She liked the silence

The silence was deafening , silence from everything .No could see my pain and if they saw they were silent and to add the salt I was silent too. It's hard to share all your worries, people judge they don't listen , they laugh at your downfalls .once they know they will use that against you.

The world has made me build walls that I can't break , everyone thinks am strong but that's just a facade and ironically just the little words they said tore me apart .

whatever a person tells me to be happy I want to yell ' oh hey depression's gone !! why didn't think of that? ' but usually I just roll my eyes instead or even fake a smile .

you know! you'll laugh , you'll cry , and then hopefully you'll feel a little bit less alone in your struggles that's what gives me hope .

The truth lies in my heart , in my soulless soul in this tears that sips to every crack of my body .

today the night is so silent the type of silence that would make someone crazy inside but to me I like it. atleast I can meditate , but the fact still remains , am lost . Am tired of pretending that am not depressed because it's the most exhausting thing , trying to force that smile every time that it even hurts . my mum would say 'turn that frown upside down even if it means standing on your head ' .well imagining it will atleast make me smile but it will only last for two seconds , apart from others my mum keeps it real , I can say she's the realest I've known with proof .

But each and every day am breaking apart and it's draining my energy , I would say I want to be free from all this demons that screams and shouts at every part of me untouched brain , words I would wish to hear only if I was deaf but it's sad that I can't control my emotions , they are like waves of the sea wanting to break me knowing that am fragile .

I like the silence but am not alone my demons are apart of me. I made us one by accepting there words , I won't deny there words are true . am worthless , add on , fool , stupid , idiot who lacks character and I should be gone.I can't stand myself , you know am someone who bottle's up all my pain , sometimes I wonder why I bottle them up, because when the bottle is full it will explode . maybe mine has already....the only thing that does me well is secluding myself from everyone , because I find peace in the silence yet it suffocates me .

The words he said that day keeps echoing in my mind like an endless melody whenever am alone . Right now I would care less if someone said the same words to me ,now am part of the words and those words are apart of me.

Denying them is no use because they are true

when I close my eyes I see him .Tears fall from my eyes willingly . Their betrayal was something I couldn't take in . Edward was the love of my life , he brought light in to my life , I couldn't see my life without him bell uni that I would fall apart .

I caught him cheating with my highschool friend Ann .

flashback.....2 weeks before

He was approaching the store I was working in. I was so happy deep inside I thought he had come to apologize ,not to say I was angry , but love is blind and just as Selina Gomez said the heart wants what it wants mine wanted Edward

"Alice" he shouts some distance from him

Very angry ....and I don't get the fact .

"Alice you ugly witch " well... 'okay me ugly witch I didn't sleep with my boyfriend's friend ' I wanted to say that but I shut it in just as I opened my mouth .

First is I don't understand what's going on am the one hurt but again the one insulted . what happened next brought me back from my dream land .two slaps send me to ground my head was spinning . I looked at him with pain in my eyes I couldn't let my eyes fail me by crying. what he said I couldn't hold the tears that were threatening to spill out.

He kicked me on the side my body was writhing with pain I could hold myself to stand up and give back what I was I given at that moment .

At a moment i thought he was remorseful when he helped me up I was in pain but I obliged and hold on to his arms as I stood up . " you daughter of jezebel don't you touch me , evil witch " he shouted and pushed me back .....I fell on the ground and thought I couldn't wake up ....that's when bitterness filled my heart that's when I felt the void deep inside me , that's when I hated everyone I hated myself. why did they not do something to help me . before the darkness could take me .....cold water was pouring on me ....shiiiittttt!!!! it's dirty cold water !!!!!! did I do something wrong in my previous life oooohhhh God .