Chapter 16: Reflections

I hadn't realized how much the rain had been a constant companion in my life until it stopped.

I stood by the school gates, watching the last few drops of the storm trickle down the windows, the grey clouds finally dissipating. The air felt damp, and the cool breeze carried a sharpness that made me pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders.

There was something oddly soothing about the way the world looked after a storm—the way everything seemed quieter, almost like it had been washed clean.

But for me, the stillness of the moment only highlighted the chaos brewing inside me.

It had been two weeks since Chino had returned, and it was like a switch had flipped in my life. Everything had shifted, and I wasn't sure if I liked it. I had always prided myself on being somewhat detached from the chaos of high school life—the drama, the noise, the constant rush of people. It was easier that way. I could stay on the periphery, watch it all unfold without getting involved.

But now, with Chino back, I felt like I was being dragged in, whether I wanted to be or not.

The worst part was that I wasn't sure what I wanted. Chino's presence was both familiar and foreign to me. I hadn't realized how much I had missed him until he reappeared, slipping effortlessly into the group, picking up where we had left off all those years ago. It should have felt comforting, but instead, it made my stomach twist.

I had been so used to things staying the same—Haruka and Kaito, my distant friendships, the comfortable space I'd carved out for myself. I had become accustomed to the silence, to being the observer in my own life, and now everything was louder.

The bell rang, snapping me from my thoughts. I wasn't sure how long I had been standing there, lost in my head. I glanced at the time and cursed under my breath. I was late.

I turned and started walking toward the classroom. My mind kept drifting back to the conversation I had with Chino earlier that week. He had come up to me,

casually asking why I'd been avoiding him. And I had no answer. Because I wasn't avoiding him on purpose. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him, but there was this strange pressure that I couldn't explain. Every time I saw him, I couldn't help but feel like I was drowning in memories, in the past. In us.

But that was the thing, wasn't it? We weren't us anymore. We had changed.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I could feel the eyes of my classmates on me more than usual, their whispers carrying across the halls as Chino slid back into the rhythm of high school life like he'd never left. Everyone wanted to talk to him, everyone wanted to be close to him. It was like watching a magnet attract steel, and I was left in the background, watching the scene unfold with a growing sense of detachment.

At lunch, I found myself sitting with Kaito and Haruka, though my attention was miles away. Haruka was talking about the latest book, her voice a constant hum in the background, while Kaito kept glancing at me, his gaze sharp and calculating. He had always been the perceptive one, the guy who could read people without them saying a word.

Finally, he spoke up, breaking the monotonous chatter of the cafeteria.

"You've been off today," Kaito said, his voice low. "What's going on?"

I looked up at him, meeting his dark eyes. There was no point in pretending anymore. Kaito knew me too well.

"It's Chino," I said quietly. "He's... different now. I'm different."

Haruka raised an eyebrow, pausing mid-sentence. "Different how?"

I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "I don't know. It's like... all the years he was gone, I got used to things being quiet. I got used to being on my own. And now that he's back, it's like everything's louder. Like he's drawing all the attention back to him, and I'm just... I don't know where I fit in."

Kaito watched me for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Sounds like you're jealous."

I frowned. "I'm not jealous. I just... I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Okay," Kaito said, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward, "let me put it this way: You've spent the last few years keeping your distance, putting up these walls around you. I get it. But now, Chino's back, and those walls are starting to crack, right? You don't know how to deal with it because you've never really let anyone in."

I opened my mouth to argue, but Kaito held up a hand to stop me.

"I'm not saying you need to open up overnight," he continued. "But maybe it's time to stop running from whatever it is you're running from. Chino's here now, and you can't keep pretending that everything's fine when it's not."

I stared at him, feeling my throat tighten. It wasn't like I hadn't thought about it. It wasn't like I didn't know that Kaito was right. But facing those truths, facing what had happened in the past, felt impossible. There was a part of me that just wanted to go back to the way things were—when I could hide behind my indifference and my quiet routine.

But I couldn't.

The day dragged on, and by the time the final bell rang, I was more exhausted than I had been in days. I walked out of the classroom, my backpack slung over one shoulder, and immediately spotted Chino by the gates, laughing with a group of students.

He was surrounded by people, just like always, but something in the way he looked at me caught my attention. It was subtle, a quick glance before he turned back to his friends, but it was enough to make me stop in my tracks.

I hesitated for a moment, unsure whether I should approach him. After all, I had spent the entire day avoiding him, not even sparing him a glance. But now, with him standing there, the distance between us felt suffocating.

I took a step forward, my feet moving almost on their own. But before I could get any closer, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around to find Haruka standing behind me, her expression unusually serious.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft but firm. "You need to talk to him, don't you?"

I didn't respond immediately. I wasn't sure what to say, or even if I was ready to say anything. The truth was, I had no idea how to talk to Chino anymore. I had no idea how to talk to anyone.

"I don't know if I can," I said quietly, my eyes still fixed on Chino in the distance. "It feels like... everything's different now."

Haruka smiled, though it was faint, more like a soft understanding than anything else. "You know, sometimes things need to be different for them to be better. But you'll never know if you don't try."

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, she was already walking away, leaving me standing there alone.

I glanced back at Chino one last time, the knot in my chest tightening.

I didn't have the answers yet, and I wasn't sure when I would. But I knew one thing for certain: if I didn't face whatever was between us, I would never get the chance to figure it out.

As I turned to leave, the rain began to fall again, slow at first, and then in sheets. The water streaked down the windows of the school gates, blurring the world beyond.

And for the first time that day, I didn't mind the storm.