Chapter XXXI

Saturday morning, the next day, Kai found himself in the confines of your apartment. It was smaller than he was used to, yet it gave him a sense of comfort. Maybe it was because of your scent that lingers in the room that made him wary of how deprived he has been, and seeing you sitting silently at a corner, gifting him of such a refreshing sight made him feel so…at home.

"Are you free for the day?" He asked.

He witnessed how you became hesitant. The contours of your face easily gave you away, it was obvious by the way you sighed, and how you tried to avoid his gaze.

"Princess, I'm not forcing you to go out with me. I'm just trying to go through the day without dying of boredom." He gave you a half-hearted smile, for you both know that it was a lie.

"Besides, I don't bite."

From the first minute he came here, it was all he ever wanted to see, and now there it was, the smile that he was so longing for.

"At least, not yet." He added, hoping for that smile to stay a little longer.

"Jongin, I-I don't know if we should-"

"And I don't know how many times I should tell you this."

You watch from the corner of your eyes as his fingers run through his locks.

"Please, I insist that you call me Kai."

With the amount of times he reminded you of that, it's easy to tell that he wasn't accustomed to people calling him by his real name, and yet you still made it a point to do so. There's just something so beautifully painful about seeing someone so confident in themselves, yet you mention something so little as his real name, and it made him so…vulnerable. You remembered how he said the same words a few months back. It was a wonder why he felt so uncomfortable over something so petty, and yet you understand him in your own way, because in a way, he's just like you, so unsure of himself.

"Well?"

The male sat comfortably on the couch, giving you the illusion that he is in no way affected by you, yet your curious stares and your haunting silence made him feel anxious. He's finding it hard to read you, something he had been doing ever since you came into his life. Although he admits that before, he would rather spend his time doing other activities that can conjure up his wilder side. It was only when he saw you the second time that he had the guts to admit that he felt something.

"Why not?" You ask.

"Because it's too formal for my liking." There was uncertainty in his voice, and unknowingly, it made you smile.

"Alright Jongin."

He flinched, but not without attempting to hide his discomfort, yet you saw right through him. There was a glimpse of nervousness that crossed his handsome face. He was different from the person you perceived him to be, and it felt as though that you're not alone, that somehow, he too can understand your vulnerability.

"Why do I even bother?" He murmurs under his breath, and it made you smile a little more.

Sighing, he leaned against the couch, his arms stretched out in front of him.

"Sometimes, you make me wonder what I see in you." He said, his eyes fixated on your lips. "Should I be concerned?"

"W-what do you mean?" You felt the discomfort that was caused by his stare, and it made you think about last night.

There was a restless silence that managed to filter through the small cracks of your conversation. It was partly because of the aftermath of your first kiss that has rendered you speechless. Kai, on the other hand, found himself struggling to grasp with the exact nature of your relationship, and partly because he knew that you weren't caught up on him, as much as he does you.

"Nothing, I just-" He swallowed hard at your question. "Let's just go outside and have fun, hmm?"

"Why me?" You ask. "I mean, there's plenty of other girls you can ask to go out with you, a-and-"

There was a long pause before you could continue with your question. His condescending stare has sent your heart into a spasm of simultaneous guilt and disappointment.

"What I mean is, t-there's also Chen oppa, a-and, you can go out with anyone you want, but-."

"Apparently, not you." His voice was thick with bitter amusement.

Kai found it entertaining how his simple request has made you so uncomfortable, and there he is, sitting with a bemused look on his face.

"I can't force you, can't I?"

"Well…"

"Well?"

Yes, it was true that he could have whatever he wanted at whatever cost. He can so easily ask another girl out, and they'd happily go as far as sleeping with him. Jongin would have never understood what it meant to work hard to achieve something so precious, not until you came along.

That was the reality that was quite disheartening.

Never has he ever thought that he would go after someone who he knows already has her heart set on someone else. The thought that the one who owns your heart used to be a friend of his, he couldn't grasp the possibility that what he desired could be at the expense of something infinitely meaningful to you, and to him.

His throat ran dry. Something inside him burned painfully at the realization that he is indeed treading into dangerous waters. Despite the break-up, despite having his friend leave you, there you are still, grasping at what little hope there is left of your relationship. It had never occurred to him that there was someone who can love another so deeply, and he can see it in your eyes that you still long for his friend. It is both a blessing and a curse to feel something so very deeply, and right this moment, he cannot escape the suffocating grip of reality, and it frightened him to no end.

Maybe it was far too late to fight for this, to fight for you, and maybe, he never even had a chance to do so.

Jongin was certain that he can never be half the man Sehun is, but he was a character with depth, he's a man of his word, and this desire to pull you away from your misery, made him a little more daring, because for the first time in his life, he wanted to protect someone.

He sat there, waiting patiently for your answer, and when he heard those two little words, he cracked a soft grin.

"Whyever not?"

It was all it took, before he took your hands, and pulled you towards the door.

Maybe, just maybe, there's still hope after all.

-----

"That's unfair!"

"Well, if you find it hard to swallow the fact that I will never stop calling you by your real name," You give him a smug look. "then you can't have some."

Then you proceeded to take a large spoonful of the ice cream and shove it inside your mouth, while the male wallows in his demise.

"But I paid for that." He pouted, having a little too much fun looking at your childlike antics.

"And you can pay for another, Jongin."

"Ugh, you're hopeless." He shakes his head, but deep inside, he was happy.

The image of your smiling face will forever be embedded in his mind, and he will forever treasure the fact that it was because of him that you're slowly forgetting. The next thing he planned to do is to rid you of all the memories of him, and to erase the hope that the man who had hurt you will come running back to you. He had no idea why Sehun left you so suddenly, but he will make sure to help you. He knows one can never be free, until one frees themselves from the prison of their own false thoughts.

He smiled, but it was wiped away by the sight of the very person that is running inside his mind.

"Open up."

He heard you say, a spoonful of ice cream aiming for his mouth, but his gaze is fixated at the far corner of the door.

"Yah, Jongin, hurry up!"

You watch as he blinks his eyes, a bitter smile forming on his lips. All he wanted to do at the moment, was to take your hand, and take you away from this place. If you were to see that he was there, then all his actions will be for nothing.

You, on the other hand, are finding the male to be rather annoying. Without a second thought, you shoved the ice cream on his unsuspecting mouth, and he almost choked by your silly actions.

"You were asking for it, I couldn't resist." You giggle, and then you take another mouthful of ice cream, the icy sweetness enveloping your mouth.

Kai had no idea what came over him, but when the other male saw you, he just couldn't stop himself. He closed the distance between the two of you, and took your lips in a chaste kiss.

You were in shock, your heart started pumping so hard, that all you could hear was the sound of your own blood swarming inside your head. You couldn't believe that he would be so bold to kiss you again so soon, and in such a public place. You shudder when you feel his tongue flicking the remaining ice cream from yours, and when he does it over and over again, his wet muscle touching yours in a very provocative manner, you push him away.

"You were asking for it princess." He let out a throaty chuckle. "I just couldn't resist."

The male was clearly mocking you, yet all you can do is blink as you try to regain your consciousness. It was only when you heard the sound of the slamming of the door, that you were able to get your brain back in your head. You stare at the man in front of you, his face smug as fuck, his eyes swimming with utter delight, yet his gaze wasn't directed at you, and when you followed his gaze, you eyes widen as realization dawned on you.

Quickly, you stand up from your seat and run towards the door. You can see his leaving figure, and it's as if you're slowly losing your resolve. You can't just let him leave without explaining yourself. It's the least you can do after having him witness you and his best friend making out in public.

You were about to shout his name, but a steady hand has forbidden you from doing so.

"Don't."

It was Kai, and he is looking at you with pleading eyes.

"Please don't make a fool out of yourself." He continued. "You deserve so much better."

But all you felt was the tightness in your chest as every emotion you felt was replaced by sadness. Sadness for Kai who seemed incapable of helping you out, for you know that whatever he does to make you forget, you will never forget the man that has turned your life upside down.

"I'm tired Jongin." You whisper, and that was all it took for him to run towards you, and wrap you in his embrace.

"I'm tired of all this crap." You heave a sigh. "I just want to forget. I can't keep living this way."

Jongin wanted to say that he was there for you, that he was there to help, but when he saw your face, he knew that everything he had worked hard for, it all came crumbling down from the moment you saw him. He blamed himself for acting so callous, and he wished that you can give him a portion of your heart, that way, he can be proud to say that somehow, he was the reason you learned to smile again.

"Please take me home." You whisper in a pleading voice, and he knew from that moment on that he was a failure, for he knows that he can never erase your memories of him.