Jake
(uuooo~ sakit ng ulo ko. grabe. nakailan ba ko? gaaaaad~)
by now wala na ko pake kung ano man sasabihin ni Jake, in reality cold na ko since 2months ago. i know what i did was wrong, but it feels right when im with Eric. pero honestly, takot ako. I'm scared that what if malaman ni Jake? what if mahuli niya kami? what will i do? how am i gonna explain? should i explain? si Annie kase eh! kung ano ano pinagsasasabi kagabi!
*last night*
" you know, ang swerte mo na kay Jake, mabait, masipag, maalaga, pasensyoso, at mahal na mahal ka. habang yung iba, nag mamahal pero di sila yung mahal." sabi ni Annie.
lasing na kami pareho, pero dahil tipsy lang ako medyo clear pa utak ko. pinakikinggan ko lang siya sa sermon niya, kase i know i deserved it.
"one day, you'll regret it. one day, di mo alam you've lost what you've always wanted. ganun naman lagi diba? you'll never know what you have until you've lost it. and I'm telling you. sooner or later you'll lose Jake, and you'll regret that." nanlamig ako bigla, di ko alam kung bakit. feeling ko may laman yung sinabi niya.
*present time*
there he is, my perfect man. honestly, he's perfect for me. too perfect. I don't deserve this man, not one bit. para kong nanalo sa lotto, kahit hindi naman ako tumaya? feeling ko scam. maybe that's why I did it? maybe i felt unsure? insecure? I dunno. but last night was a wake up call, i need to make things right. bat ko ba nagawa yun? ang tanga ko. Eric is a playboy. i knew that, kaya di ko siya sineryoso. but Jake is another matter, i love him. this time for sure, i wont let my doubts and insecurities lead me astray. I'll make it up to him.
i look at him while we're on our date, we look happy, right? he's jokes are still funny, he's always a gentleman, protective. thank God it's not too late. i love Jake, and im gonna make everything right. pero bat ganun? it feels somewhat different, may mga times na may sinasabi siya na di ko magets? pero alam ko may laman. feels like he's trying to say something obvious pero di ko talaga gets? until i went home. no call, no text. it's different. and I'm scared. i called but his phone was off, so i thought baka lowbat lang siya so the next morning, hindi pa rin siya nag paparamdam but i didn't think about it. kase i have something important to do today. i need to fix this.
"we need to talk" i texted Eric.
"sure, come over." he replied. nag dalawang isip agad ako. sa bahay nila? damn. no i need to calm down. i need to do this.
i went there, i had it all thought out. so i thought it was going to be short. but when i came over, pinto palang hinalikan niya na ko at hinila paloob. it was hot but i tried to make him let me go hanggang sa kwarto niya di niya parin ako binibitawan, habang tumatagal sa mga halik at haplos niya nagiinit ang katawan ko. it feels good, really good. i was pressed on the bed half naked, while siya topless. i can feel him bulge from his pants he wants me, unti unti niya tinataas ang t-shirt ko at agarang tinagal yung bra ko wala akong ibang naririnig kundi ang mga unggol ko at mga halik niya. walang ibang laman ang utak ko ng mga oras na yun, hindi ko na naisip si Jake o ang mga sinabi ni Annie, kahit yung kung bakit ako nag punta dito di ko na maisip. ang rupok ko, nadala ako sa tawag ng laman.
ng matapos na ang lahat, i sat leaning on the bed naked with only sheets on me. i sat there looking at the wall blankly, and my tears fell, it felt heavy dropping from my chin to my chest. i did it again, i cheated on him again. then i looked at Eric sleeping by my side. i should've known better, so stupid! so stupid! I'm so stupid! i cried silently. I took a bath and put on my clothes after and i waited for Eric to wake up para makapag usap kami.