Permission

After our meal we came back to the cabin, still holding hands. At the bar and restaurant, I noticed a few odd stares, and for the first time, they weren't directed at me.

Probably at Connor's face and his limp. I've been so curious, wondering what exactly happened to him and what kind of trouble he ran into but yet I didn't ask, I didn't see a need to. If he wanted to tell me he would've told me hours ago.

"So, your parents allow you to take this train by yourself?"

Excuse me?

"What?" I looked at him with a raised brow, wondering if I heard him wrong even though I know I didn't.

He looked irreverent, his lips curled into a cheeky smile as he spoke again.

"I said…" He smirks "Did you get permission from your parents before getting on the train?"

Was that supposed to be funny? Or was it supposed to spite me? It did neither but I couldn't help but feel that he was acting quite foolish and childish.

"I don't have parents so I wouldn't know," I say with a shrug. I gauge his reaction because normal people started showing signs of pity after hearing those words, I noticed it from the police officers, the firemen that rescued me, my therapist, the mayor, and a whole bunch of doctors that were told to test and observe me to see if I was normal…

Connor's brows raised, and his smile faded but his eyes were still blank.

"Oh…" he says, I was waiting for him today something else but instead he grabs my hand and takes me to his seat. Holds my shoulders and makes me sit like I'm incapable of doing it myself.

"What are you doing?" I ask, finding his actions very weird, of course, he is usually weird but he made things worse with those emotionless eyes yet gentle actions.

He sighs.

"Trying to make up for my stupidity," He said, his head down.

Huh?

I searched for his eyes, I wanted to see them. I wanted to see if I could find even a bit of emotion in them.

"I'm sorry about your parents, I shouldn't have brought it up"

He sits next to me and makes sure our bodies are still in contact even though he has let go of my hands and shoulders.

"Don't be, I don't even know them and besides you couldn't have known" I say, surprising myself again by the number of words I speak in just a few seconds. Always to Connor, it is just him.

"Still, I was only curious because…" he gives me a strange look, I really couldn't decipher it.

"You look quite young and the question has been on my mind ever since I saw you alone in this cabin"

Is he joking?

"I look young?"

"Yes, like sixteen…maybe seventeen. You're still probably underage right?"

Is this a new way to ask for a person's age or is it just Connor's way?

"I'm sorry, I'm saying stupid shit" he face palms, I almost feel sorry for him. He seems to be trying to find the right words to say to me.

I soon realized it was guilt, the reason he was acting so strangely. It took me a while to notice but I saw it. Was it because he brought up my parents? Was he trying to make small talk to pacify me?

Connor looked torn, we sat in silence for a while, what others would call 'awkward silence'. I felt the warmth of his shoulder against mine reminding me in that silence that he was still next to me.

"I'm sorry," he says "I know I've been strange and also very intrusive since we met"

He just noticed? Funny…

I looked at his expression, I studied it. He was drowning, a guilty expression yet the emotion in his eyes told a different story.

Blank.

Why did that blankness call me at that moment?

"It's just that, you Cara…"

"Me?" I ask, confused. What about me?

"I see it in your eyes and I can't resist…I want to fix you"

At that moment everything became still, his eyes stared into mine and everything other thing faded into silence. I didn't hear the sound of the train…I didn't feel the small vibrations under my feet.

Him.

He was in front of me, his eyes…they told so much yet gave away so little. Does he want to fix me? How did he know I was broken? What makes him think I need fixing? What if this is what I am?

My fists clenched….I felt something. Fear.

This was getting way too intimate way too quick, I'm not supposed to be attached t anyone now I fear what will happen to him once he realizes….

"Fix me?" my voice trembled slightly. I didn't dare break our eye contact and neither did he.

He blinks.

Clears his throat.

Looks away.

"Sorry, that was a shitty thing to say" he coughs, he creates distance between us and grabs a random book from the scattered pile on his bed.

"What I meant was, I want you to know more Authors…read different genres" he chuckled "So you can stop being so cold Caramel"

I'm not sure if I was relieved or just angry but my emotions at that moment were everywhere. This is what I wanted to why did it feel so…I wasn't sure how to put it.

Uncomfortable?

Uneasy?

What was it?

"Oh…." I said to him with a blank expression, which was something that usually came naturally to me till that moment. I've never had to put on a mask to hide any emotions. Never.

The first time is because of a man I have only known for two days.

Connor…

"Ok…" I acted nonchalant. His smile widens and he opens the book and pretends to read it or maybe he actually is but deep down I just want him to be as bothered as I am by what just happened.

This is the second time this has happened, he shows me a side of him that calls me then he dismisses it and makes me feel like a fool afterward.

Unfortunately, this didn't discourage me from wanting to know him, wanting to crack that mask but by but till I break it down totally.

Connor was now my new purpose and The Gift was now my past…even though it can't ever be.