The Best/Worst Date Ever?

Remi and I enter to find what looks like a very opulent looking place. It's as if Lord Borin's family owned a restaurant since there's a lot of gold decorations around. Gold columns, gold fountain in the center near the stairs, which are also golden. Maybe I should have bought that suit from Henry.

The ceiling has some kind of engraving depicting what looks like the four gods. I wonder if I'll ever meet up with those gods, maybe they might be better than Vienna. If they summoned a hero to this world I bet they wouldn't have the hero fall out of the sky and almost die.

"Wow, we're eating here?" Remi says with her mouth ajar.

"I guess so. I didn't think Luther would have connections like this," I comment.

We walk up to the reception desk and a man in a suit greets us.

"Hello guests, how many people will be dining with us today?" he asks.

"Table for two please," I say as I give him the tickets.

"Ah I see you two have gold tickets. You must know one of our sponsors then. I shall take you to the best seats in the house. Please follow me," the man says.

Sponsors? Now that I think of it, it would make sense for Luther to have sponsored a place like this. Remi and I follow the man up the golden staircase and he leads us to a table with a view overlooking the swan lake.

It's lit up with ambient lighting and I see swans floating around over the water. For some strange reason I see a book fly out of nowhere and hit a random pedestrian on the sidewalk. Hmm, well that was weird, it's raining books.

"Please have a seat, you two. Your waiter will be here shortly," the well dressed man says as he pulls the chair out for Remi.

"Thank you," Remi says cheerfully.

I note that the table we are sitting at is way too big for two people.

"Hey umm, I think there's a mistake. This table is too big for just the two of us," I tell the man.

"Well you see sir, we've received word ahead of time that you would be accompanied with a few more guests. I ask that you await their arrival," he responds.

"Okay then."

I take a seat across from Remi and I find it kind of hard to maintain eye contact all of a sudden.

"What's wrong? Is there still some debris on my face from earlier? Honestly if I knew we were going to a place this nice then I would have changed before coming here," Remi laments.

"No it's.. it's nothing-you look great," I stutter.

I don't know why but all of a sudden I feel as if my face just got really hot. I could really use some water right now. I quickly bring up the menu to hide my face. Huh, so this is one of those kinds of places where you can have a full 5 course meal. It consists of having soup, salad, appetizers, a main course and dessert. Unexpectedly I see Quincy and Anastasia come up the stairs and take a seat right next to us.

"Oh hi, Will," Quincy greets.

"Oh hi, Quincy, what the heck are you doing here?" I ask.

"It's kind of a long story. I'll tell you later."

"You didn't blow up a part of the tower during said story did you?"

"Nah that was all Remi. What happened to me was solely Luther's fault. Oh and hi Remi."

"Hi Quincy, I guess this has turned into a double date now," Remi states.

"Huh, nice date Quincy," I compliment in a sly manner.

"It's not like that. Luther forced me to come here. If it were up to me I'd be reading my book in the tower that Remi destroyed," Quincy tells me.

"Umm, that wasn't me that was Ryder!" Remi quickly retorts.

"Riiiiiiight," I add.

"Shut up Will," Remi insults.

"I noticed that the table still isn't full yet. Are we expecting someone else?" I ask.

"You're right. I don't know who else would be coming," Remi adds.

"Nerva's dragging Adam here to eat so I guess that's the final couple. They lagged behind on the way here. In the meantime let's just order something to eat," Quincy says.

A waiter who bears a striking resemblance to Lilith comes by to serve us. Her hair color and eyes differ from the paladin I know.

As the waiter comes by it seems as if a small white pellet falls off the serving tray and a smoke bomb goes off. For some reason I could have sworn something moved between my legs and went under the table.

"Ackhh, what the heck was that," Remi complains as she coughs from all the smoke.

"Ah forgive me guests, I do not know where that came from. It must have been the chefs playing a prank on us waiters again," the server states.

"Well that was weird," I remark.

30 Minutes earlier

I wake up feeling my head throbbing with pain and I see a partially destroyed tower before me. Damn, Remi must have knocked me out again, that stupid, dumb elf girl. I swear I'm going to get her back for this, I'll make sure that date goes horribly. Time to initiate plan: Sabotage Remi!

This is going to require a few tools and maybe some assistance from an ally. Where's Nerva? I need a partner in crime. I look around the partially destroyed tower, but the red headed girl is nowhere to be found. Dangit, she's probably bullying Adam right now. Hmm, who else could I possibly ask for help?

I continue walking amongst the rubble until I come across Lilith's unconscious body. Perfect, just the person I need. She definitely has the motive to get back at Remi, but I doubt she has the necessary stealth skills to pull off the kind of operation I'm planning. Then again Nerva doesn't have that kind of tact either.

I jump on top of Lilith and I give her a good slap to the face. She doesn't react. I guess she's a deep sleeper. I gotta come up with something that will trigger her, since that usually works for wakeup calls. I get close to her ear and start to whisper.

"Lilith, wake up. Remi is going to sleep with Will tonight."

"What!" Lilith yells as she sits up immediately.

She looks around for a few seconds all confused.

"Nazuko? What happened?" she asks.

"Short story, Remi blew up the tower and knocked me out. How about we team up to get back at her? You know she deserves it," I tell her.

"Normally I wouldn't approve of ruining someone else's date like this. But then again, she did blow me up so fine. I'm on board. What's the plan?" she questions.

"I suggest that we mess with their date without them ever knowing we were involved. Revenge is best served cold after all. Step 1: acquire infiltration gear from Ryder. Step 2: Mess with Remi. Step 4: Profit!"

"Wait, what's step 3?"

"I don't know, we'll figure it out later. Let's go."

We walk up to Ryder and Azura who happen to be overlooking the destruction that Remi had caused.

"Ahh isn't this sight great Azura? The glory of explosions," Ryder remarks.

"No, it isn't! Do you see how many unconscious bodies are around? I'm going to have to do a lot of healing later," Azura complains.

"Hey Ryder I need a few smoke bombs and flashbangs if you don't mind," I request.

"Not gonna even ask what this is for, but here, have them," Ryder says jovially.

"First Remi and now you too Nazuko. Ugh, whatever. Just don't make any more explosions near the tower," Azura laments.

"Awesome! Thanks Ryder."

Step one of my brilliant plan is complete. Now for step 2.

"Ok Lilith first thing's first change out of your armor. It's too clunky and makes too much noise for an infiltration mission. We need to move quickly so we don't get detected by Will," I order.

"Give me a second, it takes a while to get it all off," Lilith tells me.

I sit and watch Lilith change into another outfit. She's too fit. Curse her! I wish I had a body like that. If I weren't so malnourished in my childhood I would have developed like that, I bet, probably.

After this whole rebellion thing I'm gonna do something about my body. Maybe I might be able to grow some more using some bullshit magical item or something like that. I'll go on a little sidequest, come back and surprise Will with my voluptuous body. Then he won't reject my advances anymore.

Lilith and I walk over to that restaurant Will's note mentioned. From the roof of a nearby building we spot Remi and Will sitting together at a dinner table.

"How do we get in?" Lilith questions.

"I'm pretty sure we could sneak in through the kitchen, but the problem is getting to their table without getting noticed. Let's just go and see what we can work with. I like to improvise," I answer.

Lilith and I sneak to the kitchen through the back, spotting some spare waiter outfits.

"This gives me the perfect idea. Lilith put on a waiter outfit and this wig as well as some colored contacts. I think we can fool them with a clever disguise."

"Won't they know my face though, even with a disguise?"

"Nah, Will and Remi will be too distracted with each other to even notice that it's you."

Hmm, Lilith now looks different enough that she could pull this off. Maybe I should give her a fake mustache too. Nah, using the godlike mustache technique is like using a sledgehammer to hammer a nail.

"What will you do then?"

"I'll sneak under the table when the time comes. I'll slip notes to you from under there so you'll know what to do. Now go out and serve them their drinks. Make sure this smoke bomb goes off when you get close," I order.

"Ok I got this," Lilith responds.

Lilith walks over to their table and begins to tilt her tray enough that the small pellet rolls off and starts to emit smoke. Now's the time, I have approximately 4-5 seconds to quickly move under the table and initiate my first plan of revenge. I use my swift speed to parkour up to the second floor and slide right through the chair and under Will's legs to the table.

"Ackhh, what the heck was that," Remi complains as she coughs from our smoke bomb.

"Ah forgive me guests, I do not know where that came from. It must have been the chefs playing a prank on us waiters again," Lilith deceives.

"Well that was weird," Will remarks.

The next thing I hear is that Remi picks up her glass of water and starts to drink.

"Ugh, this water tastes really bad," Remi complains.

I try to hold back my laughter with everything I have as Remi has just drank toilet water from the tower. In that 4-5 second window I took out my flask, filled with toilet water, and replaced her water with the contaminated substance in it.

"I'm sorry, Madam, I shall get you a new water immediately," I hear Lilith say.

I slip a note out from under the table that says; 'Get her more toilet water'.

Lilith smirks after she reads the note and leaves for the kitchen.

Back to Will

I see Remi licking her napkin as if she's trying to get the taste of the water she just drank out of her mouth.

"So what is everyone going to order?" I ask our table.

"Well I really want to try their steak, but then again I also want to try their pasta, and maybe their pizza too. Can we order multiple entrees?" Remi asks greedily.

"I don't know, maybe. Don't you think that's ordering a bit too much? Can you even eat all of that?" I reply.

"I can finish it! Besides, if they charge us for ordering multiple items it is fine since Nazuko's paying for this," Remi retorts.

For some reason I feel like the table bumped up a little after Remi's statement. I mean she's not wrong, but I feel like Remi's taking full advantage of the situation right now. Oh well.

"In that case I think I'll order the steak too. How about you Quincy?" I ask.

"I'll follow Remi's example and order multiple things off the menu too, so I'll start with the steak then work my way up," he says.

"See Will there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. How about you Anastasia?" Remi asks.

"...." she says.

"Oh, just the pasta. Finally someone who'll eat proper proportions," I sigh.

"Wait, Will you understand her?" Quincy asks with his mouth agape.

"Yeah sure she said '...' didn't you get that?" I tell him nonchalantly.

"No I didn't! How do you guys understand her?"

"I don't know you kind of just get it, you know."

"No I don't," Quincy grumbles.

Nerva and Adam get escorted to our table by the host and take a seat right next to Quincy and Anastasia.

"Oh hey you bitches, I see we're already ordering food. Waiter! I'll have everything on the menu and don't worry about Adam, he will share with me," Nerva announces.

Everything!? I think I have underestimated the capacity that women can eat, that or we are about to be bringing home a lot of leftovers. Anastasia looks a bit upset at Nerva's appearance, but I won't dig into that.

"Ok Remi, at least you're not like her," I lament.

Suddenly our waiter comes by to give Remi her new drink, but accidentally spills it on her.

"OH. MY. GOD. I. AM. SO. SORRY. ABOUT. THIS," our waiter says almost sarcastically.

"Ugh, It's no problem I needed to freshen up in the bathroom anyway," Remi says before she leaves for the ladies' room.

A few minutes pass while I chat it up with Quincy and the rest. It's really funny watching Quincy fail to understand Anastasia. She ended up telling a joke that caused everyone to laugh, but Quincy just sat there in confusion. Remi then comes back from the ladies room and when she sits in her chair we all hear a loud farting noise.

"Nice!" Nerva compliments.

"Good job Remi!" I add.

"Wait, that wasn't me! I swear someone just played a prank on me," she says as she quickly gets up and shows us a whoopee cushion.

Huh so it really wasn't her. Where in the world would someone get a whoopee cushion?

"Who the heck would have done that?" I wonder.

"It was probably Adam," Quincy suggests.

We stare at Adam who is on the other side of the table and as far from Remi as possible. It all makes sense now.

"Yep it was definitely Adam," I agree.

"Adam, how could you, I thought we were friends," Remi says, a little annoyed.

"Wait! I didn't do anythin- OW!" Adam tries to say but gets interrupted by Nerva when she smacks him for playing a prank.

"As much as that bitch Remi deserves it, you are still a horrible person," Nerva tells him.

I can't tell whether Nerva is insulting Remi or Adam at this point. Probably both.

The next thing I know our waiter comes up and delivers our first round of food. Man whoever this girl is she's pretty strong; carrying a tray that looks like it has 10 entrees on it.

"I am here with all of your food," she announces.

"Hey, your voice sounds familiar. Do I know you?" I ask the waiter.

"Um-um. No! Definitely not! I have never seen you before. It must be just a coincidence," she quickly answers.

"Oh ok then. What is your name by the way? I see you don't have a nametag like all the other waiters."

The waiter seems to struggle a bit at this question when she seems to look down at our table then back at us.

"My-my name is um… Urelith. Yes, that is my name. Indeed!"

For some reason I feel like I hear the sound of someone facepalming, but I don't know where it came from. She gives us all of our food and our table is now packed struggling to hold all of our meals on it.

"Would you like some shredded cheese on your pasta?" Urelith asks.

"Oh yes please," Remi responds.

We watch as our black haired waiter proceeds to go crazy with shredding the cheese on top of Remi's pasta.

"Ok you can stop now. Hey stop! That's too much cheese!" Remi yells.

Remi's pasta has been buried under a mountain of it.

"What was that miss? More cheese?! Got it!"

I don't know how this escalated so quickly, but there's so much shredded cheese that it ends up covering up all of our dishes and Remi is now buried.

"Ah great, I guess I'm eating a cheese steak now," I say sarcastically.

"Nothing is ruined by the addition of cheese. More cheese is always better," Nerva states.

"I don't know about that. I feel like our pizza now has too much cheese," Adam says.

"Shut the fuck up, you're wrong!" Nerva retorts.

"Ok..." Adam whimpers.

"Someone help get all this cheese off of me," Remi pleads.

"Don't worry Remi, I'll rescue you from the cheese monster," I say as I dive into the pile.

As I leap onto the cheese it all disperses as if someone just jumped into a pile of leaves. I find that I am now lying on top of Remi and our faces are so close I can stare right into her green eyes. We proceed to lie there for what seems like an hour until Remi speaks up.

"Um, Will could you get off of me," Remi says awkwardly.

"Ah I-I'm sorry," I say as I quickly get off of her and right back into my seat.

"You had a chance there," Quincy tells me.

"To do what?"

Quincy facepalms and goes back to eating his steak. No idea what that was about.

While we are eating our now cheese filled dishes Anastasia notices there's a little bit of cheese in Quincy's hair. She gets up and walks over to Quincy, touching his hair.

"Ah, what are you doing?" he asks as he has no idea why this girl is touching him.

She stares at him for a moment, puts the cheese that was in his hair in his hand and returns to her seat.

"Quincy you didn't notice that?" I ask him.

"Notice what? That she just touched my head for no reason?" he says dumbfoundedly.

"She even said 'you're welcome' , you didn't catch that?"

"Will! I can't understand her!"

"You know what, nevermind. I give up."

God Quincy is oblivious if he didn't notice she was doing an act of kindness for him.

This is going to be a long night.