taytjie
I like to write.
การเขียน
ของการอ่าน
16
อ่านหนังสือ
ป้าย
3โมเมนต์
29
taytjie1yrตอบกลับถึง HandadaiCh 23 Slaves (3)- taytjie1yrตอบกลับถึง Reader19821Ch 23 Slaves (3)
- taytjie1yrตอบกลับถึง Reader19821
thanks I'll fix it in a jiffy
ย่อหน้านี้ถูกลบแล้ว - taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
'Jessica cheered and immediately..' just an edit suggestion. also tense issue. 'cheers' is present while 'cheered' is past.
"All the secrets have been revealed. Now it's time for us to eat some delicious food!" cheers Jessica immediately opened the menu book and observed the food menu with a focus with her lover. - taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
you switched genders again. it should be 'don't scold her anymore.'
"Come on, don't scold him anymore. The important thing is that you have me now," the man coaxed, stroking Jessica's head. - taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
'that is true' <-- you're switching tenses here. you write mostly in past tense but 'is' is present tense. Check through your writing for 'is' 'has' 'will' and 'can' also 'isn't' 'wans't' 'hasn't' and 'can't' too. If you find them switch them to past tense so you can keep with the rythm of your story.
Eleanor thought for a moment while scratching her head in confusion. That is true. How could she forget that she wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day with her closest friends? - taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
you have an issue with your pronouns. You're calling her a wife, saying she's a woman but then using male pronouns to indicate to her in your writing. there are a few moments of 'his' and 'him' being used when talking about the 'wife'
His hands were clenched tightly as if he wanted to slap the handsome young man's soft cheeks. However, this beautiful woman's delicate hands did not have the heart to slap the young man because on the other hand, he felt sorry for him too. Coarse air was exhaled from his mouth cavity in resignation. Seconds passed. The forced proposal had already lasted for almost five minutes, but this young woman would certainly not be easy to give that answer that could affect her future life. - taytjie1yrตอบกลับถึง Reader19821
- taytjie1yrตอบกลับถึง Daoistr3T5Z1Ch 22 Slaves (2)
- taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้วCh 10 A curious stranger
- taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้วCh 5 Whose fault, was it?
- taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้วCh 1 What happened in 1967?
- taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
building some nice tension
หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว - taytjie1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
Interesting chapter. You're writing is nice.
หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว - taytjie1yrแปะแล้ว
It is an interesting read, the world is fascinating and the characters are fun to read about. There's a bit of a style issue with writing but an easy fix and doesn't take away from the story.
หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว - taytjie1yrตอบกลับถึง HandadaiCh 18 The spirit festival (1)