The blame

Losing a friend isn't easy.. Especially to suicide.. Grief, Regret, Guilt, Loneliness, Pain.. It kills you every day.. Even though you know if they could come back to see you, the first thing they'll say would be "It wasn't your fault"..

But there are days when you just can't help but blame yourself.. For everything..

He knew it wasn't his fault that his friend committed suicide but he couldn't help but blame himself for not being able to understand his own best friend and believing every single fake smile his friend gave him.. He blames himself for not helping him.. He regrets not being able to run fast enough..

Leo wouldn't have jumped off if his best friend would stop him on time, right?

Jake got up and decided to take a shower..

Death is something mere mortals like us can't fight.. But if he could, he would've offered himself to death instead of his friend.. Not because he wished to die, but because of the love Leo gave him he was willing to give the remaining years of his life to his friend in return..

But again, it's not something Jake can control..

He believed Leo was destined to live a long life.. He wondered what made him give up on his future? What was he so afraid of? Why was he so afraid of tomorrow?

Now all he could do is wait.. Have patience till he can see his brother again.. But only if waiting was that easy..

He sat Infront of his computer.. Something distracted him from his thought.. He watched as small drops of water would fall from his hair, falling into his lap and then disappearing leaving marks on his trousers..

'That's how it is in the end, isn't it.. Everything must come to an end' he sighed..

It was Sunday.. After what happened yesterday, he wanted to go and check up on Abby but he was hesitating.. Jake didn't want to disturb them or give them the wrong idea by bothering them so all he could do is to think to himself..

His thoughts were cut off by a knock.. It was Iris..

"What?" Jake asked with a plain tone..

"All you do is either draw or sleep... Or eat.. You're getting old.. If you keep acting like that, you'll be dead in no time"

"Thanks for the advice I never asked for" he closed the door right at her face which just made her continue knocking again, louder this time..

The loud knocking was irritating him, he had no choice but to open up the door again..

"Whattt"

"What an old man.. You're losing your memories too?!"

"Look.. I may look like draw eat and sleep but that's not it ok? I have a lot of work to do which may not be important to you but to me, it is.. And for that I need privacy.. So respect this old man, and let him di- I mean work in peace"

Once again he shut the door right at his sister's face..

No doubt he loved her a lot but he knew that whenever mom and dad leaves, she would come and bother him for no reason.. And right now, he already had a lot on his mind which left him with no energy even though he just woke up, to deal with his younger sister..

"But it's my birthday"