CHAPTER ONE

Azzaria

Welcome to New York City where the street stinks, everyone overdresses and the men are shit at sex. Others will probably tell you how amazing the city is but personally, I hate it here. I could've been sipping margaritas in Bora Bora with a sugar daddy but an education and work comes first. This is the real world baby. Education wise, I'm finished with the work and achievement aspect of college but apparently an internship needs to be done. I may have pushed this aside all school but as everything in life does, it'll catch up on you.

Opening the listing, I saw so many places but I sent an application to Xander Communications Limited. It's not my dream field but the internship at that business is always recognized and I could get a well paying job for it.

I've also been fucking this guy who works there so he got me details on the whole process. There's perks to being a self proclaimed whore sometimes.

He wants a relationship, commitment and maybe I'd consider that, if he had a good dick game but unfortunately he doesn't. I don't want that love part of life; not yet—I just want to get laid. Love just isn't my thing. It's never worked out for me. My mother tells me it's because I lack love from my father, but whatever it is, thank you. I won't get my heartbroken by anyone.

It's a Monday and normally I'd have classes but one of the professor's got charged for fucking a student. How dumb and horny do you have to be to rail a student on campus? At least take her to a motel or something. They're currently doing an investigation, so I'm just waiting on a response from the internship company or an email saying school is resuming.

I've slept with my fair share of males and females; with the women dominating but none to a damaging extent. Over the years, I've learnt the art of self-pleasure so I'm not dependent too much. Nicholas and I have been possibly screwing for four months and he's never made me cum once— I get tired of faking orgasms just to keep his ego from being bruised. The other day he asked me on a date, but how can you want to date me but can't make me cum? It all goes hand in one and I wouldn't date him, it's not my thing.

"Hey momma." My ray of sunshine mother, Lean. She's the only person I've got as well as Halley and Abigail who are my best-friends.

"Hey, did you eat today?," she questioned with concern. I get hospitalised for starving myself twice and I'm marked by it forever.

"Yes, I had pancakes, salad and I'm going to order a pizza soon."

"Did you text your dad?." That fucking son a bitch can die for all I care. I'll never forgive him for hitting my mother or pushing my little sister to killing herself.

"He's blocked and why are you still in contact with him? Don't tell me you guys are screwing again." I gagged.

"Be respectful Azzarria Willis and no, of course not. He contacted me through a lawyer."

"Tell him to suck my dick and stop calling."

"Anyways, how are you and Nicholas?"

"There is no me and Nicholas. It was a one-time thing and I called it off."

"One day, you're going to fall in love with the right person and nothing else will matter but I actually liked Nicholas," she pressed on.

I laughed. Was this a joke? "That makes one of us and sure whatever you say about true love. Look where it got you? Abused, mistreated and two dead children... I'll pass."

"Don't use my trauma to mark your life but regardless of whatever, I have to go now. Have a great evening. I love you Azzy."

"I love you too mom." I smiled and hung up.

My mother may have a point but I've completely shut down that part of me that romantically loves people. I'm a very fucked up person and no one is stable enough to manage this personality and I'm not putting myself in a position to get swept into a world of fake love and heartbreak. Not after seeing how much damage it caused to everyone around me.

I glanced at the clock and saw 6:00 p.m., which is great because I can leave my house now. I'm meeting up with Halley. She's the light of my life as well as the first girl I've ever sexually been with. She's a charmer if you ask me but that was just for experimental purposes. She's dating this guy named Bryce and they've been hitting it off for a few years now. I'm happy she found love because of the shit men have put her through. Granted he's about ten years older than her but who cares? Her life is still flourishing but he's rich and he actually loves her.

•

"Hello hottie," I said and smirked as I saw her.

"My love, hello. I missed you." She kissed my cheek.

"You saw me yesterday but okay."

"Did you hear from the internship company and let's go sit."

"Actually no but I'll check my email in a bit. How are you and your guy?," I asked as I grabbed the menu from the table.

"We're great. I think I want to have a baby now," she smiled.

"Go for it. As long as it will make you happy, I support you." I grabbed her hands and smiled at her. She deserved this happiness.

"Thank you and I'm moving out of my apartment because he and I started looking at houses plus I think he's going to propose to me soon." This is the happiness my baby girl deserves.

"Look how happy you are. I'm so glad you found him. Can't wait to see you pregnant."

"We need to get you a man too. You talk big on not wanting love but deep down you do," she sympathised or well tried to.

"Nice try but I'm good. Men are disappointing like my-"

"Your dad? Yes I know, but you can't keep blaming it all on him. Let it go and move on and I'm here to help you." She has a point but I'm just not opening my heart to anyone right now.

"Maybe."

"Did you check your e-mail?"

Oh shit....

I forgot. I opened the "Mail' app on my phone and scrolled. Good news was I got the internship, bad news was it starts tomorrow at 9 a.m.

"Well, I got it."

"I knew you would. Where's the place again?"

"Xander Communication Limited." As I said this, her eyes bulged.

"Bryce's child hood best-friend who is like his brother, owns that and like twelve other businesses in the city. Why did I think you applied to Nissi?," she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Because I wanted to but here was closer and more convenient." Now I have an internship which is great but the early morning waking up for 5 days a week, is bound to drive me crazy.

"Dillon's just like you, so you'll get along with him really well," she snarled.

"What does that even mean?"

"You both sleep around, have this very stone cold heart and have toxic ex's." That's such a weird and shady thing to say but I'm overthinking it. Probably.

"Maybe we'll end up falling in love," I joked.

That will never happen.

"Yeah maybe but you'd push him away before that happens," she stated.

"True."

We continued talking for a bit longer and I headed on home. I had to be at this internship by at least 8:30 a.m. tomorrow which means I needed to organize myself as well as I needed some sleep. This internship would run very fast and I just needed the credits as well as to avoid Nicholas. Misconduct at the office was the last thing I needed. Graduating college was the only thing I needed right now.

Mom💗

goodnight mom,

i got the internship.

so proud of you

baby. when & did

you eat?

yes, ended up

going out with

Halley and it

starts tomorrow.

Halley my darling

and time?

9 a.m.

good. will call

you at 6. you won't

wake up.

thanks mom,

love you

love you

too.

Yeah she was right, the chances of me waking up before 10 are really slim considering I've had evening classes for 3 years straight. I hope tomorrow brings something great and amazing to the table for me. Though it wasn't my ideal job, sometimes Mr. Xander hires interns full time and that would be a huge step for me.

As I always end my days by saying... "The day ahead will be better than the last"

Dillion

The best thing I've ever done in my life was divorcing Annalise. She's the definition of mentally unstable. I got her checked into a mental hospital after she killed our baby because she thought I cheated. What kind of sick fuck does that?

"This is all your fault," Annalise screamed at Dillon.

"My fault? I was on a work trip making a living for us especially since you don't work," he spat angrily at her.

"You were fucking her won't you?"

"No, I'm not like you. I don't cheat on people I love."

Annalise was too frightened to speak. She could always point out anyone's mistakes but never her own. Dillon was aware of her scandalous and cheating ways but after he spent millions on marriage counseling and due her pregnancy with his children— twin girls, he decided to stay. Unfortunately, she overdosed and killed the babies because she was "overthinking".

"Dill-"

"No, listen to me. I've been unhappy for the last five years of life and you've done nothing but cause me misery. I'll never forgive you for killing our babies and doing all of your fucked up shit. Get the hell out of my house or I'll have you removed," he shouted with tears rolling down his face and left from her sight.

I still and will always remember this tragic and horrific scene like it was yesterday and I'm getting warmed up to the thought that the babies are better off in heaven. Annalise would've been a terrible mother. She tries her best to make comebacks into my life but if I have to pay millions to keep her locked away from me for good, I will.

After her, which was about five or six years ago, I've never fell in love since. I wouldn't even classify her as love— more of bliss. I've never given myself a chance too. My mother and father tell me to open that part of me again— but to what bound? To feel that amount of pain and agony again? I'll pass. Plus they don't know what the fuck love means. They've never given it to me. . I just fuck and move on. No attachments or strings. I've had many of my employees throw themselves at me, big morally and personally, a big rule for me is to never sleep with them and in running a few successful businesses for more than a decade, I never have. It's very unprofessional and can get very messy.

Friendship wise, I have a few friends but they piss me off too much. My longest friend however is Bryce Williamson. He's the opposite of me. Bryce has been settled down for years now planning a family with his girl, Halley. Halley pesters me everyday to find love so she can get her god children but I'm just not interested in that. It will just be me, my business and my scotch— the only threesome I'm interested in.

Tomorrow I have an interview with an intern. Looking over her file, something feels alluring almost. I don't normally accept women because they don't know how to act courteously or they automatically assume a compliment means you want to get under their dresses or skirt but she seems different so I just chose her out of the bunch. My sister, Mara, is going on her pregnancy leave (or she should be going. Mara does everything on her own time)tomorrow so Azzaria, I think the intern's name is, will fill that space until I find a different person. Her resume is impressive as well as she's recommended by other top firms in the area— could be a very valuable asset to me in the future.

"Sir, are you ready to leave?" My driver Mikkel said to me.

"Yes, let's go. I have to feed pebbles." Pebbles is my puppy. She's been the most faithful woman, Mara aside, in life and so she'll stay.

"Your mother came by the house and fed her," he told me. My mom has an obsession with my puppy but she's not getting pebbles. I'll buy her one instead.

I locked up my office and headed home. I'll admit it gets boring here but I'm not buying a new house until I get a family and a wife to live in it with me. What's the point of having this huge house but no one to share the memories with? There's no point. The one I have now is completely wrecked by the memories of false pretence and fake love I've endured. My plan is to move into the penthouse of the building I just opened. I need to leave this place in the past but I can't. My grandparents gave me here as a gift and I blame myself for making some woman ruin that for me.

As I stepped through the front door, pebbles jumped up, greeting me. I could tell how much she missed me.

"Hi pebbles," I stooped down to pet her.

She barked in response and ran back to her dog house. I was about to cook when I noticed that my mother left a box of food with a note underneath it.

Here's some dinner because you're probably working late. I love you son.

Regards: Amy (mom)

I find this note very funny. It's hard to tell whether she's being fake or not but that's something I'll discuss with my thoughts another day. The only family I've ever known was Mara, my paternal grandparents, my small group of friends and pebbles. Mara is two years younger than me and I cherish her forever. My parents have other children, but we don't get along. And we never will.

Surprisingly, I wasn't going to work tonight—my body is tired and the sad part is, I have to be awake by 6 tomorrow to head to the office and repeat my days all over again. I need some spice in my days— something to make them worth living because sitting in a big office and making orders is sometimes no fun. I should've made the base in a different city and not this one because when you're use to living in one city— it gets boring.

•

I ate and made my way to get ready for bed. I'm not a tattoo guy but I have one meaningful tattoo: "pridie melius quam ultimo" which translates to the day ahead will always be better than the last. This was a saying my grandmother of Latin descent always told me and when she passed away; I decided there was no better way to carry on her memory than tattooing it.

As far as I know, life doesn't go the way we planned and oftentimes, things come and go very fast but I'm just waiting for my turn. I'm fucked up, so whoever I find will be for me. I wouldn't rush it either because patience is virtue but whatever comes will be so dangerously beautiful that I can't help but get intoxicated... or so I hope for it to be.