Chapter 1

Chapter 1 : Pain

Malamig na hangin ang sumalubong sa akin pagbaba ng kotse. Malawak na lupain na nababalutan ng berdeng damo , mga malalaking puno at halaman ang nakapaligid sa malaking mansyon na nakatayo sa gitna ng malaking ektarya ng lupain. Ang mansyon ay naka-disenyo bilang isang modern bahay kubo gawa sa matitibay na kahoy , metal at glass.

"Papasok po ba kayo o dito na lang kayo maghihintay sa labas?."

Hindi ko na sinagot ang driver ko at naglakad lakad sa paligid. Malayo ito sa modernong kabihasnan kung saan kumpulan ang malalaking gusali , mga abalang manggawa at nagmamadaling sasakyan. It was one of refreshing place to live. Tahimik , walang gulo , malamig ang samyo ng hangin at payapa.

Mula sa di kalayuan , namataan ko ang paparating na kabayo. Hindi malinaw ang sa akin ang sakay nito pero nasisiguro kung miyembro siya ng mga Escariaga , ang nagmamay-ari nitong hacienda.

I was just staring at the white horse approaching as it draws nearer to where I stand. Ilang sandali na lang ay kaharap ko na ito. It stare back to my cold stares like a human trying to dig down into the emotion I was throwing at but pity he's just an animal. But sometimes they're better than any other human being.

"Avid fan?."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa sakay nito. Lalaki ang bumungad sa akin.

"Of horse?." He simply nod.

"No." ani ko at sinulyapan ang kabayo.

"Never been."

"I see." He said nodding.

Bumaba ito sa kabayo. Pinaubaya naman niya ito sa isang mangagawa na lumapit sa kaniya na siyang nagbalik sa kabayo sa lagakan nito.

"Scarlette Avery Young." muli akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

"Is that you?."

"I am." I studied his looks and physical appearance.

"Caden Nathaniel Escariaga?." He chuckled and shake his head.

"Never been better than him." sabi nito at nagtanggal ng gloves na suot.

"Let's go. They're inside just waiting for you." aniya at inalalayan ako papasok sa malaking bahay.

Agad na sumalubong sa akin ang mga magulang ko na naunang dumating. Nag-uusap na ito kasama ang isang ka-edad nilang babae at lalaki. I could say they were Mr. and Mrs. Escariaga. Bagaman hindi ko pa sila personal na nakaharap at nakilala , ilang beses ko nang nabasa ang mga artikulo ukol sa tagumpay nila bilang haciendero at haciendera.

"Hijo. Mabuti at narito ka na." pagbati ng mga ito sa kasama ko.

Hindi ko alam ang kaniyang pagkakakilanlan. I never been digging down to their family tree. I was given a little info about Caden Nathaniel Escariaga their eldest son which truly I never seen even for once and I wasn't very sure if he has another brother and if so it could be this guy I just meet.

"Avery!. Thank God you're here. We thought you'd never come."  lumapit sa akin si Mama at pinaupo ako sa tabi nila kaharap ng mga Escariaga.

"Sorry I'm late." ani ng kakarating na lalaki. Kung ikukumpara sa unang nakatagpo ko , wala naman masyadong pinagkaiba.

Magkamukha sila pero halatang palangiti itong si Brytte kaysa sa nitong kakarating na animo'y nakasimangot na. Umupo siya katabi ang ama at kaharap ko. Sumulyap siya sa akin bago bumaling kina mommy.

"Whats a sudden change?." Ang boses niya ay puno rin ng kalamigan.

"Mas mabuting mag-uusap muna kaming apat nang kami lang. You enjoy yourself here." ani ng ina nito at inaya sina mommy sa labas ng lawn ng bahay. Naiwan kaming tatlo.

Nagsalin ako ng maiinom sa baso na nakahanda sa mesa.

"So? Ikaw ang ipapakasal kay Caden kapalit ng kapatid mo?." Brytte ask eyeing me.

Inubos ko ang laman ng baso bago sinagot ang kaniyang tanong.

"Perhaps." walang gana kung sagot at inabala ang sarili sa phone.

"Bakit?."

"What why?." I ask not throwing glance at him.

"Bakit pinull-out ng mga magulang mo si Cassey sa kasal nila ni Caden?."

"Haven't you heard of the news?."

"News?." He shrug and lean closer to me.

"But I have heard of rumors."

"Rumors?."

"Hmm." He leaned in the back of the sofa when he finally got my attention. I look at him with uninteresting eyes.

"About a woman who should marry the eldest son of the Philippines most richest haciendado." sabi nito at sumulyap sa katabi na gaya nang kaniyang pagdating ay tahimik lang.

Bumaling muli ito sa akin. "But had an illicit affair of her dearest sisters long time boyfriend and to add up her sister was caught up in an accident because of that which coincidentally with her should soon to be husband."

Nagpalipat lipat ang tingin nito sa akin at sa katabi.

"I should never accept arrange marriages. Its scary." aniya at nagsalin ng maiinom.

"So you're eldest sister sleep with your boyfriend?."

Nagtaas ito ng kilay nang hindi ako sumagot.

"Does it hurt when your own sister betrays you?."

I was just staring at him like a cold ghost. It does hurt more like hell but the more the time I was being reminded of that night that more the pain was surging up. But I don't wanna be a weak sheep just because of what had happen. It would be more stupid than me.

"Anong ginawa mo nang makita mo ang kapatid mo kasama ang lalaking mahal mo? Wala ba silang saplot dalawa nang makita mo? Or doing that thing? It must feel like hell. I'm sure you look pathetic to them."

Tago kong naikuyom ang kamao ko. He certainly know how to smile but not to take things in it's right place.

"You think so?." He nod and drink a few gulp.

"How on earth? Have you ever sleep with your brothers girlfriend and when he found the two of you lying naked in your own bed making such disgusting beautiful mistake. Does he look pathetic?. Do he look like that too. A stupid pathetic fool?." natigilan ito at napatingin sa katabi.

"I never did." sumulyap ito sa akin at ngumisi. "He never had a girlfriend ever since." dagdag niya.

"Caden was heartless. I must warn you."

Hindi ko alam kung papaanong nasasabi niya ang mga salitang iyon sa harap mismo ng kaniyang kapatid. Are they indeed brothers?

"Mas bagay tayo alam mo yun. Kung gusto mo ay tayo na lang ang magpakasal. I could love you in the process." He said displaying a smile.

I chuckled and he was taken aback.

"Love?. I'm not here to marry someone I love. This is pure business."

"I see. You're heartless too. Do you love that Daniel?."

Muli akong natigilan sa kaniyang tanong. Mas lalo kumuyom ang mga kamao ko. Why do he have to ask that?

"Silent means yes. I love those who had experienced—

Natigilan ito sa pagsasalita nang marinig ang pagkabasag ng baso. Sabay kaming napalingon sa tabi nito which by good guess would be probably Caden. Basag na ang basong hawak nito.

Matalim siyang tumitig kay Brytte.

"Get out." mariin niyang utos sa lalaki na agad namang tumayo.

"See you around Scar. I'm Brytte by the way." He wink at me before taking his face out of the scene.

Muli akong napabaling kay Caden at sa kamay nito na may hawak ng basag na baso. It started to bleed pero tila wala sa kaniya iyon.

Dumapo naman ang tingin ko sa kaniyang noon na may bindahi. Nakalimutan kung siya nga pala ang nakabanggan ko nang gabing malaman ko na magkasam sina Cassey at Daniel and worse of all they had an affair. Sariling kapatid ko pa ang nag-traydor sakin. The never least I expected.

"I'm sorry." napatingin siya sa akin. Pati ang kaniyang mga mata ay walang kabuhay-buhay.

"For what?."

I pointed out his forehead and pour myself another round of drink.

Wala siyang reaksyon at mataman na nakatingin sa katulong na naglilinis ng bubog sa kaniyang mesa.

Cassey was eighteen when our parents decided to arrange the marriage of the two for business purposes. They were supposed to be married in the next few months but after Cassey's affair with Daniel everything went into mess. Now they only have two option. First , abandon all deals and no marriage upon the two shall occur. The disadvantage is the two family will never had strong and firm business relations which most of all is what matter in the business world. First option would most likely will be not considered an option after all.

The second and only reliable option was to arrange another marriage of another member of the family. Sadly I am the only remaining that could be his bride in replace of Cassey.

Kung noong una ay ayaw ko talaga sa mga arrange marriage dahil nasisiguro kung si Daniel ang pakakasalan ko balang araw well know everything must have change.

"You'll be my bride?." tanong niya nang maka-alis ang katulong.

"Perhaps." tipid kung tanong.

He smirk and cross his arms.

"Where's Cassey?."

"Why do you ask? You want her more than me?." tanong ko at tiningnan siya.

"No." simple niyang saad at muling natahimik.

"Do you believe in true love?." bigla niyang tanong.

I sigh. "No."

He eyed me with raising brows.

I leaned in the back of the sofa and let my mind ponder why I don't believe in true love anymore.

"I once believe it does exist but the very moment I believe it does was the moment I realize it didn't really does."

"That would be good."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "At bakit?."

Tumayo siya ito at kinuha ang baso at nagtungo sa balkonahe. Sumunod ako rito at naabutan siyang nakatitig sa malawaka na lupain sa paligid.

"I don't wanna marry someone who believes in love." aniya  habang nanatili ang titig sa labas. Nangalumbaba ako sa railings.

"Why? Don't you believe in love?." tanong ko at sinulyapan siya.

"There's nothing in this world to believe in." aniya at nilagok ang laman ng basong hawak.

"That's not the reason , am I right?." naptingin ito sa akin habang nakakunot ang noo.

"What?."

"You believe in love but your afraid to fall in love." walang nagbago sa kaniyang mukha. Nanatiling tila walang gana sa buhay.

"Your building walls against anyone. Your trying to protect yourself from the harsh reality that if you fall in love you'll get hurt. That if you fall in love you'll end up in pain. That if you fall in love you'll be broken , miserable and desperate. That if you fall in love you'll end up like me."

Sandali niyang akong tinitigan bago sarkastikong natawa.

"Is it I that afraid of falling in love or it was you?."

"I'm not afraid of falling in love for I already forget how to." mariin kung sabi sa kaniya pero mas nangibabaw ang lungkot at sakit nang nagdaan na nagtulak sa akin sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Nagbutunghininga ito at ibinalik ang tanaw sa paligid.

Tahimik ang mga minutong lumipas hanggang sa muling makabalik ang mga magulang namin. Gaya ng inaasahan ko option two ang resulta ng pag-uusap nila.

"Are you fine with that Caden?." tanong ni Dad kay Caden. Ayos na ito sa mga magulang niya at hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan pang sumang-ayon siya. Sa huli wala rin naman kaming pagpipilian kung hindi sundin ang gusto ng mga magulang namin kahit hindi pa namin gusto ang gusto nila.

Tumingin siya sa akin at pinag-aralan ang kabuuan ko.

"I'm fine." sagot niya at ibinaling ang tingin kina mom and dad.

Lumipat naman ang mga tingin nila sa akin.

"How about you hija? Is it okay with you?." tanong ng ina ni Caden sa akin.

"I'm fine."

Cadens mom sigh and look at me with sympathy.

"I am really shocked to hear the news. It must be hard for you and it would be very inconvenient to push through the weeding next month when you're still in the process of moving on. We could reschedule the weeding if you want."

I give her a sly smile. "Eight years of friendship and four years in romantic relationship. Twelve years of memories with him. Do you know how much it takes to move on?." hindi sila sumagot.

"They say it would take twice or thrice the time you have spent together. Twice of twelve was twenty four or thrice of twelve would be thirty six. I could totally move in those preceding years."

I glance at Caden. Gaya ng kaniyang mga magulang ang nasa sakin ang tingin nito.

"Kung pwede nga po ipakasal niyo na ako sa kaniya sa lalong madaling panahon."

"Gagawin mo ba akong panakip butas?." Caden asked forehead creasing.

"You're not enough to cover all the hole."

Hindi na ito nakapagsalita pa. It was then decided to have the private weeding next week.

They suggest to have my bridal gown made pero tumanggi na ako. Ayos na sa akin ang bridal gown kay Cassey. Hindi naman kami magkalayo ng katawan namin. Mas malandi lang siya.

The fact that I was being stabbed back by my own sister and I replace her from marrying a man she doesn't love was very awfully ill fated fate of mine but why do I just take them all? Its because I don't want to drown myself in  alcohol and tears because of misery. I want to escape the very painful reality and maybe...just maybe I could escape it by marrying Caden.

Tanghali ng makabalik kami sa bahay. Kasalukuyan na muna akong absent sa kompaniya dahil sa nangyari. Kung tutuusin ay nasa hospital pa sana ako dahil sa iilang sugat na natamo ko dahil sa banggaan na nangyari pero ayoko ko ng magtagal sa hospital. Kung kaya't sa bahay na lang ako magpapagaling.

It was a hot afternoon of the summer of mid July. Ngunit mas nag-init ang kapaligiran nang madatnan ko mismo si Cassey at Daniel na nakaupo sa sofa.

Cassey was crying and Daniel was comforting her.

"Mom.." mabilis na tumayo ang dalawa nang makapasok kami.

Hindi pa man tuluyang nakalapit kay Mom si Cassey ay nakatanggap na ito ng malakas na kaliwat kanang sampal. I just stared at her with ice cold stares. Hindi niya kailangan ng awa ko.

"Are you out of your mind?!." Sigaw ni mommy sa kaniya na nagsimulang umiyak gaya ng isang maamong batang nagkasal pero hindi naman niya sinasadya.

"M-mom.." she sob but I don't find any reason to believe her regrets.

"Tita. I'm sorry. I will explain. Please hear me out." Daniel blurted out standing right next to Cassey.

"How dare you came here with your despicable I'm sorry!!" galit na ani ni Dad at ginawaran siya ng malakas na suntok sa pisngi dahilan para bumagsak siya sa sahig. Agad naman siyang inalalayan ni Cassey patayo.

"Tito. It was not what you think it is. Wala pong nang—

Daniel's words was halted as mom slap him hard in the face where dad had punch him.

I  don't care how much it would hurt tomorrow cause it will never be enough compare to the pain they give me.

"Avery.." bumaling sa akin si Daniel.

Nagmama-kaawa ang mga matang luhaan pero hindi nito kayang takpan ang kasalanang ginawa nila. Alam mo yung masakit. Iyong tipong kayo pa pero nakahanap na siya ng kapalit and how dare he call me by my second name.

"Scar , please. Hear me out. Magpapaliwanag ako."

"Okay." natigilan ito at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

"Thank you—

"Let Cassey explain it to me." malamig kung binalingan si Cassey. Nagkatinginan silang dalawa.

"What you've witness is not true. Walang nangyari sa amin." ani nito at hinawakan ang mga kamay.

"Please believe me. Kapatid kita , sa tingin mo ba kaya kung gawin yun sayo?."

"You're unbelievable." natatawa kung binawi ang mga kamay ko mula sa kaniya.

"I was wondering the same thoughts. Why would you do it? We're sisters. But then I realize...ah! Uhas ka pala. Alam mo yung uhas?." I smirk at the both of them.

"Uuod na ahas. Makati na , nanunuklaw pa nang hindi sa kaniya and I don't have a sister named such thing." Mariin kung sabi at ginawaran siya ng matalim na titig.

"Scarlette."

"You disgust me." I remark and make my way upstairs pero mabilis na nahuli ni Daniel ang mga kamay ko.

"Scar , please."

He was begging and crying with knees bended on the floor.

"Pakinggan mo naman ako , please. Alam mong mahal na mahal kita. Hindi ko magagawang magtaksil sayo."

Nag-init ang apat na sulok ng mga mata kung napagod na sa kakaiyak.

"Mahal na mahal na mahal kita."

At sa paulit-ulit na pagbanggit niya sa mga salitang iyon mas lalong nanumbalik ang lahat ng sakit. Ayos naman sana kung magtaksil siya kahit sa kapatid ko pa kung hindi niya pinaramdam sakin na mahal niya ako gaya ng kung paano ko siya mahalin ng buong puso. The painful part is he make me feel like he love me with all his heart but betrayed me in the end and you know it only takes one word to destroy one whole sentence. It only takes one betrayal to test the honest , the loyal and the truth. At sa pagkakataong ito napatunayan kung lahat ng pagmamahal na ipinakita niya sa akin ay isang kasinunggalingan.

"Mahal na mahal kita. Please believe me." bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaniya. I gather all my strength and held his chin both in my hands kahit pa gusto kong pagsasampalin ang mukha niya hanggang sa ma-realize niya na ang kapal ng mukha niya para saktan ako.

Sumabay sa agos ng sakit ang hindi matuyong luha.

"Mahal kita. Maniwala ka naman oh."

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Iyong ngiting totoo , walang halong galit pero puno ng sakit at hinanakit.

"Naniwala ako sayo." lalong bumuhos ang luha ko nang maalala ang mga masasayang alaala na aming pinagsaluhan.

"N-aniwala akong m-mahal mo ko. N-aniwala akong hindi mo ako s-sasaktan. Naniwala ako."

Pinahid ko ang mga luha saking mga mata at natatawang muling tumingin sa kaniya.

"Kaso sa ginawa mo , pinapakita mo lang sakin na sana noong una pa lang hindi na ako naniwalang mahal mo ko."

I stare at him with both disappointment and pain.

"Sobrang sakit. Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi.." Nakipagtitigan ako sa kaniya. Parehong luhaan ang mga mata pero hindi ko alam kung anong iniiyak niya.

"Kasi naniwala ako sa lahat ng kasinunggalingan mo gaya ng gusto mo and it hurts."

"Sobrang sakit , Daniel."