The Last Fair

"Do you really have to leave?" Madeline asked, still wrapped tight in her duvet on the bed. I woke up to get ready for my afternoon shift at the clinic an hour before she came to. It would take some time to get there by bus, and I could not bring myself to leave with her mom early in the morning. "I'm sure you can skip once. I'll ask mom to cover for you."

"No she won't." I shake my head at her. "And you should get up and resume life as a human being again. We have lazed around enough this weekend. Don't you have any assignments or readings to get done?"

She groaned and rolled to the other side of the bed trying to ignore me. "Don't rain on my parade. Can't I sleep a little more?"

"You've had enough sleep to last you an entire week." I borrowed one of her rain jackets since the weather took a turn this morning. "I won't be back tonight but I'll see you around campus okay?"

She nodded, giving me a thumbs up after assessing my outfit that she put together for me from her wardrobe. "You look pretty again."

"You little shit!" I threw a pillow at her making her flop back onto the mattress. I never pretended to have a sense of fashion anyway.

"What are you going to do about Em?" She asked in concern.

I shrugged. "The same as always, ignore her and hope to avoid her as much as I can."

She sighed and waved me goodbye. I found my way to the bus stop, putting on some music to keep me entertained. I debated keeping my curiosity in check but it won me over in the end. I've been in battle since the last family dinner I went to, especially after my talk with Liam. I finally caved in and researched the O'Connor name for context for what I heard and gathered so far. Maybe I'm a fool for not being able to fathom the mystery and issues of rich successful families such as the O'Connors and even my sperm donnor's. Most of the news were irrelevant, talking about their business and whatnot. It took some digging to get an inkling of what happened a few years ago. I turned off my phone, blood rushing in my veins. Why should I give up my peace of mind when this has nothing to do with me? I never asked to be part of this. That guy was probably playing mind games on me. He must either be really stupid or fearfully scheming to trust me with something like this. My only concern should be to finish college and get the hell out and away from here.

"Ah Lilianne." Dr. Rowanda called me to her office as I was heading to my department. "Let me talk to you for a minute."

"Sure." I followed her, feeling confused. I stayed all weekend at their place so she could have told me anything then.

She smiled and offered me a cup of tea, settling in the sofa opposite me in front of her desk. It's been awhile since I felt like a little kid sitting nervously in front of an adult waiting for some kind of admonishment. Baseless anxieties that I could not help. The corners of her eyes crinkled showing a hint of her age. I always thought she didn't look a day over thirty. Lucky for Madeline who got all the good genes.

"Is everything alright?" I asked tentatively, taking a sip of the jasmine tea.

She chuckled lightly. "Shouldn't I be the one to ask you that?"

"Me?" Was my behaviour of late out of the ordinary? I didn't think so.

"Have you argued with Emilia?" She asked in that gentle, non-invasive manner of hers that successfully disarmed and charmed even the toughest of patients. Of course she would ask me about it.

I shrugged, nibbling on the inside of my cheek out of habit. "It's nothing unusual, you know. She's just being herself and I'm being me."

"Lily." She called to get me to look at her. She could often tell a lot more from looking at a person rather than the words they might tell her. No wonder she was a great therapist, perhaps the best in town. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it but if you're having a hard time you know you can always come to me."

"I know." I tried to force a smile, my cheeks twitching from the effort. I know she was being kind and motherly as she always is, but it was hard to swallow at certain times.

"You and Maddie made up?" She changed the subject quickly thanks to her godgiven emotional intelligence. "I was wondering when you two would finally give up your stubbornness."

She really found amusement in our silly squabbles. "If that's all I'll go get started with my shift."

"Ah wait." She stopped me before I left her office. "I wanted to ask you how Primrose is doing as of late? She missed her last appointment."

"She did?" I tried to recall any abnormalities since the last time I talked to her. Aside from the unexpected visit on her birthday, nothing else happened. "I think it might be about her brother but I'll talk to her later and get back to you."

"Very well." She agreed and sent me off.

My usual duties included inventory, caretaking, and support for the patients of whatever department I was assigned. But since I'm good with the youngsters, I mostly get to work with teenagers. It's not a difficult job but it's not exactly easy either. Dealing with humans bleeds complexity even to the most simple of tasks, let alone an environment where the main purpose is to take care of others' health, mental and physical. I still don't think I am nearly as qualified as I ought to be but I learned a lot working here.

Checking off my duties for the day, I found my way to Prim's room where I found her holed up doing assignments for online school. I tidied around her room while helping her answer some questions. I didn't have to wait too long before she was eventually done.

Prim sat beside me on the bed, fishing for snacks from her secret stash that Dr. Rowanda would definitely nag her for had she known about it. I wonder if Liam is the one who gets her these things from outside. She wasn't allowed to go out without supervision and I highly doubt there's a store for unhealthy food within the clinic walls. I munched on a cracker as she chatted endlessly about her news.

I had to cut her tales short soon afterwards. "Why didn't you go to your last session with Dr. Rowanda? She seemed very concerned earlier." I learned the best approach is the direct one when it comes to Prim. It also suits me just fine since I'm not the best at reading minds.

She looked down at her hands in her lap, buying time. "I didn't feel like it. There wasn't anything I wanted to tell her."

"Really, weren't you just now brimming with stories to tell?" I raised a brow demanding a plausible explanation.

"Well you're different." She pouted at me. "Dr. Rowanda would ask a million questions and make me talk about my feelings." She spat the word like it was ridden with disease.

"That's her job and she also cares." I poked her nose. "And I'm not exactly qualified to help you in that respect. Talking to me won't be useful."

"It is." She gasped, swatting my hand away like I'd said something blasphemous. "I tell you things because you're like my... sister, not someone who's going to psychoanalyse me and give me solutions."

I shook my head with a little smile. "That's all good and well. You can tell me whatever you want, I'm not going anywhere, but you still need to talk to your doctor. Is that clear?"

She nodded resignedly, twisting her fingers- a nervous habit of hers. I held both of her hands in mine tightly. "We can talk just the two of us now, but promise me you won't miss your sessions again."

She nodded after a moment of hesitation, letting out a breath of defeat. I squeezed her hands. "So tell me, what is this whole thing about? Is it your brother?"

"W-what?" She whipped her head up to look at me, dumbfounded. Even she must have known I will be bringing the issue up again since I let it slide the last time without asking any details. "No. Well, kind of."

"How?" I urged, hoping to get her to open up more about it. It must have been a sore spot if she keeps it all to herself but I know that it'll only hurt her more in the long run.

Prim sat crossed-legged in front of me and started tracing patterns on the duvet absently. "It's not him exactly. It's the memories his presence brings back. I told you he left when I needed him. I think the more I grow the more I understand why he left. Maybe I was too young and self-centred to realize at the time that not everything is about me, but he promised he'll always be there for me and he broke that promise. Even after..." She took a deep shuddering breath. "I felt like I had no one. They just put me here and ignored my existence. Maybe they left because I'm such a good for nothing-

I pulled her in a hug to shut her up. She was barely fourteen when she got admitted to this clinic. No matter the circumstances, she should not have been left alone with no trusted or reliable person by her side. It's infuriating to hear her blame herself for it and almost makes me want to go smack the shit out of her stupid brother.

"I know he regrets it." She mumbled against my shoulder. "Adam has always been kind and caring but that's why it hurt the most when he left." She squeezed my arm and backed slightly out of my hug, looking up at me. "Lily, I don't really care what my parents are up to. I don't care if they just forget I'm still here and never visit. I just don't want to lose my brothers. They're all I have."

I stroked her hair and nodded in understanding, trying to organize my thoughts and not say anything rash. "So you're not angry at your brother then?"

Shs shook her head violently, cheeks reddening. "Of course I am. He's a jerk for leaving me alone! I just." She looked at me shyly, as though embarassed of admitting it. "I do miss him."

I smiled and ruffled her hair. "You little troublemaker. If you miss him so much then why are you giving him such a hard time when you have already forgiven him?"

"He should know better than to expect me to just forget everything and forgive him just like that." She crossed her arms stubbornly.

I nudged her arm playfully. "Someone once told me, it's never too early to forgive someone you love. You gain nothing by delaying it. It's only taking from the time you could be spending with him isn't it? So whose loss is it in the end?"

She thought about it for a little before flopping back onto her bed. "I hate how smart you are."

"Hardly." I chuckled, fishing my phone out of my pocket. "Say, have you ever been to the autumn fair?"

"Autumn fair?" She perked up, looking curious. "What's that?"

"Do you want to go?" I smiled, sending the text I'd written and tucking my phone away. "It'll be fun."

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on." She flailed her arms frantically. "You and I? How? The clinic won't allow it, you know that."

I flicked her forehead. "They'll allow it if your brother checks you out, dummy."

She screamed. "Lily! You can't just-

"What? You want to go to the fair with me and your brother so happens to be able to get you permission to go out. I don't see any problems." I ruffled her hair. "Get ready, yeah? I'll go check with Dr. Rowanda and clock out. See you in thirty minutes?"

"You scheming evil woman!" I could hear her still yelling at me from her room after I left