129. House Flip

House Flip

[Laney was camly walking to Vanzilla, but the other kids raced her to it.]

Laney: Guys! Can't you learn to take things slow. [The other were already in the van causing a ruckus and she sighs.]

[She was in the back of the car between the younger kids reading her book. A hand tries to touch the radio.]

Lori: [Swats the hand away] Hey! Hands off the radio.

[Lori backs out of the driveway but smashes into the garbage cans, the parents and Lily come out to see.]

Lynn Sr.: [Gasps] What have you done to my baby?!

[Puts his human baby down on the porch, and he & Rita run to the van, much to Lily's aggravation. Lynn Sr. hugs the van, while Rita counts the dents.]

Rita: One, two, three, that's four new dents since last weekend.

[Flashback of when the kids were arguing at a stoplight, the light turns green and they drive backwards, smashing into another car. Another flashback of them arguing and driving backwards, smashing into the Burpin' Burger sign, and knocking it over. Another flashback of them smashing into Liam's chicken coop.]

Lori: Who let a chicken in the car?

[End of flashbacks]

Laney: Can't have one peaceful car ride without you guys tipping it over.

Lynn Sr.: [Sighs] I don't know how many times your mother and I have to say this, but when you're out there on the road Lori, you need to be one hundred percent focused.

Rita: Which means the rest of you need to keep quiet and behave. If we find even one more nick on Vanzilla you can say goodbye to your driving privileges indefinitely.

All kids (except Lily): [Gasp] We promise.

[The kids, except Lily, leave.]

Lynn Sr.: Wow! Way to dish out the discipline, hun!

Rita: Thanks! You know, we have really got this parenting thing down to a science. We're experts!

[Rita and Lynn Sr. high five, and go inside the house. Lily is left outside, grunting. Laney picks her up.]

Laney: I'll get you inside, Lily. [Takes her inside]

[Later, at the gas station, Flip finishes filling the van and goes to Lori in the front seat.]

Lori: Thanks Flip. [Gives him the money]

Flip: Oh no, thank you.

[Flip heads off, and Lori turns the car on and hears rock music playing from the radio.]

Lori: Hey! Who changed the station?!

[Angrily changes it back.]

Luna: I wanna hear the top three, three!

Leni: Top forty!

Lucy: Today's obituaries.

Laney: Guys! Please! We promised mom and dad we behave. Now, let's turn the radio to smooth jazz and relax...

[The other kids began to argue over the radio and Vanzilla accidentally gets shifted into reverse, knocking over the gas meter, which knocks over a post, causing the awning to flatten Flip.]

Laney: Well, at least we didn't hit anyone important.

Flip: Ah! All I see is black! Ow! Someone help!

Laney: Like I said, no one important.

[At the Royal Woods Hospital.]

Doctor: We're looking at twelve sprains, two minor breaks, and a twist.

Flip: Hey, I ain't got time for medical speak Doc, I'm sittin' on a van of old flippees that needs movin'.

Doctor: You won't be back on your feet for at least a week. Is there someone who can take care of you?

Flip: Nah, Flip's a lone wolf. [Howls, but then something cracks.] Cheese and crackers.

[Outside the room, the Loud kids felt horrible.]

Leni: Guys, this is all our fault, we should take care of Flip.

Laney: That mooch? No way! What has he ever done for us?

[The other Louds try to think of something.]

Lincoln: He gives us flippees?

Laney: Doesn't count!

Lori: Laney, we literally have to do something. Or mom and dad will never let me drive again!

Luan: Yeah, and we'll lose our Vanzilla privileges forever!

Lucy: We can hide him in the morgue. A few beds just opened up.

Laney: Hm. That could work.

Luan and Lisa: [uncomfortable about that idea.] Ugh.

Lincoln: Or we could just hide him in our attic.

Lisa: Actually, that's not a bad idea, it's quiet, far away from Mom and Dad's room.

Lori: The attic it is, we just need a safe way to get him there.

[Later, Vanzilla is driving down the road, Flip is tied to the roof.]

Lisa: Alright, by my calculations, we have thirty-seven point two-three minutes to get Flip in the attic before our parental units arrive home from work.

Laney: I'm only doing this because I want keep my Vanzilla privileges. I still don't like Flip.

[Suddenly, the light changes.]

Luna: Red light!

[Lori quickly stops, when suddenly Kotaro's car pulls up next to them, and someone is riding with him.]

Lincoln: [Glances out the window and gasps.] Dad! Everyone down!

[Everyone ducks]

Luna: [Takes out her phone] I know how to distract him [Makes a call] Hi, I'd like to make a song request.

[In Kotaro's car.]

Radio DJ: Strap in and start clangin', cause we got a special request for the new twenty-seven minute single, from Cowbella Sebastian.

[A cowbell based song starts playing.]

Lynn Sr.: Oh, this is my favorite song ever.

[He and Kotaro start dancing, the light turns green and the kids drive off.]

[They arrive home and Lynn & Lincoln work on untieing Flip.]

Lincoln: Sorry about the rough ride, Flip.

Flip: Don't worry, Ol' Flip's tough as sandpaper.

Lisa: [Checks her watch] Fourteen point three-four minutes, almost in the clear.

[Suddenly they hear babbling, Rita is bicycling home with Lily, the girls gasp and Lori runs up to them, just as Flip gets dropped in the middle of the others.]

Lynn: Oh, my bad.

Lori: Oh, Mom, [Turns her away from the action.] Did I tell you about Carol's new haircut?

Rita: [As the kids lift up Flip right behind her; uneasy.] Oh, uh... No, I don't think you did.

Lori: She got bangs! I mean, so brave right?

[A rope gets thrown out Lincoln's window, Lola gives the go-ahead, and Lynn, Laney, Lincoln & Lana prepare to hoist.]

Flip: Pretty sure I saw a perfectly good door on the front of the house.

Lana: Nah, this is way easier.

[They proceed to hoist Flip, which is easier said than done.]

Flip: Okay, but all this up and down is rattlin' my innards.

[Flip farts on the kids, causing himself to go swinging. Lynn, Laney & Lincoln drop to their knees and gag, Lana goes flying with the rope and Flip swings into Lynn, Laney & Lincoln.]

Laney: I'm already regretting this...

[Rita is about to enter the house, but Lori stops her.]

Lori: Wait! You haven't even seen the pics yet.

[Meanwhile, Leni, Lincoln, & Lucy carry Flip through the back door.]

Leni: Hurry, hurry, hurry, watch out for the door.

[Luan ties Flip to a dolly, and they wheel him away. Back on the porch, Lori's showing Rita the photos.]

Lori: Here's Carol, with a headband. Ha!

Rita: [Walks inside] So cute.

Lori: Oh, there's more. [Lori goes after Rita. Meanwhile, Luan, Lynn, and Lana try to hoist Flip into the attic, which they manage to do. On the stairs.] ...and, um, here's how her bangs look pinned back. So cute right? Right?

Rita: Okay, sorry, Lily really needs a change, Hon.

Lori: Oh, um, I'll do it, I've got it. [Nervously laughs. She takes Lily upstairs and sees the attic door close.] Never mind, it's all you.

[Gives Lily back and takes off, Rita growls in annoyance. In the attic, Luna and Lincoln carry Flip to an old couch.]

Flip: [Coughs up the dust] Was the broom closet taken?

Laney: Would it kill you to be a little grateful?

Lincoln: This is the comfiest spot in the house.

Lisa: And you have access to my collection of antique medical equipment.

[Flip picks up a stethoscope and thinks.]

Lynn Sr.: [Calls from downstairs] Who's got a hankering for takeout?!

Flip: [Starts to get up] Eh, I could eat.

Lincoln: Woah, woah, you gotta stay off you're feet, we'll bring you a plate.

Flip: Room service? Eh, Flip likes the sound of that, but no broccoli.

[Lincoln salutes and goes.]

[In the dining room everyone's eating. Lana stuffs noodles in her hat, Leni hides some under her sunglasses, Lola stuffs some inside Mr. Sprinkles, and Laney gives her food to Squeals who puts it in a bag]

Lana: Well, I'm stuffed.

Lola: Me too.

[The others start talking at once, explaining why they have to leave, and go. In the attic, Luna feeds Flip, he belches and goes to sleep. The kids return to the second floor, when Rita sees them leaving the attic.]

Rita: Oh, hey kids, what are you doing in the attic?

Lincoln: Uh, just playing.

Lana: With a snake.

Leni: That had snake babies.

Rita: [Freaked out] Snake? Babies?!

[Rita's start wakes up Flip, he wonders what's happening.]

Lisa: Yes, but fear not, we know you're not a fan of serpents.

Luna: So, we'll keep them up in the attic until they're ready to be released into the wild.

Luan: In approximately, uh, six days.

Rita: [Backs downstairs] Okay, just as long as I don't have to see them.

[Rita returns downstairs and the kids sigh with relief.]

Lincoln: She bought it, as long as we keep Flip quiet Mom and Dad will never find out about the accident.

[The girls nod. But what they don't know is that Flip has Lisa's stethoscope pressed to the floor, and has heard everything.]

Flip: Oh, so that's their game.

DAY TWO

[The kids are bringing food and drinks to Flip, but see that the attic door is open and gasp. They hear Flip laughing in Lincoln's room.]

Flip: [Reading Lincoln's comic book.] Boy this Ace Savvy's something else, Ooh, what a hoot.

Lincoln: What are you doing in my room?

Flip: Ah, that attic setup was hard on Flip's back, old spine just hasn't felt right since the accident, you know the one you don't want your mom and dad to find out about.

[the kids gasp.]

Laney: [Angry] Oh so that's how you wanna play?! [Rolls up her sleeves] Okay, let's go! [Lori holds her back]

Lori: Lincoln, Flip gets your room.

Lincoln: [Aghast] What?

Lori: Flip, we'll do everything we can to keep you comfortable, but you have to be reasonable.

Flip: Sure, Flip's a simple man who don't need much.

DAY THREE

[Lucy is fluffing Flip's pillow as Lynn and Lola bring a plate of food.]

Flip: [Takes the plate with anticipation.] All my Michigan favorites, corn beef eggrolls, Coney Island dogs and punchkees. [Dumps the plate into his mouth.] Wait, didn't I ask for a papaya juice? Freshly squeezed? [Lynn and Lola give fake smiles and go to get it.] Hey, Spooky, my big toe's been itching something fierce. How 'bout a little scratch?

[Holds his foot up, Lucy and Fangs are revolted.]

Lucy: Uh, Fangs, you wanna take this?

[Fangs squeals and flies away.]

DAY FOUR

[Flip is trying to use Luna's tablet, but to no avail.]

Flip: Eh, I don't know how to use these Mini TVs. How 'bout some live entertainment?

Luna: Great, I'll grab my guitar.

Flip: Hold up Hippie, I had a little time to workshop some sketch during the last bedding change.

[THE LOUD HOUSE: created by Flip. Lincoln enters Luna and Luan's room wearing glasses, suspenders, a peach shirt, orange bowtie, and is carrying two pies.]

Lincoln: [Deadpan] I hope everyone saved room for dessert. [Lincoln approaches Luna and Luan, and steps on a banana peel.] Woah. [The girls get hit in the faces with the pies.] Oopsie, doopsie.

Flip: [Laughs] Gold, haha, now let's do the next scene.

[Laney appears dressed as a painting nerd holding a bunch of paints and brushes]

Laney: [Deadpan] Hey Lincoln. I was wondering if you could help with my painting... [Trips on Lincoln] Whoops. [Spills paint all over her as she falls down.]

Flip: [laughs] Oh man! That is genius!

Laney: [Muffled] Urge to kill rising...

DAY FIVE

[Lori is cutting Flip's toenails, one hits her goggles. Leni is pulling on one of Flip's nose hairs, she manages to pull out the really long hair, and Flip sneezes on her.]

DAY SIX

[It's nighttime, and the kids (except Lily) pop out of their rooms when they hear the TV and go downstairs, looking angry as they see Flip laying on the couch watching TV.]

Luna You can't be down here, dude.

Flip: A little late-night TV shoppin' keeps the mind off the pain.

Lincoln: We're all going to get busted.

Flip: That sounds like a you problem.

[Laney was burning up in anger]

Laney: That's itI You've been mooching off us for too long! Now you're going to PAAAAY! [Jumps out and attacks Flip in a huge fight cloud]

Flip: Ooh! Ow! Mommy!

Laney: You haven't seen real injury, buddy! [Just then, the kids see Lynn Sr. waking up and they pull away Laney as she was strangling Flip] LET ME GO! I'M GONNA TEAR OUT HIS MUSTACHE AND SHOVE IT UP HIS-

Lori: [Covers Laney's mouth with her hand] Shhh!

[A very sleepy Lynn Sr. comes out of his room.]

Lynn Sr: What's all the racket? Everyone's supposed to be in bed.

[Leni, Luan & Lola get in front of him.]

Lola: Oh, hi Daddy, we just...

Leni: Didn't wanna miss the chance to get a deal on a new barbecue brush.

[There's a sound from the kitchen.]

Lynn Sr.: What was that in the kitchen?

[The girls turn around and see the couch is empty.]

Luan: Uh, maybe it's Lily.

Lynn Sr.: [Goes to the kitchen] She better keep her cute little paws off my leftover ribs.

[In the kitchen, Flip is about to eat Lynn Sr.'s ribs, when Lynn shoves him into the fridge and Lincoln catches them. Lynn Sr. walks in.]

Lincoln: Uh, ribs are still safe, here you go.

[Offers them to Lynn Sr.]

Lynn Sr.: Uh, actually, I better not, told your mom I'd cut down on the old midnight snacks.

[Goes back to his room, and the twins enter.]

Lana: All clear.

[Lynn opens the fridge, and an ice block falls out with Flip inside, the kids take him away.]

FINAL DAY

[Laney kicks open her door and storms through the hallway]

Laney: Alright, Flip Time's up! It's been six days and now you're no longer our problem. No more sleeping in our beds, no more stupid comedy routines, no more nose hair trimming, and no more asking Squeals for rides! [Squeals oinked in anger, rubbing her sore back. Laney opens up the attic and walks up] It's time to GO! [Laney sees that Flip wasn't there] Huh? Where did he go?

[Lynn Sr. walks to the bathroom but finds it to be taken and groans. Lincoln and Lori walk along behind him.]

Lynn Sr.: Hey, who's hogging the bathroom? I have to get to work.

[Lori and Lincoln look at each other.]

Lincoln: Um, I think it's Lynn.

Lori: Yup, definitely Lynn.

[Just then, Lynn comes out of her room.]

Lincoln: Lynn, uh, we thought you were in the bathroom.

Lynn: [Realizes what's going on.] Oh, um, no, I saw Luan go in there.

Luan: [Comes upstairs] Go in where? [Lynn, Lincoln & Lori point at the bathroom.] I mean, uh, I think the, uh, twins are taking a bath.

Lana: [As she and Lola come out of their room.] Ew, bath? I never take baths... [The others point to their angry father waiting for the bathroom.] I mean, uh, Laney's in there.

[Laney opens up the attic, and comes down]

Laney: What are you talking about? [The kids point to Lynn Sr.] Oh! Um... Leni's in there!

[Leni comes upstairs.]

Leni: Oh, hey you guys. [They all point at the bathroom with Lynn Sr. growling.] What are you waving about?

Lynn Sr.: [Annoyed] Hey if you kids don't tell me who's in that bathroom, I am going to-

[Just then the bathroom opens.]

Flip: Eh, you'd better tell your mom she's out of that fancy body lotion.

Lynn Sr.: Flip?

Rita: Flip? Is that my lotion?

Lynn Sr: Is that my robe? What's going on here?

[The kids sigh.]

Lori: We had an accident with Vanzilla and Flip got hurt.

Leni: And since it was our fault, we've all been taking care of him.

Laney: And since we were caring for him, he's been taking advantage of us.

Lincoln: But we knew if you found out we'd lose our driving privileges, so we had to hide him in the attic.

Lynn Sr: Getting into another accident is one thing, but lying to us is the whole other level.

Rita: Your driving privileges are suspended indefinitely.

Kids: [sadly] We're sorry.

Flip: Ah, go easy on the kids, they took good care of me. Don't let this gruff exterior fool ya, on the inside Flip's just a delicate flower that needs tending to.

[After hearing this, Rita and Lynn Sr. begin to feel guilty for going too far with their punishment]

Rita: Well, I guess indefinitely was a little harsh. Let's say, no driving for the rest of the month.

Laney: Wow, Flip. That's actually considerate of you standing up for us.

Flip: I have my moments. And when you get the van back, come by the food 'n' fuel for free flippees. [The kids like the sound of that.] But no refills! Now who's taking me back to the Doc to lose this cast?

[Outside the Food 'n' Fuel, Flip gets dropped off.]

Flip: Eh, thanks for the ride.

[Lynn Sr. & Rita are in the van, and Cowbella Sebastian's twenty-seven-minute single comes on the radio.]

Lynn Sr.: This is the new Cowbella Sebastian song I was talking about.

[Lynn Sr. starts dancing in his seat, and accidentally puts Vanzilla in reverse recreating the kids' accident from a week before, down to Flip getting flattened.]

Flip: Ow! Someone help!

[Later, Flip is wearing Lynn Sr.'s robe again, eating on the parent's bed with his cast, and Lynn Sr. & Rita are dressed for Flip's sketch.]

Lynn Sr.: [Holding two pies and trying to cheer Rita up] On the bright side, maybe we'll get free flippees at the end of the week. Hehe.

Flip: Stick to the dang script, Lynn!

Laney: [Walks by] Better them than me.