments] WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! [calming down] Sorry. I know we can't afford the luxury of grief right now. [focusing] I'll have everything ready. Cot, medical supplies, and my patented heal meals. How many survivors?

Lincoln: Seven. [Luan sneezes] Make that six.

Luan: Guys, no! It's snot what you think! [laughs and then turns sick and groans]

Lisa: She's infected! Get her out!

[They shove the infected Luan out the door on a play shopping cart]

Leni: Guys, don't you think we should take care of the sick? After all, they're still our family.

Laney: I wish we could, but there's nothing we can do.

Luna: She's right, dude. It's too late for them, but not for us.

Lincoln: Everyone, out of the house! Let's move.

Lisa: Wait! We can't just go out there with our proverbial keisters hanging out. [presses a button that opens up her and Lily's closet equipped with water guns, grabs one, and fills it with some kind of substance] In case we're attacked, this concoction will slow down the infected. [blasts Lincoln]

Lincoln: [tasting the concoction] Tastes like chicken soup.

Lisa: That's because it is chicken soup. [hands gun to him]

[Lucy, Lisa, Laney, and Luna each grab one of the remaining guns. Lisa gets more soup and puts on a headband. The remaining six are ready to take the fight.]

Leni: Um...I don't know if this is-

Lisa: LOCK AND LOAD, PEOPLE! [her siblings follow suit]

[Lincoln looks around and gives the clear signal and they move into the hall]

Lincoln: Look sharp. They can be anywhere.

[They move onward and Luna signals them to stop. Luan's unicycle comes rolling out of her room and onto the floor. Just then, Lincoln spots something]

Lincoln: Luna! Three o'clock!

[The infected Luan is coming toward them and Luna shoots some chicken soup into her mouth, causing Luan to fall over]

Lincoln: Lisa! Six o'clock!

[The contaminated Lola is approaching in her car]

Lisa: EAT HOT SOUP! [shoots it in Lola's mouth, causing her to crash while distracted by the taste]

Lincoln: [notices another one] Leni! Nine o'clock!

Leni: Lincoln, make up your mind. What time is it?

[Unbeknownst to her, the contagious Lori approaches her]

Lincoln: No, behind you!

Leni: [gasps at the sight of Lori and pulls out a tissue] Want a tissue?

[Lincoln rams Lori back into her room]

Leni: Lincoln, where is your heart?

Lincoln: Where is your brain? We're trying to stay alive here!

Laney: Lincoln! Trouble! [she points Lincoln to Luna being surrounded by a sick Luan and Lola]

Luna: [panicking] Dudes! Help!

[Lincoln lets out a cry to battle and he and Laney blast Luan and Lola who cough all over Luna before being hit by the soup. It turns out they were too too late to save Luna, for she has become infected]

Lincoln: EVACUATE![The remaining five head for the stairs, but Lana is coming for them. The Luan and Lola zombies get right back up now accompanied by Luna and the Lynn zombie is also coming from the other side, trapping the survivors] Think, Loud. You've seen a million zombie movies. Wait. I've got it. [suddenly starts doing a zombie impression]

Lucy: Whoa. Lincoln's one of them now.

Lisa: In that case... [cocks gun]

Laney: Wait! He doesn't look infected.

Lincoln: I'm just trying to blend in. Come on. It's our ticket to freedom.

[The others follow suit and they escape toward the stairs]

Leni: Aw...they sound so sick. Do you guys need a cough drop? [gets out a bag of them]

[The other four grab her and they all get down the stairs]

Lincoln: Leni, you're putting the squad in jeopardy and I won't have it! [notices Laney was still moaning] Laney? You don't have to pretend anymore. Laney, are you okay? [Laney snaps out of it]

Laney: Oh, yeah. Totally! Um, where's Lucy?

Lincoln: [turns to see the twins and Lori munching on something, thinking the worst has happened to Lucy] Dang it! We lost another one. She was so young. [gets out the radio] Healthy Loud to Safe Haven. We're down to four survivors.

Clyde: Sorry to hear it, Healthy Loud. Everything's set on this end. Quick question for the heal meals. Does everyone eat guacamole? [mixing a bowl of the stuff]

Lincoln: Affirmative. Except for Laney, she eats chicken soup. And hey, Safe Haven, thanks. [signs off] We're tasting freedom in three, two- [As he opens the door, he discovers that now the pets are contaminated as well] AAAHH! THE VIRUS HAS JUMPED SPECIES! [shuts the door]

Laney: Now what are we gonna do? There's no way out! [panics] WERE DOOMED! DOOMED I TE- [Lisa smacks her]

Lisa: Snap out of it! We can still escape through the back door!

[Lisa, Laney, and Lincoln head for the kitchen]

Leni: But, Lincoln-

Lincoln: Once we're out the door, keep a tight formation. [They stop and gasp to see Lynn and Lola coming right for them] Reroute! Reroute!

[They escape]

Lisa: To the parental dwelling! [beat from Lincoln and Leni not knowing what she meant]

Laney: She means Mom and Dad's room!

[They run as the other zombies approach them]

Lincoln: Move! Move!

[Lisa and Leni run into the room and Lincoln shuts the door the moment he's in]

Lincoln: Dad, the house is infected. We need to get out through your window.

[However, Lynn Sr. turns around and shows green eyes just like the others, meaning he's one of them now. Leni and Lisa gasp]

Lincoln: We've got a hostile!

[As they try to escape, they find Rita come into the room as she has come down with the flu as well]

Leni: Aw. Mom doesn't feel well. She just needs a hug.

Lincoln: Leni! Stand down! [aims his gun] Mom, I hate to do this, but- [tries to fire only to get the nozzle clogged] Agh! Noodle jam! Why did you have to use chunky style?

Lisa: It's heartier!

[Just then, Lucy opens the door and hits Rita]

Lincoln: AAAHH! Lucy's infected!

Lucy: Again, this is just how I look. And you're welcome for the rescue.

Laney: Lucy! You're okay!

[Lynn Sr. gets up and limps toward the now four survivors. The survivors barricade the door by tying a jumprope between the doorknob and the sofa leg]

Lincoln: That should hold 'em.

[Move of the sister zombies come out again]

Leni: Aw. Poor guys. They need a tissue. [gets the tissue box]

Lincoln: Good idea. [takes the box and tosses it to the side]

[Lori, Lola, Luan and Lynn turn to the tissues and go for them]

Leni: Lincoln, you could have just handed it to them.

Lincoln: Fall out!

Leni: But what about our-

Laney: RUN!

[Laney grabs Leni and they head for the backdoor in the kitchen. Just then, Clyde contacts Lincoln]

Clyde: Healthy Loud, come in!

Lincoln: Safe Haven, this is Healthy Loud. We are just about out the door and heading to your location.

Clyde: That's why I'm calling. I'm afraid there's a bit of a crisis here.

Lincoln: What's that, Clyde? Go again!

Clyde: I said-health issues-possible casualties-unless-

[Clyde's breaking up and the radio dies out]

Lincoln: Unless what? Clyde! [fails to get a signal] Dang it! The walkie's dead! We can't leave without knowing if Safe Haven is truly safe!

Lisa: I have batteries in my room.

Lincoln: Looks like we're going up. Loud, you take point!

[Beat]

Lucy: We're all Loud.

Lincoln: [scowling] Fine. Just follow me. [Laney sneezes, the three began to notice] Laney? [Laney covers his mouth]

Laney: Uhh. I'm... [coughs]

Lisa: She's infected! [aims her gun at Laney]

Laney: No no! I'm fine really! It's just really dusty in here, and cold, [shivers] so cold...

Leni: Aww. [hands Laney a blanket] You wanna blanket?

Lincoln: No, Leni! It's too late for her. Let's go.

[They head upstairs to Lisa and Lily's room where Lisa checks her drawers for batteries]

Lisa: Let's see...graduated cylinder, uh, test tube, enriched uranium, here we are. Two fresh AA's.

[They hear the moaning of one Loud they have yet to have encountered with the disease]

Lincoln: [through clenched teeth] Don't make any sudden movements.

[It's revealed to be Lily, giggling sickly. She sneezes]

Leni: Ah, poor baby.

[A green bubble made of Lily's snot inflates from her nostril. She sneezes and causes the bubble to fly toward the survivors]

Lincoln: Incoming! Hit the deck! [He and his three other sisters duck, as the green bubble goes out the window. He then prepares to take aim] Forgive me, Lily!

Leni: [intervenes] NO!

Lincoln: [irritated] What is wrong with you?!

Leni: Our family may be turning into gross snotty sickies, but you are turning into a monster!

Lincoln: I'm trying to save us! And I'm tired of you acting like Mother Teresa!

Leni: Shows what you know. Our mother's name is Rita!

[As the two argue, Lisa goes to the closet, gets one of Lily's bottles, and fills it with soup]

Lisa: SOUP IN THE HOLE! [throws the bottle]

[Lily crawls over to it and drinks up the soup]

Lisa: If you two ninnies are done bickering, I'd like to go taste that guacamole.

[As they continue to head out, Lincoln puts the batteries into his walkie talkie]

Lincoln: Safe Haven, we're back in. What is this crisis you were talking about?

Clyde: I made a peanut sauce for the Sante Fe egg rolls. But then, I realized someone might have a food allergy.

Lincoln: [frustrated] That's the crisis?! We're fighting for our lives, Clyde! No one has a food allergy!

Clyde: That's a relief, 'cause this sauce really ties the dish together. Safe Haven out.

Lincoln: [signs off] Roll out!

[Lincoln checks downstairs and shows that it's clear. They get to the kitchen and the back door]

Lincoln: We'll be tasting freedom in three, two-

Leni: Hey! The bubble's back!

[The bubble has found its way back into the house and hits Lucy dead center]

Lucy: Okay, now I'm sick. See the difference?

Lincoln & Lisa [unable to] No...

[Lucy sneezes and gets her germs on the doorknob]

Lincoln: Agh! Now the doorknob's infected!

Lisa: Uh...don't panic. I'm sure we'll find a way out of this. [Lucy sneezes on her] Dang it.

[The now zombified Lisa and Lucy come toward Lincoln who flees]

Lincoln: Leni! Help me with the table!

Leni: Are you finally gonna be nice and make them a meal?

Lincoln: Not exactly.

[They push the table over, blocking the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. The zombies try to get through]

Lincoln: This doesn't look good, Leni. There's no way out of this house.

Leni: Too bad we're not dogs. Then we could use Charles's door.

Lincoln: That's it!

Leni: You go. I'm gonna stay here and take care of the sick.

Lincoln: Don't be a fool. They're gone. We have to start a new world without them. They'd want it that way.

Laney: [offscreen] No we don't! [shows a sick Laney at the other side of the table]

Lincoln: AAH! [holds his gun] Stay back!

Laney: No! Let me help! I maybe sick, but I'm not a zombie! [Lincoln squirts Laney as she attempts to get into the kitchen]

Leni: She's right! I have to stay here. But don't worry about me. If I wear a mask and I'm careful, I'll be okay.

Lincoln: I may not always agree with you, Loud, but I respect you. [salutes his sister] Good luck.

[Leni salutes back. As Lincoln heads for Charles's door, Leni looks for a good surgical mask to protect her and pulls out a plaid one]

Leni: Nah. Too blah.

[As she searches for the right mask, the zombies push the table out of the way and get in. She pulls out a pink one with hearts]

Leni: Too flashy. [pulls out one that looks like her dress] Ooh! Perfect! Goes with my outfit.

[Luna is right behind Leni and Lincoln notices]

Lincoln: LENI! DUCK!

[Luna sneezes and her mucus flies toward Leni]

Leni: A duck? Where? Is it sick?

Lincoln: [dives in front of Leni in slow motion] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [takes Luna's snot and hits the floor]

Leni: Lincoln, you saved me. Why?

Lincoln: 'Cause you've got a good heart. And you deserve to survive more than I do. [sneezes on Leni] Dang it.

And with that, the entire Loud house has been infected with the flu. The rescue plan has failed...

[Later, Clyde comes over in a hazmat suit]

Clyde: [to the viewers] Well, the escape mission was a bust, but just because the Louds are infected doesn't mean that they're not human. Plus, I'd hate to see all this good food go to waste. [puts on his helmet and brings them the Santa Fe egg rolls and a bowl of soup] Here's you chicken noodle, Laney.

Laney: Thanks, Clyde. It's great to know that things are going well.

Clyde: Well? Everyone in this house is infected.

Laney: I'm sure we'll be fine. It's only a cold after all. [sneezes]

Clyde: [to the viewers] Ain't she a sweetheart, folks? [to the Louds] Now, who wants Santa Fe egg rolls? [The Louds each grab an egg roll and start feasting on them like the living dead] Don't forget the peanut sauce. It's to die for. Oops! [chuckles nervously] Poor choice of words.