Makers of Mess (1)
Controlling and multitasking different bodies is easier said than done.
*Pah*
A slap suddenly struck Kushina in the dead of the night, causing her to yelp loudly as Mikoto and Nono woke up, too, to the sight of the redhead strangling the youth she'd been lying on top of.
"Why'd you hit me, dattebane?!" Kushina scowls and snarls as her loud tone is sure to wake their neighbors slightly before dawn.
"Hah, it wasn't on purpose," Kai gasps after prying Kushina's hand away from his throat, and Mikoto questions with a groan, "Can't you NOT train while sleeping?"
"Train?" Kushina frowns.
"It's obvious, no?" Nono drawls lazily and lies back on the mattress before pulling the blanket on herself, "His Wood Clones must be still training and he's trying to multitask... while sleeping. Or, at least, he wanted a part of his mind to rest simultaneously with other parts of his mind training."
"First, training while sleeping is great," Kai looks at Mikoto who simply rolls her eyes and returns to her slumber. Mikoto simply knew not to question his love for the grind at this point and as long as it did not negatively impact their lives, Mikoto felt no reason to stop her fiance from training. After all, he doesn't even use his strength to act like a stuck-up cunt but to protect them whenever possible.
"And secondly," Kai looks at Kushina, "Sorry, I really didn't mean to wake you up."
"Well, now I'm up!" She pouts with her left cheek stinging slightly and Kai had the urge to kick. Well, obviously, this urge came from the two clones sparring with each other. In reality, making the wood clones spar with each other is like playing chess with yourself, but unimaginably more physically intense. Both the clones know each other's moves so, really, it's more of a fist fest.
"And... what do you want me to do?" Kai inquires curiously.
"Ugh, stop talking or leave... I just returned four hours ago from the mission and am too tired..." Mikoto mumbles quietly while snuggling against the slightly colder side of her pillow, causing Kai to chuckle, "Sleep well." He pecks the top of her head only to hear Nono clearing her throat slightly.
Of course, Nono is no mere friend. She's a bro, so she always deserves better treatment, and thus, Kai pecks her slightly close to the nape of her neck before picking Kushina in his arms and walking out of the bed.
As they arrive in the kitchen, Kai sets Kushina down who still kept silent.
"What do you want to eat?" Kai questions when his left hand suddenly punches the air and he scowls for a moment. Deadpanning at his grind antics, Kushina muses for a moment and remarks, "Ramen–"
"I'm not cooking Ramen at four o'clock in the morning," Kai scoffs and takes out milk from the refrigerator.
"Uuh... then pork cutlets–"
"You're going to drink milk just like me," Kai decides for her sensibly and the redhead smirks. Of course, she's learned to screw with him over the years.
As he warms up the milk slightly since an entirely hot cup of milk never did suit his taste, Kushina questions while sitting on the counter beside him and stretching her arms, "Is it really that hard to control multiple bodies?"
"It's only been three days but I'm getting a hang of it. The truth is that even if I do learn to control five clones at once, I'm going to increase the number to 6, and then 7, and then 8, and then–"
"Got it," Kushina huffs, "But there's got to be a limit, right?"
"My initial goal is to control 20 clones, at least," Kai reveals and then begins to pour the milk from the saucepan into two cups.
Next, Kai simply added a spoonful of sugar to the milk and stirred it. The drink, truly, is warm and bland but with Kai focusing on more battle skills and pushing away his cooking skills, his art of handling meat and a variety of different products is amateurish at best. After all, he can only have five skills at once and now Mokuton took priority just because.
"Ugh," Kushina sticks her tongue out in disgust after downing the cup of milk, and Kai's expression isn't any better, "I need something spicy to make up for the taste now!" He claims and Kushina's eyes instantly glimmer, "Ramen!"
"Hmm... maybe," Kai acknowledges the possibility of it and then frowns, "We're out of shrimp paste..."
Kushina frowns, too.
This is serious!
"Should we wake up Teuchi?" She questions...
"I bet Sensei has some in her manor," Kai mumbles and then adds with a bit of enticement in his tone, "I bet she even has those packets of top-quality steaks..."
The redhead's gaze is instantly glazed over with pure gluttony and greed with her parted lips now watering down with rapidly building drool, "But..." she hesitates, "Won't Sensei get mad?"
"We'll be quiet. We're shinobi, remember? Stealth is our charm," Kai remarks with utmost seriousness.
Kushina instantly feels persuaded enough and nods quickly. Knowing full well that Kai has planted his Hiraishin seal in almost every corner of the village including Tsunade's manor, the duo soon reveals equally mischievous smirks and hold each other's hands before disappearing from their kitchen and reappearing into a much more spacious kitchen.
The duo instantly begins to look around for the good stuff. The drawers are opened, packets are pulled out, and their hushed impish giggles echo in the dark hallways of the Senju Manor which is occupied by only a few individuals.
---
Konan's eyes snap wide open and she sits up snappily. Her blue, neck-long hair is naturally disheveled and once she hears the distant giggles and laughter, she scratches her head in annoyance and groans loudly. Not having adequate sleep is a good enough reason for her to unleash hell on the two most likely individuals behind the noises.
'Nawaki-san is out on a mission with his team and Tsunade-sama wouldn't create such a ruckus... until she starts drinking. It's got to be Yahiko and Nagato probably got stuck with him,' She scowls.
*Crash*
A loud crashing sound suddenly fills the entire manor once more and Konan's amber pupils reveal a baleful intention.
Slowly climbing out of her bed, Konan quietly made her way toward the source of all her current problems— The Kitchen.
Even if it's cold, Konan doesn't feel the need to wear anything else on her thin cotton light brown pajamas, and using all her training this past few days, which essentially happened to be walking on water and trees, Konan travels stealthily.
Before she did reach the kitchen which had its lights switched on with the sounds getting louder, Konan's entire body stiffens when she feels another presence behind her.
Flinching, she quickly turns around to face a towering figure that has a divine mass attached to her already glorious physique. The peak female specimen in Konan's gaze looks down upon the little girl. Her expression is hidden behind the cover of darkness as Konan squeaks, "Tsunade-sama! Uh... I'm just trying to catch Yahiko and Nagato redhanded—"
Before Konan can fully explain her side, Tsunade stumbles ahead. Her face is flushed red, and her amber pupils, a little darker than Konan's, are in a daze. With a remarkably foolish grin, Tsunade slurs, "Oh~ Little girls need their sleep! But it's too bad those bastards can't be quieter *hic*. Come on~ You should eat something now that you're awake..."
Before Konan can even understand what's happening, the woman aimlessly walking around in the stretched hallways of her manor in a drunken stupor coils her arm around Konan's shoulder while leaning a bit onto the little girl and drags her forward.
Konan couldn't help but pout as the top of her head is fully covered by the side of Tsunade's warm breast but the toasty feeling does make Konan more comfortable. As Konan is dragged into the kitchen, she sees absolute destruction.
A few cupboards are destroyed with shattered plates lying around on the floor and around the table sat three individuals.
Two Uzumaki shinobi and a Yahiko.
Meanwhile, waving his arms around like a lunatic is her sensei.
"Hehe, look who I found~!" Tsunade cheers as she takes a swig from the gourd but soon frowns and crushes it angrily, "It's empty! Tch... still not enough Somarasa..." Tsunade mutters in a sour tone.
'What is going on?'
Konan blinks in surprise.
It's most likely a dream.
Kushina, Yahiko, and Nagato are slurping their ramen without any care. Kai is jumping around and fighting... an imaginary enemy? And—
Konan suddenly feels Tsunade's entire weight on herself and standing becomes a struggle itself!
"There you go," with a warm chuckle, a pair of strong arms pull the drunkard away and lay her down on the floor as the blonde moans, "Just give me more~!" But even the famed Slug Princess is out of commission and snores happily once her back touches the ground.
Adopting a stern tone, 'Kai' looks at Konan and berates the girl, "You need all the rest you can get. Why are you even awake this early?"
Konan first lowers her head but then frowns for a moment and looks back up, "How is this my fault?"
Kai in front of her suddenly disperses into a plume of smoke as the original finally sighs in relief.
"I can't believe even I would lose control in such a manner..." He mutters and looks at the chaos he had caused unwittingly.
"What's going on?" Konan frown once more and speaks in a slightly louder tone as Yahiko shrugs, "Geez, Boss and Kushina-san tried to steal beef steaks from Tsunade-sama. She woke up. Boss used alcohol to distract her. A viable tactic, as expected of him. And then Nagato cooked us Ramen since the rest of us cannot cook as well as him."
"Yep!" Kushina gushes and compliments her distant relative, "You're a good chef, dattebane!"
Blushing, Nagato lowers his head and nods, "Thank you... I just have to cook for myself sometimes in my office so ramen became my choice of snack."
Konan looks back at Tsunade already curled up in a fetal position and then at the table. She doesn't even want to question why her former boss, and current Sensei, acted like a lunatic briefly and sat on a chair next to Kushina, "I'd like a bowl, too."
"Sure," Nagato smiles.
"Sensei, aren't you going to eat anything?" Konan looks at Kai who's already picked Tsunade up as he nods, "I will. Just let me tuck my sloppy Sensei back into her bed."
"Hmph, liar... you're the one who offered wine to her," Kushina scoffs.
"How else would she have shown us the good stuff?" Kai smirks. Tsunade is a fan of Somarasa but after knowing how tedious it is to make it, she enjoyed being a consumer more than being a creator so the task of fulfilling her depraved desires fell on Kai.
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Alternate Title: All Senseis are Lunatic
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A/N: I've noticed a need for a time skip now. Nothing too crazy, maybe a month or two to reset the pace since the team isn't strong enough to do anything of value and the underlying plot will need time to cook completely. I do have a smut planned for the next chap and then we get on with the time skip and a list of completed grind skills. Most of the sage variants will be completed this time.
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