C.14: Night on the Plane

Opening his eyes, Leon's throat felt dry. Standing up, he drained the juice packet on the bedside table. Lifting the drenched bedsheets with pinched fingers, he scanned it for any suspicious stains.

"Thank god. It's only sweat."

Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"F*ck you Bunk."

Who would have thought that the short encounter with the buff, dysfunctional, girly Saiyan would haunt him even now!?

Imagine a horde of buff, grizzled, sweaty middle-aged men in pink skirts chasing after you. Add to that a high-pitched fawning and dollface makeup, and that's basically Leon's nightmares summed up.

"It's not even that funny!"

He never should've watched One Piece.

'It's like a freaking Zombie Movie!'

Everywhere he wanted to hide, a Bunk-Unit fully equipped with lipstick and rippling muscles, would lean over for a kiss. With a massive bulge in his pants to boot!

If he punched them, they would just moan with a disgusting smile. So running it is!

'Pedophile bastards.'

He cringed. Holding his head in his arms, he felt like crying.

He wasn't even that scared of his dreams! They simply disgusted the soul out of him!

And on top of that, he only slept for three hours!!!

'Not like I'm complaining, though.'

He was just glad, that no matter what, they always seemed to have pants on. Or Leon would have long lost his mind.

'Shut up brain!'

Leon was dog-tired. Sleeping for 3 hours is like sleeping 2 hours. And sleeping for 2 hours was basically worse than not sleeping at all!

There was a deep layer of crust over his eyes.

'Is there a sandman on earth?'

He seriously considered this. Because he felt like somebody just glued his eyes shut, only to sprinkle them with dirt.

'I need some fresh air.'

He felt like he was drunk. Stumbling out of his cabin, he shuddered at the cool room air in the lounge. Living room? Airplane space? Leon didn't know. Nor did his dull mind care.

"Did they mess with the heater?"

Sitting down beside the still snoring Master Roshi, he took out the Hairinator. Fiddling around with the blaster like a toy, he glanced at Roshi's shiny bald head. He felt especially sorry for his proud beard. Without his beard, Roshi looked like a shaved turtle.

'Nonsense! Turtles don't have hair!'

He looked like a turtle without its wisdom.

Feeling like he got it right this time. His eyes twinkled, with what he thought of as a good idea.

'In novels, don't Martial Arts disciples usually give gifts to their Masters?'

Not only that! Isn't natural hair the best gift for old men?

Not hesitating any longer, he shot the Hairinator straight at his face.

*FOOOF*

Luscious locks emerged from, what used to be a bald head. Spreading out in silky waves, Roshi's white hair looked fluffy. Like pillows... Nodding off, he sprang back up.

Suddenly alarmed, he remembered that growing hair in your mouth is a bad idea. So he quickly checked. Digging through all that hair, he opened the still snoring Master's mouth.

'Ugh.'

A stinky smell rewarded him for his efforts. There were no teeth. But also no hair. So it was fine.

Tottering towards the cockpit, he randomly giggled.

'The hair beam even grew the nose hair.'

"Hehehehe. He. Hehe."

***

"Delta X1 reports to mission command. No abnormalities so far. Changes in course are still generated at random. Over."

Staring at the GPS monitor, the pilot frowned. The moment he stepped on board, the Brief's Young Miss approached him with a digital map. It had a predetermined course that looked to him more like gibberish than anything else.

The GPS only revealed the next five minutes of flight time, taking sharp turns seemingly at random. He was only told to land, once some sketchy device started beeping.

He didn't even dare deviate from the course, because the kid told him that this would set off an alarm if he didn't accurately follow instructions.

Pulling down his pilot cappy, he lit a joint.

'Rich people...'

Ripping him out of his musings, the voice on the other end of the intercom replied.

"Understood. Remember the schedule. Over."

Glancing at the snoring Co-Pilot, he sighed. His turn would come soon.

He would love to join him. But if the face recognition software detected even a slight trace of fatigue, his earpiece would start peeping.

'I know it's necessary, but it's annoying.'

*Bang*

With a loud noise, the cockpit door flung open. Revealing a dizzy three year old.

"Good mornig guys."

Slurring his words, Leon leaned against the doorframe.

By some wonder, the co-pilot didn't wake up.

"Whois Delta, and what did he exs?"

The pilot was pretty sure, that he locked the door. So he really didn't see this coming. But seeing that it was only a kid, he relaxed.

Swerving a bit to the right, annoying beeping resounded from his earpiece, forcing him to concentrate on flying. Grumbling, he turned back to the monitoring desk.

"What is it, kid."

He recognized the boy as the Young Miss' friend, so he suppressed the urge to chew him out.

"What do you do for a living?"

The pilot was stumped.

'What does he mean?'

He felt like he got dumped in ice water. He did a lot of things he wasn't supposed to do. Reflexively, he dumped his joint in his partner's coffee mug.

"I'm a flight instructor, why do you ask?"

He forced a smile, cursing himself for how unconvinced he sounded.

"Oh. Cool. Can Bulma fly?"

Relieved the pilot embraced the change of subject.

"Yeah. She only watched me do my job for a day, and quickly took over control of the plane. I almost got a heart attack when she did a barrel roll."

Now frowning deeply, Leon stomped off.

The pilot shrugged. He felt his life flashing by just now. But it seems like he worried for nothing. Scratching his head, he looked after the boy in boxershorts. Then at the dent in the door.

'Is this real life?'

He accusingly looked at the coffe mug on his side desk.

"I should stop smoking that stuff. Now I'm seeing things."

***

Storming off, Leon bumped into the plane walls. Kicking in bedroom doors, he scared a lot of unsuspecting servants.

'If I can't sleep, she can't sleep either.'

Thinking of his famous tickle-torture-technique, he flashed a grin. He practiced a lot in his previous life. Using this forbidden art, whenever his brother annoyed him.

Opening the next door, the light illuminated a blue thatch, Leon felt wronged.

He was born dumb. Looking back, he really doubted that his intelligence was even average.

When he got to grade school, he didn't even understand the most simple grammar for four whole years, damnit! He only got relatively smart through backbreaking studies!

And Bulma got all that for free?!

'This needs to be punished! I'll bring balance to the universe!'

Wriggling his fingers, he climbed onto bed. Slipping on the blanket, his face hit the mattress.

'Soft.'

Is all he thought, when he drifted off to sleep.