epilogue

"Annyeong, it's Piper! Mianhae, I'm not available right now. Please leave a message after the tone. Toot, toot, toot!"

For the past few hours since I got home, those were the words I've been hearing, for I was dialling her number nonstop. In hopes of talking to her, again.

It was her, my first real love.

The one whom I had the best memories with during childhood, the one whom I shared my deepest secrets during grade school, the one whom I accompanied during high school, and to the one who made my heart beat fast when she passed by during college days.

Yep, the girl with the bangs and doll eyes.

Here I am at the kitchen floor, dialling her number again, tears and sobs accompanied the tapping of the contact on my phone. Hell, I haven't felt so hurt and broken like this before. I've never felt so disappointed to myself like this before.

Now I understand how others feel when losing something permanently. It's like, all of your systems had shut down all of sudden due to the fact that you know something will never be yours again, until the last day of your life. It's either you move on or replace them. But, it's not like all of the things in life were renewable. Losing something you weren't sure of owning physically but emotionally you were, is basically losing yourself too.

No one can replace Piper's position in my life. No one can replace her. End of discussion.

That girl's so special and one of kind that made my heart beat fast like a bullet train during the days when I was still studying. Pre-school to college, we stood side by side but I felt her slowly fade away during college days. And, I don't know why.

"Annyeong, it's Piper! Mianhae, I'm not available right now. Please leave a message after the tone. Toot, toot, toot!"

Her voice felt more and more addictive as her voicemail rang and rang. I missed her so damn much but I could never get her back again in my life.

It's all my fault, anyways. I was having new friends and she was getting left behind. God, why do I have to be so fucking stupid?

Or atleast, there's some type of way of getting her back.

After 27 times of trying to call her, with shaky hands, I tapped Naomi-unnie's phone number in New Zealand and waited for her to answer.

Thinking about the emails and our memories made me tear up again and my sister answered, with me sobbing as a welcome.

"Nefertari?! Why are you crying, ottoke." I heard her ask in such concern and was getting close to crying for she heard me crying out loud. I know her too well to say that she's like that as of the moment.

"U-unnie," I replied between sobs. "T-the ghos-st that I t-old you about.."

"Hm what about it, Tari?" She replied with a sweet voice.

"I-it was m-my first r-real crus-sh!" I exclaimed and bursted again into tears. The other side of the line went silent for a few minutes, with me sobbing uncontrolably.

"Piper?! As in, Piper Celine?! Jinjja?!" She replied in frustration and sobs and cried were the only ones I replied.

"Eomma? Appa? Can I have an emergency weekoff and go back to South Korea? Nefertari needs me there." I heard Naomi say at the background but our parents' reply was all about opposing and I heard Naomi sigh.

"A-aniya, unnie." I said and wiped some tears. "You don't have to do that."

"But, I know you need me there.." I heard her voice crack up as she started to finally cry. "I-i can't believe she died already. I m-mean, she's a g-good person, you k-know."

"I k-know unnie." I replied and we just exchanged sobs and cries. We ate really sisters.

"Un-nie, is there a w-way for me to g-get her back?" I said in between my tears once again. "I mean, I'm not going to believe that she's dead. I even saw her at the concert and earlier today at the campus, where I found out everything about the emails, and even offered me a handkerchief!"

"She even said she loves me. Unnie, she said that!" I cried out loud. "She left this world without knowing that I love her too! She fucking left the world with a broken heart."

"Aigoo, Nefertari, uljima. This may take awhile for things to sink in." She said in hopes for me to cheer up and to calm me down from afar. "For now, keep yourself busy in some ways. Try to fight for your living, for you two. Try to survive. Just like what she said, she'll always keep an eye on you. She'll be sad if you're sad, she'll be happy if you're happy. If you choose to believe in your instincts, we'll find out the answers soon. I assure you that. Plus, I'll try to sneak out of New Zealand if I have the chance to do so."

We chuckled together at her goofiness. "Eomma and appa will scold you, I'm telling you."

"Just follow what I've said, arasso?" She said. "I know you're a lady now and you're stronger than what you think. You can do this, Tari. Hwaiting!"

I remembered the things again and I cried, again. "H-hwaiting!"

"Yah! Why are you crying again? This dork, really. Saying hwaiting while crying is like singing out of tune, Tari. Anyways, nyeongan. I have to go now, I'll take Gojo to a grooming parlor for dogs. Nyeongan."

With the call being ended, I went to the living room and cried and cried untill the cushions were soaked up with tears. I tried to call her again for a few times, always the voicemail ending it. After that, I passed out, after crying myself to sleep.

"Annyeong, it's Piper! Mianhae, I'm not available right now. Please leave a message after the tone. Toot, toot, toot!"

"Piper-ya, saranghaeyo. Please come back."

----

"..should we wake her up?" In the midst of my sleep, I heard someone behind the couch.

The person slapped the other. "Yah! You're such a pabo. Just let her rest first. She needs that in the first place."

"But we need to pump her up." Said the first person, who received another slap again. "Yah! Quit it, quit it. It hurts already."

"It will surely hurt more if you talk nonsense again. Such a pabo." The other person replied, who even are these people.

"Let her rest for awhile, when she wakes up, we'll pump her up." Another voice spoke up.

"You two have the same brain, so annoying." The second person spoke up again which earned some laughter to the atmosphere.

"The two of us having the same brain?" The third person sarcastically said while laughing. "Oh, hell no. I'm way smarter than her."

"Says the one who always falls onstage or to simple situations." The first person said in annoyance. "I'm way smarter than her."

"Yah! Yah! Yah! Cut it out already! You too are dumb as hell so shut up now." The second person said, attempting to end the competition of the two.

"Says the one who always trips onstage." The first person said while laughing. "And the one who always slips at the dorm when God Alice cleans the floor by mopping." The third person continued and they high-fived each other.

"How many times do I have to tell you that my left leg's week for I had a car accident when I was young?!" The second person said, a little louder that it made roll at the other side of my body.

"Enough, enough. You're getting louder and louder, Charlotte-unnie. Calm down. You might wake the hell out of Tari-unnie." The first person said teasingly.

"Thank you managernim for opening the door for us!" The third person spoke up a new topic, ignoring the fuming second person.

"No problem." Another familiar voice spoke up. "I was just on my way here when I've sensed something's wrong then I saw you guys sitting at the porch like little kids so yeah. Glad I could help."

"She looks tired, isn't she?" The said managernim said as she looked at my face.

"She looks like she cried her eyes out for a long time. Geez, this is not good." The third person said as she stood up next to the managernim.

When I was finally out of my half-asleep state and after eavesdropping, I sat up immediately with closed eyes and they covered their mouths in shock when I stood up and went to the kitchen, drinking the beer that I got from the refrigerator, and emptying it all up until the bottom.

They all went to me with worried faces. "Tari-ya, what the hell is wrong with you? Drinking beer at 9 am is not a good idea, young lady." Managernim Alyssa said and took ahold of my right shoulder.

I removed her hold onto me and got another bottle of beer, emptying it again until the bottom. They all shook their heads. "What? You said y'all are going to pump me up. I just did it in advance."

The three members of Boots and Skirts looked at each other and Sana went to me, holding both of my cheeks. "Nefertari, drinking's not always about pumping up. We just wanted to take you to an adventure."

"Then what?" I said and remembered the email objectives as adventures. "Then all of you will just going to leave me after the adventure. Psh."

"Nefertari, you cannot just stay here drinking all of the beers from your refrigerator. And, since when did you have that?" Alyssa said and opened the refrigerator and setting aside all of my beers.

I just looked at her with a poker face, and little did I know, tears were already streaming down my face. "What would you feel if someone left you permanently all of a sudden?"

"W-woah." Alyssa said and wiped a few tears of mine. "What's this all about?"

"I'd feel broken." Olivia said. She was the voice of the first person from earlier.

"I'd feel lost." Charlotte said. She was the voice of the second person from earlier.

"I'd feel numb." Ava said. She was the voice of the third person from earlier.

"I'd feel," Alyssa started. "Nowhere near from the person who I was before."

"Exactly." I said, bitterly laughing as I passed out on the kitchen floor. I forgot that I was a light drinker and that beer was somewhat strong.

----

I woke up again from the couch, but this time with such horrible headache. That's for drinking beer at 9 in the morning.

I sat up and heard someone speak up. "Oh, you're awake now. Eat your food and drink your medicines."

I saw Olivia playing games on her phone with Charlotte's head resting on her thigh. Ava was watching the television with Alyssa.

I sat up and held my head automatically in pain. "Can I just drink the medicines first and not eat my food anymore? I don't have my appetite."

Alyssa went to me and held my face. "Tari-ya. You need to eat, jebal? Maybe just five or six spoons of food will do. Jebal?"

I smiled at her and tried to eat my food. I ended up eating all of my food and all of them looked at each other. "Daebak."

We all spent the day together by watching disney movies, boxes of pizza and milkteas accompanied us. It was full of laughter and fun but still, sadness is inevitable.

When Boots and Skirts already left for their schedule tomorrow, Alyssa sat down beside me.

"Nefertari." She said seriously. "Hm?"

"Next month, you have a whole month vacation in Thailand," She explained. Oh my, am I really going to the said country? I've been waiting all these years to go there. Plus, it's Piper's hometown. "But, vacation is not simply vacation. You're going to work their for a month while I'm going to stay in Japan to fix your files and all that stuff upon your depature there as well."

"Then, who's going to manage me there?" I pouted at her.

"From there, you'll be having another manager named Paris Eleanor Carter." She said and smiled.

"And maybe, you'll find the answers there. If you wish."