Redo as a healer [5]

A memory of a time that never happened was displayed before me in my dreams, time that I adored and abhorred.

Sitting on the floor in my old room, with the familiar stone walls surrounding us, Aksel was currently using his water magic to make silly figures dance, something my young form found extremely entertaining.

"Hahaha! Do it again, do it again!"

"Huff... huff... You know, Zero? Hu... This is the 10th time you've asked me to do it again. Even my mana has a limit you know?"

Though I knew he was acting and told me a half-truth as an excuse to stop, I didn't yield, even though I also knew that he had other work to do, "Please! Just one more time!"

"Haaa... Fine, one more time."

And just like that, two small bubbly figures emerged on the floor between us, dancing a jolly dance for absolutely no reason other than Aksel making them. However, at the same time, a bit of guilt grew inside of me. Guilt because I couldn't tell him the truth, the truth that I didn't actually care about the dancing water.

The only thing I cared about was trying to get Aksel to stay for just a couple of minutes longer. Just a bit longer...

==========

A new day had begun, and after reading the text I had gotten on my smartwatch, it appeared that Dr. Smith's suggestion had, most likely to Ms. Turner's angst, gotten accepted. Therefore, I would make my way to the same classroom as yesterday, now finally starting my healing practice for real.

The one thing I made sure to do differently today was to leave sub-me at home, with him experimenting with the extent we could use our water while applicating [Materialize] without [Bottomless Vessel].

Hopefully, it was at least somewhat viable to use it even though the mana costs were extremely high, and if it wasn't, then at least I would have gotten an answer to my question.

With the morning wind gently kissing my face, the stress about becoming Zero had slowly started to ease up the more time I spent in 2nd form. In the end, it was the same as the experiment sub-me was currently doing.

If it worked out, it would be a big boon. If it didn't, I would have lost nothing and gotten my answer.

However, with that being said, there were still some things I was a bit nervous about, things that only the future could know. As such, there was no reason to think about it too deeply right now, and I let my short legs quickly move me forward.

"-Hey, isn't that?

"-Shh! We are not allowed to talk openly about him!"

It wasn't only I who was walking around on the academy grounds, instead, this was probably the busiest time of the day as everyone had to get to their first period. In other words, it was inevitable that some students would notice me.

Yet, all I felt was some slight embarrassment. 'Man, this form is kind of overpowered...'

How amazing was it to walk around all of these people and not have to feel like puking? Granted, even as James I had made a lot of progress with my 'problematic constitution', but Zero just got all of these things for free.

So, with yet another spring in my step, I let my feet briskly take me to my destination, where I was excited to finally start building the base of Saint Zero.

==========

"Please sit down, Zero."

This time, there was at least a chair for me to sit down in as well in the white classroom, and though it felt strange to sit opposite each other like this, it was a lot better than sitting on the floor.

Leaning forward a bit, my instructor didn't waste any time starting the lesson, although the content he kicked it off with wasn't quite what I expected.

"So, this will be your first real practice using healing magic. However, before we get into actually practicing it, do you know what the principle and theory behind healing magic are?"

Once again, he had asked a question that I would have no way of knowing how to answer, as the information wasn't accessible to the public. Or at least that would have been the case if it wasn't for one of Zero's artificial memories popping up in my head.

A memory of when I had tripped and scraped my knee against the stone floor, and Dad had healed us with his water magic.

'-It hurts...'

'-Don't worry, Zero. It's just a scratch. [Bubble Bandage]'

Seeing a blue bubble envelop the wound and heal it within seconds, Zero had been so surprised that he had felt the need to ask Dad how it worked,

'-How I did it? Hmm, how do I explain it? Ah! You know how everyone has mana inside of them? This is just a way of giving your body mana that it can use to heal yourself. So in the end, it was all because you were strong!'

It was truly amazing to think that Theia had somehow created all of these memories and implanted them both in me, Dad, and the pope. Even more amazing was that they were actually kind of useful.

"Healing magic works by supplying others with mana which their own body, in turn, uses to heal themselves."

"Hmm, that's an interesting way to phrase it. Yes, healing magic works by activating cells in someone's body, making them reproduce and create new cells at an extremely exaggerated rate which leads to their body repairing itself."

Then, my teacher put up a finger in the air, as he had yet another question for me, "So, if this is the case, how come no one is using this to attain immortality?"

Unfortunately, this wasn't a question I could refer back to my granted memories to answer, making it necessary to take some time before I gave an answer. After all, he wouldn't ask this question if I didn't have the information needed to answer it.

'Ah, is it that? If it is, it's quite fitting for a world like this...'

After a couple of minutes, I found an answer. An answer that both sounded extremely logical, yet at the same time absurd.

"Is it because of the decay of one's soul?"

*Clap!*

"Nicely done! Yes, that is the existing theory that is prevalent among healers all around the world. Elves, humans, beastmen, everyone has at some point stumbled upon this same conclusion. Even if it is theoretically possible to keep a body intact through healing magic for eternity, at some point it just stops working."

"And that would be when the soul gives up?"

"Correct. Now, let's say, hypothetically, you meet a young patient that has already accepted his or her own death, and you try to heal them, what do you think would happen?"

A lump in my throat began growing as I realized what he was talking about, the inevitability he was preparing Zero for before even teaching us healing magic. And a part of me also felt that he himself had experienced this, that he knew this phenomenon all too well.

"They... they would still pass on..."

Even while speaking about something that I assumed must break his heart, Dr. Smith held a polite smile on his face, telling the story about a man who was truly strong. "Yes, that is so, Zero. So I want you to know this before you begin your path as a healer, as your strong determination could become your downfall if you aren't prepared."

"I underst..."

"No, you don't."

The smile on his face was now gone, replaced with nothing. "You do not understand, Zero. People die, and when they die, they are gone. For some, there will be no happy ending, and there will no second chance. And if you continue on this path, you will have to see this for yourself. Death isn't fair, and it isn't beautiful."

Two different memories were quickly brought up before my eyes as my heart sank, and a disgusting feeling settled in my stomach. Withholding the urge to vomit, I forced myself to keep listening to his words.

"In this world, a lot of people die. Some of them could be said to deserve it, but most were just... unlucky. Facing the wrong monster, catching some new disease, or even meeting the wrong human. And now, these people are gone, and all that's left is grieving families. Fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, all grieving the passing of a loved one."

'Please stop...'

Thinking about what I had done, thinking about the biggest mistake I made in this world that I had tried to ignore as much as possible, even going as far as tricking his sister that he was alive because of guilt, I had no idea how to deal with these emotions.

Though I knew that if I were in my 1st form, I would have no problem repressing these emotions, I wasn't. And the worst part of all was that this wasn't even Zero's own feelings. These were James's feelings.

This was the guilt of killing an innocent beastman just because I was lost in my own delusions. A life that had been lost because I had been too obsessed with survival, too fixated on my own goals. An innocent life that would have been alive if I hadn't done the same thing as those I wanted to punish.