the intimacy lesson

Shaking his head, Andem climbed up the stairs, entering into the box-room to take off his clothes as he saw that Chima was in there again, reading.

"Steven has another "guest"," Chima said, not looking up from his book as Andem remembered with a cringe the last time he had come home to find Steven in the act. "I hear congratulations are in order."

Andem scoffed, turning around to unroll his mat because a shower was not an option. Not with the way the back of his neck was feeling. 

"Jimmy says we're going on a test run."

"Yay," Andem replied dryly. "I faked it for the test. I'm sure I can fake it again."

"And again, and again," Chima insisted. "Until it means nothing."

"How can it ever mean nothing?" he asked. "I'm never going to not be an alpha. Jimmy was right. It's not something I can just fake away."

Chima put away his book. "Come here," he said, waving Andem over.

"Why?" Andem asked, immediately waiting to see if Chima was using his dominant voice.

He wasn't.

"Just come here, you silly boy."

Andem kicked away his shoes and his discarded trousers as he walked over to Chima.

"Give me your hand and stand over me."

"Why?" he asked again.

"Can you just not be you for a second?" Chima asked, staring up at him.

Andem took Chima's hand and stood over him.

"Now sit down in my lap."

"No." 

He tried to pull away, but Chima's hands held on tight as he tugged Andem to his knees. Trying to avoid much contact, Andem spread his legs wider and refused to sit.

"You're not dead," Chima said.

"Not yet," Andem replied, trying to wring his hands from Chima's strong grip. "What are we doing?"

"We're getting intimate." Chima's smile mocked Andem.

"For crying out loud."

"I'm going to kiss you."

"No, you're not," Andem replied sternly.

"You have to learn."

"If we're in the field and we're a team, then you or Steven can take this part of the job. Why do I have to do it?"

"Because we don't know what could happen in the field. You might be the target's type. You might be specifically requested for. We have to plan for every single possibility. You're sexy. The chances of you being chosen are very high so… suck it up and kiss me."

"Oh, Christ." He leaned forward and gave Chima a peck on the lips.

"Am I your mother?" Chima asked. "Give me a real kiss."

Gritting his teeth, he leaned forward slowly as he pecked Chima again, hoping that the sluggishness of the peck would count for something. When he tried to pull back, Chima let go of one of his hands as he grabbed Andem by the back of the neck, and pressed him close, slotting their lips together as Andem felt the pressure of Chima's tongue in his mouth.

Groaning, he tried to pull back, but Chima pushed forward, sending Andem onto his back as Chima held him down by his neck. Andem placed a hand on Chima's chest and pushed, relieved when Chima relented. 

"What the fuck?" he said, breathing heavily as the light from the ceiling shone from behind Chima's head like a halo.

"You're still alive," Chima informed him.

"Yes, but now I want to fucking kill you."

Chima laughed. "I'm going to kiss you again."

"God help me."

"He's busy right now."

Still trying to catch his breath, he watched Chima warily as Chima sat on his heels between Andem's legs, waiting for him to calm down. And through all that chaos, Chima had still not let go of one of Andem's hands. He was determined not to let Andem run away.

"Are you ready?"

"No, I'm not."

"If I wait, will you ever be?"

When he thought about it, he realized that Chima had a point. He was probably never going to be ready. He had to learn now. If he approached this like an acquired skill set, then he figured he could do it. He could get used to the idea of being this close, this intimate with a fellow alpha. After all, they were both human. They were both adults. 

He could learn from a teammate and maybe one day it wouldn't feel like someone was dragging nails over his skin at the mere thought of being with an alpha.

"I'm ready," he said.

Chima braced himself with his hands on either side of Andem's head, keeping one of Andem's hands in his grip as Andem adjusted to the position. When he leaned down, Andem closed his eyes, waiting for it, as Chima's minty breath washed over him. It was nighttime, after all, and Chima had probably just come in from the shower before Andem got home.

When he kissed Andem this time, it was slow and insistent. Willing himself to cooperate, Andem opened his mouth, allowing Chima into him as Chima's grip on Andem's hand tightened even further. He wanted to resist. He wanted to push back, but he held himself in place.

This wasn't even real. It wasn't as if Chima wanted him sexually. They were training. They were in class. This was just a new thing Andem had to learn. Slowly, the tension began to ease from Andem as he relaxed against the floor while Chima kissed him, moaning into Andem's mouth like it felt good.

He wondered if he should moan too. If he should move his head like he was enjoying it. After all, he was supposed to be learning. He was supposed to be following Chima's lead. So when Chima turned his head, Andem went in the opposite direction, moaning as Chima deepened the kiss, sucking on Andem's tongue as Andem gasped for breath.

He jostled them around, lowering himself on Andem as Andem's legs were forced apart even further. He was about to moan again when he felt something against his thighs. A hardness that shouldn't be there.

Especially since this was all just for academic purposes.

"Wait," he said, turning his face away and breaking the kiss that was starting to feel a bit too real.

"Don't," Chima said, grabbing him by the chin and turning his head back.

"Chima-"

"I said don't!"

Hit with a wave of the alpha voice, Andem cringed as it washed through him, an invisible force that made him want to submit.

"No!" he screamed, lashing out as his clenched fist connected with Chima's jaw, sending Chima off him.

Breathing hard, both of them watched each other as the tension in the room rocketed sky-high.

"I-" Chima started to say.

But Andem was out the door before that first letter could even be uttered.

-*-

Andem spent the night in Nsemeke's bunk.

He'd run from the box-room, scared that Chima might recover and retaliate or do something even worse like… apologize.

From the open door to the room, he could hear Rotimi and Nsemeke were still downstairs. He wished he could drag Nsemeke some place quiet so he could bury his nose in that intoxicating scent and ground himself. Nsemeke's scent always did that for him and since he couldn't have the real Nsemeke, Andem settled for the next best thing.

Nsemeke's bed.

Every time he tried to close his eyes, his mind flashed back to a few minutes ago with dread because what the hell did Chima think would happen? What did he wish would happen? Andem was an alpha. Chima was also an alpha. If they got together, what was supposed to happen? What was Andem's role going to be if he was younger than Chima? If he'd been an alpha for a shorter period than Chima?

He knew the answer and it didn't help him sleep any easier. Knowing that he would be required to act as the cup in the relationship… the bitch with his ass in the air for Chima… the lesser of the two… the submissive one.

Andem shivered in disgust, turning away from Steven who was snoring in the next bunk with his visitor curved around him. He cringed at the thought of him and Chima being in that position. Ever.

Disgusting, defunct scum.

He groaned and pushed his nose back into Nsemeke's pillow, reminding himself that he wasn't the defunct alpha. He wasn't the one in love with a fellow alpha. He was in love with the pretty beta. The sexy, worldly beta that was everything Andem dreamed of.

By the time Andem finally fell asleep, uncomfortable and unanchored, Nsemeke had still not come up to sleep.