The Great Incident

"It's been too long, my friend," Nuxanor said. His voice was still high-pitched, but it was calmer and far less loud than the obnoxious voice of the giant head. He was a tall and thin man with shining white hair that fell down his face in messy curls. He wore a red leather coat with a fur collar over white pants and a black turtleneck.

Briggo approached Nuxanor and the two men embraced each other. Animak did not move, and neither did the rest of us.

After a long and vigorous hug, the two of them broke away and Briggo signaled for us to come closer.

"You know Hyde and Johnny," Briggo said as we walked up to them, "but these are my new friends, Birito and Truck-chan. They helped me get here so quickly. Oh, and that's Lubo. He has important intel about the Demon Lord's invasion of Tek."

Nuxanor looked at us and smirked. "A Springle Elf with important intel? Well, that's it. Now I've heard everything!" As we came closer to Nuxanor, I noticed something odd. From a distance it looked like his skin was just pale, but up close I could see that his skin was actually a light shade of blue.

"Nice to meet you, Sir Nux," Truck-chan said and bowed politely.

"Yes," I said. "Likewise." Nuxanor acknowledged us briefly, then turned his attention back to Briggo. As I looked around, I saw that Evanito and Kor were still there. They stood just behind Nuxanor, next to two other men whom I didn't recognize. One of the other men wore a top hat and a goatee, and the other had blonde highlights in his hair and a pair of wide-frame glasses.

But my attention soon turned to the pink-haired girl, who was standing off to the side and watching us in perfect silence. She was petite with long hair that fell all the way down to her backside. Her face was marked with freckles, she had a constant smirk on her lips, and she appeared to have both elven ears and cat ears on her head.

And even stranger than the two different sets of ears was her choice of clothing. It was far more revealing than I had realized from a distance, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw her up close. She wore nothing but black panties, fishnet stockings, and pink boots with an unnaturally high heel. The only things that covered her breasts were two black X's, and those X's looked like they were taped directly to her skin.

I quickly turned away and forced myself to look at Briggo and Nuxanor instead of at the girl; if Truck-chan noticed that I was staring, the Demon Lord would be the least of my problems.

Nuxanor then gestured for Lubo to speak, and the Springle Elf bowed deeply. He was about to say something, but Animak jumped in.

"Don't bow to this clown, Lube. Not even a Springle Elf should be forced to suffer such indignity."

Nuxanor laughed. "At least clowns have a sense of humor, you pompous prude."

"How dare you!?" Animak exclaimed, and his bright red aura burned like fire all around him.

"No, how dare YOU!" Evanito screamed, and his own aura started surging.

"No, wait, Evan," Nuxanor said. "You say you're not a prude, right Animak?"

"Of course not!"

"Ah," Nuxanor said and nodded. "My mistake." There was a strong hint of sarcasm in his voice, and as soon as he had finished speaking, the pink-haired girl's cat ears began to twitch. Suddenly, she started walking towards Animak.

"My friends, please," Briggo pleaded. "Stop these pointless, childish arguments. There is much more at stake here than your inflated egos."

But Animak and Nuxanor weren't listening. The pink-haired girl made her way to Animak, and to everyone's surprise, she began touching him. She rubbed up on him sensually, running her long pink nails over his body.

"Stop that!" Animak said and pushed her away. But the girl just smiled lustfully and continued with the touching.

"What's the matter, Animak?" Nuxanor asked. "I thought you weren't a prude."

I turned to Johnny. "What is she doing?! And why does she have two sets of ears? Is she a cat girl, or an elf girl?"

"She's neither," Johnny replied.

Animak was furious. "I have no interest in tiny curve-less women, and you know that."

"Oh, come on, just pretend that she's someone's mother. That's your fetish, isn't it?

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Animak screamed, and Slavic Queen jumped out from his flaming red aura.

Slavic Queen swiped at the pink-haired girl with her claws, but the girl kicked up her leg. She used the high heel on her boot to block Slavic Queen's strike. And that's when I saw it.

The pink-haired girl began to glow with a shining white aura, and the same aura was now surrounding Nuxanor.

"She's a KINK!" I shouted.

Johnny nodded. "Yes, that's Nuxanor's Kink. Lelle Flexine."

"Wow, she's so slutty," Truck-chan whispered. "Look, Birito-kun. She has X's on her boobies."

"Uhm, yeah, wow… you're right, Truck-chan. I, uhm… I didn't even notice."

Despite Briggo's repeated calls for calm, the two Kinks were now in all out combat. Slavic Queen was swiping at Lelle Flexine with her claws, and Lelle was kicking up a storm, using her sharp heels as counter-weapons.

Lelle's pink nails suddenly grew longer, and she used them to attack Slavic Queen. Animak's Kink avoided the blow by taking to the air, but Lelle had more tricks up her sleeve. Her long pink hair seemed to come to life, and it wrapped itself around Slavic Queen's ankles as she was taking off. The next thing we knew, both Kinks were airborne. Slavic Queen was using her dragon wings to fly, and Lelle Flexine was hanging onto Slavic Queen using her tendril-like hair.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Nuxanor roared. "It's been too long since we duked it out, Animak. I've missed this!"

"You'll regret it, you lanky lolicon!"

Slavic Queen dove sharply. She flew down until she almost hit the ground, but then recovered at the last moment. Lelle Flexine was not so lucky. After Slavic Queen pulled out of the dive, Lelle smashed against the ground. And yet she didn't let go. As Slavic Queen soared upwards, Lelle was still along for the ride.

Slavic Queen tried again. She flew into another dive, but this time Lelle was ready. Instead of slamming against the ground, Lelle kicked out and used the ground to propel herself upward. As Slavic Queen pulled out of the dive, Lelle landed right on top of her.

"FINISH HER!" Animak demanded as Nuxanor continued to laugh maniacally.

Lelle was now riding on Slavic Queen's back. Each of her hands was holding one of the long spikes on Slavic Queen's crown, and as Slavic Queen struggled to throw her off, Lelle stuck out her abnormally long tongue and smiled. She was enjoying this.

Slavic Queen now started to spin in the air, like an airplane doing tricks at an airshow. She was doing her best to throw Lelle off, but the pink-haired Kink was persistent. I looked over at Briggo. He had buried his head in his hands.

Slavic Queen finally managed to knock Lelle off by smacking her down with the back of her wing. Lelle fell to the ground but landed on her feet, her long heels digging into the earth below. Slavic Queen also landed, and the two Kinks stared each other down.

Slavic Queen used her claws to rip a slit down her dress, starting just beneath the pelvis and ending at the very bottom. Presumably, the long white dress had been restricting her movements, and by making the slit she was freeing up her legs.

Both Kinks then ran at each other at full speed, their blazing auras preparing to clash in a fierce explosion of magical energy. But before these two unstoppable forces could come together, another aura flashed to life before us, and suddenly Chad Lass was there. As both Slavic Queen and Lelle Flexine prepared to kick each other, Chad Lass appeared between them. Sparks erupted as Chad Lass used one of her fists to block Lelle's kick, and the other to block Slavic Queen's.

"ENOUGH!" Briggo thundered, his aura flaring. The other two Kinks struggled to overcome Chad Lass's brass knuckled fists with their feet, but Briggo's Kink would not budge. She continued to block, preventing Lelle and Slavic Queen from making contact with each other.

Briggo now moved to stand between Nuxanor and Animak, just as his Kink stood between theirs. "If you want to fight each other, you'll have to fight me first!" he screamed. I had never seen him so angry.

"Briggo, please," Nuxanor said, "you know I'd never fight you."

"Oh, and why not? Because we're friends? Comrades? All three of us were friends once ─ the very best of friends ─ and yet here you are, fighting like spoiled children in the schoolyard."

"Briggo," Animak began, "this has nothing to do with you. It's just that─"

"It has EVERYTHING to do with me! When your stupid, petty squabble began, I didn't want to get involved because I cherish you both as friends. So I ran off to the Lawless Lands, but I regret that now."

"Briggo…"

"Birito, Truck-chan," Briggo called out to us as Chad Lass punched out in both directions, pushing back the other two Kinks. "Do you see this?! You just arrived here, so tell me, what is your first impression of these two great rulers? Does their childish rivalry inspire respect and reverence?"

"Uhm, I don't have a negative impression of anyone," I said, trying to sound as diplomatic as possible.

But Truck-chan was not so subtle. "They're both crazy! Why are they even fighting?"

"THERE!" Briggo cried out. "There it is: the truth! You both look crazy, and hardly anyone even knows what you're fighting about. But I remember."

"There's no need to get into that now…"

"Oh, but there is, Animak!" Briggo said, then looked at me and Truck-chan again. "You just saw the place where we all met; the place once known as the Rant Café."

We both nodded.

"Back when Animak, Nuxanor, and I were isekai'd here, this world was a very different place. The Twigoslav Peninsula ─ the land now occupied by Animakistan, Nuxturia, and the Lawless Lands ─ was nothing but a mishmash of warring feudal kingdoms. Poverty, slavery, and servitude were rampant. Those of us who were blessed with powerful Kinks decided that we had to do something ─ we had to use our powers to change the world for the better ─ so we gathered here, in Central City."

"That was the name of this place before we took over," Animak explained after seeing Truck-chan's puzzled expression.

"That's right," Briggo said. "Slavograd and Flexington once formed a single city state, and it was the wealthiest kingdom on the peninsula. But it was also ruled by a cruel and corrupt royal family, and most of the people were suffering. The three of us gathered a bunch of Kink users around us and we began pushing for change. The Rant Café became a hotspot for dissenters and activists, and eventually the Rant Café became much more than just a physical location.

"It became a movement for change, and our activities quickly spilled out from the café into the streets of Central City. We helped the needy, we protected the masses from harassment by the royal guards, and we lobbied for change. We thought that we could make it happen without violence, but then the assassination happened."

"Assassination?" Truck-chan asked.

Briggo nodded. "One of our dearest friends was murdered by the royal guards. His name was John Recon."

"Dear John Recon!" Nuxanor exclaimed, and he looked like he was about to cry. Animak, too, seemed to wipe away a tear.

Briggo went on: "That fateful night most of us were away from the café. Only John Recon and Mathieu Chronexia were left to guard the place. We never expected that the royal guards would launch a surprise attack."

"Those bastards…" Animak muttered.

"The royal guards attacked in the night, and they caught our comrades off guard. John Recon sacrificed his life to beat the assassins back. Another friend of ours, Mathieu Chronexia, saw Recon die before his very eyes. He was never the same after that."

"None of us were," Nuxanor added. "But we made them PAY!"

"Yes, after that we stopped being peaceful. Our fallen comrade became known as Dear John Recon, the dearest hero of the Rant Café. In his name, we organized ourselves into a militia, we recruited more members, and we waged war against the royal family of Central City."

"A war?" Truck-chan said. "That sounds dangerous. What happened?"

Briggo sighed. "We knew that nothing would bring our dear friend back, but we were determined to overthrow the cruel and corrupt regime that killed him. Soon the suffering masses joined our cause, we freed all the slaves and they joined us too, and before long we won the war. Our Kink powers and our strength in numbers was too much for the royal guards to handle. The royal family fled into exile and Central City was ours.

"Once we came to power, we made sweeping changes and the masses supported us. The Rant Café evolved into something new; instead of a café where a few of us gathered to talk about change, it became a large weekly assembly held in the main square of Central City. We renamed it Recon Square, in honor of our fallen comrade. Every week, thousands of people gathered to hear Animak, Nuxanor, and I debate the latest policy initiatives for Central City. We invited special guests – experts in various fields who could advise us on the best course of action – and we took questions and received feedback from members of the crowd.

"This was as close to a free and democratic government that this medieval world had ever known, and soon other kingdoms decided to follow our example. They overthrew their own corrupt governments and joined our cause. Before long, the entire Twigoslav Peninsula was united under our command. We named this new nation Twigoslavia, and for years we ruled it together in harmony."

"Briggo, this isn't the time for history lessons," Animak said.

Nuxanor concurred. "Weren't you going to tell us about the Demon Lord?"

Briggo shook his head. "You can't defeat the Demon Lord until you face your own demons, and that goes for both of you."

"Briggo…"

"Birito, Truck-chan," Briggo called out. "Are you still following along?"

We nodded.

"Good! Now let me tell you how these two egomaniacs managed to destroy the great nation that we had built together." Briggo pointed at Animak and Nuxanor accusingly. "As soon as they got a taste of fame and power, they both changed. Animak started acting like some divine king who knows what's best for everyone, and Nuxanor turned into an isekai version of a reality TV star. Animak surrounded himself with a harem of women and loyal servants to feed his fragile ego, and Nuxanor formed a cult of sycophants who act like he's the best and funniest person in the world."

Nuxanor smiled. "Well, if you mean the Billys, they're not wrong."

"Why did you start hiding your real face, Nuxanor?' Briggo asked. "Why do only a handful of people in your own kingdom know what you really look like?"

"Well, that's simple. If no one knows who I really am, then I could be anyone. Each member of the Billy Army might turn out to be William Nuxanor himself, and that means that all my subjects must respect one another. They never know when they might be talking to their king in the flesh."

"I see," Briggo said. "That's one way to answer the question. But what about the other reason?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're afraid, Nuxanor. You're afraid that the real you ─ the you behind the mask ─ will never be funny enough, or likable enough. You're insecure, so you hide behind a larger-than-life persona."

"Hahaha, you tell him Briggo!"

"As if you're any better, Animak!" Briggo exclaimed. "You see, Birito and Truck-chan, Nuxanor was isekai'd into this world as a baby. He was born as a member of the Fam Race, a distinct race of people with blue skin and white hair who are native to the far north. Because of their unique appearance, the Fam people have been persecuted in their homeland, and when he grew of age, Nuxanor came to the Twigoslav Peninsula as a refugee."

Blue skin and white hair, I thought. It sounded familiar.

"BLUE BOOBIES!" Truck-chan shouted.

Briggo nodded. "That's right, Truck-chan. Nuxanor didn't come to this land alone. He came with his only sibling. A sister."

"Aphrodesia?!" I asked.

"Yes, Lady Aphrodesia Nuxanor."

"Enough of this, Briggo…."

"NO! It's not enough, Animak. You're so desperate for validation from women that you went after your best friend's sister. What's the matter with you? Did your mother refuse to hug you as a child?!"

Both Nuxanor and Animak were clearly uncomfortable with this conversation, but Briggo refused to let up. He turned to me again.

"You want to know what the Great Incident was? For years Nuxanor and Animak built up a pointless and petty rivalry, and they each gathered an army of loyal simpletons around them. Our weekly Rant Café assemblies deteriorated into constant arguments between Animak and Nuxanor, and each man's faction would inevitably take their side. Soon we couldn't get anything done because every Rant Café assembly became a rambling incoherent mess filled with interruptions, insults, and temper tantrums.

"One day, Animak introduced a motion to establish a Universal Health Care system across Twigoslavia. He had worked on this project for months, and he was determined to have a serious and productive discussion. But Nuxanor was in one of his trolling moods, and he kept interrupting and derailing the conversation. Eventually, Nuxanor began jokingly promoting a rival motion called Universal Flex Care. According to Nuxanor's sarcastic proposal, instead of promoting government healthcare we should just teach our citizens to FLEX on their health conditions until they go away."

"That… makes no sense," I said.

"Welcome to my world, Birito," Briggo replied. "Animak finally lost it. He told Nuxanor that he'd rather flex on his sister instead, and that's when all hell broke lose. The Billys started screaming BILLY, drowning out the discussion. Animak's faction lunged at the Billys, and soon a massive street brawl erupted. The fighting and rioting lasted all night, and by the time it was done, Animak and Nuxanor had made up their minds. They would never work together again. Instead, they would mobilize their respective factions and establish separate warring kingdoms."

"Wow." Truck-chan said. "That sounds so stupid."

"DOESN'T IT?! But Nuxanor and Animak are not the biggest fools here, Truck-chan. The biggest fool is me."

"Don't say that, Briggo," Nuxanor interjected. "You'll never be a bigger fool than Animak."

"HEY!" Animak barked, but Briggo continued to speak over them.

"It's true, I am the biggest fool, because I sat by and did nothing while these two insecure snowflakes drove the nation to the brink of ruin. As their closest friend, I didn't want to get in the middle of their argument. I tried to calm the situation down from the sidelines, and when that failed, I just gave up. I refused to pick sides, so I packed my bags and became a pirate in the Lawless Lands. But instead of leaving, I should have dropkicked them both right in the snake eggs! I should have stopped their petty bickering before it spiraled out of control. In the end, I am the biggest fool."

"This wasn't your fault, Briggo," Animak said. "No matter what happens between me and Nuxanor, we both still love and respect you."

"Is that true?" Briggo asked.

Nuxanor and Animak nodded in unison.

"So, you're not willing to fight me to the death?"

"Of course not!"

"Then you'll have to listen to me. For all your big talk, the two of you still love each other. You just don't want to admit it."

Nuxanor chuckled. "I wouldn't go that far…"

"Oh, no? Then why did both of you refuse to use your strongest attacks during your little Kink battle? In fact, despite being sworn enemies, your two kingdoms have never been in a single serious battle. Oh, you've hosted tournaments and competitions like Conquerors and Kink-Tac-Toe, but you never once went all out against each other. Why do you think that is?"

Both kings shrugged.

"He's not worth it," Animak said.

"No, you're not worth it," Nuxanor replied.

"That's not what your sister said!"

Nuxanor flinched. "How dare you bring Aphrodesia into this! What kind of man goes after his best friend's sister?!"

"What do you mean?! If I had a sister, I'd love for her to date my best friend. Better than some stranger who could be a drunk, or a serial killer."

"Dating her is not the problem! You turned my sister into one of your concubines. That's not cool, man."

"How dare you say that?! Aphrodesia is special to me!"

"Hmm," Truck-chan said. "Those blue boobies started this whole mess."

"Yeah, so weird," I said. I couldn't say this out loud, but it really was an impressive pair of boobies.

"ARE YOU DONE?!" Briggo exclaimed. Animak and Nuxanor looked at him, then at each other.

"Yeah," Nuxanor said.

"We're done." Animak added.

"Good! Because the Demon Lord is coming, and every moment we waste bickering is a moment we could have spent preparing for the invasion."

Nuxanor nodded. "You're right. All my Edge Lords are already in the capital, so we'll begin mobilizing our forces first thing in the morning. In the meantime, Briggo, please feel free to…."

Nuxanor's voice trailed off. He looked at his Kink. Lelle Flexine's cat ears were twitching again, and she rushed over to Nuxanor and touched his hand.

"Someone's here," Nuxanor said. The expression on his face was grave. "And they didn't use the gateway."

"What do you mean?" Briggo asked. "This place is protected by stealth magic. The gateway is the only way in."

"Lelle can sense the intruder. He appeared suddenly, there in those woods." Nuxanor turned towards the section of forest that was right behind him.

"This is bad," Animak muttered.

We all turned our attention to the same spot that Nuxanor was looking at. There was tension in the air, and my heart was pounding. Truck-chan squeezed my hand.

We heard rustling in the trees, and then we saw it.