Orphan

Mark remained to look at Lanie. He doesn't know what he should feel at this moment. Should he feel somewhat nice because finally, he said a piece of his life to someone or should he be sad because he saw how Lanie looked at him? He used to see these kinds of emotions in Lanie but he did not know that it would be this hurt to see those emotions because that emotion is for him. He was hurt yet hated what he was seeing in her eyes. Pity and guilt. He avoided her eyes and seat properly. He hid his hand under the table and silently clenched his fist.

"I'm sorry." He heard Lanie say. He mentally laughed. Why is she saying sorry? For what? He bit his lower lip and turned to Lanie with a smile, "It's okay. Why are you saying sorry?" He can't look at her directly because of what her eyes are saying. He hated it. He doesn't want that, at least for now.

"I'm sorry for asking that. I didn't know." Right. Nobody knows that because he never tells anybody, well, except her. They became silent for a moment, the desert they ordered came so they ate silently. Lanie was uncomfortable. She wanted to know his life not by force but she wanted Mark to tell her because he wants to. After they ate, they went to the amusement park. At first, she found it weird but later on she found herself enjoying roaming around the amusement park, enjoying Mark's company. They rode almost all the rides and entered souvenir shops. After that, Mark suggested going to the ocean even though it was already 6:30 in the evening. They sat near the shore. Mark made a bonfire. Lanie did not know why they were here but deep inside she knew, she at least knew why they were here, watching and listening to the waves crashing the shore.

"I have been an orphan since I was eight years old," Mark said. He doesn't want to tell his story to anyone or someone but Lanie is not one of those. Lanie became so special to him that he will say anything to her if she just asks him. At their lunch, he knew that she wanted to hear his story but she stopped herself.

"Mark," She uttered. She looked at Mark, "You don't have to tell me if you are not ready or you feel uncomfortable telling me that." She gently said. Mark slightly smiled at her. Lanie is too good for this world, he said in his mind.

"No. Let me. Once in my life, just for this night, let me tell the words held in my heart for so long. Just for this night, while watching and hearing the sounds of the ocean that is calming me, let me have the courage to say them out." He said. Lanie felt and understood what Mark was saying because she also wanted to have that courage but she always failed to get that.

"Okay. I am here. I will be your listener." Mark nodded at what she said. That made him feel braver, feel relieved, and breathe without feeling heavy in his chest. Lanie became his calmness more than the ocean in front of them.

"The Nuns raised me since I was eight years old. No. Someone kept me for 3 months before I went to the orphanage." Mark looked at the bonfire as he traveled back to the past. "My mother brought me to the playground and said that she just needed to attend some meeting but… she did not come back. It was almost dark when the people at the playground slowly went home and left me. I was alone there, watching every person pass by hoping that that was my mother. Until this lady approached me, together with her daughter. She brought me to their home until my mother arrived and got me. But months have passed, and no one has arrived. My mother did not show up." He took a deep breath. He is slowly feeling the pain in his heart until he feels Lanie's hand in his. With that, he continued.

"The lady who kept me said that she tried to find my mother but she failed. One night before my birthday, that lady suddenly threw me at the orphanage saying she's regretting taking care of me. For the second time, I am alone again. They abandoned me again. Sister Maribeth, one of the nuns who raised me became my third mother. After that, I am slowly accepting that my mother will not come back to get me so I tried to live, to strive harder for myself. I was 11 years old when Sister Maribeth said news to me, the news I did not want to hear. It was about my mother. She told me that my… My mother is already dead. That she died while on her way to get me at that playground." Mark suddenly stopped talking. His shoulder was shaking. Lanie noticed it so she went closer to Mark and hugged him. That hug comforted him so much. He cried on her shoulder like a kid who lost his toy. But they both knew that it isn't the toy he lost, but half of his life. Lanie felt Mark's pain. He was abandoned so many times but despite that, he grew up like this. A nice and strong man.

"Just cry." She comforted him.

"I missed my mom," He cried in her arms. Lanie stopped herself from crying. She has to be strong for Mark. Mark needed her. That was the first time he saw Mark this vulnerable. He was crying because he misses his mother, he was crying because he kept those pains inside his heart for too long and he was crying because… he can't do anything.

"Every day, I am so sorry for my mom that she had to see me down here like this, that I did wrong things sometimes, that I was not able to keep my word. My mom wants me to be happy, she loves to see me laugh and smile but…" He cried again. "But how can I do that if… if these are so painful? How can I continue to smile so genuinely like before if I am already broken?" Mark's voice cracked as he spoke. Tears trickled down Lanie's face as he heard Mark's resentment.

"She's gone. She will never come back to me anymore. Despite that, I want to feel less sorry for her, so I am trying hard not to be lonely again. I made friends in my college and you guys became my friends, too. Friends who feel like a family. Because I don't want her to worry about me." They both stayed sitting at the shore until they saw the sunrise. The light slowly touched their skin as they smiled for a new beginning. Mark's heart felt light now because he finally said the words that weighed his heart down.

While on their way home, Lanie suddenly got curious if Mark stayed at the orphanage until college or did someone adopt him. She wanted to ask him but she felt like she should stop for now. She was being considerate of Mark's feelings. On the other hand, Mark felt that Lanie wanted to ask him more again, she was that obvious. So, he glanced at her and asked, "What is it? You still want to ask something?"

Lanie bit her bottom lip and sighed, "What is the name of that orphanage?"

"Angel Hope Orphanage." He answered. She pinched her finger, wanting to stop herself but her tongue didn't want to cooperate.

"If appropriate, I want to know if you stayed at the orphanage since college or… is there a family that adopted you?" She asked what made Mark silent and anxious.