Chapter 6

As a pleaser person, Ji Yun was geared to do what other people wanted and cater to their needs first. To do this, she has to observe their emotions and behavior to perceive what course of action to take to please them. People-pleaser is highly sensitive, particularly to those people they need validation from. They have an acute sense of those unspoken emotions and moods, and able to pick up when something is wrong.

Ji Yun just wanted to strike while the iron is hot and further close the gap. They ended the conversation with a smile, however; she felt that there is a new glass wall constructed between them. A strange feeling agitated her. She couldn't sleep the whole night. Something is wrong, but she wanted to deny the conclusion that came up after long deliberation.

'Xiao Rong seems to know I'm lying.'

'No. I just assume because of guilt.'

'He said he trusts me…'

'Right. He's still a baby…'

Ji Yun's inner voices were fighting. Since she feels anxious and conflicted, she needs to determine how she can address these issues fast even she might use a fresh angle. She can't prolong this anxiousness and assess an innocent child based on the future she knew. She can't do that to this adorable baby beside her. Her Xiao Rong is not Ah Rong. He's still a kid.

Ji Yun later left Su Rong's room so she can use her phone and not disturb his sleep. She wanted to get help from the Internet and find a piece of strong evidence to calm her agitate mind. She read many articles to justify her claim. However, an article about the parent's white lie slapped Ji Yun by the reality she had rejected.

Around the age of five, children start to develop a heightened awareness of their parents' feelings and their environment. They will become more susceptible to the moods surrounding them and will try to understand the emotion that their guardian was experiencing.

The child will observe if what their parents say matches up with their emotional instincts. If the mother tells white lies, the children will too. If the child finds out the parent was dishonest, it may later affect their ability to trust others. So, it is important for the parents to nurture their children with authenticity.

Ji Yun's face immediately paled. She just wanted to use the opportunity to create an open atmosphere between them. Not only she failed, but she also created a situation that can damage her son's future. She felt terrible.

Ji Yun hopes to preserve the joys of his childhood. He's still a child. She thought the white lies were for Xiao Rong's betterment. She wants to protect Xiao Rong's feelings, however, at this moment, she realized all she did was to protect her ego.

She once trusted her mother.

She once trusted her mother-in-law.

She once trusted her husband.

She was renowned as meticulous and perspicacious as a fox. She was so perceptive to the littlest detail and shrewd to know how to use the enemy's weakness to her advantage. She only trusted a few, but her intelligence couldn't perceive those she trusted was not worth the bet. Ji Yun wanted to erase these flaws in her mind.

She just comes up with a lazy excuse.

Deception is not for the child's betterment. She had been through with lies her entire life. She shouldn't let Su Rong experience it as well.

+++

When morning arrives, Ji Yun decided to talk to Su Rong. She doesn't want her son to build a disassociation to true emotions and perceive minor lies as acceptable. She thinks for the entire night and readied her speech so she can be honest with Xiao Rong without placing a burden on him. Honesty begets honesty. She decided to be honest, so she can ask honesty from her child.

Ji Yun cooked a hearty meal for both of them and brought it to her son's room. Since it was too early for him to wake up, she put the tray on the coffee table adjacent to the bed, and sit to the nearby high seat chair to wait. She mumbled her speeches to keep her nervousness inside and simulate the possible scenarios in her mind. A moment later, due to lack of sleep, Ji Yun surrenders to the simulation in her mind and succumbed to slumber.

When Su Rong woke up and starting do his morning routine, it surprised him to see his mother sleeping in the chair. Dark shades were formed beneath her eyes, evidence of sleeplessness.

'She didn't sleep...'

The confusion was all over his face. 'Why?'

Su Rong quietly sits on the chair across from his mother's and observes the peculiar scenery in front of him. A two sets of breakfast set on the table and a dark under eyes. 'She lacks sleep because she made breakfast for them?'

A soft melodious laugh awakened Ji Yun. "Xiao Rong?"

"Good morning, mommy!" Su Rong went to her side, beaming.

"Uh, good morning baby," she said, awkwardly. She smiles to hide her graceless appearance. She clenched her fist to remind her heart to calm down. She falls asleep while waiting. 'What an embarrassment'

"I just woke up a little while ago..." he said, the corners of his mouth were upturned flexing the muscles in the apples of his chubby cheeks. He smiled to grab his mother's attention and also make her comfortable.

"Ah? Okay," captivated by her child's charm, Ji Yun forgot her earlier agenda. "I made breakfast in bed — we're not in bed..." she noticed the food have gotten cold "I will warm this up first." she tried to lift the tray, and she notices her hands were trembling. Anxiousness sipped through her arms.

"It's okay, mommy." Su Rong watched her actions and curious why she's uneasy. "Let's eat that. I'm quite starving". he said and helped his mommy set the table.

Ji Yun looked at her lovely son. "I'm sorry, Xiao Rong". she said, looking down. She placed the plates and utensils in seriousness while trying to calm her raging tears on the verge of falling. She doesn't know why she couldn't follow through with her plans. Everything starting to mess up. It disheartens her.

"What's wrong, mommy? Why are you crying?" he asked. Su Rong couldn't understand why the sudden tears fall down her cheeks.

Ji Yun took a shaky breath. She tilts her head up slightly to prevent other tears from falling. "Nothing--" then as if she realizes something, she scornfully laughs "Look, I took another less courageous path."

"I promised I will do better next time but keep making the same mistakes. Mom is sad and frustrated," she said.

Su Rong puts his little hand on his chin. He thinks for a second and said, "I also make mistakes mommy, but I see mistakes as opportunities for improvement."

He smiles gently, "Mommy knows I'm bad with the piano, right? I learned while playing the piano that realizing where you are at fault is the first step in figuring how to move forward."

"I get frustrated and angry sometimes. I also promise not to repeat the same mistake. I'm unhappy if my body follows the wrong pathway." he said, performing angry gestures.

Su Rong put his hands on both sides, teaching as if an adult son, but his eyes were still covered by softness "Did you know, mommy? I notice we create a path every time we do something. The bad pathway was easy to make since we're not good, to begin with. I practice daily to be good. It takes time, mommy, but I think you can do it too."

Ji Yun raised her brow and smiled, "Are you not curious what mistake did mommy do?"

"Are you going to tell me?" he said, "I will wait for you to tell me. I'm curious, but I trust mommy more." he added before he started eating.

Ji Yun observes the little man in front of her who happily munching his food. She felt guilty for lying. She always thought this baby is much too young to handle difficult feelings, so she was reluctant to give any information that may burden him. This brief conversation proves the young man has his way of examining personal fears. He is growing, and she, as a mother, is responsible to create a fertile land for him to grow beautifully.

"Mommy will tell you later," she said. She already confessed once. This child is her blood and flesh. She can be naked and show all her flaws to him. She knew this child will still love her whole.

Su Rong flashed a brief smile before he continues eating his meal. He definitely likes this 'new' mommy. He felt the current her adores him more than the past her. He wants to experiment. All he just did was to act a little more 'cutely' and his mommy immediately gives in. Surely, this mommy is a bit different but still the same.