11 How do I know?
I'm warm and sore. I go to stretch and find I'm wrapped up in a pair of arms. I start, trying to pull away and a familiar voice calls out as my eyes try to open and focus.
"Lita, it's me, Jackson. Did you have a bad dream?" He looks at me worriedly.
Confused, I look down at his naked form in my bed and realize I'm naked too. Did we have sex?
Then all the events come rushing back to me. Shit. Yes. Yes, we did. Amazing, earth shattering sex. Oh god, He has ruined me. I'll never be able to have sex with anyone else and be satisfied. And... I don't really care about that either.
"No, I just slept really hard." I calm my breathing and slowly move to get out of bed and as soon as I stand up, my legs give out and I'm sitting back on the bed.
"Well, shit." I laugh, trying to stand back up again. My legs were stiff and sore, like I had been working out my legs all day yesterday. I slowly make my way to the bathroom and I am moving faster by the time I've brushed my hair and teeth. I make my way to my closet and Jackson lays there watching me.
"What are you doing?" He inquires, watching me pull out underwear and clothes.
"Getting dressed, silly. You don't expect me to make breakfast naked now do you?" I suppress my giggles behind bright eyes and pressed lips as he closes his eyes, biting his bottom lip, picturing it.
"No." He finally releases the breath he was holding, picturing me, "but I know something I want for breakfast that doesn't require any cooking." He stands up from the bed, the reveal of his body making my heart beat out of control.
I raise a hand to my heart, feeling it fluttering, as I breathlessly inform him, "I need to eat something though." I take a shaky step back, feeling weak. "I'm feeling faint."
"Then I'll help you." He bends down and picks up his slacks from last night, sliding them up and then buttoning them.
I swallow hard and make my way downstairs, Jackson close behind me. We're in the middle of making French toast when my phone starts going off.
I hurry to it and see it's Eric, my boss. "Hello, Mr. Dornell. How are you doing today?" I answer and hold my finger up to Jackson as I walk down the hall to my office and shut the door.
"You sound awfully cheerful today, Ms. Xenos. Does that mean you have good news for me?"
"Um yes sir, We finished going over the contract last night and I will be getting the updated version taken care of on Monday." I tell him.
"So he's going to sign it! Wonderful! That's my girl, I knew you'd get us this deal!"
"Um.. Well, he still is going to meet with the other companies, so he hasn't agreed to signing anything yet." I correct him.
"WHAT?!" He shouts so loud, it hurts my ear, making me hold the phone away from me.
"LOOK I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET HIM TO SIGN THAT CONTRACT, YOU DO IT! SPREAD YOUR LEGS, MAKE HIM FALL IN LUST OR LOVE AND GET HIS SIGNATURE OR YOU ARE DONE HERE!"
He hangs up the phone and I stare at it shocked and appalled. Did he really just say all that? Looks like I'll be looking for a new job, because I'm not going to let Jackson sign the contract now. Asshole.
I wipe angry tears from my cheeks and open the door to walk out and Jackson is standing there looking extremely torn and hurt.
"Jackson.." I start, knowing he had to have heard that last bit.
"Don't.. Lita." He says quietly.
"But Jackson.. I told you.."
He raises a hand up, silencing me, "Yeah, you did tell me. Was all that a lie last night then? It wasn't an act at all for me, but it seems your boss had every intention of something like last night happening... I didn't think you'd actually turn out to be that kind of a person and take it that far just to get a contract signed."
"NO! JACKS! How dare you!" I stomp over to him and stare him down, even if he's taller, I'm not backing an inch, "I'm not a fucking whore and none of last night was a lie or ploy to get you to sign the contract that was just me and you!"
His gaze hardens, even though I still see pain in his features, "How do I know you're telling me the truth? You could be like every other single gold digger out there. Doing whatever it takes to get to the top. If that's true, I have to congratulate you. You put on a really good show. I can't believe I actually fell for it."
Now that makes me flinch in pain. "It was not a show. I do care about you Jacks." I reach for his hand and he steps back, flinching.
"No, why else would he say that unless he knew you were going to put on an act for me? Make him fall in lust or love, just get him to sign the fucking contract. Do you both even have a fucking heart?!"
SLAP
"HOW DARE YOU!" I seethe through gritted teeth. "I was not acting last night! I told you my bosses wanted me to get close to you to make sure we got the contract! Don't act like what he said is news to you! You knew, I was honest, because I valued YOU more than that!"
Anger over everything that's happened in my life comes bubbling out, "You know what? Since you can not seem to understand that and think so lowly of me as a person, leave." I purse my lips and point to the front door.
When he doesn't move, just stands there, I get angry.
"LEAVE! GO! USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER AT NIGHT!" I push his silent figure towards the door, but he doesn't move, "I will give up and lose EVERYTHING, willingly that I have WORKED SO HARD FOR, WHILE YOU CAN CONTINUE LIVING YOUR FANCY ASS LIFE HANDED TO YOU ON A GOLDEN FUCKING PLATTER!"
Raging tears stream down my cheeks as I shove him towards the doors, but he continues to not move, "GET OUT!" I scream.
Sobbing and shouting, I let my thoughts fly from my mouth, "This is what I deserve for trusting you again! You were not there when I needed you the most before and you're going to leave like everyone else does! Even though you asked me last night and I chose to tell you the truth!"
I push past him and stomp upstairs, my adrenaline pumping with all my pent up disappointment over the years. This is why I've stayed alone. Trusting anyone other than myself just causes too much pain. I grab my pillow and scream into it. Sobbing. I feel like a child right now, but I don't care anymore.
My best friend... God! Why is this hurting so much worse than before?!
"Melita?"
"GET OUT!" I turn throwing the pillow at him, "GO!" I throw another one at him. "You think you can come back into my life not knowing what I've been through to get here. I'm not a fucking gold digging whore! Do you think I wanted to weasel my way into getting you to sign? My bosses saw that I knew you before and wanted to use it to their advantage! My bosses are going to fire me because I can't control or manipulate what another human being does! Actually those assholes are going to be receiving my resignation letter on Monday because they don't fucking own me!"
I toss another pillow at him, "AND YOU! You fucking make me feel things I've never felt before and fuck me like you've known my body my whole life. Who the fuck does that?! Then you turn around so easily to say that I'm the bad guy? Then you go off and do a complete one eighty on me, trying to say I'm the FUCKING ACTOR?! That I'm a gold digging WHORE!" I throw another pillow at him.
"Melita!" He shouts.
"NO! GET OUT!" I stomp over to him and begin pushing his chest again, "You don't know ME anymore and you don't know my body! You wanted to know how I got those scars on my back and my legs?! BECAUSE OF YOU! BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM MY FATHER! The day after you made that promise, MY MOM RAN OFF! My dad was coming after me and I RAN TO YOU!"
"Lita..." I see him flinch from my words and I don't care.
"AND YOU WERE NOT THERE!" I begin sobbing and turn away, "He almost killed me beating me with his belt. Then when I got an infection, cause I didn't have a way to keep the wounds clean, I almost died! I fainted at school and the nurse sent me to the hospital. When I came home, I got beat for being a weak, daughter of a gold digging whore." I hold myself and take in some deep breaths, hold and release.
"Lita... I'm..."
"Don't you fucking say it. Don't you dare say you're sorry." I harden my heart before turning around. "I was doing alright in my life just a week ago. I was comfortable, had a great job. Now though? FUCK!" I feel so overwhelmed and weak. I shuffle to the bed so I can keep myself up right and not fall over. My vision is vignetting around the edges.
"What do you want?" Even my words are feeling rumpled around the edges. My whole body is shaking terribly, my heart beating out of control.
"Melita... please don't make me go, I want to stay. I love you. " Jacksons words sound like I'm suddenly underwater.
"Jacks..." I breathe out, reaching out for the bed, but knowing I'm not going to make it.
I feel the feeling of weightlessness before everything goes black. I thought I heard Jackson calling for me, but that sounds far away and slowed down. Then I can't hear anything anymore.