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The Arks

Author: Mavislin11
แฟนตาซี
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  • 776 Chs
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Synopsis

In this Universe, there exists something called 'Elements'. From the Basic Elements like Water or Fire to the advanced Elements like Time and Constellations. And those who use it are called Mages. They are bred from all corners of this Universe. And due to a major scale war, most have fallen from the stars to seek refuge on a place called Earth. After a few centuries, the Mages have come together to create a haven called The Arks, after the previous one has fallen. Find out more on how the Arks came about, the journeys of the Arks with the humans. ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ Credits to valeriex for making the cover! Updating One chapter per day, at 3pm SG time

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Chapter 1The Ark Of Tryouts

In this universe, those who can manipulate certain Elements were called 'Mages'. From Water to Fire, and even Time itself, these Mages were bred in all corners of the Universe.

Each planet created are known for their distinct Elements. For instance, the legendary Valkyries from Valokia. They were creatures of pure Light.

The mighty Valkyries knew no bounds when it comes to power and size. Stars fall to dust at the mere mention of Valokian spells. Valkyries, in their genuine form, are huge compared to the rest of the beings mentioned.

Valokia enjoyed constant evening purple skies, decorated with luminous rosy clouds. The land looked like a huge dusty orange carpet. Its landscape was mostly barren, except for the Capital; Arcadia. Arcadia was filled with massive buildings, similar to the city center of a metropolis.

All before a certain war came about and destroyed all in its wake. They were believed to have started and ended the Great Noble War, a war that took down a multitude of stars. For unknown reasons, the sole excuse for that terrible war was gone along with the great planet of Valokia.

But, from the remnants of galaxies that were affected, one particular galaxy called the Milky Way birthed something called the Solar System. This System was the collection of eight planets and their moons.

They orbit around a star called the Sun, together with smaller bodies in the form of asteroids, meteoroids, and comets. A particular planet stood out from the rest as a haven to all; Earth.

Humanity was not very welcoming to these foreign beings, so the first few Mages developed a system as well as an organization, called the Congregation. All in hopes to protect these groups of gifted Mages.

This group was further segregated into departments, classified by the number of Elements that the Mage could wield. The departments were ranked as follows; the more Elements the Mage could hold, the more powerful they are.

Tryouts that were being held annually allowed the recent batches of Mages to enter the Congregation. Ranking them would be the strongest Mages within the departments of the Holders. The leader, Commander Pond, stood around to witness the tryouts every year.

In the year 1400, a distinct race joined the Congregation.

The Child of Valokia concealed her identity, hiding her wings and covering her long, flowing hair. Her eyes were fixated on the ground. Her Aura was of the Light Element, but then again, the Valkyries were masters of veiling their Auras.

A young girl wearing a black coat with a hoodie stepped forward when the host yelled 'Next'.

" 'Kay then, kid. Show us what you've got!" announced the host, in an upbeat manner.

The host gave a warm, encouraging smile. He had half of the face covered by his light brown hair, with eyes that matched. The young girl smiled back nervously.

She took down her hood and revealed long flowing chestnut locks. Her eyes radiated a golden hue as she pointed a slim index finger towards the judges. A small flicker appeared and dissipated in an instant.

The entire rumbled with laughter with the little show that the girl had displayed. Even the judges were having a hard time stifling their laughs. But there was one being who bore no intention to laugh at all. Old Man Pond kept a silent glare on his face.

"Do not underestimate her just yet," was his answer to the host.

The young girl smirked as she retracted her finger. She then opened her hand up and swung it to the back. A small flicker appeared once more, but this time, the tiny flame stayed.

"Helios Lumino Metropolis!" called out the young girl.

Her Aura exploded into superior ranks as a massive ball of Light and Fire hurled through the arena. The judges at the sides tried their best to contain, but their efforts were futile.

The judges could not believe it, that was one of the Ancient Spells of Valokia. Only those who dwelt over that Ancient planet could use that spell masterfully. So that could only mean one thing...

Though the Valkyries were of pure Light, they were also considered masters of fusion Magecraft. It was the ability to combine an Element with another. A dreadful mess was caused in its wake as a certain Mage with his wife opened the door to the Central Atrium, where the arena was at.

"Negation," boomed a voice at the back of the hall.

The enormous ball of problems disappeared in an instant, stopping shyly from the couple. A man with short bluish-black hair, with loose fringe. His eyes were of the bluest hue compared to anything the young girl had seen. It struck her as mighty as well as charming.

He was only adorned with a top hat and black suit stood at where the voice had originated from. He held up his hand to stop the ball, revealing a ring with a gem of matching colors to his eyes. His physique and built reminded the Valkyrie of one being worthy of the title; King.

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Table of Contents
Volume 1

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Maromar
MaromarLv2

The writing displays a clear line of thought as far as worldbuilding and character design goes. A cataclysmic event that occurred before the story brings multiple races into close contact with each other on Earth. This at once, eliminates the justification problem fantasy writers grapple with when dumping multiple races on Earth. Of course, the easiest way is to simply state that these races have always been present, but that leans on the suspension of disbelief when authors don’t have this fact reflected in culture and technology. Mavislin11 did a good job on that front. That’s where most of the praise must stop, however. The Arks is in a rough spot. It begins with the basics. The text is written in such a way that it’s difficult to derive meaning in some instances, and painful to go through in others. A large part of the latter can be fixed by improving the economy of words. You ideally want to drive home a clear point in the shortest span of time possible. Take the following section: “After the Great Noble War across the galaxies had devastated the planets within, many were left scattered amongst the other stars. As the stars started to converge and planets collapsed, the Solar System was born. The only planet that was habitable for most species, Earth.” Every word that doesn’t directly contribute to the scene both weakens it and makes the passage heavier, causing readers to suffer from fatigue. Compare it to something like: “The Great Noble War set the myriad galaxies ablaze. From the ashes of collapsed planets and ruined stars, the Solar System as we know it emerged. Earth would prove to be the only planet habitable for most species.” The new sentence isn’t pretty either, but it tightens the imagery and eliminates some of the unnecessary language while maintaining the scene. It may only save a few words, but if every line of every paragraph gets trimmed, they’ll certainly pile up. A 75,000 word manuscript might feel sluggish because it’s actually a 65,000 word manuscript wearing an oversized jacket. My advice is to go through the entirety of The Arks with a scythe. Clear out every bit of chaff you can find: “had” “started” “began to” and so on. Whenever these words aren’t crucial to understanding the scene, kill them. Deal with any redundant bits of phrasing in the same manner. Another issue lies in the quoted selection’s placement. It’s the first paragraph of the story… Of course, opening with exposition isn’t inherently bad, but taking up too much space with it runs afoul of the commonly cited “show, don’t tell” rule. Good writing is really a matter of “show AND tell” where knowing when to do either will determine your effectiveness. Writers with certain well-developed voices like Tolkien can get around this by managing to be entertaining even when they go on for ages, so exceptions certainly exist. But I digress. As it is, the beginning drags because the exposition is an infodump. The scene could be reworked in such a way that it immediately focuses on Mavislin among those in the stadium with the announcer starting the tryouts with some reference to the Great Noble War, perhaps a commencement ritual meant to keep young mages from forgetting their history as well as honoring the lives lost. The explanation of the magic system can be drip-fed as it’s displayed. It’s of great importance that you keep a stable scene for as long as possible, novels are a completely separate medium from movies as they allow for greater depth, but that same depth can cause your pacing to veer out of control, leaving readers far from the picture you want them to see. Even if the storyline is crap (And what I’ve seen of The Ark’s storyline is not crap) and filled with beaten-to-death tropes, if you can pull off some prose that is both clear and concise, you’ll stand several heads over the next guy. That takes rewriting and editing though. Webnovel’s constant pressure on authors to produce daily chapters isn’t healthy for writing quality or the quality of a writer’s life. Don’t feel bad for holding another release back for a few days in order to get it into fighting shape. Most importantly, don’t be discouraged by my criticism, the story has potential. Writing is not easy, if it was, everyone would have a book out. The fact that you can come up with creative ideas rather than pointless re-hashes of yesterday’s trend means that you have the right chops. See it through to the end.

Fiona_Singer
Fiona_SingerLv3

The whole fiction gives me an impression of being an crystalized meteorite: otherworldly, mysterious, but also very hard and cold. The text is fairly well-versed and is given an hint of old-world English style, allowing it to perfectly blend into the story background, but not too much as in becoming a barrier to understand the plots. And the world setting is beautifully unique, kind of reminds me old-school soft sci-fi works like Doctor Who, combining the futuristic, advanced element of races and planets from outerspace, and the wonderous, colourful element of magic and epics together. The author clearly devoted lots of time and energy into building up this vast, fantasy world, and the writing style depicted the world vividly. However the characters and the story aren't so impressive, which is the part that gives me the "hard, cold" feeling. It's not that the design of the characters and the outline of the plots are bad--they can be quite good too if well processed--but the way author fleshes out the characters and narrates the plots are too abridged, to an extent that sometimes readers feel like the motivations of the actions of the character are too unclear, and the emotions are too thin. I guess it's partly because it's written in a somewhat traditional English style so it's a little obscure--this is more or less inevitable if you are not using modern, plain language, and I suppose it's the writing style that the author feels comfortable with, so let's skip this part. The other reason may be that so far most of the main characters are not human and the real humans seem more secondary and a symbol of ignorance and bullying (well because they are indeed and it's worse in Dark Ages). But the thing is, according to the standard of a fair literature work, it has to be able to appeal to the readers, and unfortunately your readers are emotional, sensational, messy humans (In a perfect world we will have Martian readers), and quite to the contrary, to make the non-human characters alive you need to spend EXTRA EFFORTS on depicting their emotions and motives, because they don't think like humans, so it will be much harder for readers to sympathize with them, especially when they are somewhat unkind and indifferent in human perspectives, like your MC, and the author will have to try extra hard to guide the readers to understand their feelings. From this angle I would strongly recommend the author to learn from Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles: the blood-sucking monsters are very captivating in her texts, and she is masterful in describing the non-human sensations. Read how she built up the character Claudia, who is in my opinion very simliar to your MC, will be very helpful: she lost all her human family at a young age and was left alone until being turned to a vampire, and although she appears like a dolly child she was much older, and she was taught to be a vicious hunter and ruthless drinker from a young age--She's no kinder to humans, but still readers, whether like her or not, can feel her thoughts and moods, and she is very much alive on Rice's paper(in a vampiric way, at least). Not that if the author continued on like this, it would be bad, in general it's a very original and interesting work, and as the story unfolds and all the buried suspenses are uncovered, when people fully know the past and future of each character, we humans will understand why they did what they did, anyway. But still, if the author wanted to achieve a deeper sympathy between characters and readers where the latter would drop tears for the former, it's better to improve in this area.

Gourmet_DAO
Gourmet_DAOLv7

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