How To Get a Date: Starring Luther

Things have been both great and horrible. The good thing is that since everyone is just waiting for Manchester to get healed up, we all get to relax in the tower which means I get to read. The bad news is that Nerva burned my book earlier and I miss it immensely. Sure I had already read it five times but I'm still sad. I should hold a funeral, R.I.P. The History of Ayana: Volume 6.

Luckily I have a dozen other books on my person as all good men should. For instance, I've been reading volume 12 of The History of Ayana for the past two and a half hours in the soldier's barracks in a nice comfy chair. The only break I got was when I said hi to Remi through a window that I didn't know the tower had.

You would have assumed the tower blew up or something since it was so big. Anyway, back to the important stuff, my books. I'm about to read the next chapter when I hear loud breathing next to me.

"My friend. It is time," the voice says.

I look to my left and it's Luther's face, well helmet, right in front of me. I didn't hear him approach me at all. I keep underestimating this man's power. I would be upset that someone has interrupted my reading but Luther's the exception.

"Time for what?" I ask.

"Today is the day that you get your first girlfriend!" he cheers a bit too loudly.

Some of the knights make weird glances at me. Wait oh no. I don't want this. How do I get out of this?

"It is?" I ask, confused.

"Why of course! No gentleman is complete without one! Especially a gentleman in training such as yourself."

"Ugh listen Luther like I'd love to do that right now, I swear. Cross my heart, hope to die, shank my eye or whatever the saying is. But this book Luther, this book right here, is something I gotta finish."

Luther takes the book from my hands and throws it out of the tower at what looks like super sonic speed.

"My book!" I scream in anguish.

"Now my friend nothing is stopping you. Come, we shall find you a suitable woman to be your first girlfriend. Off we go," Luther tells me.

"Surely I can just read a book on this stuff. You don't have to take me out," I argue as Luther starts to nudge me out of the tower.

"Nonsense my friend! The best way to experience love is in-person. That is how I began my journey, so it shall be for you."

As much as I tried to resist, Luther eventually pushed me out of the tower. I look around my surroundings and what the hell happened here? There are unconscious knights everywhere and I see Lilith and Nazuko among the bodies.

Were we attacked while I was reading? I turned around to look at the tower and there's this huge hole in the side of it. I guess that wasn't a window I was looking out of earlier. When I read I tend to ignore things around me, such as everything blowing up.

"Wait Luther we can't leave wherever you're taking me yet. I have to make sure Nazuko and Lilith are still alive," I point out.

"Ah I see. I was right about you. You are a gentleman! I shall help," Luther compliments while posing and sparkling again.

He goes off to check up on some of the knights.

I walk up to Nazuko and nudge her head with my foot to make sure she's alive. I know that's not what you're supposed to do but I'm not a healer so this is the best I got. After nudging her she moans in pain but doesn't wake up. At least she's alive. I don't really know what to do next so I guess I'm done here.

If Nazuko's alive then Lilith must be too since she's a tank in comparison. They must've gotten into a fight. Given Remi's not here she must've been a part of it too and was the victor. Guess she blew up the tower. Turning away from the building I see Luther above a female soldier.

"Quincy my friend! This poor maiden is knocked out. I shall give her the kiss of life," Luther informs.

He bends over so that his helmet is right in front of her face. Before I get to see Luther kiss with his helmet, the knight wakes up.

"Ah!" she screams, jumping up immediately.

"My fair maiden, I have awoken you from your slumber! Tell me, would you be interested in a date to return the favor?" Luther asks.

I'm watching Luther work his magic.

"Ugh sorry sir I ugh have to get back to my post, help clean up things around here. Ok bye," she declines as she runs towards the tower.

Luther confidently walks over to me.

"You see my friend, it is easy! I got another girlfriend before your very eyes!" Luther brags.

"Wow. I don't think I'm on your level though," I say sarcastically.

"Not yet my friend but soon. The rest of the knights can clean up the mess here, you and I have more important business to attend to. Onwards to the marketplace!" Luther leads, humming to himself.

As we make our way to the marketplace, I start to think of ways to get out of this. Maybe I should say I'm sick. Nah Luther would see through it, he's really perceptive. Maybe I'll say I'm not interested in getting a girlfriend at the moment but that would be blasphemy to Luther and would make him sad. I can't let that happen, Luther is precious. Oh no me doing this is probably that favor Luther mentioned before.

Now I really can't get out of this. Next thing I know we're in what must be the town's marketplace as there are a few vendors selling things. It's not as crowded as I thought it'd be. There are only a few dozen people shopping. I guess since this place has been hit so hard by the rebellion, people don't feel inclined to shop. Most of the town's inhabitants evacuated long ago if I had to guess.

"Hmmmm this is not what I had in mind," Luther says to himself.

"What are we here for specifically?" I ask.

"Well you see my friend, one of the best ways to find a young woman is to go to the marketplace! That is where all the maidens are, for they love to shop. I was going to make you ask one of them on a date," Luther informs.

Wait what? Luther wanted me to hit on girls? Oh hell no. I can't do that; there's no way I'm embarrassing myself like that. Good thing there aren't any women my age walking about.

"Aha! Look there my friend, you can go ask that young woman over there to go on a date with you!" he exclaims, pointing.

All I see is an old lady. Looks like she's 75 or something.

"That's an elderly woman," I correct.

"Nonsense my friend! She is clearly in the prime of her youth! Go on ahead! I shall observe from here," Luther commands.

Oh god. I forgot Luther's insane. It's funny when I see other people have to deal with it. Not so much when it affects me. I need to think of something; I'm not hitting on the elderly.

"Ugh she's not my type Luther. None of these women are," I state.

"I see. Tell me my friend, what type of maiden catches your eye the most?" he asks.

"Ughhhh reads books. Like a lot of books," I answer.

"You like educated women. What else?"

"There's supposed to be more?"

Before Luther could respond I heard a familiar voice start yelling.

"This place is a fucking rip off! Fuck you and fuck your momma! She a hoe!" Nerva yells, exiting a shop.

Thank goodness for a familiar face. I'm about to make my way over to her but Luther grabs my shoulder.

"I'm sorry my friend but you cannot seduce your ally. I'm afraid her heart belongs to another," Luther laments.

"What no, I wasn't going to hit on Nerva. Don't give me that image. I was just going to say ``hi."

"m apologies. Go ahead my friend. In the meantime I shall go find you a suitable mate for your date."

As I make my way to Nerva I start to think about what Luther said about her. I don't think Luther is as perceptive as I think he is, because I have no idea what he meant about her heart belonging to another. I don't think Nerva's capable of having those feelings.

"What's up Nerva?" I ask her.

"Hey Quincy. Don't go inside that shop, the owner's an asshole. I would burn the shit down if Warren didn't tell me not to. Something about keeping a low profile or some shit."

"What does the place sell?"

"I dunno. I walked in there by accident. I was just about to make my way back to the tower with all this shit Warren told me to get," she tells me as she points to the sack full of stuff on her back.

"What did Warren make you get?"

"Just some supplies and shit. Like potions and a cleaning kit for his knives. Why're you here?"

"Don't laugh too hard but I'm out here because Luther is trying to find me a girl to go on a date with."

Despite me telling her not to laugh too hard she bursts into a huge fit of laughter. I should have seen that coming.

"Why? I thought you were only attracted to books."

"What no!? Is that what everyone thinks?"

"Eh a bit. How's the hunt going?"

"Not well. The hunt has yielded nothing. Turns out it's hard to find girls when you're in the midst of a rebellion."

"True that. Well if shit ever gets that bad you can hire a hooker."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Suddenly Luther joins us as if the man materialized out of thin air.

"Ah what the fuck?" Nerva jolts back in surprise.

"My friend! I have figured out the perfect solution! Back to the tower we must go! Hiyaa!" Luther says running back the way we came.

"God damn that fatass can move," Nerva comments heading back as well.

"You will not insult that man, Nerva. He's a good man. Insane, but good," I reproach.

We make our way back to the tower to find the place still has a huge hole in the wall while knights are working on repairs.

"Woah what the fuck happened here? Did I do that?" Nerva asks me.

"Nah, apparently Lilith, Remi, and Nazuko got into a fight over something. I don't know the details," I correct.

Nerva's brows furrow in anger.

"There was a fight here and I wasn't a part of it! Damn it I missed out on the fun!" she screams in anger.

"It's ok, I'm sure they'll all fight again soon," I comfort.

Nerva and I are about to enter the tower when we hear Adam moaning in pain. He slowly comes up to us with Remi's wolf.

"Ow the pain," Adam moans.

"Oh come on, even Adam got to fight!?" Nerva cries.

"I wouldn't say I was a part of it. I was walking down the hallway when wolfie here was thrown into me. We flew through a few walls and fell out of the building. No one came to see if I was ok. Wolfie here had to lick me to wake me up," Adam complains.

"Are you calling Remi's spirit wolf. . . wolfie?" I ask.

"Ugh yeah, I don't think Remi named him, so I call him Wolfie. He's nice and fluffy for a spirit," Adam says.

"That's a horrible fucking name! You should call him something cool like Ballripper or Cockdestroyer," Nerva suggests.

"Those are horrible! And the focus on male genitalia is disturbing. I like Wolfie as a name," Adam argues.

"Shouldn't Remi name her pet? Why is it even here? Shouldn't it have disappeared or gone back to her?" I question.

"The spirits tamers summon aren't really pets. It's more of a partnership so Wolfie here can do as he pleases. I think he's here because he likes me," Adam explains.

The spirit wolf starts to lick him. Something likes Adam? That doesn't sound right. There has to be a better explanation.

"You sure he does? Maybe he's trying to eat you," I propose.

"Nah this shit always happens. Adam loves animals and for some reason they like him in return. He's always trying to help them out and shit. The first time I met him he was healing a wounded bird," Nerva tells me.

"Wow Nerva I didn't think you remembered that," Adam says in surprise.

"Shut up, how could I not? It was fucking annoying," Nerva says, making her way inside the tower leaving just Adam, me, and Ballripper outside.

I'm gonna be honest, I like the name so I'm gonna call the wolf that from now on. The wolf licks Adam one more time and disappears into the ground leaving the two of us alone.

"Oh no wolfie left. . . I miss him," Adam laments.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he's with Remi," I assure.

"I guess you're right. By the way, can you help me get to a bed or a couch inside the tower? I healed myself but I'm still sore."

"No."

"...Oh, ok."

Adam and I enter the tower to find Nerva standing over Warren who's asleep on a couch. Was he asleep this whole time? He was asleep when I started reading a few hours ago. He somehow slept through the whole fight.

"Guess I'm leaving this shit next to him," Nerva says to herself as she drops the sack.

Adam walks past me to another couch and lays there in pain saying 'ow'. I want to go back to a chair to read but I gotta find Luther. Actually maybe he forgot about the whole thing so maybe I shouldn't. Before I could decide I see Luther and Ice Cube walking down the stairs. Great, she's already staring at me, making me want to die.

"My friend! I have found someone to go on a date with you!" Luther declares.

I think I know where this is going. Maybe I can redirect this.

"Oh ugh I already found someone on the way back. So don't say anything, it's all good," I lie.

"Oh you have!? Tell me who is the lucky lady?" Luther asks.

".....This lady which is this book right here" I say, taking out another book.

Luther grabs it and throws it out the tower, making a new hole.

"No!" I scream in agony.

Deep down I knew that wasn't going to work. I would have lied saying I found a girl but he would've seen through it. The book was my only option.

"Do not be so nervous my friend. Anastasia here will make a fine date. She is the epitome of class and elegance," Luther says as Ice Cube joins us.

Oh no, she's even closer now, looking at me and still not blinking. I look to my right to avoid her gaze and see Nerva with a glass of tea looking shocked.

"The fuck is happening right now?"

Ice Cube turns to her and says "..."

In response Nerva drinks her tea, then spits it out on Adam.

"Ow!" Adam screams in pain.

Must have been hot tea.

"Yes it is true! Anastasia here will go on a date with Quincy. Don't worry it is not a real date, but a practice one! Since there is no lady here who catches Quincy's eye, I have decided that some practice is the least I could do so that he knows what to do in the future," Luther says.

"Why her!?" Nerva and I ask.

"Anastasia here owed me a favor," Luther explains.

"..." Ice Cube adds.

"Alright hold on, sis can we talk in private? I gotta figure out some shit," Nerva asks her.

"..." Ice Cube responds.

They head outside.

"Wow Quincy you're lucky, Anastasia's really pretty and seems nice," Adam says from his couch.

"Even the fair maiden here agrees. My friend, you will have a great time. Do not worry, I shall watch from the shadows in case you are in need of assistance. Here take these tickets. I already told Anastasia where the restaurant is so you can follow her. I also told her about you so you two will have things to talk about. Who knows my friend, perhaps this practice date will turn into a real one," Luther assures, giving me two tickets.

Her not being able to talk to me is kind of the problem. Her cold gaze doesn't help make her look any more friendly. This is going to be so awkward and painful. I can hear Nerva outside so clearly she may as well have stayed inside.

"The fuck you mean I have no say in it! I know you're older than me, stop pointing that out! What are you up to? Really? Why can't I come? Fine bitch be like that!" I hear Nerva yell.

Nerva and Ice Cube silently reenter the room.

"Yo Luther, you got more tickets!?" Nerva angrily asks.

"Why yes I do, young lady, why do you ask?" Luther replies.

"Give me one. I wanna go eat there."

"I'm afraid that the restaurant is only for couples, young lady. No one is allowed to eat there alone. You would have to bring someone with you."

Nerva looks straight at Adam and says "I got someone don't worry about it."

Adam gulps.

"Oh splendid! Here you go," Luther says as he hands her two tickets.

Nerva puts them in her pocket and turns around to look at Ice Cube. They stare each other down. I've never seen Ice Cube look angry before; her eyes are squinted. What did they talk about out there?

"Adam, we're going. Come on," Nerva orders.

"But I'm in pain. Also..wouldn't that count as a date?" Adam pleads.

"Don't overthink it, you fucking pervert," Nerva replies, pulling him off the couch.

He hits the ground and moans in pain. I don't really know what's happening right now, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of stuff.

"Well my friend you should get going with your date. Good luck!" Luther says.

I turn back but he disappeared. Dang I forgot he could do that. Ice Cube pokes me in the arm and motions for me to follow her as she exits the tower. I'm about to follow suit when Nerva stops me.

"Quincy I'm gonna be honest. I don't actually want to go to the dumb restaurant," Nerva reveals.

"No way. Adam, you must be devastated,." I gasp sardonically

"I figured," Adam says.

"Listen, something's up. My sister never ever, wanted to go on a fucking date before. My dad tried to set her up with guys plenty of times and she's always refused. She's never been interested in any guy so something's wrong, I can feel it," Nerva theorizes.

"Isn't it because it's only a practice date?" Adam points out.

"That's what I thought. But then she told me she really didn't want me to go, that I would ruin the atmosphere. That's suspicious as hell. She's acting like she's really looking forward to this thing. She keeps saying she's fine which obviously means something's wrong. Tat's why I gotta go," Nerva explains.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" I ask.

"I think it's mind control."

"This is getting silly. Maybe she's looking forward to going on a date with Quincy. Maybe the practice date and favor thing was an excuse so she could go," Adam suggests.

Nerva and I look at Adam with dumbfounded looks.

"That is the dumbest thing I ever heard. I know you're not smart but wow that's a dumb idea," I insult.

"Yeah that's stupid as fuck Adam. Quincy, act like everything is normal but be on the lookout," Nerva says.

"I got it. I'll be vigilant," I affirm.

Nerva's line of reasoning makes perfect sense. Here I was just thinking Ice Cube was fulfilling a favor but her being under mind control is a perfectly rational idea. Why else would a girl go out with me? Even if she did owe Luther a favor, I'm sure she would have still said no since she's been vehement about not wanting to go on a date before.

We exit the tower and meet up with Ice Cube. Together we make our way to the restaurant while Nerva and I keep a close eye on Ice Cube. Mostly Nerva because Ice Cube keeps close with me and I'm scared. Every time I scoot away, she follows. Nerva must be right, something's wrong with her. I hope we can get to the truth during this date.