An unprivileged shadow always lurks beneath in order to leap above (1)

The life of John walker was always destined to be eclipsed by the reality that was around him, and yet he chased relentlessly after the life that had already shunned him. For life had always considered him a frog that lived at the bottom of well, lusting after the flesh of the swan. John didn't deny that he was incapable for now, but he didn't know how do people undo it on their own without any proper aid, and saw through the ridiculousness of how often they tend to overestimate themselves into belittling other people.

The bullies that faced him were with him everywhere he went where at every angle of his life: in his upbringing, school, his work as a translator, even 'friendships'. They never once made any attempt to communicate. His parents were too foolish to express their so-called love for him properly enough, always undermining any opinion that he had to say and in turn affecting his decision making and self esteem while blaming him for every failure as if he was an adult. John only had to interpret these events and reflect upon them with much internal resistance, for he feared that it would cause him some complications when he was already at the brink due to his life long depression. John had believed that he had to break his continuous isolation or else he'll never be able to make friends, let alone find love since he was already blocked by three girls in a row whether he had affections for them or not, including his childhood friend that he got separated from as a child when he moved to another school. John felt unprovoked indignation, he wasn't a flirt or a rapist, if anything he watched porn in all sort of categories regularly as if trying to force himself into accepting that the world is irrevocably shitty, but he couldn't no matter how much he tried.

John persevered throughout his time during university, but he didn't care about studying that much even with the good grades, knowing that the university wouldn't give a shit if he a diamond in the rough or not, not that it would be able to nurture him anyway... but John had a lot of free time on his hand to think while some physical exercise and martial art training on the side.

This allowed him to slowly formulate his philosophy, he felt that fate has forced his hands into believing that this "god" wasn't actually a truly fair one that admitted his mistakes if there's any.... a being that cheats his sentient Creatures by being the original Antichrist that is beyond their every perception while blaming everyone else for his shortcomings .... he probably 'borrowed' his creativity from his own home realm, making the gaps that always shrouded the mystery of Creation support this theory of his. You see, the creation that he had made was very flawed and when he saw that the needs of Maslow and other similar models weren't fulfilled; and John knew that this god wasn't capable of being insightful nor was he willing to help.

John was certain that humanity and any form of existence close to their tier had actually one goal to set their eyes upon at the top of the pyramid, a divinity that they could hope to never reach under current circumstances. He knew that they've chosen to live the lie and believe just like their god did, but of course the lie will be relatively more believable in a God's perception when he practices self affirmation.

John seethed with the flames of revenge, vowing to bring down the image of god in everyone's hearts and dismantling their so-called logic. Eventually, after spending years saving up money from his career and making use of opportunities to write. He managed to write a book that effectively criticized god and humanity's acceptance of hypocrisy just when everything bad is his doing, no wonder humans eventually went against their beliefs when their god is this unreliable, not that it determines their tendency for good or evil anyway. He had to travel abroad because he was in a third world country and his father was this country's ambassador, he didn't reveal any of his beliefs to his father of course. John needed to find a publisher, he also got in touch with a society of like-minded thinkers that added to his comprehensive book over the course of his life being spent traveling back and forth.

John managed to become a well-known bestselling author despite the fact that this was his first work. However, he gained notoriety from all kinds of fanatics as result, becoming a target, no matter where he went or how much he moved homes. Until he was captured by one of these fanatic factions, one that was within the borders of a first world country, his home. The armed guards didn't mention anything to him, they drugged him when he moved out of his house and when he regained his consciousness he noticed that they were moving him across some kind of hallway. He noticed that they had considerably large rooms, and within one of these rooms lied weapons, explosives and suicide bomber vests as he figures it out from their discourse. John learned the hard way that he was doomed even if he managed to get away from these guys, he had many of these factions out there for him.

They made a video of him blindfolded, listed their demands, made their threats; They didn't need to interrogate me at all. Apparently, they had a plan similar to the church of Scientology's infiltration scheme set up for their government, except that this one was even more violent and widespread throughout the political hierarchy of the country. After they were done filming, john had 48 hours and he knew he was going to be a dead man anyway. Suddenly, chaos had ensued, special forces from the army had to deal with this heavily armed group. As high caliber bullets echoed through the air, the armed guards were caught by surprise and rushed to the armory to bring out their explosives and heavy weapons. The government had counterattacked and had already infiltrated this fanatic group as they already spied regularly on many members that were lurking within their hierarchy. John was discreetly working on undoing his plastic tie restrains for a while now, his pace only increased after he witnessed chaos. He walked out of his cell and went into the now absentmindedly open armory, no longer feeling any sense of meaning or security to his life. He wore one of the suicide bomber vests and chose an area that had the most volatile explosives. John sighed then closed his eyes while saying "well, time for a dramatic exit." as he presses the detonation button, seemingly erasing his own existence in an instant as the entire compound shakes violently under the impact of the explosion.....and the indifferent world loses yet another middle aged single male.