12 Broken
I hear Jackson sounding frantic talking, somebody is touching me and I groan and mutter, "Get away!" I yank my arm and open my eyes. I'm startled by the unknown face looking at me.
I scream, sitting up and scoot back.
"Melita! It's okay, it's my driver!" Jackson kneels beside me trying to calm me down.
"What the fuck? Why is your driver in my house?!" I look down and notice that I'm on the floor and Jackson is still on the phone.
"No, she's awake now." He says.
"Out now, please." I motion to the driver to leave.
"You passed out, Ms. Xenos. We have the paramedics and stuff on the way."
"I said, out, now." I glare at them, "I drank last night and have not had anything to eat or drink since then. I'm hypoglycemic and after I eat I will be just fine. Now, thank you but I am telling you now to leave."
"You passed out, Melita!" Jackson starts and I put my hand out for the phone, he hands it to me.
"Hello, yes. I'm the person who passed out. I'm fine. I'm hypoglycemic and my blood sugar dropped. I am not in need of assistance, so please, tell them to not come."
"Your boyfriend seemed pretty worried.." The lady on the line starts to say.
"This man does NOT make medical decisions on my behalf. Now, please call them off they are not necessary." I rub my arms, as the person agrees to stop them from coming. His driver exited the room and I shakily follow him down.
I head straight to the kitchen, hearing the front door shut, and grab a juice and drink it down quickly. I turn around and jump back, not hearing Jackson in the room with me.
"Shit! I'm shocked you're still here. What do you want? Thinking you could get one more fuck from a gold digging whore?" I roll my eyes and push past him to head up stairs. I open up my closet and pull out my large suitcase and start filling it with clothes and shoes.
"Lita.."
"Fudge Monkeys!" I start and turn around, "What?!" I put my hands on my hips, waiting to hear what he has to say so he can leave and I can break alone.
"I shouldn't have said those things earlier. I... I've been hurt too, you know, by people I thought cared about me, but were only after what I could give them, be it money or deals. I... it was a defensive reflex, that you didn't deserve."
"Uh huh... Okay." I turn around and continue packing clothes, until nothing more could possibly fit in the suitcase. I pull out my other one and start packing more.
I don't spare a glance to the now empty doorway to my closet, I just keep packing until all my suitcases, every bag is full. I come across my books of drawings of Jackson I've done over the years and start ripping them up and out and throwing them haphazardly into the trash can. With nothing left to vent my feelings out on, I pull my giant teddy bear from out of the deep corner of my closet and start beating the stuffing out of it. Literally.
When the bear moves and my hand hits the edge of the shelf in the closet, I immediately scream.
"OW FUCK!" I pull my hand to me and cradle it against my chest. It's starting to bleed as I hear footsteps enter the closet.
"Lita? What did you do?" Jackson approaches me, and I back up from him.
"You're still fucking here? What the fuck? You got what you wanted from me already." I start to cry, the pain in my hand becoming a heavy pulsing as I lean against the corner of the closet, looking away from Jackson. I couldn't do it. I could not look at his face any more. "Just go away, I'm better off on my own. I'm tired of everyone I ever cared about letting me down and hurting me. Please, just go."
"If that's what you really want, Lita." He sounds just as broken as I do as I hear his footsteps start to leave. I'm almost tempted to watch him leave, but I know I won't have the strength if he looks at me one more time. I hear the rustling of papers, of ones being uncrumpled and I try to make myself like one of those pieces of paper and crumple in my corner.
I hear more and more papers being moved around, before I see his feet come to stand next to me. His arms swoop under me and he lifts me up holding me to his chest a brand new fresh wave of tears and sobs start coming out.
"What are you doing?" I ask as he sets me down on my bathroom sink and turns the water on.
"I'm not going to let you push me away that easily. Not when you've been aching for me for all these years, like I have been for you." I don't look into his face keeping my eyes down on what he's doing.
"What makes you think that?!" I roll my eyes as he turns the water on and has me stick my hand under it. I hiss as it stings and throbs more and he disappears for a second.
"These are how I KNOW." he sticks a pile of the tossed drawings away. He picks them up and looks at them, then looks in the mirror. I take quick glances at him, nothing more.
"You tried to draw what you thought I was going to look like as an adult." He says turning the water off and taking a look at my hand. He presses some gauze onto it, making me whimper.
"I'm sorry, but you need to apply pressure so it will stop bleeding."
I roll my eyes but still do it, wincing. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, nurse Jackson."
He pulls out the antibiotic ointment and a q tip to apply to the wound. He then places a new piece of non stick gauze and wraps it up for me.
"Why am I so skinny in all of the pictures?" He starts putting the items back up in my first aid kit and throws the trash away.
I sigh, still avoiding looking at him too much. "Because I still pictured you as the gangly teen who's balls had just dropped." I stare at him keeping my face neutral, daring him to say something.
Instead he picks up one that I gave him a mustache. "I'm sorry but I think you might be bias, there is no way I would look this damn sexy on paper with a stache, if my balls had just dropped."
It's so quiet I can hear the neighbors crickets.
"ha..." it escapes my lips and Jackson snorts and I can't control it no more, "Hahaha!"
We break into hysterical laughter gripping our sides and wiping tears away. It wasn't even that funny. After a minute, I take some calming breaths and get down from the counter.
"Thanks for the hand." I murmur and head back to my closet. I stand there staring at everything when Jackson comes and wraps his arms around my waist. I try to move away and he holds me tightly.
"Please, forgive me." He murmurs into my hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Lita. I am an asshole. I know that. I jumped to conclusions when I shouldn't have."
I wiggle in his arms, choking on the sobs that want to break free again.
"I'm not giving up on you, Lita. It's me! It's Jacks! Your Jacks." He turns me in his arms and makes me look into his eyes. "Lita, please. You know I have a short fuse. I'm sorry. It's something that I have worked on and I am still working on."
I struggle some more, "Let me go, Jackson." My heart feels like it's going to explode in my chest, it hurts so bad.
"No. I don't ever want to let you go again, Melita. Why are you packing your bags so you can runaway from me?" He firmly keeps me in place, not letting me get any kind of leverage to get out of his arms.
"YES!" I shout, "I will not be treated like a whore by you, by my company, by anyone! I am quitting my job and moving because they will make sure I never work on this side of the country again." I finally get an arm free and Jackson grabs my hand.
"I just found you again." He growls, "I'm not losing you! I love you and I'm not letting you leave!" He slams his lips on to mine as I try to push him away, my lips tightly sealed. His hands let me go but before I can get away, he picks me up by my thighs and carries me to the bed.
"JACKSON! WHAT THE FUCK!" I shout as he tosses me on the bed and traps me under him.
"Did you not hear me just a minute ago?" His whole body is shaking, trembling like he's terrified.
"What that you're not letting me leave?" I seethe.
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath before he shakes his head, "No, Lita. Not just that."
"What then?"
"Melita, I love you. I need you." Jackson is pleading with his eyes and I let what he says register.
He loves me...
"Jacks..." I start.
"I'll get off of you, just promise me you'll talk to me." He pleads.
No. No. No. He doesn't get to call me a gold digging whore and actress and think 'sorry' and a love declaration is going to cut it. Why is he doing this?
I grunt, "You can have any woman you want! Why the hell are you doing this? Can't you see I'm broken?! That I'm fucked up in the head!"
Jackson smiles at me, "That makes two of us, Lita. I don't want any other woman. I want you. Just you. You say you're broken, I say you're perfect."